BONDING WITH QI #2
“Most of my sleeping around has been discreet. Tristan was never into the scene. So while Darryl has seen me slink off with a guy or two–and even joined in with me–on more than one occasion, it’s not something Tristan would have seen or noticed, especially since Tristan’s flirting detection radar is non-existent.
There are definitely scenarios that I remember where if it weren’t for knowing how far off the radar these things are for Tristan, I’d question how he could possibly have not known before this,” I explain.
Qi smiles at me. “So it was more like Tristan was overlooking the elephants in the room?”
I nod in response. “Pretty much.”
Qi snorts out a laugh and sits all the way back up. “I feel that. I was pretty much the last to know that something was brewing between you and Qiang, even though you were both around Tristan and me all the time.”
I raise an eyebrow at him. “Does that bother you?”
“What, you having feelings for Qiang? I thought I was being kind of obvious with the support,” he says.
“You are. I meant, does missing social cues bother you?” I reiterate.
Understanding lights up in his eyes. “Oh. Not really anymore. I mean, they bothered me more when Owen and Paxton used it against me. Not that they meant to. They thought they were being funny and didn’t realize they weren’t.
Or if it put me in a compromising position because I didn’t realize someone was flirting, even though it was obvious to everyone else.
But now, between Owen and Paxton working through their shit, and my being with Tristan, it makes a lot of those scenarios nonexistent now. ”
“So it never bothered you from just the standpoint of not getting it?” I ask, remembering how it had irked Tristan enough for us to keep sexual innuendos and stuff off the table out of respect for his comfort levels.
Qi shakes his head. “Not really, no. I think knowing that stuff just isn’t at the forefront of my mind helps explain why I’m inept in those areas.
It’d be hard to understand all the Easter eggs in the MCU if you weren’t a Marvel fan, right?
And while my ineptitude may not be as epic as the MCU, I think the logic still stands.
Why would I get context clues that are spoken in a language that doesn’t exist for me the same way it does for others?
And since I’m completely content not experiencing that culture, then why would not understanding the language get underneath my skin?
It’s only when people actively try to make me feel stupid for it that it bothers me, and even being bothered in that context is more because of my personal insecurities about my intelligence levels than anything else.
Which is really why, when I have curiosities that venture down the sexual nature of life, I tend to look to Qiang more for advice because I know they won’t fault me for it. ”
I have to bite back a laugh at that. “Really? You and Tristan are like tied for the smartest people I know.”
Qi hooks another eyebrow at me. “Did you know I’m dyslexic?”
“That doesn’t make you less intelligent, Qi,” I point out, not sure if that’s what he was implying.
Qi huffs out a laugh. “I realize that… now. It was really hard when I was younger to understand that when I was constantly failing out because I struggled so hard with text. I still do, especially numbers. I switch words in sentences and get numbers backward all the time. I have to be hyperaware of everything I read to make sure I’m comprehending it correctly, and math is absurd. ”
“That’s why you study as much as you do,” I mumble out, understanding one of the many mysteries of Qi.
“Exactly. It’s also why I may ace tests, but I also barely make the time deadlines.
I’m almost always the last to finish, and there’s been more than one occasion when I’ve lost out on a perfect score because I couldn’t work through it in time.
I get that being dyslexic doesn’t have anything to do with my intelligence levels, but sometimes insecurities are illogical.
So when people make me feel stupid, whether it’s sensible or not, my back bristles,” he points out, making the point of why he’s insecure about his intelligence, even though he knows it’s illogical.
“I get that. I don’t even think it’s your intelligence you question; I think it’s simply being sick of society’s reactions to anything outside of its lines of normal or desirable and twisting it into something ugly just because it’s different.
Like getting pissed off at people calling us slurs for being something that we are quite proud to be,” I add.
“Oddly enough, I think Tristan gets more pissed off than I do. Someone called me an Asian slur once, and it took everything I had to keep him from laying the guy out,” he tells me, and except for Qi being able to hold Tristan back, I’m not surprised at all.
I can’t help the laugh that escapes me. “Sounds like him. At least you stopped him. I mean, if something like that goes down where he can get in trouble for it, then Darryl and I have always stepped in. But if it’s low-key and carries no real consequences, we just step aside and let Tristan throw the punch.
People need to learn it’s not okay, and if taking a championship-winning quarterback’s rage in the face is what teaches the lesson, then so be it. ”
Qi snickers at that before turning to look at me with sincerity in his eyes. “I’m sorry about Qiang. I mean, I did try to warn you before, but I still didn’t think that this is how everything would play out.”
I shake my head. “It’s not your job to apologize for your sibling, Qi.”
Qi nods heavily, a sigh on his lips. “Part of me knows that, but part of me feels like I should have seen more. They are one of the most important people in my life, and there’s all this shit here that I thought…
Well, I don’t know what I thought. That they were okay, had moved on, had dealt with this. I didn’t expect–”
“Didn’t expect to find how little had changed.
” I interrupt his rough attempt to convey his thoughts, since I already know what he’s trying to say.
“How would you have known when they were actively lying to you and you haven’t been around them long enough since they came to university to see through to the truth? ”
Qi’s face twists, and I sigh a bit. “You know, you’re allowed to be mad at them. It doesn’t make you a bad person to hold someone accountable when they’ve hurt you.”
Qi swallows hard at that and looks away from me, the conflict so clear on his face he doesn’t even really need to speak to convey the emotions rolling through him.
“It’s not fair, though. Qiang has reasons, real reasons to be the mess they are–”
I reach over and tap his shoulder to interrupt him again.
“Trauma, grief, and depression are the reasons for them to act as they have, but none of those things negate that the behavior is wrong, and they need to be held accountable for the wrongs they’ve done and take responsibility to change.
It’s not just for you, or me, or anyone else, but also for themself.
“I know this really sucks for everyone. Qiang has been in survival mode for so long that now things are coming up and attacking them that should have been dealt with years ago. And it’s hard for them because they’ve gone from believing they were fine to having everyone around them mad at them, since we are all holding them accountable.