Lacey
13.
Idated a rapist. Adrian Sterling is a rapist. And I don’t know why I ever thought I loved him. This was the last straw and I’m over him completely. Thankfully he took some time off from work, and I haven’t seen him in over two weeks now.
The day Koa told me about his sister is forever engraved in my brain. I have desperately wanted to hug her since then, and he promised to introduce her to me the next time she comes to visit. After all of these things that sadly happened to her, she decided to leave Miami and moved up to Alabama. Koa wanted to follow her but his promise to put Adrian in jail was bigger than his wish to stay with her. But he tries to visit her as often as he can, which hasn’t been too often in the last couple of weeks, as they had so much to do at work and are so understaffed.
That day in the deli shop, Koa told me to look for warning signs and to document Adrian’s texts and calls, to watch out and to always call him whenever I feel something is off.
He and Ledger installed a camera in our hallway, which Briana didn’t have the slightest problem with after I clued her in on Kamari’s story. She was so furious, she about went and murdered Adrian herself. But I held her back because I have a plan. Well, not really a plan, but I made a promise to myself. I want to help Koa put him out.
So I listened to every piece of advice he gave me and saved all of mine and Adrian’s chat history. I even went back and found some texts he sent me after he was too harsh with me, when he texted me he was sorry for laying a hand on me. I screenshotted them and printed them out. I have a folder under my bed now with his name on it. I feel like a little Sherlock Holmes and am ready to strike him when I see him.
Since I haven’t seen him in the past few weeks, I have so many ideas of how to get him to confess what he did. Number one is recording him, provoking him to spell out the words “I raped Kamari Maverick.”
No one knows about my mission, not Bri nor Ledger, Kamari herself or even Koa. He took me on more lunch dates and even made me order more than a salad. One time Ledger came with us and threw a fry at my head for telling them that I didn’t like to eat in front of men in general. After we were finished, they ordered the biggest piece of cake and had me eat it with them. It tasted amazing and both of them watched the fork disappear through my lips every time I took a bite. Let me tell you, my panties didn’t stay dry through that day.
I also fell in love with my new job, even being excited to work for the police. Since they are so understaffed and everyone is working 150 plus hours, they showed me how to put in reports in the system. All it did show me is that the system is fucked up and people need free psychological help from birth.
It’s another Monday, and I’ve been writing reports for the last three hours. I need a break before my head explodes, so I make my way to the kitchen to have an energy bar. I walk past the door that flies open with a loud thud and in walks a big blond guy that I think I recognize from somewhere, but I don’t know where from. He lets his eyes wander over me leisurely. It really gives me the creeps, so I quickly make my way over to the kitchen.
I reorganized everything in here as well and stocked up on multiple snacks for everyone, including the peanut butter and chocolate bars I love with a passion. I brew a fresh pot of coffee for everyone, take a huge bite of my peanut butter and chocolate bar, the flavors melting over my tongue. There’s a loud knock on the wall next to the door. I look up and see Adrian. And even though I’m a prepared detective I’m not prepared at all. There’s no phone to record, no one to hear him say a single thing, and not a fucking weapon to shoot him in the head with.
“Hey, babe,” he says, coming into the kitchen.
The first reaction I have is to hide the bar behind my back, like the mind-fucked Lacey I was in our relationship. He snickers, pulling my hand out from behind me. I really wanted to keep my cool, not show him that I know any of the things he did. But all I can think of is that he held Koa’s sister down with his dirty hands that are now touching me. That he stuck his dick inside her against her will, and I’m fuming, my hand feels ready to slap him across his face.
“You’re still eating? I thought bitches lose weight after a breakup,” he starts, and I’m about to spit in his face, but I swallow down my anger with the nutty bits. “But probably only lonely bitches do. Since you let Hyde and Maverick fuck you, I’m assuming you have no time to feel like you’ve just broken up with the love of your life.”
He pushes me to the corner of the kitchen with his whole body. My whole nervous system is in fight or flight mode and I have to physically hold myself back from shaking in fear. And I hate myself so much for being this scared little Lacey when all I want to do is kick him in the balls. He laughs, so sure of himself, putting a hand on the wall behind me, caging me in.
“Don’t touch me,” I tell him, finally a little anger seeping out from underneath me. But he just chuckles more.
“What like this?” he asks, grabbing my tit in his fist so hard I almost cry in pain.
This son of a bitch. I try to move my body away from him, but he is quicker.
“Or like this?” he continues, shoving his hand up my skirt, his fingers angrily pushing against my vagina.
A tear slips out of the corner of my eye. I don’t know why I thought I could just make him bleed for the things he did on my own when in reality he still has the power to make me feel like a victim. He pushes his fingers under my panties and I almost hurl in his face. I feel so sick to my stomach, but I still can’t move away.
“Stop it, please,” I beg him.
“What, don’t you like it?” he says, pushing two fingers angrily inside, and I start crying.
It hurts to feel them slip in and out of me, especially as I’m dry as a desert.
“Adrian, no,” I say, trying to wriggle free, pushing against his chest, the peanut butter bar already in the dust on the floor, but he cages me against the wall even more.
“What?” he spits out angrily, his blue eyes full of hurt and anger.
He pushes his fingers in even rougher and I cry out.
“Stop, it hurts!”
He pulls his fingers out and smells them. I think it is all over, but he shoves them in my mouth with force and now I’m a second away from puking, his fingers taste like myself and like plastic. I’m crying hysterically by now, but it seems as if there’s no one nearby, the little kitchen so far away so no one will hear me.
“You smell like their fucking cum, do you still taste like them you little whore?” he says, pulling his fingers out spitting on the floor next to me.
“I will make your fucking life miserable and I will have your lover boys arrested, just watch me. You will regret the day you left me in that restaurant, you fucking bitch,” he says with such a hateful tone, making me cry even harder as he lets go of me and I fall to the floor. Before he leaves the kitchen, he takes one last rip on my self-esteem. “Pick up the fucking chocolate, Lacey, and throw it away, you need to stop eating you fat bitch.”
I’m a crying, abused mess on the floor. What the fuck was I thinking? He got away with rape, he just raped me, in a police department, he will get away with everything. I’m so stupid for thinking that I can stop him, that anyone will fucking stop this man.
I sit there for a while, crying and regretting the day I met him, regretting not breaking it off sooner and I even regret working in that coffee shop where I met him. My boob hurts and so does my vagina, but the rest of my body feels so numb and I feel so goddamn stupid…
I don”t know how long I sit on the ground, before Ledger and Koa find me.
“Fuck, Lacey,” Koa says, pulling me up from the floor, wrapping me tightly in his arms, and I sob even more.
“What the hell happened?” Ledger asks, no trace of his humorous self left in his chiseled face.
“Adrian.”
I push my face into Koa’s neck and he hugs me even tighter.
“He… he touched me… down there…” I stutter and shake violently, reliving the event.
“I’m going to kill him, I will end this forever. Ledger, take her,” Koa states.
His muscles are bunched up around me as he tries to push me in Ledger’s arms, but I wrap myself around him even more, holding onto him so tight. I hold his face in my hands, making him look me in my eyes. He looks livid. His brown eyes look like liquid gold right now, they seem so angry, but I know it’s not directed at me.
“Koa,” I say.
He breathes heavily and he’s shaking. He grips my hips with both hands, and I don’t know if he does it to steady me or himself.
“No, you know that it’s not worth it,” I say, my voice and body shaking as I continue to cry. “We need to be smarter. I wanted to record him the next time I saw him, but I didn’t have my phone with me.”
A hiccup escapes in between my words. Koa lets go of my hips, letting me sway a little before he grips into my hair tightly, resting his forehead on mine.
“No, Lacey, stop. This is not your battle,” he says, holding me so tightly in his embrace that I feel safe and stop crying.
“But it is Koa, look I’m already in the middle of it, let me help you finish him,” I say, my voice getting stronger now that I know Koa will be there to save me.
“No, Lacey, I can’t let you do this. I can’t let you get hurt. Fuck, I should’ve been here. I tried to give you space, but fuck, you need someone with you at all times, you need to never be alone, so he never catches you ever again, do you hear me?”
I just nod my head. I would agree to anything he wants because I’m already under his spell. I’m so stupid. I thought I would need space and was scared to fall in love with him, but I’ve been feeling secure since the second I met him, I’m safe with him.
“You have to get a rape kit done,” Ledger says, and I look up from Koa and over to him.
He seems shaken and angry as well. I feel the need to comfort him too. He looks so worried and irritated, I’m afraid he’s going to combust. So I start to wriggle out of Koa’s hold. He doesn’t really want to let me go, but eventually releases the fistful of hair and I go and fall into Ledger, who wraps me up in his strong arms immediately. He puts his head in my neck.
“I was so fucking worried when I found you, Lacey,” he whispers.
We stand in the kitchen for a little while longer, just me getting hugged by two strong men. We’re still standing there when Captain Campbell comes in.
“What the hell is going on here?” he asks in his boss voice.
I shrink more into Ledger’s arms. Campbell looks into my face and sees that I’m crying and his angry gaze lands on Koa.
“What the hell happened, explain yourself immediately,” the Captain orders.
I would’ve kept this to myself, too shy and scared to say something, but I don’t want the Captain to have anything against Koa ever fucking again so I speak up.
“Adrian happened,” I say, and his eyes come to me.
“No—” he starts, but I don’t let him finish.
“I need a rape kit done. Adrian Sterling just came in here, insulted me, and shoved his fingers inside me without consent,” I say confidently, but I still feel so small and wrecked when I speak the words out myself.
Ledger pulls me back against his chest, holding me tight after hearing my voice quake. Our boss looks like someone slapped him. He’s shell shocked but turns tomato red a moment later.
“That can’t be, he’s still off. He told me he left to go on a vacation to the Bahamas and is not coming back until Wednesday. He’s not even in the country, he couldn’t just be here.”
“I’m writing a damn report right now and I hope you send someone to his fucking house to check if he is in this country,” Koa says, shaking angrily.
I take his hand, soothing him too.
Campbell gets even angrier. “I’m so over your fucking shit, Maverick. I told you I’m giving you a last chance and you’re walking all over my last fucking nerve.”
“It’s not his fault!” I scream, and Daniel Campbell’s face whips in my direction.
“Adrian Sterling is an abusive man, he hit me too, that’s why I broke up with him,” I tell my boss, taking a step away from both comforting males in this small kitchen space to stand my ground in front of the third. “I have texts that show that he apologized for hurting me before. I was blind and thought I was in love so I never reported him, but I’m not like that anymore. I want to report him now.”
He puffs out air, but nods.
“Bring her to the hospital after I talk to her, I’m writing the report. If this is true, I will be the one to put cuffs on him, I promise,” Campbell says, looking anywhere else than at Koa, probably feeling guilty for not being able to help him with his sister.
“I’ll go ask around if anyone saw him coming inside,” Ledger says, leaving the kitchen.
Koa still looks really pissed, so my boss just ushers me out of the area as well and tells me to go to his office. He follows me and asks me questions I never would’ve thought an employer would ask me.
Three hours later, I’m emotionally and physically exhausted and I haven’t even done the worst part yet, telling Briana about what happened.
I’m sitting in the back of a patrol car, and Koa and Ledger are in the front, driving me home.
After I told Captain Campbell every last detail about my relationship with Adrian Sterling, pressed charges, added my stash of screenshots to the file, and signed my signature under a rape charge, Koa and Ledger drove me to the local hospital to get a rape kit done.
The doctor was thankfully a woman and asked me all kinds of questions I almost felt too dumb to answer, since he wasn’t inside me with his dick, he only used his fingers. She told me that she’s proud I came in to get checked but that I shouldn’t get my hopes up. It’s almost impossible to find his DNA inside me when he just pushed his fingers in. She could see that I had a little tear at my entrance, as if someone pushed aggressively inside me and one of my breasts had a big bruise. She wrote everything down, took some blood samples, and I was free to go.
Both men who took me to the doctor were pacing the floor in the waiting room when I came out, and my heart opened up a little for these two. I was so thankful to have them in my life now.
I’m pulled from my thoughts when the car stops in front of a strange apartment complex.
“Where are we?” I ask, and Koa looks at me through the rearview mirror.
“I’m getting some stuff and coming back home with you,” he says, looking quite serious.
“You mean you will sleep over at my place?” I ask, with a high-pitched voice, my slutty mind forgetting for a moment that I was raped and hate men altogether.
Ledger chuckles. “Yes, Lacey, he will. You can’t be alone. Adrian is a bastard, but he is smart, he will use an opportunity when he sees one. And from what I’ve heard, he’s pissed about you hanging around us beautiful fellas. I wouldn’t risk poking the tiger with being alone anywhere. When he has the balls to come at you at the station, he won’t wait to stick his dick in you while you’re asleep, or maybe a knife the next time, if he has the opportunity to do it. So you need to have someone with you at all times.”
I swallow and look away. “I don’t think a small incident like that will convince Campbell to have an officer with me 24/7.”
“First of all, nothing about this incident was small, Lacey,” Koa scolds me. “But you’re right. He wouldn’t. But I’m your friend and I’ve seen Adrian cause more hurt than a single man should in his damn life and I don’t want to see you in fucking pain, OK? So let me do this, let me stay with you, it will let me be at peace as well.”
I feel sorry again. I know he wants me to let him in, but I know he’s hurting because of his sister too. So I nod my head yes, and he gets out of the car to get an overnight bag.
“You’re doing the right thing, Lacey. And I’m proud of you, for what you did today. It shows how strong you are,” Ledger says while we wait in the car.
I smile a little, liking to be praised by Ledger, who usually is not so serious and always makes a joke while speaking directly to you. But he has been so damn serious all day long and I’m really sorry that I’m the cause of that.
“Thank you,” I say.
He nods and looks out the window.
“And I’m OK, Ledger, I promise.”
He grunts out a short “good,” but I see his shoulders are still stiff. I would like to reach through to him, but the grid between the driver and the back bench is hindering me.
“I really am, Ledge.”
His posture is still not relaxed as he looks in the rearview mirror.
“This is my fault,” He tells me and I see guilt written all over his face.
How can this be his fault? He must be crazy.
“It is not your fault that I chose the wrong guy to date, Ledger,” I tell him, but he still looks guilty as a dog.
“I don’t know if you remember the day we met for the first time? The day you came to the police station with some baked thing…”
I feel my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. I clearly remember that day, this was the first day Adrian showed his true colors and that should’ve been the day I said goodbye for good.
But yes, I remember briefly meeting him, he showed me into the office, walked with me to where I saw Adrian with another woman. Ledger was nothing but nice back then as well.
“I do,” I answer him, looking into his eyes through the rearview mirror.
“I should’ve said something to you then. Right in the hallway. I should’ve told you to turn around, I should’ve gotten Koa, or at least done something afterward. I selfishly thought you seeing him with Pritchard would make you leave him. I thought about you multiple times over the past few months after seeing you and always wondered what happened to you. I didn’t know you guys were still together…”
“You couldn’t have prevented it, Ledge, this was my fault, it had nothing to do with you...”
“I knew what he did to Kamari, I found her that day in her apartment… I, I promised Koa that day that Adrian would never touch another woman ever again, that I would make sure of it… but then today I found you in the kitchen and Lacey… fuck it broke my fucking heart and I feel so fucking guilty and sorry that this happened to you because I didn’t do something sooner…”
My heart breaks for him. He found Kamari and now me, I can only imagine how he feels, but still nothing he says makes sense to me. It is not his fault, but mine.
“Ledger, I’m so sorry that you had to see her that way and that you were the one to find me today too. I’m so so goddamn sorry, but I promise you this is not your fault.”
I look deep into his eyes. Emotions I have never seen in them, are breaking me.
“Lacey, I…”
“No. Stop it. This. Is. Not. Your. Fault.”
He turns around looking at me, and I touch the metal between us.
“But why do I feel like a worthless piece of shit then?”
“Because you’re a good guy. And you hurt when your friends hurt.”
He still doesn”t look convinced when he puts his head against the grid.
“It fucking hurts like a bitch.”
“I know,” I tell him truthfully, leaning against the metal net between us too.
We are both silent until Koa comes back.
I’m still thinking about our conversation when we reach my apartment complex, but Ledger kicks us out like two teenagers who are about to go to a secret party and drives off as fast as he can. I texted Bri a short heads up that Koa will be spending the night with us and she just answered me with aubergine and water droplet emojis. Her fucking mind is as dirty as mine. The ride up with the elevator is almost awkward because I try to look everywhere else than at him and there’s not really much in this two square meter shoe box of an elevator. I feel like a burden, like he has this much more trouble in his life because of me.
I’m scared he’s going to lose his job if this backfires, but I’m really much more scared that Adrian is going to hurt him just because I chose him as a friend. I’m sure he saw us somewhere on a lunch break or maybe it was the stupid pissing contest they had at the party or my first day of work. I don’t know, but I’m ninety-nine percent sure he never saw me close with Koa or Ledger, but of course he assumes the worst.
Looking back, he was always jealous and I wasn’t allowed to interact with any other male, even though he was out and about throwing other girls in my face. I can only assume this pisses him off to the nines, and I’m really scared about what he’s going to do to Koa and even Ledger.
When we step into the apartment, Bri is nowhere to be seen and it is Koa’s turn to stand awkwardly in front of me. He looks so big and handsome. He’s still wearing his uniform, and I know my cop fetish flies high with kinky thoughts, but him in front of me like that gives me the biggest security ever. I just feel safe. So I want to make him feel comfortable as well.
“Brianaaa!” I shout for her.
“In my room!” Her closed door muffles her response.
I roll my eyes. She wants to give me some privacy, probably thinking we’re going to hook up, and I almost laugh. Koa still stands awkwardly in the hallway and I want him to feel comfortable, so I take his hand in mine. I feel his warmth down to my core. This simple touch makes my insides mushy and warm, and I know he’s affected as well because his eyes turn into liquid gold again.
“Come on, I’ll show you around,” I say, and he follows.
I try to drop his hand, but he grips mine again, holding me like we’re lovers and I love every second of it. It should be awkward that I have him over even though we are just friends, but this feels just like so much more.
“So this is our little kitchen and living room area,” I say, pointing to the marble island with black bar stools and the dark blue big sofa that sits in front of white cabinets with a big TV on top.
“Nice TV,” he remarks and I smile, seeing a real interest for the TV in his eyes.
Guys and their TVs…Briana’s dad picked this one out for us last Christmas and it is really huge.
I pull Koa behind me and show him our big bathroom and then usher him into my room, which has plenty of space and a big, king-sized bed.
“This is my room,” I tell him, gesturing at the bed like the hoe bag I am, and he nods curtly. “You can leave your stuff in here.”
“I can sleep on the couch. It looks nice and comfy.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Koa, you will sleep in my bed. I’ll just sleep in Briana’s bed.”
He looks like he wants to argue but I raise my brows, trying to look intimidating.
“No, you’re my guest. I want you to be comfortable and I’m sure you’re tired from all your work, you need a decent bed and good night of sleep,” I tell him, and he just nods, a big grin on his face.
“You’re cute when you’re mad,” he says, and I melt like a puddle on the ground.
Before I start planning our wedding and the amount of children I want to have with him, I quickly leave the room and pull him after me, his hand still attached to mine. I’m glad that when I look back, I see that he listened to me and left his bag on my bedroom floor. We go through the living room, and I knock on Briana’s room.
“Come in,” she says.
I open the door to find her sitting on her bed with a school book, which belongs to me, in her hand.
“Bri,” I scold her.
She looks up, clearly unable to hide the big smile on her face.
“Koa and I are just friends,” I tell her and she throws the book to the side, looking from me to him and then down to our joined hands.
“OK, Lacey,” she says, almost bursting into laughter.
I can’t help but mirror her smile, but it fades quickly when I think about telling her the real reason Koa will be staying with us.
“I need to talk to you, Briana. Something happened at work today, with Adrian,” I say and her face falls like a brick tower.
“No,” she says, a look of dread taking over her face.
Koa comes up behind me, dropping my hand and kissing the top of my head.
“I’ll leave you ladies alone to talk and go enjoy the TV. Do you want me to order pizza?” He asks.
Briana nods. “Veggie for us, please.”
“OK,” Koa says, walking to the door. “I’m right outside if you need me, OK?”
His eyes are fixated on me, and I nod, feeling another flutter in my belly. He closes the door, and I let Briana in on all the fucked-up shit I went through today.