11. Cannon
The cold air nipped at any exposed skin. The sun had just set, and the pinks and blues stretched across the sky above the partially frozen lake were enough to calm my racing thoughts.
Thoughts of my childhood competed with thoughts of Demi for center stage in my mind, the constant back and forth making me feel dizzy. Usually they never occupied my mind at the same time, but today it felt like those two worlds had collided for the first time.
One second, I was being a good friend helping Demi with her bags, to the next second flirting with her, to then taking things too far. And if that had all not been confusing enough, I’d almost had a panic attack reliving a moment from my childhood in front of her.
I’d felt so vulnerable and…and stupid.
Letting her in enough to be friends was one thing, but letting her see the side of me that I hid from everybody, that I tried to hide even from myself? That was a different thing entirely. Playing video games together was something I could handle. Opening up to her was signing up for something that I didn’t want to do. I wasn’t even sure if I could do it.
After years of working to keep my memories locked up tight, it was disheartening to see how fast I could unravel from something as stupid as hiding from my best friend under his sister’s bed. Thankfully, Demi didn’t suspect anything more than claustrophobia.
My past was a constant weight that sat heavy on my chest, and I feared that if she found out all the things I’d gone through, she’d feel inclined to carry some of the weight too, and I couldn’t let that happen. As much as I struggled to trust people, I knew Demi was trustworthy and loyal, almost to a fault. Her loyalty and desire to help someone else achieve their dream or happiness was what had gotten her into the situation of being in a MBA program at Stanford she never wanted to do. It wouldn’t surprise me, if she knew what I’d been through, if she’d make it her personal mission to help me work through my trauma. I wouldn’t be another person in her life who took advantage of her caring heart.
She needed to fly, and my baggage would only weigh her down, too heavy for her to be able to take flight, to finally be her own person and put herself before anyone else.
After spending almost an hour outside alone on the patio while everyone else unpacked and got settled in, I made my way back into the house.
Everyone sat in the large living room, the lit fireplace giving off cozy winter mountain vibes. My eyes instinctually went to where Demi sat in one of the oversized armchairs, her fuzzy sock-covered feet tucked up against her. She’d changed into a light blue velvet pajama set for the evening and looked so adorably cute that I wished I could scoop her up and hold her in my lap, nuzzling my face into the side of her neck.
Instead I tore my gaze from her, walking to the other side of the living room to take my coat off and sit on a couch as far away from her as possible.
Jax was telling everyone about his consulting job, which took him all over the country, and how he was only home a few days a month. I’d heard about his and Kate’s nightly ritual of talking before they went to bed, which made a lot more sense if he was never around. They’d grown up together and been best friends since elementary school. If I were a betting man, I’d say that the way he looks at Kate means he wished they were more than best friends, because I definitely didn’t look at West that way.
I couldn’t get a read on Kate and how she felt about Jax, which was probably why he hadn’t made a move, but then again I didn’t know Kate that well.
“And do you see yourself continuing to work at this company for a long time?” Demi asked him.
“Uh…” He snuck a quick glance at Kate. “I don’t know. It’s a good job for now.”
I’d been in Jax’s presence for all of fifteen minutes and his feelings were all over his face. He didn’t know what he was going to do with his job because he was possibly holding out hope for something to happen with Kate but was too nervous to put their friendship at risk.
Was I that transparent in how I felt about Demi? I hoped not. I couldn’t be, or West would have said something.
Although, their situation was very different from Demi and me. The only thing standing in their way was their friendship, but that reasoning seemed faulty to me. Didn’t you want to be best friends with your partner?
But what did I know about relationships?
Nothing. I knew nothing.
Come to think of it, I didn’t know much about friendships either.
Yeah, I had no room to have any opinions about Jax and Kate and their situation.
Except thinking about them was a heck of a lot easier than thinking about my situation with Demi. We had bigger obstacles than friendship between us. Mainly me not wanting to serve her my screwed-up way of thinking, with a side of her overprotective older brother. West knew I was incapable of having a real relationship, and then the high expectations of her father sprinkled on top, resulting in what I liked to call a recipe for disaster.
Despite the knowledge I had about needing to keep my distance from Demi, I’d already proven less than an hour ago that I couldn’t trust myself when I was around her. She was all-consuming, and I seemed to forget all the logical, well thought out reasons to stay away from her.
Like the idiot I was, I chanced a glance at Demi and found her looking at me with an expression that seemed to be asking if I was okay. See? She’d only gotten a glimpse of how messed up I was, and she was already worried about me.
I gave her a subtle nod, her shoulders relaxing at my answer.
The doorbell rang, and we all looked around surprised we had a visitor—except for West.
He hopped off the couch and made his way to the front door. “Hey, Gavin. Come on in.”
I tried to hide my dislike for Gavin, pulling out my phone to help distract me.
“Hey, it’s good to see you,” Gavin said, his voice annoying.
Okay, so maybe it was only annoying to me.
“Is everyone here this trip?” he asked.
Cue my eye roll at his not-so-subtle way to find out if Demi had come with West.
“My parents aren’t here,” West answered, walking into the living room with Gavin. “But Demi and Cannon are here,” he gestured to us both, then turned to the rest of our group. “Along with my girlfriend, Halle, and our friends Kate and Jax.”
“Nice to meet you,” Gavin said with a smile, making the rounds to shake hands. “Cannon,” he nodded at me before quickly moving on to Demi, his face lighting up. “Demi,” he said, holding his arms out for a hug.
A look of surprise flashed across her face before she stood and gave him a hug. “Hey, Gavin.”
I ground my teeth at his presumptuous and forced hug. What else was she supposed to do when he stood in front of her with his arms out wide?
“I’m so glad you came up this weekend,” Gavin said, releasing her from the hug way too slowly for my liking.
“Yeah, we thought it would be fun to hang out and enjoy what Lake Tahoe has to offer in the winter. We have a few first-timers.” She glanced over at Halle, Kate, and Jax.
“Well, West told me you guys wanted to have some fun while you’re up here and had me plan a few things,” he said. “Over the next few days, I have scheduled skiing, snowmobiling, and snowshoeing. I’ll be your guide, so we’ll get to spend some time together.”
“That will be great,” she said, smiling politely.
Would it be great? It sounded like the opposite of great to me. It sounded like Gavin was hoping to spend time with Demi at all these activities that he had planned. And it definitely sounded like he was hoping for something to happen between the two of them. That sounded awful. Jealousy bubbled to the surface, and I worked to push it down.
The rest of our group didn’t seem to be paying attention to the conversation between Gavin and Demi, which I hoped meant they hadn’t noticed how annoyed I was by it either.
But then Halle caught my eye and raised an eyebrow at me.
Of course she had noticed. But I didn’t rise to her bait. Instead, I raised an eyebrow back at her as if to say, ‘there’s nothing to see here.’
She gave me a ‘yeah, right’ look before joining back in the conversation she had been having with Kate, Jax, and West.
Hiding my real feelings for Demi was going to be even harder with Halle around.
Gavin and Demi were now having their own private conversation, and as much as I tried to not narrow my eyes at him, I didn’t think I was doing a very good job of it.
Finally, West took notice of the two of them and interrupted. “Gavin,” he called across the room. “Thank you for stocking the fridge and pantry for us and for getting the house all set up. I appreciate it.”
“Yeah, of course. That’s my job,” he said, oblivious to how West was not only wanting him away from his sister but was also dismissing him.
“What time will you be picking us up tomorrow morning to go skiing?” West asked him.
“I’ll be here at nine, and I’ll have all the equipment you need.”
“Perfect.” West stood, ready to walk him out. “We’ll see you then.”
“Oh, okay.” He stood, working to hide his disappointment at not getting to stay longer. “Yeah, great. I’ll see you all tomorrow morning.”
We said our goodbyes—well, except for me. It might have been immature of me, but I didn’t care. It was safer to keep my mouth shut.
West walked him to the door. “Thanks for stopping by and checking in.”
Once Gavin was gone and the door shut behind him, I breathed a little easier. It was going to be a long weekend of hiding my feelings. Hiding how I felt about Demi while also hiding how much I didn’t like Gavin because of how I felt about Demi while also hiding how much I hated Gavin trying to move in on Demi. Yeah, just thinking about it all gave me a headache.
“Are we sure Gavin came to check in or check out Demi?” Kate said, waggling her eyebrows at Demi. “He’s super cute. Are you excited to hang out with him this weekend?”
“Um,” Demi answered, looking down and picking at some lint on her pajamas. “I don’t know if I would say I’m excited, exactly, but I enjoy talking to him. He’s a nice guy.”
I worked to keep my face impassive. I couldn’t show any feelings on the matter. I was merely a bystander who had no thoughts or opinions on this topic.
“I was telling her she should have a weekend mountain romance,” Halle told Kate. “He definitely fits the sexy lumberjack role.”
West’s eyebrows pulled together as he took his seat next to Halle. “You think he’s sexy?”
“If the lumberjack look is your thing, then yeah,” she shrugged. “For me, there’s nothing sexier than a guy in a suit with a planner in his hand.”
We laughed as he shook his head at her. But he wore a smile as he put his arm around her and pulled her into him so he could kiss her temple. “That’s what I like to hear.”
She reached up, smiling as she placed a kiss on his cheek.
As nauseating as they could be at times, they really were great together.
“Well, I think you should give Gavin a chance,” Kate said, turning the focus back on Demi. “You never know what might come of it.”
“Maybe you should give Gavin a chance,” Demi suggested with a pointed look. “You’re single too. Might be fun to have your own sexy lumberjack fun this weekend.”
“Ha!” Jax laughed loudly. “Lumberjacks are not Kate’s type.”
Kate turned to look at him skeptically. “Why are lumberjacks not my type?”
“You seriously want to date someone outdoorsy?” he challenged. “He’ll be wanting to take you on hikes and ice fishing, or any other number of mountain activities.”
Kate’s face seemed to involuntarily scrunch in dislike before she quickly smoothed it out. “Maybe he could get me to like those things,” she pushed back.
“Not even Chris Hemsworth could get you to like those things,” he scoffed.
She crossed her arms. “That’s a bold statement. I’d be willing to put up with a lot for Chris.”
Jax gave her a look of amusement. “Oh, I know you’d put up with a lot for him, but even he couldn’t get you to go camping.”
“He could if we stayed in a nice RV with a toilet and running water, which he can afford and would be willing to do for me if I was his girlfriend.”
He patted her knee. “I’m sure he would.”
She gave him a petulant look. “Just because you’ve known me your whole life doesn’t mean you know what my type is. Lumberjack Gavin might just be the one to change my entire outlook on life.”
“Uh-huh, sure,” he said with a smile.
“But it doesn’t matter anyway,” she said. “Because it’s obvious he’s smitten with Demi.”
“It’s true,” Halle chimed in, looking at Demi. “He only has eyes for you.”
“I don’t care if he only has eyes for her,” West said brusquely. “I don’t want him flirting with Demi. His job is to take care of this place and be our wilderness guide, not to get involved with my sister.”
“I agree,” I said, not able to keep quiet any longer. This whole conversation was ridiculous. And since when was being a lumberjack sexy? “He needs to be more professional.”
“Says the overprotective brothers,” Halle said, emphasizing the word brothers and throwing me a quick glance.
My jaw clenched at the use of that word. When I watched the way the corners of her mouth barely tipped up at my reaction, I knew she’d done it on purpose.
“There’s nothing wrong with us wanting to protect her,” West said, gesturing to where Demi sat.
“Enough,” Demi exclaimed. “I can make my own choices when it comes to who I do and don’t flirt with. Neither of you”—she paused, looking deliberately at me and then West—“get a say in that.”
I cast my eyes down while she and West stared at each other in a silent battle of wills.
Great. Now she was mad at me.
Although maybe that would be a good thing. I needed all the help I could get in keeping space between us.
“Who’s hungry?” Kate cut in, trying to ease the tension in the room. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starving.”
Dinner went well, the conversation about Gavin forgotten. Jax, Demi, and I had sat and talked in the kitchen while Kate, Halle, and West had done all the cooking. Once we’d finished eating, it was only fair that the three of us who hadn’t cooked should clean up, but I’d told Jax not to worry about it so I could use the time alone to talk to Demi. I needed to apologize for overstepping. He must have understood why I’d given him a pass because he gave me the bro nod and walked out of the kitchen.
Demi and I worked side by side, cleaning up the food and doing the dishes, the silence heavy. She was annoyed, but I was too. I was annoyed Gavin was interested in her and that she wasn’t opposed to the idea. But I didn’t have any right to be annoyed, so I swallowed it down.
“I’m sorry about earlier,” I started, leaning my hip against the counter. “I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s not my place to comment on your dating life.”
She rinsed a plate before putting it in the dishwasher. “Glad you know that.”
“I’m only trying to look out for you.”
She stopped doing the dishes, leaning against the counter, mimicking my pose as she looked at me. “So I’m allowed to flirt with you, but no one else?” she asked, giving me a pointed stare.
Her words caught me off guard, but they shouldn’t have. We had both been doing our fair share of flirting under the guise of friendship. I was more surprised that she was bringing that fact out in the open between us.
I hurried to mask my surprise and gave her a cocky grin. “Preferably.”
A flicker of shock flashed in her eyes as she fought to keep her smile from appearing, but it was no use. “You’re incorrigible.”
“That smile of yours tells me you like it,” I said playfully.
“We both know it’s pointless for me to disagree,” she said, rolling her eyes.
I let out a low chuckle, sliding closer to her. “Does that mean you’re not mad at me anymore?”
She tilted her head. “Hmm,” she hummed. “That depends. Are you going to stop interfering with who I want to flirt with?”
“That depends,” I said, using her same conditional words. “Are you going to be flirting with Gavin?”
This time she slid closer to me. “Maybe,” she dragged out the word, looking up at me through her lashes. “I could have a good weekend with him.”
I slid closer to her again. We were close enough that she had to put her head back to look up at me. I slowly placed my hand on her hip. A barely audible gasp escaped her at my touch.
“You’d have a better weekend with me.”
Shoot. I shouldn’t have said that.
My eyes searched hers before glancing down at her parted lips. My heart beat in my chest, like I was doing cardio, not just standing in a kitchen. It was in moments like this when I couldn’t find it in me to care about the consequences of my actions. I was falling into her brown eyes again, getting lost as they lured me in, deeper and deeper.
Her eyes flickered to my mouth, and that was all it took to erase the remaining threads of my self-control.
Slowly I lowered my head to hers, giving her time to pull away if this wasn’t what she wanted. My lips inched closer to hers, the anticipation of feeling her mouth on mine, to finally feel just how soft those lips were, all-encompassing.
“Cannon and Demi,” West called out from the living room.
We jumped apart as if we’d been electrocuted.
“You guys almost done? We’re going to play a game.”
I rubbed a hand down my face, putting as much space as I could between Demi and me in the large kitchen.
What was I thinking? Had I really been about to kiss Demi? What if West had come in here to see if we were almost done cleaning instead of yelling at us from the living room? He probably would have punched me in the face. Heck, I wanted to punch me in the face.
This was Demi we were talking about. I couldn’t hurt her. No matter how much I wanted to kiss her, I had to stay strong. If I kissed her, I would hurt her. End of story. There was no other possible result. Pushing all the other reasons aside—West and Victor—I was not in a place where I could be anything more to her than a friend. I wasn’t even sure how great of a friend I could really be.
“Yeah,” her voice squeaked out in response. She cleared her throat. “Just need to start the dishwasher.” She rushed to put the last few dishes in before putting in a detergent tablet and pushing start.
She paused to look at me, her reddened cheeks now barely pink. I wasn’t sure what she saw when she looked at me, but we both knew we’d almost been caught doing something that could have been disastrous. She must have seen something in my face—fear maybe—because all she did was give me a nod, as if she understood that what we’d almost done was a mistake, before she walked out of the kitchen.
I tried to not feel hurt or offended by her quick dismissal of how we’d almost kissed, that it hadn’t seemed to affect her as much as it had me, but the feelings were there all the same. Was she glad we had been interrupted? Was she relieved I hadn’t had the chance to kiss her?
I didn’t have time to dissect it now. If I didn’t join everyone in the living room, they’d wonder why I was hanging out by myself in the kitchen.
I took a big breath, letting it all out before going to play a game and pretending that I hadn’t almost kissed my best friend’s sister.
Playing games had gone fine. I’d miraculously never looked at Demi unless I had to for the game. But then again, I wasn’t sure if that made me look even more guilty, but I had been too nervous that one wrong look at her and everyone would know what had almost gone down in the kitchen.
We were now all in our respective bedrooms, supposed to be sleeping, but sleep was the farthest thing from my mind. Every time I closed my eyes, a beautiful and spunky blonde with chocolatey brown eyes would play across the back of my lids. Staring at the ceiling was preferable. Blinking was overrated.
It didn’t help that she was in her bedroom, directly across the hall from mine. She was probably already fast asleep.
Or she could be thinking about our almost-kiss too. I just didn’t know if she was thinking about it in a positive or negative light. A part of me wanted to ask her. But would that make things even more awkward?
Before I could think of a good reason to stop myself, I reached for my phone.
I clicked on my contacts and scrolled down until Demi’s name appeared. Tapping on her name, I pulled up a text thread.