Chapter Thirty-Five
“Y ou better?” Mike eyed me warily. “You look better.”
“Yes, much.” I couldn’t help snickering to myself. He kept his distance like I was some wild animal coming off tranquilizers and couldn’t be trusted. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to attack.”
“You were pretty scary before, Jillian.”
“Well, I’m all good now.” So incredibly good. All the toxic shit inside me was gone. I’d showered, cleaned up my room, and was about to shed another large chunk of dead weight.
“Perry heard you talking to someone the other day. Was it Candace?”
His face looked like I’d walked in on him bending his secretary over the desk. “Oh, it was nothing. Honest, Jillian. She called me.”
“It’s fine, really.” More than fine. “What did she want?”
He inched closer to me. “Ah, she wants me to come home. But I don’t want her. I want you. I already told you that.”
“But have you told her that?” He didn’t respond. Of course, he didn’t. Chickenshit. “I think you should, Mike. Go home. Or not. That’s your choice, but it’s not right for you to stay here with me any longer. It’ll be going on a month soon.”
“What are you saying? We’ve already discussed this. Daniel—”
“See, that’s what I’m talking about. Maybe I didn’t realize it before, but you’ve always used him as leverage. As a way to keep me reeled in.”
“That’s crazy.”
“Not really. I think things eased up for a while when you were occupied with Candace, but overall, that’s how it’s been throughout our entire relationship. You knew I’d do anything for our son, and you took advantage of that.”
He ran his hand through his hair. “I cannot believe you’re saying these things, Jillian. To imply that I’d use him is just wrong.”
“I’m not saying your actions were pure malicious intent, but I think I filled a role for you, and you’re trying to hold on to that. It was never our marriage first because there was no great love between us. But through it all, I did let it happen, so I’m just as much to blame. I just can’t let it happen anymore. I’ll always be there for Daniel, but you and I aren’t meant to be together.”
“Oh, I get it. This has to do with someone else.”
I dropped my head in my hands. Yes, there was someone else, but he was missing the point entirely. Whether or not Chase forgave me had nothing to do with me and Mike.
“This is about that kid, isn’t it? You said you were no longer with him.”
“I’m not.” I took a deep breath and forced out the rest of the words. My days of not allowing my feelings to shine through had to be over or else I didn’t stand a chance. “But I want to be. I… I’m in love with him.”
Mike stared at me, eyes bugged out. Then he threw his head back and started laughing. I drummed my fingers on the couch waiting for him to finish.
“Yeah, right, Jillian. You are not in love with him.”
I narrowed my eyes. “I’m glad you find this so funny because I’m completely serious.”
“I already told him he was wasting his time when he showed up that day. Why go backward and stir things up again? Just leave it be. If you want someone to take care of, you can do that with me.”
I gasped sharply, my stomach clenching. “What the fuck, Mike? Chase came over, and you kept that from me?” The rest of my body tensed when he shrugged as if it were nothing. I breathed through it. Nothing could change the past; I had to focus on going forward. “And I am not looking for someone to take care of. And if I were, Chase wouldn’t be the right guy. He’s been more mature than me over these past months. No, this has to do with love. That’s why I want to be with him.”
Mike sobered up, losing his joviality. He looked me dead on and said, “You are not parading your boy toy around our son. Think of what that would do to him.”
“Daniel is an adult now. He’ll understand, and if he doesn’t, that is not my responsibility. I don’t need his permission to be happy.”
“You are making a mistake, Jillian. You’re going to fuck everything up.”
I had a tiny flutter of doubt. Maybe I would fuck everything up. Maybe Daniel would have such a problem with Chase that it’d pull us apart. Assuming, of course, that Chase even wanted me anymore.
It was worth the risk. I loved Daniel more than anything, but I felt the same about Chase. As Perry so fondly drilled into my head, this wasn’t the time to hold on to my stubborn ways. It could cost me a shot at true love.
“Then that’s my mistake to make. Good-bye, Mike.”