Koa
12.
Iusually don’t work Mondays and neither does Ledger. But this is the second Monday in a row we’re here working through our desk work. My space is much neater now than it ever was. There are different folders with little sticky notes on them that have dates and notices written in a beautiful cursive script.
Lacey has done a number on all of us. Shit is neatly organized and our boss looks a hell of a lot more happy. I’m a lot happier too. So is the fucker Ledger, especially after he saw her coming on my hand last Monday. Fuck, just thinking about it makes me hard again.
I thought Lacey would call afterward, or text, or anything, but I got nothing. She came with the softest moan, leaning against Ledger, and then she went away and never came back by our desk for the rest of the day. She was busy running wild with her skills in Campbell’s office, not looking back to us our even coming out for a bathroom or lunch break.
The whole fucking day I had to think about her wet pussy under that skirt, especially when Adrian came back and lumbered around behind her in Campbell’s office, who kicked him out after just five minutes and he went out on another tour again.
The fucking bastard is still able to walk these streets, and I can’t wait to put him fucking down. I’ve dreamt about killing him in multiple different ways and they all end with me standing over his corps, finally having a free mind. I can’t wait for that fucking day to happen. For the day when he’s not breathing the same air as I do anymore. He either needs to get killed or locked up for lifetime, and I have a feeling it won’t be too long before either of these options become reality.
I’m questioning how the fuck he was never able to make Lacey come. Sweet fucking Lacey, who shoots off like a rocket with the slightest touch. What the fuck is wrong with this guy, what did he do to her? I want answers, but I don’t want to ask Lacey nor Adrian, so I’ll just stay a moody bastard around him.
Ledger and I both worked late into the evening last Monday, later than what she was here for so we didn’t see any more of her. I don’t know when the hell else she came in last week, but when I stepped into the office this morning, my desk was already fully cleaned and organized. Ledger’s was too, and he grinned, sitting his ass down, working over his cases with a smile on his face. He’s been watching Rayna’s desk for the past hour, as desperately as I have.
Lacy sits there with our coworker, getting shown how to type in cases and probably other office related shit. She looks over to us quite often as well, but she’s been trying her best to avoid us all morning. I don’t know if she’s ashamed of what we did last Monday, or if she’s just over me—us—all together. I even texted her last week, asking how it goes and she still hasn’t responded. But her pretty little head can’t help itself. She needs to look over to us. I’m sure it drives her crazy, but I don’t know if she knows it drives me to the fucking brink.
I don’t know what the hell this woman did to me, but she fucks with my head, in more than one way. I’ve been with a lot of women, but none of them has ever made me think about them this hard. I always lost interest quickly. I tried to be in a relationship last year, but that shit just never worked out. She was pretty and funny and it was OK, but I wasn’t into it and it wasn’t fair to her so I broke it off.
But with Lacey, I don’t know, I just want her. Maybe it’s because I haven’t fucked her yet and it’s the fucking chase. All I know is I have this damn need to protect her and have her around me all the fucking time. But she avoids me, even when she leaves Rayna’s desk, she runs around everywhere else than our section of the office.
“Koa, look.” Ledger’s voice pulls my mind out of my Lacey fog.
I look over at his screen. A missing-person report with an attached photo of a young woman. She was taken from her apartment. It reads “glass scattered around, no traces of burglary.”
“Is this our guy?” I ask Ledger, rolling my chair over to his side to have a better look at the evidence pictures.
“I don’t know. There were a lot of missing cases in between then and now, but it has been nine months since and it was a blonde in her mid-twenties, like all the other ones. Taken from her own apartment without traces of someone breaking into it.”
It seems like it is our fucking serial killer.
“Who is on that case?”
“Woodrick and Melrose.”
“We should call them up.”
“They said to not fucking call them anymore because we’re leaving this fucking town soon.”
I rub my face, fucking anxious now because shit, if this is our guy, he hasn’t taken a girl in almost a year and there is fresh evidence everywhere.
“When was the last corpse found?” Ledger asks, and I roll back and look at my computer.
“Eight months ago,” I tell him, looking through the unsolved cases.
“She bled to death?”
I nod, looking at him as he still looks over the pictures.
“We have to do something about it.”
“I fucking know.”
“I’m calling Woodrick,” Ledger tells me, dialing the number.
Of course, he doesn’t answer and neither does Melrose. Captain kicked Ledger out of his office the last time he went in to ask if we could handle the case, and I am not on his best side right now, so we can’t risk just visiting the crime scene.
We wait all morning for the detectives to call us back. My mind drifts between the case and the young woman currently occupying the other part of my brain, who is fucking watching me from across the office.
By lunch break, I’m over it.
“Fuck this shit,” I say and go after her as she disappears in the direction of the kitchen.
Ledger just snickers, shaking his head.
I find her standing on her tiptoes trying to put a plate back up on the shelf. She’s not too small, but most of us are giants so most things are on the higher shelves. Her ass looks fucking good in her tight jeans, and her top has ridden up to show me the dimples in her back. I’ve never seen anything sexier, well probably her tits and… fuck it.
I come up behind her, wanting to help, but when she feels me at her back she turns around and our noses almost touch. In shock, she lets the plate fall down and I react quickly, catching it mid fall. She looks at it and then back up into my eyes. Her beautiful green eyes melt right in front of me, and I would love nothing more than to kiss her right now, but I’m trying to stay as cool as I can.
“You’ve been avoiding me.”
She looks away and tries to get out from underneath me. I let her, but I still cross my arms over my chest, my eyes only on her when she takes a step away from me.
“Is there anything I’ve done wrong? Did I hurt you? Fuck, I’m sorry if I was too harsh last Monday,” I start, feeling sick to my stomach with just the thought of hurting her, but she stops me abruptly, shaking her head no, turning a nice shade of pink.
“No, Koa, it’s not like that. I… I liked it.” She looks down on the floor, her cheeks flushing an even deeper shade of crimson.
I feel lightheaded. I want her to feel comfortable with me, so she doesn’t turn red the second she thinks about fucking, but my dark, twisted side likes her just like that, with a deep blush all over her, forbidding herself to be dirty.
“So, why’ve you been avoiding me?” Shit. I sound like a lover.
“I have, haven’t I?”
I nod.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do it like that. It’s just I… I needed some time to think, I don’t know,” she says, looking anywhere else than at my face.
A phone rings back in the office, and she looks up as if she has to go. But I need to be faster.
“Let me take you out on a lunch break.”
She looks up, shocked and very unsure.
“I can’t go, I have to work… I…” she stutters, still trying to look anywhere else than at my face.
“Just for an hour. I promise we won’t be gone long and I’m sure Captain told you that you have to get your breaks in between working.”
Her eyes catch mine again, and I’m still not over how fucking beautiful she is. Her long, brown hair is pulled back in a ponytail again and her lips look fucking sinful and lush. She still looks a bit unsure but agrees.
“OK. Half an hour.” I smile, knowing I’ve won this battle, and show her the way.
She quickly gets her purse from Campbell’s office and tells him she will be back soon, as I send Ledger a quick text to let him know that he has to live without me for a while.
We stop by a deli shop around the corner and sit outside. She picks a small salad and a water and I take a big club sandwich, fries, and a large coke. She gets mad at me for paying, but I ignore her complaint. She then plants her pretty ass in the chair opposite from me and plays with her fork in her food without taking a bite.
“You have to eat if you want this to be over in half an hour,” I tell her jokingly, but she looks as if I punched her in the guts for a second before she takes a small bite. I take a huge bite out of my sandwich and throw some fries in as well. I’m fucking hungry, especially since I can’t eat what I really want.
“So, Lacey, why did you avoid me?”
She opens her bottle of water and takes a huge sip before answering.
“Honestly?” she asks, and I nod for her to go on, even though I’m kind of nervous now about what that answer will be.
“I’m scared of catching feelings.”
I almost choke on my second big bite of my sandwich. Feelings?
“You offered to make me forget, but I can’t just replace one relationship with another, that wouldn’t be fair to you, or to me.”
Her eyes catch mine and I put the sandwich down. She looks kind of sad and it hurts me.
“Don’t worry about me, babe, I’m a big guy. I can take care of myself. I told you we could just have fun and I would be OK with it.”
“I know, and that would be good…” she starts, turning pink again, her eyes getting a lustful shimmer.
I see her dirty thoughts all over her face. That’s why we couldn’t let her be last Monday and why I have a hard time leaving her alone right now too.
“But I like the way I feel when I’m with you, Koa. You told me you can make me forget Adrian and after a simple kiss I was like who the fuck is Adrian? That showed me again that I didn’t really love him. I just loved the idea of him. But with you…” She breathes in and tries to hold my eyes. “But with you, I’m afraid I will fall so deep, I will never come up again. I like you; I like the way you make me feel. But I’m so scared, to fall for you that I’d rather stay away, maybe be friends. I have to guard my heart. I have to take a step back.”
She takes another bite of her salad, this time a big one, as if she didn’t just shake my world with her words. I have a weird feeling inside of me and I would like to kiss the shit out of her right now, but I respect her. Fuck, I respect her so much and I want her to feel comfortable with me, to enjoy her time with me and not for her to be scared.
“OK,” I say, taking another bite of my sandwich.
“OK?” she repeats, looking up at me with sad eyes.
“Lacey,” I say, taking her hand. She watches our intertwined fingers, her eyes looking as if she’s about to cry. “I want you, whatever you’re able to give, OK? I would love to be more to you, but if you want a friend, fuck yeah I’ll be your friend. As long as you stay in my life, I will be happy.”
A tear slips down her face and catches on her lip. I wipe it away and she smiles.
“I’m sorry I’m so embarrassing,” she says, holding her hands over her face.
But I take them down again, getting serious.
“I can be a gentleman, Lacey, and keep my hands to myself, I will be your friend I promise you, OK? And I want you to trust me and feel comfortable around me.”
She smiles and nods her head. “OK.”
Good. Now that we have that figured out…
“So friend, let me get to know you.”
She laughs and I join her.
“Where did you grow up? What is your favorite ice cream flavor? What’s your favorite show?”
She grins shaking her head, her beautiful eyes making my heart beat fucking faster.
“I grew up in Kissimmee, so I was a regular at Disney growing up. I’m still a huge Disney fan to this day and Ariel is my favorite princess. My favorite ice cream flavor is fudge brownie and my favorite show is Game of Thrones.”
She takes another bite from her salad and raises her brows.
“And you?” she asks with a big smile plastered on her face.
“I grew up in Michigan, moved here with Ledger. He had family down here. I’m a chocolate fudge brownie ice cream kind of guy too, Game of Thrones was one of my favorite shows as well, but I can’t do Disney princesses,” I say, taking another bite of my sandwich.
“Not a romantic?”
I smile but shake my head no. “Not really, sweetheart.”
Her face falls a little, but a second later she probably remembers that she only wants to be friends.
“So you’ve never dated seriously?” she asks shyly, looking at my fries. I shove them over to her, but she shakes her head.
“Eat one, Lacey,” I order.
She shivers and takes one. Fuck me. I love that she is so submissive.
“Friends share,” I say to remind us both. “To your question, I have. Last year, I tried for four months, but it wasn’t the right thing. She wasn’t the right girl.”
I look into her eyes intensely and then I see it again, all the thoughts in her pretty head, right on her pretty face. Lust mixed with all the memories she has of me. I clench my fists under the table to stop from reaching over it.
“And you? Hopeless romantic?” I ask, not to be mean, but to distract her from the feelings I can see on her face because I’m two seconds from touching her. And it works, she looks away, taking a fry.
“Not really. I mean I would love to have someone be romantic with me, but I don’t know. I kind of feel as if guys really just aren’t. I waited, with sex. I promised myself that the right guy would come along, be a knight in shining armor, and be romantic. And Adrian kept up this fake face. He went on dates with me, bought me flowers, whispered sweet nothings in my ear until I gave in and slept with him. And then he turned ugly and vile. He treated me like shit, then he was nice for a few days until he wasn’t. And I regret waiting, you know? I wish I would’ve just got it over with, with a stranger, or let myself in on someone else first. This chapter of my life wasn’t good and sometimes I’m scared he ruined me for life,” she says honestly, and I swallow.
She has no fucking experience and I finger her in an office full of people while my best friend rubs his dick on her ass. I’m such a fucking bastard. From this moment on, I promise I will fucking behave and pull my monster down under water. She needs a friend. A man to show her she’s not ruined, who will show her what she deserves and that she never takes anyone who is not like that.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know. But I promise you, you’re not ruined, Lacey. That son of a bitch doesn’t deserve a single tear from you. He’s the biggest bastard on this planet and belongs locked up behind bars,” I say, my lunch forgotten and my anger for Adrian Sterling going hard.
Now it’s her who takes my hand.
“What did he do? What haven’t you told me about him?” she asks, her warm hand in mine.
“He… fuck.” I start to look away. “He was my friend once.”
Lacey looks quite shocked.
“He got into the academy the same time Ledger and I did. We went out in a group on our free days, partied, hooked up with women. We became friends, he acted cool around me all the time. Until years later, when he met my sister.”
She looks hurt, but nods her head for me to go on.
“Kamari is six years younger than me and although she wasn’t a child back then, I still see her as my kid sister. I think I wouldn’t even have had as much of an issue with it, if he had come right to me to ask. I still would’ve said no, but he did it sleazy. Fucked her behind my back and took her with him the next time we all met each other in a bar.”
Lacey looks shocked now. “Shit, I would’ve been pissed.”
“Oh believe, me I was. I punched him in the face and was so angry.”
Ledger barely stopped me from murdering him, but I leave that part out.
“He changed then. Told me I was a dickhead for fighting with him about my sister. Said she had her own voice and that I shouldn’t supervise her like a parent.”
Lacey’s brows raise up, probably not liking where this story is going, but still believing it because she went through it as well.
“He planted these ideas in her head that I wanted to control her, make her decisions, when all I wanted was for her to be happy and safe. Then one day, she called me and told me she’s happy and in love with him and that she never wants to talk to me again if I ever touch Adrian again, or even so much as breathe a wrong word in his direction.”
“I’m so sorry, Koa,” Lacey says, holding my hand even tighter.
“I tried. I really tried to be nice. We went out for dinner here and there, and I saw him, when I came over to her house. They seemed fine, but he was so fucking sleazy about it, groping her breasts or ass in front of me, talking about fucking her when I was near. Talking about everything they did together with our colleagues at the station. I was so angry I wanted to punch him again. He rubbed me so the fuck the wrong way, but I couldn’t do anything about it because I wanted to be there for Kamari.”
I look back into Lacey’s beautiful eyes and don’t want to tell her about this ugly twist in the story, but I have to in order for her to trust me and for her to never fucking ever go back to him.
“And then I saw bruises on her for the first time.”
Lacey looks down at our entwined hands and starts massaging mine with her thumb.
“When I asked her about it she started crying. She told me she was fine and I shouldn’t worry. It broke my fucking heart.” I look back up and focus on Lacey’s eyes. “I couldn’t do nothing anymore, couldn’t keep my mouth shut, so I confronted him. He just laughed and said she likes it rough.”
Lacey’s eyes start to water, but I keep going.
“I punched him square in the face again and told him to never touch her again. Captain saw us and put me in a cell, told me if I didn’t get my shit together he would fucking fire me.”
A tear drips down from her green eyes and lands on her lips.
“Kamari called me later that day, crying and telling me I ruined everything, that she will never talk to me ever again and she really stuck to it. She ignored my calls and emails, never opened up her fucking door when I came knocking. I even went to her school one day, begging her to talk to me, but she started crying and telling me I would make it worse. I felt so fucking helpless. I would’ve even kissed Adrian’s fucking ass if it meant I could talk to her, so I went and apologized. The bastard was smug as hell, but I couldn’t care less, I just wanted to know Kamari was safe.”
Lacey is crying now holding my hand with both of hers.
“But still, she would barely talk to me and even started closing off on my parents. My father was furious and heartbroken, as well as my mother. I have never heard her cry that much in my life. Every time I saw Kamari she looked thinner than the time before. She lost so much weight and was always unhappy. Since she never responded to me, I got Ledger to try to talk to her. He slid in her DMs, met her at campus and work, and she started trusting him a little. But you know Adrian. He got unhappy about her having another man in her life.”
Lacey nods understandingly, so I continue.
“Her bruises got more and bigger and since she had Ledger in her life now, she finally took the step and broke it off with Adrian.”
Lacey smiles, she looks proud under her tears, but I’m sorry I have to let her Disney bubble pop again.
“I was so relieved about it that I never even questioned Adrian’s sanity. I just let her move on with her life. But he never let go of her completely. She was so sorry and embarrassed about being with him for this long that she didn’t tell me he kept on texting her, kept on showing up at her house, her school, her job.”
“No.” Lacey gasps, her tears still flowing. I clench my fist under her delicate hands.
“Then one day she called Ledger, crying hysterically. We were together in the car, so I heard everything. Adrian went over her house, again, and used some stupid excuse to come inside and then he raped her.”
A loud sob leaves Lacey’s throat and I’m glad we’re sitting out here alone. I wrap my hand around hers to comfort her, even though my heart breaks again with the fucking picture of finding Kamari in her apartment.
“But why?” Lacey sobs. “Why the fuck isn’t that bastard locked away?” she cries out.
I have to hold in my own tears.
“Because he fucking used a condom and made her go take a shower afterward. She had bruises, but there was no evidence that it was him, that she was even raped. He has a clean sheet because of course no woman ever pressed charges. No one broke into her apartment and Adrian has a watertight alibi for that night.”
Lacey’s face changes from heartbroken to angry in zero-point-one seconds.
“I’m going to murder him,” she says, making me proud. “Why is he still a cop? That doesn’t make any sense to me at all.” She shakes her head.
“I went over to his apartment that night, beat the shit out of him, I almost killed him…”
“Fuck yes,” is all she says, looking proudly at me, and I almost laugh about her enthusiasm, but this whole situation is so fucked up.
“The people who hold up his alibi to this day came in before I knocked him out completely. They tried to beat me up as well, broke a few of my ribs and nose, but before something more serious happened the cops showed up. Adrian landed in the hospital and I landed in jail. The only thing that made me happy about it was that he had to drink out of a straw for a month. Captain Campbell showed up, got me out of jail and put me on probation for the rest of my life. The only reason I’m still working and have no charges against me is that Ledger clued our boss in on the whole situation. But even Campbell’s power only goes this far. After six weeks in the hospital, Adrian showed back up at work. Campbell sat us down in his office that day. Told us that we’re both lucky sons of bitches because we’re so understaffed that they need every unit. And that we both acted like criminals and that we’re being given a final last chance. If one of us ever breaks this silent rule, that we’re both untouchable, we will be gone.”
“That can’t be fucking true, Koa, hell no. You did nothing wrong, you just saved your sister. He needs to be put in jail.”
“I’m waiting, Lacey, waiting for the perfect time. The day will come when he can’t walk around like a free man anymore, I promise you. When we saw you before you went into DiMeolas and you had a bruise on your cheek, I immediately thought about Kamari’s situation and then Ledger told me that he recognized you, that you were Adrian’s girlfriend, and I lost it. I went in that bar and had to look after you.”
She nods knowingly, looking back down at our hands that are comforting each other’s, our food all but forgotten on the table.
“When I saw the bruise on your arm, I decided I was going to go and break his neck the same night. But then you looked at me like you did, and all I wanted then was to make you feel good.”
“You don’t know how strong you made me, Koa…” she starts, another tear falling down her face. “Adrian, he… he wasn’t only abusing with his hands, but with his words as well. He made me feel so small and although I’ve never been as confident as other women, I still always kind of liked me. But he made me hate myself, talked me down every opportunity he got. And then I met you and you had your eyes on me, only on me. I felt so sexy that night and the night you called me and at the barbeque.”
She smiles, and my mind goes dirty with pictures of her naked.
“You gave me a confidence I never ever had in my whole life. If a guy like you,” she nods at my body, “likes me, then I have to look good right?”
She looks so much stronger than the night I met her, and if I’m even just the slightest bit the reason for that toughness, then I can’t be more proud of myself.
“Are you saying I’m hot, Monroe?” I ask, and she giggles, her cheeks getting rosy again.
“You’re hot, Maverick,” she says, and I almost feel my cheeks warm in embarrassment.
I’ve known she liked me from her reaction to me, but to know it and to hear it directly are two pairs of shoes.
“You’re the hottest woman I’ve ever laid eyes on, Lacey Juliette Monroe, and I want you to know that. I also want you to know, even though we’re friends and you need to be single for a while, that I’m not the only man who thinks this way. People stare at you, the whole unit at Campbell’s party couldn’t look away. And I know for a fact that Ledger has a hard on for you too.”
Now she’s all pink again and my mind runs dirty with the thought of making her pink everywhere else when she comes again for me.
“Stop it,” she says, looking away.
I have to laugh again when I see her biting her lip. I pull one of my hands from hers and wipe the mascara away under her beautiful eyes.
“I know, just friends. I will be the best friend you’ve ever had and I will be there 24/7. OK, Lacey? I mean it, if there’s anything you need, please fucking call me and I will answer, OK?”
She nods her beautiful head, looking deep into my eyes, and I’m still holding her face with my hand. Her eyes wander down to my lips, and I know if I leaned over right now I could catch her mouth in a hot kiss. But she needs a man who can show her respect and how beautiful a relationship between a man and a woman can be. More than anything else, she needs this and she needs time. So I pull my hands back and start munching away on my cold food.