18. Cannon
Demi’s arms were wrapped around my waist, her upper body pressed against my back, her thighs resting against my legs as we flew through the trees, following where the trail led.
West and Halle were in front, with Jax and Kate in the middle, Demi and I bringing up the rear. Jax wasn’t as used to driving snowmobiles as West and me, so we wanted to make sure he didn’t get left behind or have any issues.
Gavin had thankfully bowed out of joining us on the remaining activities planned for the weekend, claiming that since we knew the trails around the house, we wouldn’t need him to be our guide, but if we had any questions he’d be happy to help. Now that he was gone, I felt a tinge of guilt at how he’d overheard my conversation with Demi at the ski lodge but not enough to wish it hadn’t happened.
As we continued along the trail, I wondered if Jax was enjoying having Kate so close, since I was enjoying every second of having Demi pressed up against me.
This was the first time she and I had ever ridden together. Every other time we’d gone snowmobiling, she’d either driven her own or ridden with West. Having her this close after things had shifted so much between us—with how we’d almost kissed, how I had expressed my feelings and told her about my childhood, and how hard it had been not to kiss her last night—everywhere her body touched mine felt like an electrical current.
Last night, it had taken more willpower than I thought I had to not pull her flush against me and kiss her the way I’d thought about way more than I’d like to admit. Opening up to her, being vulnerable with her in a way I wasn’t used to, had given me a sense of freedom, if only for a few minutes. After being close to her emotionally, it had made the desire to be close to her physically even stronger.
I still couldn’t believe I’d told her about my parents, about growing up in a nightmare, about how I was broken when it came to relationships. She’d listened, she’d comforted me, and she hadn’t seemed deterred by my story. But that was probably because she hadn’t had time to process everything I had told her. She hadn’t had time to realize there were parts of me that she shouldn’t have to deal with, and as much fun as we had been having, it could never last. It wouldn’t take her long to recognize we were better off in the end just remaining friends.
We came to a fork in the trail, and West went to the left, surprising me. We normally chose the right trail, which leads to a large clearing that is my favorite part of this ride. Going right will eventually get you back to the main trail, the detour making the ride a little longer but I had always thought it was worth it. At the last second, I veered to the right, leaving our small group as I picked up speed. Demi’s arms gently squeezed around my waist, and I hoped it was her way of telling me she approved of my decision.
When the clearing came into view, I slowed the machine down, pulling slightly off the trail and bringing us to a stop. I pulled off my helmet and goggles, setting them down in front of me. Demi did the same, looking out at the pristine snow stretching out before us, mountains and tall pine trees surrounding us.
“This has always been my favorite part of this trail,” she said quietly, as if she didn’t want to disturb the quiet beauty. “I’m glad you decided to go rogue.”
I smiled. “I was hoping you wouldn’t mind.”
She swung off the snowmobile and set her helmet and goggles on the back of the machine. As she walked out to the untouched snow, I knew exactly what she was doing, and I loved that I knew it.
“You finding a good place to put your name?” I grinned.
She turned back to me. “You know I do it every year. But West isn’t here, so you’re going to have to do his part.”
I knew she did it every year. Since she was little, long before I ever met her, she’d always use her feet to stamp out her name in the snow, at least once a trip in the winter. She would pack down the snow for one letter and then West would pick her up moving her to do the next letter so there wouldn’t be a trail of footprints from one letter to the next.
I got off the snowmobile and made my way over to her, shaking my head. “You know you’re tall enough now that you could probably step wide enough not to leave a trail between the letters.” I was only pretending I was put out at having to lift her, but actually I couldn’t wait to hold her. And I planned to hold her in a very different way than West.
She looked at me in mock horror, her mouth gaping wide. “And ruin twenty plus years of tradition? Never.”
I chuckled and watched her stomp and shuffle her feet, making a large “D” in the snow, probably taller than her if she were to lie down next to it.
Once she was satisfied with her work, she came to the bottom of the “D,” expecting me to grab her around the waist and lift her straight up, setting her back down a few feet away for the next letter. Instead I dipped, catching her behind the legs with one arm and holding her upper body with the other, cradling her against my chest.
She let out a small gasp, her cheeks flushing—and not from the cold. “This isn’t the way West holds me.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not your brother.” My voice came out low, and her eyes flashed with surprise—and was that heat?—at the meaning of my words.
“I’m well aware of that,” she said, a little breathless.
She felt small in my arms. Her petite frame felt like nothing, even with all her snow gear.
I held her tighter against me as I moved my feet from side to side, walking horizontally. “Are you sure? I seem to recall you telling West I was like a brother to you.” I was well aware she didn’t think of me as a brother, maybe never had, but it didn’t stop me from teasing her, wondering what she would say in response.
She shrugged before I put her down in the snow. She started working on the “E,” keeping her focus on her feet. “I lied.”
“Demi Vanderhall,” I said in mock astonishment. “Are you telling me you lied to get me alone in the apartment?”
Her head snapped up. “What? No!”
I worked to keep a grin from appearing at her reaction. “How do I know you’re not lying again?” I teased. The grin I’d been trying to keep at bay was now out in full-force. “I don’t know if I can trust anything you say.”
The next thing I knew, a snowball hit me in the chest. She’d bent down so fast, I hadn’t had time to move, and she took me completely by surprise.
“Oh, is that how you want to play this?” I asked, bending down to make a snowball.
I cupped the snow in my hand, packing it into a nice ball.
“Yes,” she yelled, ramming into my side, taking advantage of my kneeling position in the snow. She only took me down because she’d caught me off-guard. I laughed until snow went down the back of my jacket, the cold tensing my muscles. She knelt next to me, pushing more and more snow into my jacket.
“Oh, no you don’t,” I growled.
I lunged for her, but she was too quick. She ran away from me. I scooped up more snow and ran after her, throwing the snow at her back, hitting my mark. She yelped and hurried to get another snowball, chucking it at me, but it barely hit my leg.
We went back and forth, throwing snow and running after each other. Between laughing so hard and running through the deep snow, my breath came out in short spurts.
“You know,” she said, her breath coming out in white clouds. “You’re not so innocent.”
We circled each other as if we were both predators and the other was the prey.
“I never claimed to be,” I said with a wicked grin. “But what are you referring to?”
“If I had to guess, you’ve lied more than once to West about me,” she taunted.
I stopped circling, and she paused as well.
“Have I?” I took a step toward her. “I’ve never lied about him not needing to worry about you with me. I’ve made sure to keep you safe.” I took another step forward, keeping my eyes locked on hers. “I’ve never lied about there not being anything going on between us. We haven’t crossed any physical lines.” My next step put her within my reach. “And I’ve never lied about my feelings for you. I’ve just conveniently omitted them.”
“Omission is just another form of lying,” she pointed out, focused more on our conversation than the space I’d erased between us.
“And pouncing is just another form of tackling.” I struck before she had a second to process what I was doing. I knocked her off her feet, being careful to help catch her fall, while also making sure I didn’t land on her.
We landed in a puff of snow, her face full of shock as she looked up at me. Propping myself up on my elbow, I looked down at her with a smug grin. “Gotcha.”
“Okay, fine. You may not be a liar, but you are a cheater,” she said, clearly exasperated that I’d bested her.
I laughed. “I’m not a cheater. I’m a strategist.”
“Yeah, yeah,” she mumbled, halfheartedly pushing at my chest.
I made no effort to move off of her, needing to finish my objective. “Now, wait a minute. There is one more thing we need to talk about.”
Her eyes narrowed. “And what is that?”
“How revenge is best served cold.” I moved fast, pushing snow into the back of her coat.
“Cannon,” she squealed as the cold touched her skin.
I scrambled to get off her and escape whatever retaliation she would try, but I wasn’t quick enough. She rolled us with more strength than I thought possible, considering how much smaller she was than me, quickly sitting on top of me and grabbing a fist full of snow before shoving it in my face.
We made it back to the house, where the rest of our group waited for us. Our little detour had taken longer than I had anticipated, but I’d had way too much fun to regret it, not even with how West’s brows pulled down as he watched us get off the snowmobile.
“Where did you two go?” Halle asked before West could say anything.
Demi walked to join the group in front of one of the garages while I put away our helmets. “Well, usually when we go on that trail, we take a right when you get to the fork, and there is this beautiful clearing, so when West didn’t go down that path, we still wanted to go see it. It really is so beautiful and peaceful.”
“Why is your hair wet?” West asked, eyeing his sister’s hair after checking her up and down.
“Oh.” She reached up to touch the back of her hair, the braid she had put it in having come loose. “We got into a snowball fight.” She glanced over her shoulder as I walked over to join them, as if asking me to confirm.
“Yeah, your sister is ruthless,” I added, keeping my face neutral.
West looked between Demi and me but didn’t say anything.
“A snowball fight.” Halle nodded as she looked at us, a knowing look on her face. “How…fun,” she mused, as if she wanted to say a different word. If I had to guess which one she wanted to use, I’d say romantic.
I gave her a warning look, but it only made her smile more smug.
“Well, I’m glad you guys are okay,” West said. He grabbed Halle’s hand, his face softening as he looked at her. “We need to go get ready for our date.”
I’d almost forgotten it was Valentine’s Day. West had made a reservation at some fancy restaurant in town, planning to have a romantic night alone with Halle.
They headed inside the house, and Demi turned to Kate and Jax. “What are you two doing tonight?”
“Jax and I are going to head into town and check out the casino,” Kate said as we made our way inside. “I didn’t want to stay in and be sad about being single on Valentine’s Day. Going out for a night on the town sounds more fun.”
“Says the girl who will eventually tell me halfway through the night that she wants to go home, put on comfy clothes, and eat ice cream while we watch a movie,” Jax piped in.
Kate elbowed him in the side. “You don’t know that for sure. Maybe Lake Tahoe’s nightlife is right up my alley.”
He exaggeratedly rolled his eyes. “Yeah, maybe.”
“What about you guys?” Kate asked us.
“Uh,” she glanced at me. “I’m not really sure.”
“We don’t have any plans,” I said.
“You guys are welcome to join us,” Jax said, and Kate nodded.
I liked Jax and Kate a lot, but I had no desire to go out tonight. “I’m good with staying in tonight.” I turned to Demi. “But if you want to go out with them, you should.”
“Thanks for the invite,” she said to them. “But I’ve never really gotten into the casino scene. Plus working at The Bridger fills my nightlife quota.”
“Okay,” Kate said. “Well, we’re going to go get cleaned up too and see what kind of mischief we can get into.”
Jax shook his head at her. “People who get into mischief don’t use that word or talk like that.”
Kate laughed as she headed up the stairs. “Oh, stop, and let me have my fun.”
“I always do,” he said as he followed her.
Demi and I stood in the living room, still in our snow gear.
“I’m going to go take a bath and read,” she said, pointing toward the stairs. “Thanks for the snowmobile ride. I had fun.”
“Me too.” I stuffed my hands in my pockets, suddenly feeling awkward.
Her lips tipped up in a small smile, as if she could tell I wasn’t sure what to do in this situation, before she turned and made her way up the stairs.
I continued to stand there, turning to look out the large windows framing the snow-covered backyard and the path to the lake, the wooden dock somehow free from most of the snow as it stretched out into the icy water.
What was I supposed to do all night alone in this house with Demi? The house was huge, but even sixteen thousand square feet wouldn’t be enough to keep me from seeking her out.
A restless energy pulsed through me. I needed to keep myself busy, keep my brain occupied by something other than spending one-on-one time with Demi on one of the most romantic nights of the year.
I jogged up the stairs to put on some workout clothes, planning to work Demi out of my system and hopefully get my thoughts about her in a friendly place.
I could hear the sound of running water from behind Demi’s closed bedroom door, and it immediately had me thinking of her and the bath she’d said she was going to take. I ran a hand down my face and let out a groan. This had better be one heck of a workout if I was going to get that image out of my head.
I put on my workout clothes fast and ran back downstairs to the gym like it was my warm-up. I went from set to set, pushing my muscles, hoping the burn would also burn my feelings for Demi. But after an hour, I still hadn’t gotten rid of the pull she seemed to have on me.
Even after showering, catching up on work emails, and mindlessly scrolling through social media, my mind kept drifting to Demi. Was she still in her room? Was she reading downstairs? Was she hungry? Should I offer to make dinner for us? Should we try watching another movie? Or would I not be able to keep my hands to myself again?
Chucking my phone down on the bed, I got up and left my bedroom. I’d go down to the kitchen and see what I could make, then see if Demi wanted to join me. That would be the nice thing to do, the friendly thing to do. It had nothing to do with hoping to spend time with her, see that smile of hers, hopefully say something to make her blush. Nope, it was purely a friendly gesture.
As I walked through the living room, I glanced out the window and did a double-take. Someone was standing out on the dock. Getting a closer look, I could see it was Demi, her blonde hair swept up in a messy bun, wrapped up in a blanket as she looked out over the lake.
What was she doing out there?
My body was already moving to grab my coat and shoes before I had a chance to think.
My boots crunched against the snow as I came up beside her. She frantically swiped at her cheeks, her eyes watery.
Crap. She’d been crying, and I’d reacted without thinking, practically running out here to be with her. Despite my lame efforts to keep space between us, one look at her and I had come chasing after her. She’d come out here to be alone, and I’d come barreling over like an idiot.
Maybe I should have walked away, but I couldn’t without making sure she was okay first. “Hey, is everything all right?” I asked gently.
She glanced up at me with a shaky smile, trying to compose herself. “Yeah.” She looked back out toward the water, like she couldn’t say more without crying again.
My eyes roamed over her. She was so beautiful. The mountains outlined by the setting sun only seemed to accentuate her beauty.
“Sorry I intruded.” I shoved my hands in my coat pockets. I leaned my head back toward the house. “I’m going to head back inside, but if you need anything—”
“You’re not intruding.” She gave me a reassuring smile that didn’t look as forced as her last one.
I stood next to her and gazed out at the lake and mountains around us. “If you want to talk about it, I’m a really good listener.”
Last night she’d been willing to hear me talk about some of the things I’d gone through, and I wanted her to know I was here for her in the same way. She had never confided in me before, but seeing her out here crying alone flared a longing inside me, a hope she would open up to me.
There was a beat of silence, and then she took a big breath, releasing it before answering. “I guess I’m still struggling with everything that happened with my dad, with not finishing my MBA, with feeling like I ran away.” She blinked her eyes furiously as if it would keep the tears from coming. “That I’m a failure.” Her voice came out as soft as a whisper.
How could this incredible, strong, beautiful woman think she was a failure?
“Demi.” I reached out to take her hand. She looked down at our hands and then up at me. “You are not a failure.” I said each word firmly, as if somehow those words alone would make her understand she wasn’t failing at all. “You were brave to stick up to your dad, to fight for what you want for your future. No one can fault you for wanting to live your life the way you want to, not how your parents expect you to.”
“I don’t feel brave.” She looked down at her feet. “I feel lost. And maybe a little guilty.”
The disparity in her voice sent an ache through my chest. Using my free hand, I tilted her chin so she was looking up at me. “I’m sorry you feel that way. As an outsider, all I’ve seen is you succeeding at whatever you set out to do.”
She shook her head, and my hand fell back down to my side as she spoke. “I’ve just always done what my parents wanted. They had a clear path for me, and until now I’d stayed on that path. I was going to graduate with my MBA from Stanford, be a venture capitalist, work with my dad and brother, continue to have financial success, marry a guy like Aiden, and live happily ever after.” She looked back out over the water, biting her lip. “I feel like an ungrateful brat for not sticking to the plan my parents laid out for me, one they truly believed would be the best for me. They really do love me. They’ve given me every opportunity in life. I’ve wanted for nothing. I’ve traveled the world, I have a closet full of designer clothes, I drive a fancy car, I spend my weekends at charity events or the country club or at one of our vacation homes. But now that I’m on my own path…” She paused, and I could see the look of defeat from just her profile. She was not only disappointed in herself, but she was also second-guessing her choices. “I don’t know where I’m going.”
“You’re not giving yourself enough credit,” I said. “Just because you’re on your own new path for the first time at twenty-six years old, doesn’t mean that you aren’t working on a goal you’ve dreamed about for years. You’re going to hair school, you’re working and earning your own money, and one day you’ll eventually get to the point where you can open your own salon.”
Her eyes glistened in the fading sunlight. “I think you have too much faith in me.”
“Not possible.” I shook my head. “I have faith in you because I know you.”
“And that faith hasn’t lessened now that I’m crying like a baby?” Her chin quivered, and it was too much to stand by and watch.
I wrapped her in my arms, pulling her against me. She didn’t fight me, instead laying her head against my chest.
“You’re not a baby,” I said softly, rubbing her back in slow circles. “Yes, you’ve grown up extremely wealthy, but have you really been given every opportunity? Or just the opportunities your parents wanted for you? Have they ever asked what you want to do with your life?”
Her head shook against me. “No, but their plan was what was always expected.”
I loved Victor and Rose Vanderhall, but I’d watched as their expectations had taken a toll on their children. West had been put through the wringer, almost losing himself in the process of proving himself to his dad. But then Halle had come into his life and reached him in a way no one else ever had before. Now he was happier than ever, having found the right balance.
Going against their parents was hard for both of them. West had needed someone to help him stand up to his dad. But Demi had done it all on her own, and the pride I felt for her was immense. Did she really not know how strong she was?
“You wouldn’t have been living happily ever after if you had followed their plan, and intuitively you knew that. That’s why you started on your own path. Even though it was scary, you started going to hair school, you got a job, you stood up for yourself. You don’t need to feel any guilt for that. You should feel proud.” I paused and then added, “I know I’m proud of you.”
She leaned back slightly so she could look up at me, still wrapped in my arms and the blanket. “Really?” Her brown eyes looked at me with so much vulnerability and hope, like knowing I approved of what she was doing meant the world to her. And that meant the world to me.
“So proud.”
She gave me a watery smile, a tear escaping down her cheek.
I reached up and cupped the side of her face, brushing the tear away with my thumb.
“You’re so strong, Demi. You’re taking control of your life, and that is something you can take pride in.” I wrapped my other arm around her waist. “And I can tell you with a hundred percent certainty that you would have never lived happily ever after with Aiden.” My lips twisted in disgust at just saying his name.
She let out a small chuckle, smiling up at me. “Oh, I know that.” Moving her hands to rest against my chest, she let her eyes roam across my face, almost as if she was trying to memorize it. “He’s not the one I want.”
Hearing those words, holding her this close with my hand on her cheek, seeing those captivating brown eyes, crumbles whatever remains of my minuscule resolve.
I slid my hand from her face to the back of her neck, bringing my head down to hers. I moved slowly, afraid that if I went too fast the moment would shatter and I’d miss the chance to finally feel her lips against mine. She remained completely still, maybe afraid, like I was, to ruin this fragile thing.
Our lips hadn’t even touched yet, just a breath apart, but this was already better than I’d imagined. She’d willingly opened up to me, confided in me, let me hold her in my arms while she cried, and found comfort. She wanted me. She knew more about me than anyone, possibly even West, and she still wanted me. Me, broken and all.
Our lips touched, soft and tender, her warm mouth against mine at last. We kept things slow, relishing in having finally let ourselves have what we’d craved for so long. At the first brush of our tongues, a moan escaped me as I deepened the kiss, and she melted a little more into me. Her hands slid up my chest and wound around my neck, pulling me closer to her. Within seconds, our slow seductive kiss turned to one that consumed me, a fire burning, the flames of desire almost too much to bear.
This was a kiss that changed your life. It had already changed mine. There was no going back from this. I’d kissed plenty of girls, but I had never experienced a kiss like this. Never. Not even remotely close. The need, the hunger, the craving, the adoration—it was only for Demi.