16. Cannon
We’d started the movie once we all got out of the hot tub and showered, meeting in the theater room to eat pizza. There were three rows of three sets of reclining love seats, but we’d all sat in the front row. West and Halle had taken the farthest one on the right, and Kate and Jax took the one in the middle, which left Demi and I to share the loveseat on the left. I’d debated on whether I should sit with Demi and act like it wasn’t a big deal, or if I should take a seat in the second row to give us some space, but eventually I’d taken a seat next to her. It might have looked even more suspicious if I hadn’t sat with her. I never would have thought watching a movie and figuring out where to sit could be so complicated. I was almost thirty years old, and I had been worrying about where to sit like a teenager.
Sitting this close to Demi, I could smell the flowery scent of her shampoo since her hair was still wet from her shower. The smell instantly had me thinking of our nightly routine of playing video games together, since she would wash her hair after working her shift at The Bridger before coming out to join me. I wished we were home alone instead of having to spend the next two hours sitting this close to Demi without talking, teasing, or possibly tickling her. Instead I was tense, not wanting to give West or anyone else any reason to think I thought of Demi as anything more than a friend.
The pizza was long gone, and the movie was getting more intense. Scary movies didn’t bother me, but I had to keep stifling a chuckle every time Kate let out a gasp, clinging to Jax’s arm. She was plastered to his side, her eyes wide as she stared at the screen in fear.
I snuck a glance at Demi to see if I could get a read on how she was feeling about the movie. She had a blanket covering most of her body, her legs tucked up underneath her, but she looked rigid. If I had to guess, she was more affected than Halle but not quite to the terror level of Kate.
My hand started moving on its own, slowly making its way along the couch and under the blanket. My brain tried to tell my hand this was a bad idea, but it clearly had a mind of its own. I was grateful for the cover of darkness and that West was as far from us as he could get in this theater room.
When my pinky ran into the side of her thigh, I stopped, just wanting to let her know I was here if she needed me. Without looking at me, her hand came to rest against mine, intertwining our pinky fingers. The simple and innocent touch sent a sparking sensation through my hand and up my arm.
A jump-scare on the screen resulted in Demi’s pinky finger squeezing mine. Once she lessened her grip on me, I slowly disentangled our fingers, turning my hand face-up to capture the entirety of her hand in mine. My large hand completely enveloped hers, but I couldn’t help notice how well our hands fit together.
My eyes were on the screen, but I barely recognized what I was watching. All I could think about was Demi’s hand in mine. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d held someone’s hand. I was sure I had at some point, but nothing was coming to mind, nothing that had left an impression. But I knew for sure I had never held a woman’s hand like this.
The rest of the movie went by in a blur. I hoped nobody asked me any questions about the second half because I wouldn’t be able to tell them anything about it. But I could tell them how many times Demi squeezed my hand and how good her skin felt against my thumb as I stroked it gently across the top of her hand.
I reluctantly let go of her hand when the credits started rolling on the screen, before anyone had a chance to turn on the lights.
“That was the worst movie ever,” Kate exclaimed.
“I rather enjoyed it,” Jax said with a sly grin.
Kate smacked him on the chest. “That’s only because you love teasing me about it.” She narrowed her eyes. “And getting your revenge.”
Jax’s smile grew. “Revenge can be so very sweet.”
Kate rolled her eyes, sitting on the edge of the loveseat and stretching her arms overhead. “I’m going to head to bed. After skiing and then tensing every single muscle in my body during that entire movie, I’m exhausted.”
“I’m exhausted, too,” Halle said. “Skiing uses different muscles, ones I am not used to using.”
I checked my watch. It was only ten, but if everyone was going to go to sleep, there wasn’t much else to do.
Kate and Jax headed out of the theater room, with West and Halle behind them. Demi and I hadn’t yet moved.
“Are you going to head off to bed too?” I asked.
She smoothed out the blanket on her lap, keeping her eyes down. “Um, I’m not quite tired enough to go to sleep. I was thinking of making myself some hot chocolate and sitting out on the patio.” She swept her gaze up to me. “Do you want to join me?”
Did I want to stay up late and spend some time alone with her? A thousand percent yes.
“Yeah, that sounds nice,” I said, downplaying my excitement.
She smiled, standing and placing the blanket back on the couch. “You go first.” She gestured for me to go ahead of her with a teasing grin. “You’ve already enjoyed the view way too much today.”
I gave her an exaggerated pout as I stood. “But you’re wearing yoga pants.”
She tried not to laugh but failed. “Go,” she chuckled, pointing toward the door.
I did as I was told, pretending to be put out, when in reality, I was feeling both happy and excited to be able to tease her and hang out with her.
She made us hot chocolate while I went to go get two heavier blankets to stave off the cold temperatures outside.
I met her in the kitchen, where she sat down the two mugs filled with hot chocolate on the counter. She held her hand out for a blanket, but I ignored it. Instead, I took the blanket and wrapped it around her back. I pulled the ends of the blanket to the front, keeping a hold of the edges. Being this close to her and seeing how cute she looked all wrapped up in a faux fur blanket had me wishing I could kiss the tip of her nose.
That thought surprised me. I’d never had a thought like that before. Usually when I was with a woman it was all about having a good time, having fun, and not being alone so I could keep certain thoughts at bay. But with Demi? I was experiencing a whole new level of feelings. Like the ones that had you wanting to kiss a woman’s nose because she was so cute. The ones where you just wanted to hold her in your arms to enjoy the feeling of having her close. Or the ones that ran deeper than attraction or chemistry—not that we didn’t have both of those—that came from a place of tenderness.
Tenderness? Kissing tips of noses?What had gotten into me? It’s not like we had watched some sappy love story. No, we’d watched a movie that featured killing, not kissing. I couldn’t blame these thoughts on anything but how Demi made me feel.
Her eyes looked up at me, seemingly surprised by the gesture. I finally let go of the blanket and took a step back, wrapping a blanket around myself. I was giving her mixed signals all over the place, but I couldn’t seem to help it.
She handed me one of the mugs, and then we went out into the frigid night, sitting on the same couch, our backs to each arm rest so we could face each other, our legs stretched out side by side.
I took a sip of the steaming hot chocolate. “Thank you for making this for me.”
“Thanks for being willing to brave the cold with me.” She took a sip from her mug. “I love nights here. They’re so different from San Francisco. Look at all those stars.” Her head tipped back as she looked up at the black sky.
“Yeah, it’s pretty incredible,” I said, but I hadn’t even looked at the sky yet.
She must have heard something in my voice because she stopped admiring the stars and gave me a disbelieving look. “You haven’t even looked at them.”
“I prefer my view.”
The glow that came from the lights in the kitchen shone just enough through the windows to see her cheeks turn pink.
“Cannon,” she chastised, but there was no real anger in her voice, a smile now on her face.
“What?” I asked with a smirk.
“For someone who says it’s better for us to be just friends, you don’t seem to want to act like one,” she pointed out.
“That’s not true,” I argued even though it was totally true. “Friends tell friends they’re good-looking. West tells me all the time how handsome I am.”
That had her laughing, bringing a smile to my face. “Okay, let’s keep this going. When you’re with West, do you also tickle him? Do you often find yourself on top of him? Do you hold his hand while watching a movie together? Or how about almost kissing him?”
I lifted my mug to hide my smile before taking a sip. “I’d rather not share that information.” She made a valid point, but I wasn’t going to acknowledge it.
She nudged her foot against my leg. “Oh, whatever,” she chuckled. “You know I’m right.”
“In my defense, you’re a lot prettier than West.” By continuing to joke with her, I hoped to keep our conversation light.
She smiled but returned her attention back to the sky. “Over the last ten years, we’ve come here a lot together.” She paused and then looked at me, her expression going serious. “I have so many memories with you in them but no real memories with you.”
A heaviness settled over me, as thick as the blanket I had wrapped around me, the light mood effectively gone.
I hadn’t ever put words to whatever our relationship had been before she’d taken West’s room in our apartment, but her description fit perfectly. Any happy memory I had from the last ten years involved either West or his family. But I’d always kept Demi at a safe distance. First, I had been too scared to let another person into my life. And then second, I had been too scared to actually get to know her because I had already been having a hard time not thinking about her.
Now that I’d had the chance to get to know her better, I realized I had been right to be scared. I liked her a whole lot more now. My feelings went beyond attraction or a mere crush.
“I know what you mean,” I said softly.
“This is the first trip when we’ve actually made memories with each other.” She looked down inside her mug, as if maybe she was avoiding my gaze.
I was the only one to blame for us not becoming friends sooner, but I still thought it had been the best way to handle it.
“I’m sorry if you ever felt like I didn’t like you or made you think you weren’t worth getting to know,” I apologized. I ran a hand through my hair, letting out a breath before continuing. “As you well know, I struggle to get close to people.” As if that was a good enough excuse.
A silence filled the space between us, and as much as I wanted to make some flirty remark or some joke to move us beyond this serious moment, I kept my mouth shut.
Finally, she broke the silence. “Why?” Her voice was so quiet, barely above a whisper, that I almost hadn’t heard it. So quiet that I wondered if I could get away with not answering.
Why. It was a simple word but held so much power. It demanded an answer. And this why wanted an answer I wasn’t sure I was ready to give.
Another stretch of silence loomed, but she sat there patiently, giving me time to answer, time to process, time to shut her question down if that’s what I chose. She didn’t push, she didn’t expect, she just sat in the moment with me, seeming to be completely okay with however I wanted to answer. There was a type of peace and comfort in knowing that.
Several more seconds passed while I went back and forth on whether I could really tell Demi about my past, if I could really say the words out loud.
But as I looked at Demi, her face only showed genuine concern. She cared about me. In what capacity, I wasn’t sure, but knowing she cared gave me the courage to speak.