57. THE ONE WITH THE CONFESSIONS
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
THE ONE WITH THE CONFESSIONS
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I’ve been at Joey’s for two hours, counting every minute that passed. They were all worth it for this. I hold her against my chest, the smell of her fading perfume quieting the noise fogging my mind.
There were so many times on the way here I thought I might be making a mistake—not in coming after her, but in the way I was doing it.
Joey likes to plan things and hates when they don’t go accordingly.
This article wasn’t just another post made about us.
It was her biggest worry slapping her across the face when she was already feeling vulnerable.
She doesn’t want this to take anything from me, for me to lose something else I love.
She’s terrified I might not choose her but would never ask me to, no matter how badly it hurt her.
I wouldn’t trade Joey for anything.
Not a comedy career.
Not a time machine.
Every moment since Micah’s death didn’t lead me to comedy. It led me to Joey. I can’t change what happened, but I can control the life I live moving forward.
I don’t want to go back to the parties or the different women every night.
I think it’s what I thought I wanted, because I didn’t have to open up about the skeletons in my closet that I wasn’t ready to talk about.
I hid behind my act, living in willful ignorance until Joey crashed into my life on her broomstick.
She’s not a mistake, but not coming after her would have been.
“I don’t have to say all that stuff again, do I?” she mumbles, pulling her head away from my chest to look at me. Her eyes are clear, brighter than they usually are, but puffy from crying.
My lips break into a soft smile, and I bring a hand to cup her jaw. I know she’s real, but sometimes I just like to make sure… “We need to talk about some of it, but how about you listen to what I have to say first?”
Her throat bobs when she swallows, giving me a single nod.
I take a few steps backward, pulling her with me, and lean against the back of the couch. She fits between my legs perfectly, and now we’re closer to eye level.
“I want to start with something I should have told you weeks ago.” Her hands rest on my upper thighs, face relaxing.
She knows what I’m about to say, but the words haven’t been spoken out loud yet.
“Joey, I love you. I’m in love with you.
I think I have been since the moment I met you, which sounds fucking insane,” I chuckle softly, and she does too.
I trail a hand down her side. “You’re it for me, baby.
I don’t care what any sleazy gossip website posts about us or my career.
Fuck them, and I know you don’t want to hear it, but I’d give it up for you. Every last bit of it.”
Joey blinks, shaking her head. “West, I don’t want you to do that.”
I shrug. “It wouldn’t be your decision.” She looks like she’s about to argue again, but I beat her to it.
“Come on, you know damn well a little lighthearted controversy never really hurt anyone’s career, and if being in a relationship with you is what it takes to end mine, then I’m probably not as funny as I think, and maybe you were right. ”
She scrunches her brows together as if to ask, about what?
“Maybe people only think I’m funny because I’m a hot washed-up hockey player fuckboy with dimples and a nice ass.
” I haven’t changed my sets too much. I still flirt with older women.
I’m always going to make jokes about sex, but I’m learning to put new twists on things with Hex in my back pocket.
Joey can separate West Parker from who I am in real life.
It’s what’s changed off stage that matters, anyway.
Everyone knows since Joey walked into my life I’ve had absolutely zero interest in anyone else. I don’t think it could be any clearer.
Joey looks sorry as she asks, “that was kinda mean of me to say, huh?”
“All I heard was hot with a nice ass, which meant I had a shot,” I admit. “And then I went online and immediately bought a T-shirt with Hex on it, so I think it’s safe to say I’ve never been afraid of your thorns.”
I can see the wheels turning behind her eyes, but she keeps her hands on me, and she doesn’t shy away. “So, what’s your plan?”
Her question does surprise me, though, and I cock my head. “Aren’t you usually the one with the plan?”
Joey nods. “Well, I have one. Become CMO of Hell & Hollow Publishing. Are you moving back to Michigan?”
I shake my head lightly. “No, I uh…” Biting my lip gives me time to come clean with the secret plan I haven’t told anyone about yet.
I puff a breath of air through my nose and get on with it.
“I was thinking maybe I’d see if I can find an agency in Boston.
Ask Enzo if he wants to stick around and help with the transition. We do okay as roommates, surprisingly.”
Joey’s smile, the one that makes me fall more in love with her every time I see it, spreads across her lips. “Is that why you turned down the one in LA?”
I cup her cheek, getting that warm fuzzy feeling when she nuzzles into it like she always has—like I’m her safe place.
“Too far from you.” Pushing her hair over her shoulder, I let my hand fall to the small of her back.
“You said you don’t know how to love people, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
You might be afraid to tell people you love them, but you don’t lack in showing them.
You don’t have to tell me you love me for me to know you do. ”
If it took Joey fifty-years to tell me she loved me, I think I’d be okay with it. It’s not the words that mean much.
She listens as I continue through the things she mentioned in her voicemail.
“You’re not broken, there’s nothing wrong with you, and you are what’s best for me.
You woke me up, reminded me there’s life after death.
” Joey’s bottom lip trembles, and she fights more tears.
“I don’t want to go back to who I was before I met you.
I can’t promise perfection, but I can promise to love you even on the hardest days.
I can love you enough for the both of us.
” Her tears spill over again, but I catch them with my thumb.
“I’ve never done this whole being with someone thing…
If anything, you’re more equipped for it than I am, but I will never let you feel unloved or forgotten, not for a fucking second. ”
Joey slides her arms around me and rests her cheek against my chest again. I wrap her in a hug, resting my chin on the top of her head. We stay like this for a minute—Joey listening to my heartbeat, me twirling a piece of her soft hair through my fingers.
I don’t know what the future holds for us or my career. All I know is I want to figure it out with her. She’s the one I want to come home to after a long tour, or who I see standing in the wings on stage during a performance.
Joey’s the first real plan I’ve ever had.
She breaks our silence. “Thank you for coming after me. I promise I won’t make you do it again…” Joey pulls out of my embrace far enough to meet my eyes. She looks as tired as I feel. “But I do believe you deserve someone who—”
“Joey, please enough of this what I deser—”
She cuts me off with a soft kiss to my lips. When she pulls away—too quickly, might I add—I don’t even know what to say.
“Shut up. Please.” She musters a small smile.
Yes, ma’am. I do as she says, giving her a wink and a nod.
“Thank you.” Her arms rest on my shoulders, and she’s still close enough to lean in and kiss again.
My eyes bounce between hers, scanning her face.
Her freckles have started to fade, popping more after some sunshine.
She has her septum piercing flipped up, the two hoops in her nose have been black for a couple weeks, and her face might be a little puffy from crying, but she’s still the most beautiful woman to ever exist.
“You deserve someone who can tell you they love you, no matter how scary it is…” One of her hands runs up the back of my neck, nails skimming my skin. Her touch gives me goosebumps. “And I do. I have for a while.”
I don’t care how old I get, I’ll always remember the way Joey looked, how the light from her office created a halo effect around her, how her shoulders relaxed, and how she bit the inside of her cheek before saying, “I love you, West, and that terrifies me, but nothing scares me more than the idea of a life without you there to make me laugh.”
I’m not sure I’ll live long enough to describe the feeling I get from hearing those words from her. I could live to 500 and still never understand how I somehow managed to get this woman to fall in love with me, and I’m surely not going to try now.
I kiss Joey, and this one doesn’t end before it should.
I hold her close and take my time. I kiss her like I was afraid of losing her, like I’d pictured her kicking me out the second she found me in here.
I kiss her like I might never get to again, because life is short and unexpected, and I don’t want to waste a moment of it without Joey knowing how much I love her.
My hands slip under her oversized hoodie, meeting the exposed skin of her ribcage. I hum in approval at the realization she doesn’t have a bra on, forcing myself to keep my hands on her waist, happy to have the warmth of her skin on mine.
Our kiss comes to a natural end, and I can’t help but give her lips a couple more delicate pecks. “Mmm,” I murmur, looking at her swollen lips before meeting her eyes again. “Joey baby, I’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life.”