Chapter 35
Riley
It’s Sunday, and although everything spiraled out of my control, I think I found my footing. If everything goes according to plan, we might be just fine.
Social media has been a rollercoaster, but lots of families were inspired by my art class. I’m fully booked and had to ask for help from Saylor, since we’re short staffed. To my surprise, she said yes.
And Dominic hot-and-cold Diaz is pissing me off. I know this whole thing was supposed to be casual, but I’ve never done anything casual a day in my life, and I wasn’t about to start now.
Yes, sneaking around has become tiresome, but I have no problem with sticking my tongue down his throat in public, or literally just hanging out. I know our relationship has become more physical than not, but for me, it’s more than that.
I think I love him, and that scares the shit out of me.
I don’t think I’ve ever fallen in love with someone this quickly, but how can you know Dominic and not love him?
How can you look at his sad eyes and not want to do everything possible to make them shine with joy like they do when we’re alone, or when I touch him.
But then, he opened up to me, and that just made me fall even harder.
And now, he’s not only ignoring me, but avoiding me too. He took off the armor for me, letting me take a peek inside, and then he not only put it back up, he built a ten foot wall, and I can’t even try to climb it.
I knock on his door—hard. He’s here, I know it. His damn truck is here, and it’s ten pm, so I know he’s not out there doing one of his never-ending ranch tasks. “Dominic, open the door before I climb the wall and go through your window.”
I’m acting like a clingy girlfriend, and I don't care even a little bit, because I need to know.
I need to know if he got tired of me or if I’m suddenly too much. I need to know if he’s moving on.
Above all, I need to know it was not all in my head.
You can’t fake the way he looked at me or the way his shoulders relaxed when he was near me or the way he showed up for me when I needed him the most.
I knock again. “Dominic!”
You can’t fake the way his eyes could find mine whenever we were around each other, even if we weren’t alone, or the way he did little things to make my life easier.
You can’t fake all the sweet nothings he whispered in my ears, or the way he held me through the night, as if I were the most precious thing in his life.
And then pretend like nothing is going on between us.
Because if that’s casual for him, if that’s just a fuck buddy for him, then I’m in giant trouble. I fear it’s too late to get off this rollercoaster unharmed.
The door swings open, a storm brewing behind his eyes. “Are you okay?” he asks.
Am I okay? No, I’m not okay. But oh my God. Maybe he’s not okay, and I’ve been here spiraling when he really is sick or something.
“Um, yeah. Sorry. I didn’t even think to ask if you were.”
“What?”
“I haven’t seen you in a few days, and I keep trying to reach out to no avail. I thought maybe you were ignoring me, but now, I’m wondering if you were sick or something. I didn’t even think about that as a possibility, and I should’ve gotten you soup or something, and no—”
“Riley,” he interrupts. “Breathe. I’m okay.”
I let out a breath and then punch his arm, playfully and annoyed. “Then why the fuck are you giving me the silent treatment?”
“Shh,” he whispers, holding my arm and dragging me into his cabin.
“Don’t shush me. I’m not a child.”
“I know, but you also have no right to be screaming at me over a few days apart,” he says matter-fact. Who is this Dom, and what did he do with mine?
Ouch.
“I—” I open my mouth to continue, but I don't, because he’s right. I’m acting so unhinged. But damn, that hurt.
“It’s more than that, and you know it.”
“Is it?”
Damn it. Can’t he tell he’s fucking with my heart right now? His eyes are bouncing all over the place but never really focusing on me.
“You can’t deny we’ve formed a friendship, and now you’re taking it all away.”
“I didn’t. I’m just not interested in sex anymore.”
The fuck?
“You seemed interested three days ago when you couldn’t keep your hands, mouth, or dick away from me for long, huh?”
“Riles…”
“Don’t Riles me. What the fuck happened? I’m so confused.”
He sighs, lifting his gaze to meet mine now. Usually, I can read whatever expression is behind it—annoyance, lust, joy—but this one? I’ve never seen it before.
“We said until we could get it out of our systems, right?”
Holy shit. He’s for real. He was for real. I was just so stupidly na?ve, I thought that was just his way of giving himself permission to finally go for something he wanted. I was wrong.
So wrong.
“Right,” I reply.
“Then that’s what happened. You can still be my friend, though, right?”
Friend. Yeah. I can. At least I can say I have one of those.
“Yeah. Sure. I’m sorry I misread the situation.” I turn to leave, but he holds my hand, tethering me when all I want to do is float away.
“It’s not like that. I thought we were on the same page,” he says.
I nod, unable to turn to look at him. I don’t want him to see the way I’m feeling right now, because, unlike him, I wasn’t able to keep distance between my heart and his.
I fell.
Hard.
And now, all the broken pieces need to be put back together, and he can’t be there to see it happen. Not when, in his mind, nothing went wrong either way.
“We were,” I mutter. “I’m glad you’re okay. I have to go, though. Um, tomorrow is a big day.”
He lets go of my hand, and I keep walking, unable to look back, biting back tears until I see the familiar orange door to my cabin. And when I step through it, I fall to the floor, tears falling freely.
I’m too much, too fast, and I better learn how to live with that.