15. Cannon
We sat in silence as we rode the lift up to the top of the mountain. I didn’t dare speak first in case I said something that might incriminate me, like I almost kissed your sister yesterday, or I told your sister I have not-so-brotherly feelings for her,or I got to enjoy a particularly lovely view this morning while skiing and it had nothing to do with the beautiful landscape and everything to do with your sister, or I can’t stop flirting with your sister no matter how hard I try.
Yeah, I had a lot of things I didn’t want to accidentally share with West.
“Just because you are comfortable keeping your mouth shut doesn’t mean we aren’t going to have this conversation,” West said as he looked straight ahead.
“What conversation?” I asked, making an effort to sound bored.
“You know exactly what conversation.”
I continued to look straight ahead as well, hoping I could get out of talking about Demi. “I have no idea what you could be referring to.”
I couldn’t see his eye roll behind his goggles, but I knew him well enough to know he’d done it.
“What’s going on with you and Demi?” he asked, cutting through my feigned ignorance.
So much for not talking about her.
“Nothing,” I said simply, still holding out hope he wouldn’t ask any more questions.
He finally turned to look at me. “Definitely something if you’re not wanting to talk about it.”
“I never want to talk about any relationship stuff,” I pointed out.
“So you and my sister have a relationship?” The worry in his voice seemed to echo between the mountains, the silence of being alone on the lift amplifying his concern.
“Not that kind of relationship.” I let out a huff of air. “She and I have become better friends since she moved in, but we are just friends.” I was going to plead innocent until proven guilty. “Plus, didn’t she tell you she thinks of me like a brother?” I added that last bit to help sell my lie, even though I was 99.9% sure Demi did not think of me like a brother.
“Friends,” he repeated as if he didn’t understand the meaning of the word.
“Yes, friends.”
He seemed to be mulling it over for a few seconds and then said, “I guess it’s good that you’re opening yourself up enough to have another close friend.” He paused and then added, “But when a guy and a girl are friends, it can always lead to becoming more than friends.”
“That’s not going to happen.” I shook my head. “Demi doesn’t need to get messed up with a guy like me. She deserves way better than that.”
“Cannon.” He sounded surprised. “I’m not worried about you being with my sister because I think you aren’t good enough for her.” He seemed to be taken aback. “I’m worried because in the ten years I’ve known you, you’ve never had a relationship, never gone past a few dates with the same girl.” He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I could see my sister falling hard for you, and I don’t want to see her get hurt.”
I didn’t want to hurt her either. I was trying my best to keep things platonic. The problem was that my best wasn’t very good. Really, my best was quite pathetic. Instead of staying away from her, I’d found excuses to be with her. Instead of keeping my hands to myself, I’d tickled her just to feel her skin against mine. Instead of denying any type of romantic feelings for her, I’d blurted out only hours ago how I couldn’t stop thinking about kissing her.
And I tried not to let his words about Demi falling hard for me worm their way into my mind. The last thing I needed was for them to take root and plant a full-on garden of what my life could be like with Demi. But I wasn’t a gardener, and what West said about my total lack of relationship experience was proof I wouldn’t be able to keep anything alive that I planted.
West’s voice broke through the weird garden analogy, thank goodness. “I just wanted to know if you have real feelings for her, or if this is one of the flirting things you do with women.”
His words snapped me back to reality. I was just the guy who flirted with women, the guy who never took anything seriously, the guy who didn’t do friends, the guy who never thought about the future.
The guy who, in the end, would always be alone.
Frustration swept through me. I’d been an idiot the past few weeks, thinking my life could be different, that I could be different.
“I told you nothing is going on between your sister and me,” I practically shouted. I took a deep breath, trying to calm down, more angry at myself than at West. “Now can we go and have fun skiing? I never get to see you anymore.” It was part truth, part distraction, but I needed this conversation to be over.
His face softened, and I could tell he felt bad for ditching me so much ever since he had gotten together with Halle. “Yeah, of course.”
The lift reached the top, and we hopped off, heading to the trail. It took nearly the whole first run to get things back to normal between West and me, but the second time around, we were back to our old selves—talking, laughing, joking around.
It reminded me that I was smart to keep Demi at a distance. I didn’t want to ruin my friendship with West or the little bit of family I had with the Vanderhalls. They were all I had, and I couldn’t lose them.
As we made our way to the lodge to meet up with the rest of the group, I recommitted myself to staying strong, to not letting Demi take a sledgehammer to my walls. Friends were all we could ever be.
It was for the best.
For both of us.
I had completely resigned myself to keeping Demi in the friend zone, but when she walked outside toward the hot tub in a royal blue bikini, my resolve slipped. And by slipped, I mean disintegrated.
This wasn’t my first time seeing Demi in a bikini. It also wasn’t my first time letting my eyes dance along her exposed skin, thinking she was the sexiest woman I’d ever seen. But it was the first time since we’d begun to get closer, since I’d learned what it felt like to have my fingers touch the skin on her sides, since I’d learned what it felt like to hover over her with our faces so close, since last night when we’d almost kissed, since today when I’d told her how I felt about her. It was the first time since I’d learned we both were attracted to each other and fighting our true feelings.
Her focus was on each step, making sure she didn’t slip, and like the good guy I was, I kept my eyes on her face.
Except I wasn’t as good of a guy as I wished because it was only a matter of seconds until my eyes were tracking the swell of her breasts and the curve of her hips. She was too tempting, and we were the only two out here, so sue me.
She sank into the hot water, closing her eyes and letting out a moan.
I averted my gaze, grateful she had sat in the corner opposite of me. I wasn’t feeling particularly strong in my resolve at the moment, and the extra space between us right now was definitely needed.
“Where is everyone?” she asked.
After we’d gotten back from skiing, we’d all thought it would be a good idea to relax our muscles in the hot tub, but so far it was only me and Demi who had made it out here.
“If I had to guess, West got distracted by Halle in a swimsuit.”
Her scrunched face told me she wasn’t loving the image I was painting.
“What’s wrong with getting distracted?” I asked with a grin. I’d definitely gotten distracted seeing her in a swimsuit.
“Nothing.” She smoothed out her expression. “Just thinking about my brother and distractions is rather unpleasant.”
I laughed. “You can’t blame the guy for being crazy about his girlfriend.”
“True.” She nodded, the blonde messy knot on her head bouncing with the movement.
She looked so effortlessly beautiful, wisps of her hair surrounding her face and against her neck. The lake behind her, reflecting the last light of the sun as it dipped past the mountains, framed her in a breathtaking glow. I wanted to take a mental snapshot of that image. And I wished I could reach out to her, tug her toward me, pull her onto my lap, and trace my fingers along the side of face, tucking a few of the escaped strands of hair behind her ear, and have her talk to me about anything and everything while I held her close to me.
“If I had a girlfriend, I’d be guilty of getting distracted too.” My voice came out too rough, too raw, as my eyes locked onto hers.
Her lips parted, looking at me in what seemed like equal parts surprise and desire. “But you don’t ever have a girlfriend.”
“I don’t, but I can imagine.”
Our eyes remained glued, an unspoken message being conveyed. I was pretty sure both of us were imagining how things could be between us. The water was hot, but I hadn’t felt overheated until Demi had come out.
“It’s so cold,” Kate’s voice screeched as she tiptoed across the patio toward the hot tub, breaking the tension between us. I hadn’t heard the sliding glass door open, even though Demi and I hadn’t been talking, but she had a way of taking over all of my senses.
Jax was right behind her, but he hurried to pick Kate up and throw her over his shoulder.
“Jax!” she screamed.
“What? I’m just helping you get to the hot tub,” he said, but started to walk toward where the lawn was covered in snow.
“You’re not even going toward the hot tub,” she exclaimed.
“Are you sure?” He swung his body in one direction and then in the opposite direction, her body mimicking his movements as he pretended to look for the hot tub. “I could have sworn it was over here.”
“Jax, put me down!” Her voice sounded serious, but she was smiling.
“If you say so.”
He began to bring her back down, but she screamed, “Don’t you dare put me in the snow! You know I hate the cold.”
He chuckled, keeping her over his shoulder. “I do know you hate the cold.”
He turned back to the hot tub, and she relaxed against him, trusting him to carry her. But after taking one step he pivoted, pulling her down against him and falling down into the snow, partly using his body to break the fall.
“Ah!” Kate yelped. “Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh!”
Jax laughed, barely covering his face with his arm in time before she took a handful of snow and threw it at him, as if he knew she was going to do it.
She scrambled to her feet. “Jax Kennedy, you are in so much trouble.” Her voice shook from how hard she was shivering, but there was no real threat in it.
He smiled up at her, still lying in the snow. “That’s for spoiling the ending of the movie for me last night.”
She stood above him, her hands on her hips. “Like you didn’t know what was going to happen,” she argued. “Anyone who has seen one Nicholas Sparks movie knows how the rest of his stories will end.”
“Maybe I wanted to live in my denial and hope, did you ever think of that?” he asked, pushing himself up to stand.
As I watched their interaction, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy at what they had. Jax was a clever guy to tackle the woman he was secretly crushing on when they both wore swimsuits under the guise of playful fun. Maybe I needed to be taking notes. If he could get away with that kind of physical touch because they were supposedly just friends, then maybe I could keep getting away with the playful touching that happened between Demi and me.
“Maybe I hoped you wouldn’t cry all over my pillow if I told you what was coming,” she said, still defending her reasoning for telling him the ending of the movie.
Wait. They had watched a movie together in her bed? Is that what best friends did? If so, then me and Demi needed to become best friends stat. We could be just like Kate and Jax—super touchy, sharing a bed during a movie, talking to each other all night. The more I thought about it, the better an idea I thought it was.
“It was sad,” he exclaimed, like she was the crazy one for not understanding why he had cried. “It’s not my fault that your tear ducts don’t work.”
She rolled her eyes at him and made her way over to the hot tub. As she lowered herself into the hot water, she let out a hiss, probably from the hot water stinging her skin after being in the snow.
Jax followed behind her, a smirk on his face. He’d had way too much fun teasing Kate, but I had to hand it to him, his plan had been brilliant.
“You two want to go roll around in the snow?” Jax asked Demi and me, giving me a meaningful look before the girls could see it. “It’s invigorating.”
“More like insufferable,” Kate mumbled.
Demi’s gaze flickered over to me, and I wondered if we were thinking the same thing. The idea of her body against my bare chest sounded amazing, but the cold snow, not so much. I wondered if it might be worth bearing the cold just to have Demi in my arms.
West stepped out onto the patio with Halle, effectively shutting down the inappropriate thoughts I was having about his sister. Which was a good thing. When he wasn’t around, I had a hard time remembering I needed to be smart when it came to Demi. As much as I liked her, nothing good would come from me acting on my feelings for her.
Both West and Halle’s eyes were bright, Halle’s face flushed. Looked like my assumption had been correct.
“Nice of you to finally join us,” I teased, giving West a knowing look.
He worked to hide a smirk. “I blame Halle. She struggles to keep to a schedule.”
“Me?” she exclaimed, giving him a look that was a mix of shock and accusation. “You were the one who wanted to veer from the plan.”
West did love his plans, but he loved Halle more.
They both got in the hot tub, West smiling at her as he pulled her into his lap. She went willingly, her annoyance seeming to flee at his touch.
I was truly happy for West, if not slightly envious. He had completely changed since meeting Halle. He was more carefree and seemed to actually enjoy his life now instead of living like a robot. I’d never thought they would end up together, but they were perfect for each other—different but complementary.
“So, I was thinking,” Halle said, changing the topic and shifting the focus from her and West. “We could order some pizza and watch a movie tonight. What do you guys think?”
We all nodded our consent, and Jax added, “As long as it’s not a Nicholas Sparks show. I can’t do two of his movies in a row.”
Kate and Demi chuckled.
“What?” he asked, looking at them. “What’s wrong with a guy wanting a guaranteed happily-ever-after?”
“Nothing,” Demi said with a smile. “It’s nice to know there are guys who enjoy a good romance.”
“I swear Kate tries to find the saddest movies she can find so I’ll cry and she can make fun of me for it.” He gives Kate a pointed look.
Kate puts her hands up in the air. “Hey, now, it’s not my fault you cry so easily. And I do not purposefully find sad movies.”
“Psshh,” he scoffed. “What about that one movie with the dog? I was sad for two days after watching that.”
Kate bit her lip, trying to hold back her smile.
“We can find a happy movie,” Halle said to Jax.
“I’m also open to watching a thriller,” he told her.
“No,” Kate practically shouted. “Why would you even suggest that?”
“Everyone loves a good scary movie.” He looked to the rest of us to chime in with our agreement, a wicked glint in his eye.
I nodded, not bothered with the idea of watching a scary movie. West, Halle, and Demi didn’t seem to mind the idea either.
Kate huffed. “If everyone else wants to watch some stupid scary movie, I will,” she huffed. “But you know what happens when I get scared.” She pointed at Jax like what she’d said was a threat.
“I think I can handle it,” Jax said with a smug grin. “It adds to the show when I don’t know if you’re going to claw or squeeze me to death.”
Ah, so that’s what this was all about. He liked watching scary movies because Kate was all over him. Man, this guy was good. I really should be taking notes. I wasn’t sure how Kate was so oblivious, but it was clear to me. Maybe that was because I had a similar situation going on. We both liked someone and were trying to hide it but still wanted to act on certain impulses.
West brought Halle closer to his chest. “I know I wouldn’t mind you cuddling up to me for protection during a scary movie.”
“I don’t really get scared during movies, but I could definitely pretend.” She gave him a flirty look, like they hadn’t been a couple for the last several months.
Demi glanced at me, and I stared back.
Well, it looked like a scary movie was in our future, and West and Halle would be snuggled up, and Kate would be mauling Jax in terror. Where did that leave Demi and me? Did she get scared watching horror movies? Could we play off our cuddling as us being close friends, like Jax and Kate? I wasn’t opposed to trying if the chance presented itself.