BONDING WITH QI
Marcus’s POV
“Hey man, I was wondering if you’d tell me more about demiromanticism,” I ask, tipping my head to the side.
It’s late evening after dinner, and Qi is down here scrolling through a textbook after Tristan somehow cajoled Qiang into giving him a makeover.
I could sit here and pretend like I don’t know what prompted Tristan’s random desire to explore makeup, but it’s obvious he’s trying to get a few moments alone with Qiang.
Not gonna lie, if he doesn’t come down here and show us the completed look, I may never talk to him again.
I’ve had a feeling most of this week that Tristan was working his way up to stealing a few moments with Qiang after Darryl let it drop that Qi’s been enough of a mess over all of this for Tristan to call Darryl for some backup support.
And I’ve had most of this past week to seriously reflect on the things Darryl said to me as well.
Qiang and I have been alright. A bit skittish and overly polite when we’re around each other, but other than that, we haven’t really existed much in each other’s spheres.
They’ve buried themselves in their classes and channel, and I’ve buried myself in classes and football.
I’ve also made more of an effort to have lunch with Tristan and to be home for dinner more often.
But with Tristan and Qiang upstairs right now, that just leaves Qi and me down here, and I think it wouldn’t hurt to build a stronger foundation with Qi. I mean, I already think the world of the guy, and he’s gonna be a part of my life forever now, so might as well bridge a stronger gap.
He looks up at me with surprise at the random question. “I mean, what do you want to know? I can give you personal experience or the research, because people don’t always have the same experiences,” he says curiously.
“What do you mean?” I’d thought it was a simple question, but maybe not.
He shrugs lightly, sitting up from the textbook and angling his chair more towards me.
“Well, like, I’m a demiromantic aceflux.
My experiences fluctuate because I experience romantic and sexual attraction differently.
I think for a lot of people, they either experience both attractions relatively the same, or they don’t really pay attention to how they may experience them differently, unless the differences are as big as they are for someone like me.
I didn’t experience either attraction in a way that is normal by societal standards, and as a result, I dug deeper to understand why that was. ”
“But like, can you be–what’s that word you use for sexually inclined people?” I ask, vaguely remembering some of the things and words he and Tristan have used to explain their sexualities, but there are a lot, and I don’t remember them that well.
“Allosexual?” he asks to see if that’s the word I meant.
“Yeah, that one. Can you be allosexual and demiromantic?”
Qi nods. “Easily. It’s two different types of attractions.”
I ponder that for a moment before nodding a bit.
“It’s just, I wonder, because I’ve never felt anything for anyone before Qiang.
It kind of felt like what you said about not seeing Tristan that way until later.
And I didn’t really see Qiang as much more than just someone I wanted to…
er,” I trip up on the rest of the sentence because one, I’m talking to Qiang’s brother, and two, he’s definitely not the type to understand my lifestyle before Qiang.
“Fuck?” they supply quite helpfully, although, more than a bit surprisingly.
Qi snorts and rolls his eyes at me. “I’m not a princess, nor am I naive to the concept that people find my sibling attractive.
I don’t need details, but you don’t have to tiptoe around it either.
It’s not like you haven’t been obvious since graduation anyway. ”
I shake my head at that, then huff out a laugh.
“Okay, fair enough. So, in the beginning, that’s all it was.
I just wanted that, but couldn’t have it, you know.
But then things changed, and I wanted things with them that I’ve never wanted with anyone before.
Never even thought about it. I have my priorities, and getting tangled up in this emotional stuff was exactly what I was trying to avoid, you know.
But I’m wondering if maybe I’m a bi/pan/omni/whatever-allosexual demiromantic. ”
“What was that now?” Qi chuckles at that.
I shrug. “I don’t know, I’ve never felt the need to sit down and figure out exactly what my label is. I’m attracted to pretty people, and I really like body parts, like all of them, but I haven’t really sat with it beyond just living for what feels good and feels right to me.”
Qi gives me a quizzical look before going back to my original question. “I guess I kind of get that too because I’ve never really thought too much about the genders I’m attracted to, you know, when I do feel attraction, anyway. It’s never really been very specific for me either.
“As far as being demiromantic, though, maybe you are, and Qiang is the first one you’ve made this kind of connection with enough to feel that type of attraction.
Or maybe you’re not, and you’ve been so focused on your goals that you’ve never let anyone get close enough to you until this thing with Qiang put them in your space and kept them there long enough that you couldn’t keep them out.
Who knows? Maybe if you were open to a relationship all along, you’d have felt it easier.
Or maybe you’d have been just as gutted by this thing with Qiang because you are demiromantic and it was always going to be like this for you.
“I’ve wondered the same thing about my feelings for Tristan.
Am I demiromantic, and he’s just the first I’ve felt that attraction to?
Or have I been alloromantic all along, and Tristan was the first that I really allowed time to explore feelings with?
Maybe I was just unlucky with feelings before him; I don’t know.
And honestly, it doesn’t really matter because my feelings for him are the same regardless of whether I’m demiromantic or alloromantic.
Demiromanticism just makes sense to me, which is why it’s the label I use.
Not because I know for sure that’s what I am, but because it’s what resonates with me.
“Understanding that was one of the hardest things I went through when trying to figure out my feelings for Tristan. I was so hung up on labels that I forgot to question whether having a label would change how I felt about him at all. Which it didn’t, and reaching that conclusion was what finally got me to move forward with him,” he explains steadily.
“I know my feelings for Qiang aren’t going to change based on a label. It’s more of an idle curiosity than anything. Like maybe there’s this piece of me that exists that I didn’t realize until now,” I point out.
“Maybe there is, maybe there isn’t, and if you want to explore that side of yourself, then you definitely should.
But I’m also curious why you feel the need to label your romanticism, but are content with leaving your sexuality ambiguous.
It’s not really uncommon to focus more on one than the other.
I’m just curious,” he inquires, and I sit back and think about it a moment before answering.
“I think it’s because there was no mystery in how I feel sexual attraction.
There’s no surprise or randomness in it; it’s just the way I am, and the way I’ve always been.
And I guess in all fairness, if I am demiromantic, then that’s probably always existed too; it’s just more of an unexpected piece than being sexually attracted to multiple genders,” I try to rationalize.
“You know, Tristan and I hang out with a couple of different aroace groups, and you’re more than welcome to join us. Come talk to others who are under the aroace umbrella. It’s amazing to see how vastly different people experience their attractions, you know,” he offers, and I nod my head.
“I might do that,” I hedge, not wanting to commit, but not wanting to shut it down either. It’s an idle curiosity that’s grown a bit, but as he pointed out earlier, whether I am or I’m not, it won’t change the way I feel about Qiang.
Qi has an elbow propped on the counter, and he leans his head against his hand, his eyes slowly grazing my face. “So, can I pry a bit?” they ask.
“It’s only fair.”
“Tristan said that you being bi/pan/omni/whatever-allosexual is fairly new, but you just said it’s always existed…” he trails off, and I don’t need him to finish the question for him to know what he’s asking.
“Well, the thing is, I never said I wasn’t interested in other genders,” I respond weakly, because I remember how much of an ass I felt like when Tristan realized both Darryl and I weren’t straight and had both failed to ever mention it to him.
“Tristan just kind of assumed. It’s not like I was trying to hide anything from him; it’s just that stuff never mattered to him, so we never talked about it until you came around, and then it was mostly about him and his feelings.
Not that he negated mine or anything, just that they weren’t important to the conversation.
And maybe I would have been quicker to say something if Tristan had been struggling with the concept that he was into multiple genders, but he wasn’t.
He was struggling with the reality of never having felt anything at all to feeling everything at once, but still not having that visceral hunger that everyone around him seemed to have.