58. THE ONE WITHOUT HILDA
CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
THE ONE WITHOUT HILDA
Second week of February
HexedHeroine posted a video: Haven’t been plowed yet, New England? Here are some book boyfriends (and even a few girlfriends) to keep you warm until the job gets done
Comment: All Hail Hex
Comment: Shhh everyone shut up my show’s on
WestParkerComedy commented: be right there
I worked from home today, avoiding the blizzard raging outside. We’ve got close to a foot over the last couple days and are expecting at least another foot throughout the next twenty-four hours.
Hilda came over for lunch, which isn’t out of the ordinary, but the conversation took a turn I hadn’t expected. After she left, I sat on my couch for close to an hour, attempting to reply to an email, until it was clear I wasn’t getting any more work done.
I’m not on deadline for anything, so I shoot Lilly a text, letting her know I’m taking the rest of the day off.
Lilly
I’m pretty sure that’s what you were supposed to be doing already…
Me
What else am I supposed to do on a snow day?
Lilly
Sleep? Relax? Build a snowman?
Me
Booooringgggg, and I’m all out of carrots for noses.
Lilly is hands down everything I thought she’d be and more. She’s vibrant and kind while still able to run a tight ship. I’ve never felt more welcomed or valued as I have with her and the team at Hell & Hollow.
She’s promised over and over that it will be okay for me to spend time with West on his next tour. As long as the work’s getting done and I can fly home for big meetings, there’s no reason to torture ourselves with a full-time long-distance relationship.
I won’t be able to spend every week with him, but four or five days a couple times a month is better than what it could be with a shitty boss!
Lilly
Enjoy your weekend! Don’t make me lock you out of the system until Monday.
She loves hard workers but hates over workers, always reminding me to take time for myself, especially with the workload we have this quarter.
I’ve been with the company for six weeks, and I wake up every morning excited to go to work. I spend four days in-office, but my future plan is to work remotely three days a week when I get the marketing team to where it can run without needing me there as often.
I’m interviewing a few candidates for my assistant position at the end of the month, finally getting to the point where I feel comfortable enough to train the right person for the job.
I give Lilly’s message a thumbs up and go take a shower. Then I do my hair, makeup, and spend the rest of the afternoon filming some Hex content.
I’m still posting, just not every day like I used to, and haven’t taken on any new brand deals since the end of tour. I’ve really focused on my community and the presence I have in it, forging new friendships with creators I wouldn’t have if I were still keeping my real identity a secret.
Being doxxed on the internet was hard, and so was learning how to navigate a life where the whole world wants to know everything about you, but I’m finding a happy medium and continuing to step out of my comfort zone when I can.
Last week I moderated a signing for one of my favorite fantasy authors. Talia and her friends came after West encouraged me to invite them… I’m not good at making friends, but the few girls I’ve gotten close with since the end of last year seem like people I’d like to keep around.
I took a month break after the article went viral, posting before disappearing this time.
HexedHeroine: Hey my spooky lil babes It’s been a crazy ten weeks, huh?
Now that tour’s over, the cat’s out of the bag, and I’m finally home, I’m going to give myself some time away.
I can’t begin to thank you all enough for what your support (and hate) has done for me, but there’s a couple things we have to remember:
1. I’m a human with real feelings behind the mask lol I think some of you forget that.
2. I never asked for my REAL life to be plastered on the world wide web, but I did use it to my advantage, and for that I’m sorry.
3. West and I deserve some time to figure out what our relationship looks like without the pressure of making everyone else happy. So, that’s what we’re gonna do.
This isn’t goodbye. I’ll be back.
Long Live Hex
Before I signed off, I went to an account I’d been thinking about a lot and watched the video that started it all. I can’t even fathom the number of views it has now.
When the video’s over, I click the message button and reply to the one Hanah sent me months earlier.
I’m sorry I didn’t message sooner, but I actually wanted to thank you. You saw something I would have told myself wasn’t real if there wasn’t proof for not only me to see, but everyone else too. I think you might have a knack for matchmaking. Hope you’re doing well XO Hex
West and I spent the first few days here, unwinding from the months of constant travel, and then we spent three weeks in Michigan with his parents where I fell in love with West all over again.
We were able to disconnect for the first time since we met and focus on what we wanted, not what the world wanted from us.
My phone pings with a text right after I finish recording my last video.
West
Fuck this blizzard. I’m not going to spend a third night in a row stuck inside this apartment with Enzo when you’re RIGHT DOWN THE STREET because Boston’s afraid of a little snow.
I smile at my phone. He always talks like he’s some old man who was alive for the Blizzard of 1978, and we do not, in fact, live right down the street from each other.
He and Enzo signed a lease for an apartment in Boston the first of the year, shortly after West accepted an offer of representation for an agency local to the area.
He could have lived anywhere, honestly… But I’m so glad he decided not to.
We spend almost every night together, sometimes at his place, especially after a long day at the office when I don’t feel like taking the thirty-minute ride back to Salem, but most of the time we stay here.
I love this house, and it always feels more like a home when West’s here—which is exactly why I don’t tell him to heed the winter storm advisory and stay put.
Me
Having withdrawals?
West
YES!!!!
Taking the train. See you soon
It’ll take him about an hour to get to me with winter delays, which is exactly all the time I need to wrap up what I’m doing and change into something I’ve kept hidden in the back of my closet since unpacking my bags from tour.
I hear West coming up the stairs, and my stomach rolls with nerves, but I notice the flutter of excitement when the front door opens. “Hellllloooo?” He drags the word out, echoing to me in the bedroom.
I’m sitting on my knees at the end of the bed, butt on my bare feet, wiggling from the jitters running through my bloodstream. “In the bedroom!” I call out.
He kicks his boots off at the door, the heavy thuds counting down the seconds before the floors creak and he’s standing in front of the open door, holding a bouquet of dark red roses, his smile falling from his face.
“Joey, what the fuck?” he growls, his voice deep but breathy with a vibration I can feel between my legs.
“Hi…” I say, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.
West drops the flowers, prowling towards me with a look I know means only one thing with him… He’s about to make me come so hard I see stars.
I squeeze my thighs together with anticipation.
When he gets one knee on the bed, I lean forward and put my hand on his chest to stop him.
“Down, boy.” My smile splits my face in two, watching West decide what he’s going to do.
His eyes jump from me, to the hand on his chest, to the jersey I found in the closet of his family’s lake house in November.
I did tell Mel I had it when we were in Michigan, but she smiled and told me to keep it—apparently she’d been keeping it safe until West wanted it again.
I thought maybe I’d show up to a show in it one day, but then decided against it, because I had a feeling this was going to be his reaction, and as much as I love fucking with him, that would have been plain torture.
West takes a step back, and my hand falls to the bed.
He grinds his teeth, staring at the number 13 on my chest, eyes trailing down my body like he’s got X-ray vision and can see through the material against my skin.
The white Michigan jersey swallows me, hiding the fact I’m wearing nothing underneath.
“What kind of cruel punishment is this?” he asks, looking pained.
“I wanna talk first,” I say innocently, batting my eyelashes.
“Fuck, Joey. Please, at least tell me where you got it.” He bites his knuckle. “Is that mine? Is my name across your back right now?”
I roll my eyes and laugh. “I’m positive you already know the answers to those questions.”
West groans, turning around to walk out of the room. I shake my head when he steps over the flowers on the way out and back in. “Okay, okay, let’s talk. What’s so important you had to put my fucking jersey on to do it?” He looks pained when he asks, keeping distance between us.
Most of the nerves I’d felt earlier must have turned to dust, because it’s been replaced with a happiness I don’t think I can compare to anything I’ve ever felt before.
If I think about it too hard, of course I’m still a little nervous.
I’m about to ask something insane for two people who’ve only known each other for five months…
But I choose to remind myself that everyone’s love and timeline is different.
“I figured since I’ve been holding onto it for so long, I might as well save it for something big.
” I shrug with ease, and since I don’t want to see West drop dead from a stress-induced stroke, I continue without too long of a pause.
“Hilda’s moving to Savannah, Georgia at the end of spring.
She wants to live somewhere warm after this winter… Said it’s hard on her old bones.”
Hilda’s in her mid-sixties and has never, outside of going to college, lived anywhere but Salem.