23. Cannon
We stepped out onto the terrace, and I breathed in the crisp air, grateful to get a breather from the discussion involving my love life.
I hadn’t planned on saying anything. I’d known Victor was going to ask about my dating life, he did every family dinner. And now that West had found a woman, Victor had been even more interested in who I was dating. Usually I gave a generic answer, claiming I was still on the hunt, when in reality I never was.
But when he’d asked me tonight, I’d found myself not wanting to give him the same tired answer. I’d wanted to tell him there was someone whom I was interested in, whom I wanted to date for real. I hadn’t been ready to tell him it was his daughter, but talking to him about a girl in general and facing my fears about being good enough for Demi was something I had been too scared to do before. Knowing that he saw me in such a positive light was both amazing and unbelievable. Now the only question was if he would still feel that same way when he knew I had been talking about his daughter.
“Cannon,” my grandfather said, bringing me out of my thoughts. “Let’s sit.”
We walked over to the patio furniture, taking a seat that looked out at the beautiful yard, with lights around the pool and shrubbery.
“First off,” he started. “I don’t like it when you keep things from me.”
His serious expression had me worried. What was he talking about?
“And secondly, I don’t like how you think you could actually keep something from me.” He gave me another pointed look. “I may be old but I’m not blind. And I know you better than you think.”
“I’m confused about what you’re talking about,” I confessed.
“Demi,” he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Oh. Oh! I sat up straighter as realization dawned on me. He had known I had been talking about Demi.
Did that mean everyone knew I’d been talking about her? I mean, I assumed she had known I was talking about her, since she knew there was no one else in my life. And okay, Halle probably knew too. And probably West too, come to think of it. Maybe I hadn’t been as incognito as I had thought. Did that mean Victor knew too? My mind whirled at the idea of him saying all those things to me with full knowledge I was referring to his daughter.
“Are we on the same page yet?” my grandfather asked. He must have seen all my thoughts cross my face.
“Yes, we’re on the same page,” I said, bringing myself back to the conversation. “How did you know?”
He scoffed. “Give me a little credit for knowing when my grandson is interested in a woman. I’ve noticed for years. Always wondered if you were going to do anything about it. Then when you told me she had moved in with you temporarily, I figured it would fast-track things.”
I looked at him, feeling like I didn’t know him as well as I had thought. “But you never said anything.”
“Of course I didn’t. You weren’t ready. And I knew it would need to be on your own terms,” he said. “Plus, there was that Aiden kid always buzzing around like an annoying fly,” he added with distaste.
“Yeah, I wasn’t his biggest fan.”
“That’s an understatement,” he huffed. “Last time I saw you two in the same room, I was worried you were going to punch him for no reason.”
“I wasn’t that obvious,” I argued. “And it wouldn’t have been for no reason. His eyes kept wandering around the room, lingering on other women when he had the most beautiful and amazing woman on his arm. He didn’t deserve her.”
“No, he definitely didn’t,” he agreed. “But do you think you deserve her?”
His question caught me off-guard. Did I think I deserved a woman as good as Demi? Hell, no.
I leaned my elbows on my thighs, clasping my hands together as I looked down, the feeling of defeat running through me. “No, sir.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.”
My head popped up. “What?”
“Cannon, my boy, you’re thinking about this all wrong,” he started. “You care about her, more than you might be willing to admit right now, and I know she cares for you too. I’ve watched her fall for you too, over the years. I know you’d never want to hurt her, that you would take care of her to the best of your ability. How is that not deserving?”
I swallowed. “I don’t know how to not hurt her. I don’t know how to take care of her. I don’t have any experience with love. Even my own parents didn’t…” I stopped, looking away. I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t say out loud that my parents had never loved me.
“What your parents did was horrible. They treated you awfully, and no child should ever have to go through what you’ve experienced,” he said softly. “But you’re not with them anymore. You haven’t been for almost fifteen years. I’ve tried to care for you the best I could, and I know I’m not open about my love, but I do love you, Cannon. You are worthy of love and happiness. Stop letting your parents have so much power in your life now. Take control of your life, your mind, and let the past go.”
I sat there in shock. What he’d said was direct and painfully true. But the thing that had me sitting in stunned silence was the part where he’d said he loved me. He’d never told me that before, and I’d never said it to him either.
I worked to swallow down my emotions. “I love you too.”
“I know.” He smiled and then stood. “Now give me a hug. There’s only so much of this feelings stuff I can handle.”
I chuckled, standing to give him a hug.
“I’ve always been proud of you. Proud to call you my grandson.” He stepped back, ending our hug, which I think was only the third time he’d ever hugged me. “You’re a good man. Remember that.”
“Yes, sir.”
He clapped me on the shoulder. “Walk me back in, and then I can say my goodbyes.”
We made our way back inside, and my grandfather said goodbye to everyone before getting in his car and driving away.
I watched as his taillights disappeared, thinking about the conversation we’d had in the backyard. It had been short, brief. But it was the deepest conversation we’d ever had. I had always been pretty sure my grandfather loved me, but hearing it was an entirely different experience. No one had ever told me they loved me before.
I stayed in that thought for a moment. Looking back at the large house behind me, where my fill-in family waited for me to come back, a sense of gratitude poured over me. I didn’t know where I would be today if it weren’t for my grandfather and the Vanderhalls.
Which had me remembering that although I might have Victor’s approval and my grandfather’s advice to not let my parents and my past hold me back any longer, I still didn’t know the first thing about how to be with Demi. If she and I did try being in a relationship, and if it didn’t work out, where would that leave me?
Alone.
The front door opened, and out walked Demi.
“Hey, is everything okay?” she asked, her gaze full of concern as she searched my face.
Of course she had come to check on me. She seemed to always be wondering how I was doing, and I appreciated that more than she would ever know.
“Yeah, I was just about to come in,” I told her, adding a smile to show her I was okay.
“It’s too bad your Grandfather had to leave before dessert.” She slipped her arm through mine and led me back into the house.
It was a friendly gesture, but it was still the first time we’d touched in the last nine days. But who was counting?
After our first night playing video games together after coming back from Lake Tahoe when I had been boldly honest about how hard it was for me not to kiss her that night, we’d somehow been able to seamlessly go back to being just friends. As grateful as my heart and hormones had been for that, I’d also been a little disappointed.
Was it easier now for her to think of me as a friend? We hadn’t talked about anything feelings-related in the last week and a half. We’d talked about our days in depth and hung out playing video games, but that was it. It had been comfortable and easy, but there was still a part of me that I always worked to hold back from her. My hands automatically wanted to reach out to brush her hair out of her face or grab her hand. My gaze wanted to linger when her shirt would fall off one of her shoulders or when the sliver of skin showed at her waist. But I’d always force my hands to remain at my sides and for my eyes to look away.
“What’s the dessert tonight?” I asked, pushing aside the not-so-friendly thoughts of her, as I was getting so used to doing.
“A chocolate ganache cake with gelato on the side.” She practically moaned.
I laughed and reached a hand toward her mouth. “Here, let me help you get that drool off your chin.”
“Oh, shush,” she laughed.
It was one of her favorite desserts, and I wondered if Rose had it planned tonight for her specifically.
“Things with your dad went better tonight than last month,” I said as we reached the house.
She sighed. “Yeah. I, uh, actually talked to him while you were outside with your grandfather.”
“Really? How did that go?”
She paused before heading back inside. “Good. He was apologetic and said he’d support me in my new path.”
“That’s great,” I said, truly happy for her. “I know your dad can be tough, but he really does love you, and he wants you to be happy.”
“Deep down I knew that, but he’s still not the easiest person to talk to.”
“Yeah, I agree.”
She dropped her arm from mine and walked through the front door. “What did your grandfather want to talk to you about?” she asked over her shoulder.
“Um.” I wasn’t quite sure how to answer that but decided to keep my answer simple. “He just wanted to let me know that he’s proud of me.”
A soft smile settled on her face. “That must have been nice to hear. Especially coming from him.”
I nodded. “It was.”
“Demi! Cannon!” Rose called out from the dining room. “I can’t guarantee that your dessert won’t have already been eaten if you don’t get in here quick.”
Demi and I looked at each other, our eyes going wide. We knew exactly who was eyeing our desserts.
“West!” we both yelled as we hurried to the dining room, and I couldn’t help the smile on my face as moments flashed through my mind of all the times I’d spent with the Vanderhalls.
There was no way I could give them up. Not even if my heart hurt every time I looked at Demi, knowing I couldn’t be with her. I’d rather have her and them in my life than risk not having them at all.