Chapter 18 #3
“Do you mind if we stay in the middle? I always worry an animal will walk through camp and tear the tent, and there we’ll be, right on the edge, ready to be eaten. At least in the middle we have a chance to make it out, you know?”
Camila wants to tell her that it makes absolutely no sense, but she finds it a tad bit too endearing to refute.
“You’re right,” she says instead.
Valeria stands taller, probably proud of her logic. Camila can’t help but smile.
Camila drags her cot closer until it rests right beside Valeria’s, and the two settle in.
Valeria lies on her side, facing Camila, and Camila does her best to keep breathing through the nerves as she stares at the top of her tent, listening to the water outside as the current folds over itself in low murmurs, along with leaves brushing against each other in a dry, papery shuffle.
A twig snaps, and Valeria jolts upright. “You think that’s a bear?” she asks in a whisper.
Camila turns to look at her and shakes her head. “Sounds too small. Maybe a bird or a squirrel.”
Valeria visibly relaxes, lying back on her cot, but not before inching closer to Camila. “Do you go camping a lot?”
“I used to go with Eileen often. Haven’t been since we broke up. Which was three years ago now.”
“How come?”
Camila shrugs, turning to face Valeria better. “I don’t know, the opportunity never presented itself, and I’m not brave enough to go on a solo camping trip. Do you?”
Valeria shakes her head. “The girls do, at least three times in the summer and a few times during the rest of the year. I’ve only joined them twice, though.”
“Not a fan of camping?”
Even in the darkness, Camila can see Valeria’s smile grow strained. “No, I actually love it. Brooke, on the other hand, isn’t the outdoorsy type. Both times I decided to go, she made me feel so bad about leaving her that I never wanted to again.”
Camila’s jaw clenches so hard it’s uncomfortable. “How long were you two together?”
Valeria blows a raspberry. “On and off for six years, but if you take all the time off, it’s somewhere around four.”
“That’s a long time.”
“Yeah,” Valeria says, her voice trailing off. “How about you and Eileen?”
“Three years, also on and off.”
“What made you break up with her?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. One day, I woke up and packed my things. Called my dad to help me lease an apartment and moved to Chicago without a word.” Camila’s chest feels tight at the memory. She’s not proud of how she ended things with Eileen, but at the time, that was her only option.
“How did Eileen take it?”
“Bad. She blew up my phone for weeks, leaving me messages ranging from pissed off to . . . threatening to hurt herself if I didn’t come back.”
“Did you?”
Camila shakes her head. “I was too afraid to, even though I was worried for her.”
Valeria shifts closer. In the darkness, her fingers search until they find Camila’s. Her hand is warm as she gently laces them together.
“That’s so hard,” she murmurs softly. “I’m sorry.”
“It was. Thankfully, I started seeing a therapist who helped me realize what she was doing was a manipulation tactic. Eventually, Eileen stopped trying to reach out. I did hear from mutual friends that she’d started dating within a week of my leaving.
She moved into some woman’s apartment, and that was that. ”
“A week? That would drive me up a wall.”
Camila shrugs. “It hurt at first, but it also made sense. She was never single for long before me. I didn’t expect her to be after me.”
“And you haven’t dated since then?”
“Not seriously. I went on a few dates, tried the whole casual thing, and realized pretty quickly I’m not built for that.
” A quiet breath leaves her, almost a laugh.
“So I stopped dating. I didn’t want to risk getting tangled up with the wrong person again.
I worked hard to get my life to be calm, to feel steady again, and I’m not willing to mess with that for just anyone.
” Camila exhales, glancing down before looking back up.
You make me want to her mind supplies immediately, so clearly it’s almost embarrassing. Camila shakes her head faintly.
“That makes sense.”
“What about you? Has Brooke scared you off, love?”
Valeria shakes her head. “No, not really. It’s just made me wary of love that looks like hers.”
“What do you mean?” Camila asks, unconsciously scooting closer.
“Brooke was all fire since the beginning—a roller coaster of passion and love bombing. I was obsessed with her and with it from the moment her attention landed on me. I can’t quite explain it.”
A twinge of jealousy sparks in Camila’s chest—irrational, she knows, but she can’t help it.
“How did you two meet?” Camila asks, even though she’s not sure she wants the answer. Still, some part of her does, aching to know everything about Valeria.
“We were volunteering at the same animal shelter. I saw her, and I think I fell in love that second. She asked me out; we went on three dates, and by the end of the last one, I couldn’t imagine a life without her. She asked me to be her girlfriend, and the rest was history.”
“Very lesbian of you,” Camila jokes.
Valeria laughs and gently pushes Camila’s shoulder. “Everyone told me it was way too fast, but I wouldn’t listen to reason. I think next time I date someone, I’ll take it slow, get to know her, make sure I’m not jumping into the same situation.”
“I think that’s fair.” Warmth blooms in Camila’s chest. Valeria isn’t talking about her, but it spreads nonetheless, carrying with it a flicker of hope that maybe one day Camila could have a chance.