Chapter 34
Standing in the middle of Stryke’s cabin’s living room, Cyan wrapped her arm around Stryke as his parents and brothers filed out the doorway onto his deck.
“I think that went well,” she said once the door had closed. “Except for Blade.”
He watched as they entered the Harrowgate and disappeared behind its shimmery doorway. “Actually, Blade handled it better than I thought he would. He only insulted me a couple of times.”
“I was talking about him leaving.”
Stryke nodded. “I think hearing that you’re carrying Chaos’s soul inside you overwhelmed him.”
It had overwhelmed everyone. Tears everywhere. Happy tears, certainly, but man, a whole lot of emotion had spilled at the breakfast table.
He turned into her. “I don’t know how long it’ll take to mend fences with Blade, or if it’s even possible. I just hope my relationship with him doesn’t affect yours.”
“I rarely see him at DART anyway. He works in a different department, and he’s always out in the field.”
“What if you didn’t work at DART?”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Do you know something I don’t?”
“No, and this would totally be up to you, but I’m going to need someone to head the magical science division on the Moon project. I want the best, and the best is you.”
“Wow.” She pulled away from him to fetch her mug of hot cocoa. “That’s an incredible offer. Can I think about it?”
“Sure,” he said. “But you should know that I’m willing to pay anything, and I always get what I want.”
She smiled at him from over the rim of her mug. “Your mom said you were always relentless.”
“When did she say that?”
“While you were showing your dad and brothers the lab.” Cyan took a sip of her cocoa, leaving her with a whipped cream mustache. “She wanted to let me know what to expect with the baby. She’s really excited.”
“So am I. And it’s not only about Chaos. It’s about being a father.”
Taking a seat on the couch, she patted the cushion next to her. “Tell me about Chaos. We’ve never really talked much about him.”
Stryke smiled, and it occurred to him that talking about Chaos no longer brought soul-crushing pain. Yes, he would forever mourn the boy who had died too soon, but he would always be grateful for the chance to love him again.
“He was a lot like Mace,” he said, sinking down next to her. “The kid was always looking for trouble and dragging Crux along with him. It was funny because poor Crux was the exact opposite. He was the voice of reason and the one who would take the blame for the trouble Chaos caused.”
“Sounds like he was a handful.”
“That’s definitely the word most associated with Chaos,” he said. “If he loved something, he was obsessed about it. If he hated something, he let you know. And he definitely had plans for the future.”
“Really? What kinds of plans?”
“He planned to either rule the world or serve with Revenant in Sheoul. He wanted to get mated at exactly ninety-three years old, name his first kid Chasm, and swore he’d be the first openly demon person to scale Mt. Everest.”
“Wow. He had ambition.” She laughed. “Serve with Revenant?”
“Yeah. He thought that if he cozied up to the King of Hell, he’d have street cred with his friends.”
She laughed again. “That’s adorable.” She looked down at her belly and placed her hand over it. “You know, we haven’t talked about what we should name the baby. It’s not like we have to decide soon, but there’s an elephant in the womb.”
His heart stuttered for a second. “You want to know if I think we should name the baby after him.”
She nodded.
Would naming a child after themselves be weird? More importantly, would it be right? This baby might be born with Chaos’s soul, but he’d be his own person. He probably wouldn’t even remember his past life.
“No,” he said. “I’d like to find a better way to honor him.”
“Well,” she said, “what about Chasm? He obviously loved the name, and he never got a chance to use it.”
He drew in a quick breath. “Chasm is perfect.”
He waited for the sense of guilt to overtake him, but instead, there was only acceptance. He thought of the words Gabriel had said once during a training session in Ares’ combat arena.
“ Guilt is an emotion designed to teach you a lesson. Not destroy you. Guilt will make you suffer, as intended, but once you learn your lesson, make amends, forgive yourself, and become a better person. Live a good life and never forget what it taught you .”
At the time, Stryke had been bored, his mind working on other things instead of listening to Heavenly propaganda. But even though Stryke had been one of seven students, it had seemed to him, even then, that Gabriel had been speaking directly to him.
And he had, hadn’t he?
Gabriel had known what was going to happen to Chaos .
The realization blew his mind, and yet, it made so much sense. So much of his life was starting to make sense, and it had all happened because of Cyan.
Do it. Do it now .
He couldn’t think of a better moment. Reaching into his pocket, he drew out the little velvet pouch he’d been carrying around all morning.
He shifted, turning to her, his pulse pounding with excitement. And maybe a little terror. What if she said no?
“I love you, Cyan,” he blurted. “I want you to mate me. I’ll give you anything you want.”
She seemed amused, which was better than some of the alternatives. “Is this a business transaction?”
“It is if you want it to be. That’s how much I want you. If you need contracts and lawyers, I’m okay with that. But I don’t. I just want us to be a family.” He emptied the pouch into his palm. “Before you, I thought I had everything. Now, I realize that I had nothing worthwhile. I had possessions, but with you, I have a life.” He held up the diamond ring he’d had enhanced to amplify Cyan’s abilities. Even if she refused to mate him, he wanted her to have it, anything to keep her safe. “Cyan, you’ve given me a reason to live that isn’t about guilt and hate. Before you, everything was about me. I was trying to save the planet for me . Not for humans and the handful of good demons. It was all about me trying to assuage my guilt while fueling my self-loathing. I treated people like shit because I felt like I deserved their hatred. But you made me a better person. I like who I am with you.”
Her gorgeous eyes misted over as she held out her hand so he could slip the ring on her finger. “And I like who I am with you. Let’s do the mate thing.” She paused as she studied the ring. “Wait. What does it involve? Pain? Human sacrifice? Animal sacrifice? I am not killing a goat.”
“But you’d be okay killing a human?”
She shrugged. “Depends on the human. There’s a lot of scum out there.”
“I love your ruthlessness,” he said with a growl. “But nothing so dramatic. There’s just a little blood and a lot of sex. And then an unbreakable bond that will bind us together for life so we can’t make love with anyone else ever. So, yeah. Nothing dramatic.”
Her laughter filled his heart. “Let’s do it. I love you, Stryke.”
And he, her.
Cyan stepped inside her Brussels apartment for the last time.
The movers had packed and stored everything except the clothes and things she wanted at Stryke’s cabin. Now, the place was empty, just waiting for her to make one more pass-through.
The cleaners had done a great job too. The flat looked better than it had when she moved in with Shanea.
She walked around, smiling at all the memories. The parties, the dinners, the quiet movie nights when she and Shan would make popcorn and watch a sappy romantic drama or a silly romcom.
The little bag containing the gift from Shanea dangled from Cyan’s fingers as she moved from room to room. She still hadn’t been able to open it, so she’d brought it with her, figuring this would be the perfect place to finally face that one last hurdle that kept her from fully healing. The bag had sat on the bathroom counter at Stryke’s place for weeks, pretty much just torturing her every time she saw it. It had been Stryke who finally shoved it into her hand and told her to stop punishing herself. And as an expert on punishing oneself, he’d insisted.
After she’d inspected every nook and cranny, she stopped in the living room and closed her eyes. She couldn’t put this off any longer.
Open it .
Stomach churning, she reached into the bag and pulled out a tiny white box with a violet ribbon. Very carefully, her fingers trembling, she opened the gift.
Inside, lying on a bed of white satin, was a bracelet, its intricate silver links made to resemble flowing water. It was beautiful, but what caught her eye, and her breath, was the purple charm dangling from a tiny loop.
“Oh, Shan,” she whispered.
The bracelet, a new tech device that could connect with NeuroTech implants, was outrageously expensive. Shanea could have paid for her honeymoon with what the bracelet had probably cost.
Hands still shaking, the big rock on her ring finger glittering in the light, she slipped the jewelry onto her wrist, where it sparkled against the dermoire that had appeared after she and Stryke completed the mating ceremony. A perfect replica of Stryke’s, from her fingers to her throat, it was a constant, comforting reminder that he was hers.
Reassured by the faint awareness of her mate, she pinched the bracelet’s charm between her fingers.
Instantly, she found herself at the birthday party Shan had thrown for Cyan right in this apartment. Their friends were mingling, and Shan was cutting cake. The scene changed, but they were still in their apartment. They were making spaghetti in the kitchen, and Shan had spilled the sauce all over herself and the floor. Cyan slipped, and they’d both sat in the mess, laughing until they were sick.
The scene changed again and again, taking her to two dozen of her best memories with Shan, from karaoke night at the local pub, to surfing in Hawaii.
The last one, though…it wasn’t a memory. It was a message.
Shanea stood before her in her wedding dress, but Cyan could barely see her through the tears.
“Hey, girl. Imma make this quick because you just went to get the fitting lady and you’ll be right back. I just wanted to tell you how much I love you and that there’s no one else in the world I’d want to be my maid of honor.” She looked down and then back up, and her eyes were misty. “I know you’re going to miss me when I’m gone, but don’t worry, you’re always welcome at my new place. Draven doesn’t even care that I’m calling the spare bedroom your room.” She smiled. “I worry about you being by yourself, though. I know how you get, and I don’t want you to wallow in your lab. There’s more to life than work. Get out there and live, Cy. Be happy, okay?” She looked toward the door and hastily reached for the recording device. But before she shut it off, she whispered, “Love you!”
The feed shut down, and Cyan was standing in the empty apartment again, all alone, sobbing.
Suddenly, the door blew open, and Stryke stormed in, the tendons in his neck standing out starkly beneath the new tribal-patterned mate band encircling his throat. “Cyan! What’s wrong?”
She dashed away tears and scrambled in her purse for a tissue. “Nothing, I’m just…why are you here?”
“We’re bonded, remember? I could feel how upset you were.”
“And you came running?” Smiling through her sniffles, she patted him on the arm. “That’s so sweet.”
“Are you okay?”
She inhaled, blew out a long breath, and gave the apartment one last look. “I am,” she said, and she meant it.
Shanea had reminded her of something very important. She reminded her that memories weren’t bad. And she’d reminded her to live.
So, as she and her new mate walked out of the apartment, she didn’t cry when the door closed softly behind her.
Because another door had opened, and it led to new memories.
And a new life.