31. Lockheart
LOCKHEART
I’m supposed to be the strong one. I’m supposed to be the one comforting her. But right now, I can’t. I’m broken.
Not knowing where Lucky is, whether he’s safe, hurt… alive. I just can’t cope with the all-consuming thoughts screaming through my mind.
Instead of comforting her, I’m clinging to her strength. I’m basking in her positivity. In her words—‘He will be okay. He’ll be home soon.’—and trusting every one of them.
She’s his mum, she knows everything.
Mums are a special breed of superhero. They can sense when their babies are hurt, in need, scared, happy. She knows he’s okay. So whilst I’m picturing the worst case scenario and terrified for a non happily ever after, she’s planning what she’s going to cook him for dinner.
She’s making an apple pie from scratch to keep her mind occupied, so when he comes home he’ll have his favourite dessert.
I’m in awe of her. I know she’s terrified. I know she hasn’t taken a proper breath since yesterday at three fourteen. But I can see the strength oozing out of her. The need to be positive forces her to keep calm and carry on.
I’m trying to follow her lead. Trying to help with the pie. But I’m useless in the kitchen. I’m on apple peeling duty. It’s boring and monotonous, but it needs to be done.
The back door that leads into the kitchen opens and I lower my gaze as Jaxson strides through it with Edie following closely behind him.
“Any news?”
I shake my head and turn back to my apples, trying to avoid his gaze. I’m not ready to face him yet.
“Whatcha making?” He leans over and rests his chin on my shoulder to peer at the apples.
When he gently butts his head onto mine, I take a long shaky breath.
This kid is something else. Not only did he verbally kick my arse when I needed it, but he’s now making everything okay without saying a word.
“Apple pie. It’s Lucky’s favourite.” Nico answers him with a fake smile on her face and a wobble in her voice when she says his name.
Jaxson doesn’t miss it either, just moves his head from my shoulder and looks at Edie, a silent conversation being had in those looks.
“It’s my favourite too. You adding cinnamon to it?” He takes a step toward Nicole as she shakes her head.
“No. Luc…” She pauses and quickly glances at me, puts that fake fucking smile on again, and carries on. “He doesn’t like cinnamon. He does like it warm, though. With ice cream on the side.” She states that last part a little too cheerily, and I roll my eyes as I finish peeling the last apple.
I place the knife down and turn to face Jaxson, this time not giving a fuck about feeling awkward. “Gym?” One word, one syllable, but with a telling gleam to my eye.
He nods his head and I place a quick kiss on Nico’s cheek, brush the hair behind her ear, and look into her vacant eyes. She’s keeping her emotions in check for me. And while I appreciate it, I don’t want her to make herself sick over it.
I look over to Kincaid and ask to be kept in the loop. He nods his reply back as I stride through my house and down into my home gym.
Jaxson follows me, and when I enter the space and round on him, he’s a lot closer than I expect. “What the fuck? You trying to kiss me or something?”
“Nah, you’re not my type. Age gap’s not my thing, old timer.” He grins and the glint in his eyes makes my lips twitch a little. It’s the closest he’s going to get to a smile and that’s that.
“Nico’s making herself sick.” I turn on my heels and head over to the treadmill.
“By making apple pie?” I shoot him a scathing look.
“No, you douche. She’s being strong for me. And the fucked up thing about it is, I need her strength right now. How selfish is that?”
I walk away from the treadmill and head over to the boxing bag. I haven’t used it since my gloves tore and I haven’t replaced them, but I want to pound on something so badly right now I don’t care about protecting my hands.
“Pretty pissed off with everyone using the word I taught them to insult me. But Lockheart. Bro. You can’t use that without gloves. We need your hands.”
“I know that. I just need to hit something.” I shout back and he grins again.
“Hit me.”
The shock from what he said makes me stop in my tracks.
“We used to do this back home. My brothers and me. We’d get our frustrations out by hitting each other.
That way we’d never be arrested and we wouldn’t end up in the ER.
Unless Mama found out, and then we'd definitely be heading to the ER.” He smiles at my confused state and opens his arms wide.
“It works. Penny was sceptical too, but even she came around. Come on, old timer. Hit me. You’ll feel better.
You know you wanna. Just avoid the nuts and the face.
I don’t want Edie, the press, or Mama asking questions. ”
He winks but I just frown. A part of me really wants to hit him hard, and another part can’t bring myself to do it.
“I can’t, Jaxson.”
“Sure you can. Remember when someone took your goalie gloves and filled them with peanut butter. That was me.”
He keeps his arms open wide and I breathe deeply because now the part that wanted to hit him gets bigger.
“And when people kept calling you asking for your ‘professional’ services? I put your number online. Hit me.”
He’s goading me and drops his arms when he realises his words alone aren’t cutting it. He grins, points his finger, steps closer, and pokes me. He’s literally poking the damn bear.
“Come on, old timer.” He pushes me so I push him back. “That all you got? Mama can push harder than that,” he shouts and pushes me harder in the chest. I growl and shove him, so he takes a step back. “Oooh did I piss you off? Is that all you can do?”
He shoves me hard and laughs, and I can’t hold back my anger any longer. I clench my fist, pull my hand back, and land a blow in his abdomen.
The mother fucker smiles as it connects, winks, and hunches over. “Still reckon Mama can hit harder,” he manages to wheeze out and chuckles.
I stand over him, fists still clenched and laugh. “I’m sorry, Brady,” I manage to get out through my laughter as he drops to his haunches and then the floor.
He lays flat on his back and grins up at me. “Dude, I think I’m getting old. I swear Jameson used to hit me twice as hard and I’d be bouncing on my toes still.”
With a soft chuckle, I join him on the floor and help him into a sitting position. “Happens to the best of us.” I hold onto his hand and blow a breath out. “I’m fucking scared, bro.”
“I know. I am too. But you know what? He’ll be okay. He’s a fucking Lockheart after all. And you’re an honorary Brady, which means he is too.”
I raise my head and look into his eyes and nod.
Pulling him up to his feet, I grab the fucker around his shoulders and pull him into a hug.
He squeezes me tightly and I slap him on the back a couple of times.
This kid means more to me than I ever realised, the brother I never knew I wanted, but glad I’ve got.