14. Demi
“You tired of that view yet?” I called back to Cannon.
He sped up enough to come beside me, a smirk visible on his face. “Not possible.”
I smiled and shook my head.
This was our third time going down this trail together, and despite our very real and serious conversation earlier, we seemed more relaxed with each other. There was comfort in knowing where we stood.
“When is it my turn to enjoy the view?” I asked playfully.
He feigned a gasp. “Demi Vanderhall, are you wanting to objectify me?”
“Yes,” I said, not skipping a beat.
He let out a loud laugh. “Is it bad that I like it?”
I gave him a coy smile before speeding up, not answering his question.
He quickly caught back up to me. “This side of you might be my downfall.”
“Do you want me to apologize for that?” My sassy and flirtatious voice both surprised me and empowered me.
His cocky grin had my body heating up, and it had nothing to do with how we were skiing fast enough to work up a sweat. “Not at all. I like getting to know the real Demi. The one who’s not always all buttoned-up and proper.”
His words rattled something loose in me, and I lost focus on the ground in front of me.
The real Demi. Did I even know who that was?
For so long, I’d done everything my parents wanted me to, living by their rules and their expectations. Most of the time, it hadn’t bothered me. But the older I’d gotten, the more I’d felt the need to push back. The closer I’d gotten to graduation and the life that had been laid out for me since I was a little girl, the more I’d felt like the walls were closing in on me.
I’d hit my breaking point, tired of trying to fit into a mold other people wanted me to conform to. For the first time in my life, I hadn’t been doing what was expected of me.
I glanced over at Cannon, his tall, athletic build bringing a smile to my face. When I was with him, I didn’t worry about any expectations. I was just me, and he seemed to like that.
The only thing I had to worry about was throwing myself at him. That’s all.
“She seems to only come out for you,” I said, the flirtatious tone of my voice new even to myself.
His grin was so big, his cheeks squished against his ski goggles. “So you’re saying I’m the lucky one who gets to know this Demi, the one who doesn’t hold back and is unapologetically herself?”
“Possibly.” I dug my poles in and pushed off hard. “Race you to the bottom,” I yelled back over my shoulder.
His chuckle sounded behind me, blending with the shush of his skis against the snow and the scratchy noise of his pants and jacket as he moved down the hill. I knew he was close behind, but he never overtook me, even though he was capable of leaving me in the dust.
We clicked out of our skis and headed into the lodge, ready to meet everyone for lunch. We sat at a large round table that could fit all of us, the conversation flowing easily as we chatted and laughed, having a great time. Once we’d finished eating and resting for a bit, we started to collect our jackets, hats, and gloves, getting ready to go back out for a few more runs before heading back to the house.
“West,” Halle said. “Why don’t you and Cannon go do a few runs together? You’ve been stuck with us beginners for half the day.”
“Are you sure?” he asked. “I’m fine staying on the green trails.”
“I know, but you should at least do a few of the black diamonds while you’re here,” she said. “Plus, I could use a little longer break.”
“I don’t mind hanging out in the lodge longer, if that’s what you want to do.” He tucked a stray hair behind her ear, looking at her like she’d hung the moon.
It had been four months since they’d officially gotten together, and he was just as smitten with her as he had been in the beginning. It was cute, if not slightly sickening.
“And that’s sweet of you, but I want you to go,” she insisted. “I’ll be here when you get back.”
“Okay,” he relented. “I’ll be back soon.” He gave her a quick kiss before he and Cannon walked out of the lodge, leaving the rest of us in silence.
“Finally,” Halle exclaimed. She turned to look at me. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you forever, but West is always with me when I see you.”
“Probably because you guys are joined at the hip,” I pointed out.
“More like the lips.” She gave me an exaggerated wink.
My face scrunched in disgust at her teasing. “You do remember that’s my brother we’re talking about? And that unfortunately, because I’m staying in West’s bedroom, the one exactly below yours, that I know exactly how much you two like to be joined?”
Her face paled. “You can hear us?”
I lifted a brow. “You think those vents only let conversations through?” I asked, reminding her of how her and West used to talk through the vents that separated their bedrooms.
She covered her face with her hands, then peeked through her fingers. “I’m sorry.” She slowly let her hands drop to her lap. “I guess I should have thought of that. I just have a hard time thinking about anything else when West’s—”
I held up my hand to stop her. “And that’s more information than I need to know.”
She pulled in her lips, trying not to smile. “Right. Well, enough about me and your brother. What I really want to talk to you about is you and Cannon.” She waggled her eyebrows.
I figured she’d want to talk to me about him and was actually surprised it had taken her this long to bring it up. But she hadn’t been exaggerating when she’d said that she was always with West.
“Jax and I want to know too,” Kate chimed in, scooting her chair closer.
“You and Jax?” I asked, looking over at her best friend. Later we’d have to get her alone so we could talk about her and Jax.
“Yeah, I tell him everything,” she said, like it was normal her best guy friend was interested in my potential love life. “He’s caught up on everything I know about you two, and we both have our own theories.”
My brows rose.
“It’s true,” Halle added with a nod. “Jax and Kate are practically the same person.”
“Now, that’s an exaggeration,” Kate disagreed. “He likes Red Vines.” She paused to add in her facial disgust of the licorice. “And I like Twizzlers. He prefers movies to books, and I think reading is a superior way to spend one’s time. He—”
“I didn’t mean the same person in the sense of being identical,” Halle interrupted. “I meant you guys literally know everything about each other. Whatever you know about something, he knows about it too, and vice versa. You two talk constantly.”
The little bit of time I’ve spent with Kate, I knew that Halle wasn’t exaggerating about this. She and Jax texted during the day and talked on the phone every night.
“Anyway,” Jax said, leaning his forearms on the table like he was just as interested in hearing what I had to say as Kate and Halle were. “Let’s get back to Cannon and Demi.”
“Right,” Halle said, turning back to me. “So tell us what’s going on with you two.”
I shrugged, not sure what to say. There wasn’t much to say. I liked him, he liked me, but he didn’t want to be with me. The end. “Nothing, really.”
The three of them all gave me a ‘yeah, right,’ look, waiting for me to say more.
“I don’t know what you guys want me to say here.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Halle said, tapping her nails on the table. “Maybe something about how you two can’t keep your eyes off each other, or how the chemistry between you two has seemed to go up several notches since you started living in his apartment.” She looked at me expectantly. “I’m pretty sure West is the only one oblivious to what’s going on between his sister and his best friend. Which I think has to do with him probably hoping to avoid the potential outcomes if you two got together.”
“I agree,” said Kate.
“Me too,” Jax nodded.
I couldn’t help the quizzical look I gave Jax. I wasn’t used to having a guy join in on a girl talk session, especially a guy I barely knew.
“What?” he asked. “Just because I’m a guy and new to this friend group doesn’t mean I can’t see the way what you feel for each other is written all over your faces.”
They all were saying they could see something between Cannon and me that was so obvious, but how was that possible? I was still trying to figure everything out. Yes, I knew I liked Cannon, and I definitely knew I wanted to kiss him, but I hadn’t really thought much farther than wishing to see what could happen if we did kiss. Everything was still so new.
“Well,” I started, thinking of the best way to summarize everything that had happened the last few weeks. “We’ve gotten to know each other more since living together. We stay up late playing Mario Kart and Call of Duty. We make breakfast together in the mornings. We texted for the first time last night, and he slightly opened up to me. And he told me earlier today that he likes me but doesn’t want to do anything about it.” I finished giving them the bullet points of our relationship, hoping that would be enough for them. “I think that pretty much sums it up.”
Each of their faces was in some stage of disbelief at the bomb I’d dropped on them.
“Wait,” Halle said, as if her mind was still trying to process what I’d told them. “Cannon told you he likes you? Like, just came out and said it?”
“Yep.”
“When?” Kate asked.
“Today,” I said simply.
They sat there, looking stunned.
“We kind of got into an argument because he was acting ridiculous about Gavin,” I kept going. “So I called him out on it, and then he admitted to having feelings for me, but quickly followed it up with how he didn’t want anything to change between us. He wants to remain friends.”
“What?” both girls exclaimed.
“That makes sense,” Jax said at the same time, nodding.
Halle and Kate swung their heads to look at Jax.
“How so?” Halle asked.
“Sometimes liking someone doesn’t mean you should be together. There are other things to think about.” He swallowed, looking around the lodge like he wished he hadn’t said anything.
Throwing Jax a bone, I spoke up. “Cannon pretty much said the same thing.”
I wasn’t sure if Jax liked Kate, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if he did. They’d been best friends since they were kids and probably talked more to each other than most couples did. The fact that no matter where he was in the country he would call her every night to talk until they fell asleep made me wonder if he felt more for her than friendship.
I also wouldn’t be surprised if Kate liked Jax. For starters, he was extremely good looking, with his short brown hair, green eyes, and a body that proved he took advantage of hotel gyms while he was traveling. And then how they seemed to get along effortlessly, how he was attentive and complimentary to her, knowing and accepting all her quirks and habits. He was definitely one of the good guys.
Although neither one of them had been overly obvious about being interested in the other, they genuinely seemed to be friends, so maybe I was way off.
“Like what things?” Halle asked me, reminding me we were talking about Cannon and me, not Kate and Jax’s relationship.
“Thing number one being my brother,” I answered.
Halle waved my words off. “West will get over it. He loves you, and he loves Cannon. Why wouldn’t he want you guys to be together if that’s what you both want?”
“Probably because he knows Cannon better than anyone and knows he doesn’t do committed relationships. Not really the type of guy you want going after your sister.”
“You don’t think Cannon wants to commit?” Kate asked.
I wasn’t sure if he wanted to or not, but I knew there was a big part of him that believed he didn’t know how. And if I was being honest, I wasn’t sure if he knew how either.
“I don’t know.” I played with the end of one of my braids. “We didn’t talk about getting into a relationship. He only said he has feelings for me but doesn’t want to act on them. I’m not going to pretend he’s saying anything more than that. There’s no reason to jump to relationship status when he doesn’t want to have anything change between us.”
My words were a good reminder to myself also. Cannon might like me, but that didn’t mean he was going to all of a sudden change who he was as a person. He had strong beliefs when it came to going past the friend zone, and I would have been naive to think anything would change because of his declaration.
“And how do you feel about him?” Halle asked gently.
I let out a sigh. “Like I’ve had a crush on him for ten years and he’s finally taking notice of me. I’d love to see where things could go, but I’m also scared. I love being with him. I love flirting with him. But there’s enough I don’t know about him that makes me worried to open the door and see where it takes us. I don’t want to ruin the dynamic we have—that he has with my brother and my parents.” I paused, dropping the end of my braid before adding softly, “And I don’t want to get hurt.”
With how I already felt about Cannon, I knew if our relationship got any deeper, there was a real chance he could break my heart.
Halle gave me a soft smile, taking my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “You’re right. It’s more complicated than I thought. I just look at you two and have a hard time understanding why you aren’t together.”
Kate’s sympathetic gaze settled on me. “I think you’re smart to let things play out. If he’s not wanting to pursue anything, there’s not much you can do.”
Halle nodded in agreement. “We’re here if you ever need to talk.”
I was grateful for Halle and Kate’s support. I hadn’t really ever had true girlfriends. I’d always struggled to connect with other women in the social circles of my wealthy family. The relationships had always been surface-level. Fun enough to spend a few hours with at a charity event or a country club event, but nothing like a deep friendship.
Maybe that was another reason I wanted to be friends with Cannon so much. There was a part of me that longed for a meaningful relationship, whether it was as friends or something more.
Even my relationship with Aiden hadn’t been anything truly meaningful. We’d fit together great on paper, the ultimate power couple in our high society. But he didn’t know the first thing about who I really was or what my dreams were. I’d never told him that I didn’t want to be a venture capitalist and dreaded the idea of working at Vanderhall Capital. He had known I liked doing hair but not that I wanted to do it enough to upend my life and chase after a dream I’d never spoken out loud about.
My whole life felt surface-level. Trying to live up to everyone’s expectations had been suffocating and lonely at times.
There was a freedom I’d felt since leaving Stanford behind and living on my own. A freedom that came from hanging out on the couch with Cannon eating snack foods and playing video games. Relief knowing I didn’t have to be a certain way or act proper to gain anyone’s approval.
Not only had starting hair school been a step out on my own, on my own terms, but each time I was with Cannon, I took more steps toward being comfortable in my own skin, with someone who accepted me for who I was and not who they wanted me to be. But I wouldn’t push him into something he didn’t want—or something he wasn’t ready for. Whether he and I stayed friends or became more than friends, he felt too important for me to lose now.