Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
VALERIA
Maybe Valeria isn’t meant for the great outdoors.
Last night, every tiny sound or movement, whether it was her own or something outside, woke her up in a panic. The only thing keeping her sane was being near Camila, who somehow—even in her sleep—exudes calmness.
Valeria needs to know how she does it so she can learn and bottle it up, make it her own. Simply watching Camila sleep has her feeling softer. It’s probably why she’s been lying here for the past hour, doing nothing but watching her.
“Valeria?” she hears Lily call out, farther away, probably near her tent.
She looks toward Camila, making sure Lily didn’t wake her, and slowly eases off her cot. Valeria throws her Crocs on and gently unzips Camila’s tent before stepping out and zipping it up with the same care.
When she turns, Lily’s and Alejandra’s mouths are agape, and their eyes are so wide that Valeria is sure they’re seconds from falling out of their heads.
“What?” Valeria asks as she walks closer to them.
“Are you going to tell us why you were in Camila’s tent?” Alejandra demands in a hushed tone.
“We were scared of sleeping alone, so I moved my cot,” Valeria says, trying to make it sound casual, but a flush creeps up her neck—because she knows exactly what her friends are thinking. It isn’t hard to tell with the way their brows arch mischievously and the little smirk on their lips.
Lily crosses her arms over her chest and lifts an eyebrow higher. “Now, Valeria, you’ve slept just fine in a tent alone when you’ve come with us before,” she reminds her.
“Yeah, because I had no other choice; last night I did,” Valeria says a little too fast.
“And it has nothing to do with the fact that Camila is ridiculously attractive and clearly into you?” Alejandra asks with a teasing tone.
“She’s not into me,” Valeria corrects but doesn’t miss the flutter in her heart. A flutter that she’s been trying to ignore for weeks now.
“Mhmm,” Lily says, narrowing her eyes at her.
“It’s too soon,” Valeria says, and the moment the words leave her, her hands immediately move to cover her mouth, a sudden, instinctive attempt to contain the words.
Since the second week at Camila’s house, Valeria has been questioning everything.
The feelings she had for Brooke, the entirety of their relationship, and this tiny, sudden flutter any time she talked to or saw Camila, and each time she concluded that she was confused.
Telling herself it’s too soon, it’s too sudden, and the timing is all off.
She can’t already be interested in someone else when she was just with Brooke, broken over her.
“Clara called it,” Alejandra says, amused.
“Did she? So did Isabella,” Lily adds.
Valeria lets out a slow breath. “Okay, can we talk about this literally anywhere else but right in front of her tent?”
She doesn’t know what there is to say—she hardly understands any of it herself—but Camila is far too close, and the last thing Valeria needs is for her to overhear.
“Lead the way.” Lily smirks.
Valeria turns and walks them down to the river, where they sit on the shore.
“Okay. Tell us,” Alejandra says.
“Fuck, I’m not sure.”
Alejandra and Lily immediately switch from teasing to gentleness, scooting in closer to hold Valeria’s hands.
“We’re sorry if we upset you. We were teasing.”
“No, you’re fine.” Valeria shakes her head, but the words feel flimsy. “Honestly, you’re right. I might have—” Valeria falters, closing her eyes tightly before exhaling sharply. She doesn’t know why saying it is so hard, but she forces herself to finish. “I might have a tiny crush on Camila.”
The knot she hadn’t realized lived in her chest eases with the admission; she should feel relief, but somehow she feels worse.
“Why do you say it like it’s a bad thing?” Lily asks.
“Because, less than a year ago, I was with Brooke. Still hoping things would work out, and suddenly I have a crush on a completely different person?” Valeria sighs. “I don’t know, it feels too fast. I haven’t been single for that long.”
“Are you trying to talk yourself out of the crush because it scares you? Or because you think there’s some arbitrary healing timeline you need to adhere to show you’ve properly moved on from Brooke?” Alejandra asks, her tone firmer than usual.
Valeria’s stomach twists. The question lands too close to the truth. She groans. “I don’t know, maybe both. Don’t you guys think it’s too soon?”
“No,” they both say in unison before letting out a tiny giggle that eases some of the tension.
Lily lays a hand on Valeria’s shoulder. “Val, yesterday you told us how alone you’ve felt these past few years, even while you were with Brooke.”
“And in that year where you guys were apart, you did sort of move on,” Alejandra adds. “Maybe after everything that happened, you jumped into that headspace without realizing it. Feelings aren’t exactly rational. You can’t tell them to wait until you decide you’ve let enough time pass.”
That’s precisely what is bothering Valeria—the ease of it all.
The way she’s moving forward without stumbling or breaking apart the way she once swore she would.
She’d told Brooke she’d never be able to move on, that her heart would stay right where she’d left it.
Untouched and waiting, but it isn’t, and that feels like a betrayal.
Logically, she knows that she’s done nothing wrong, but emotionally, the guilt still coils in her chest.
“We obviously don’t know Camila the way you do,” Lily says, knees drawn to her chest, “but we like her. She’s sweet, and it’s clear she cares a lot about you, plus you guys get along really well.”
Valeria drags a flat stone through the damp sand beside her, carving absent-minded lines as a question that’s recently begun to gnaw at her resurfaces. “What if she’s just being a good friend and this is one-sided?”
“Why don’t you ask her?” Lily asks, voice low.
Valeria lets out a short breath, tipping her head back to stare at the sky. “I can’t go up to her and ask her if she likes me.”
“Of course you can,” Alejandra chirps, leaning back on her hands, legs stretched toward the water.
A knot of anxiety tightens in Valeria’s stomach. Could she ask? Yeah, but the answer is what scares her. The moment where Camila either steps closer or pulls away, and Valeria doesn’t know if she’s ready for either outcome.
She shifts her weight, knees bumping lightly against Lily’s. “Okay,” she says, “let’s say I do, and she likes me back.” Her voice falters. “I don’t think I’m ready to jump into a relationship.”
“Who says you have to?” Alejandra replies.
“She doesn’t do casual,” Valeria explains, eyes fixed on the slow ripples spreading across the lake, remembering the conversation she had with Camila the night she came home from her date with Zoe, and their conversation last night.
Lily hums softly. “People date for months before anything is official. Why can’t you? Get to know her better, tell her you want to go slow.”
“She won’t go for it,” Valeria says, the words sinking in as soon as she speaks them.
Lily cocks her head. “Why don’t you let her decide what she can and can’t handle?” she says gently. “Assuming what the other person needs will rob you of so much time and memories.” Lily looks back at Isabella, a dullness taking over her features.
“We’re never going to push you into it,” Alejandra adds, sitting up straighter, “but if you’re curious . . . what’s the worst that could happen? She doesn’t want to, and you guys keep going as you have.”
“But honestly,” Lily says with a smile, “I’d be shocked if she doesn’t have as much of a crush on you as you do on her.”
“Maybe even a bigger one,” Alejandra adds.
Valeria squints at her, but there’s a small and bright warmth rising in her chest. “How are you both so sure?”
“The way she looks at you,” Alejandra says easily. “That golden eye of hers sparkles a little extra whenever she sees you.”
“And if we’re being honest,” Lily adds, her voice warm, “your eyes sparkle around her, too. In a way they haven’t in years. And I’m not just saying that because I hated Brooke,” she adds quickly.
Valeria laughs and looks down at the water, watching her reflection distort with each ripple—a smile curves at the corner of her mouth.
Somehow, she knows it to be true. Even the tiny sparks she’s felt around Camila, she hasn’t experienced in a long time.
Feelings she’d somehow forgotten exist—a flutter in her stomach, a warmth spreading through her chest, a gentle pressure that eases her shoulders and makes her breath deeper.
“We love seeing you like this,” Lily says, bringing Valeria back to the moment.
“So if you want to give it a shot, you know we’ll always be here.
Don’t talk yourself out of getting to know someone because you think you haven’t suffered enough after a breakup that was a long time coming.
Even if you didn’t see it coming, your heart clearly did, and it prepared itself. ”
Valeria nods, drawing her knees closer, letting her shoulder brush Alejandra’s. “We’ll see,” she murmurs, voice soft as the water laps at the shore. “I don’t know if I’m brave enough to try.”
Camila steps out of her tent then, rubbing her eyes.
The second she spots Valeria, a radiant smile takes over her lips, and Valeria feels that smile warm her entirely, igniting a tiny flutter in her stomach.
The one that comes to life any time Camila’s smile is aimed at her.
Somehow, she feels a lot braver than she did a few seconds ago.
She’d do anything for that smile, a thought that terrifies her.
“Come have breakfast,” Clara calls to them, waving them over.
“Thanks for this,” Valeria says, turning to face Alejandra and Lily.
Lily reaches for her hand. “Literally anytime.”
Valeria gives them both a quick hug before they all walk back toward where the rest of their group is.