Chapter Thirty-Nine
Linden
Post-clarity fear and anger consumes me as I fall apart in Jack’s arms. I know my baby is safe inside, but even thinking about the things those monsters wanted with her is killing me.
“How could they look at my innocent child and ever think to use her? Why couldn’t they just love her and adore her for who she is?” I heave into his chest, soaking his shirt with my tears.
His arms only hold me tighter, tamping down the tremors making my entire body shake with rage.
“Why couldn’t she be enough for them? I knew they hated me, and they never hid it, but Avery was innocent. She was the perfect granddaughter.”
“I know, baby. Neither of you deserved it. You didn’t deserve any of it.”
“They talked me out of an abortion. They could have just cut ties then, but no, they insisted that I have the baby. Obviously I’m fucking grateful to have my daughter, and she’s my entire universe, but they never had to be involved. They could have just left us alone.”
He sighs, painfully, and something about it makes me look at him. His face is tight with an unreadable emotion that could be anger or regret.
“What?”
“The files went back years, Linden… Avery wasn’t an accident.”
“How is that possible?”
“Turner knew what he was doing. He picked you out specifically, and got you pregnant on purpose.”
“What?”
“They needed someone who had very few connections, far from home. Your height and build lined up with what they wanted, and somehow they got exactly what they desired. A little girl that looked like their lost daughter.”
My hand goes to my stomach, squeezing my gut. I was a pawn… This whole time they manipulated me. “This was my life they were screwing with. How could they?”
“They’re evil.”
“Is that why you think they are still coming after us?”
“They spent that much time and money on this; they’re going to want their investment back.”
“They can’t have her.”
“They’ll be dead before they have the chance.”
I search his eyes but only see the dark sky reflected in them. “You’re going after them?”
“As soon as you’re settled here with Aunt Kay. I’m going to hunt each of them down and put a bullet in their skull.”
“Killing people doesn’t scare you?”
“Killing has never been hard for me, Linden. After I lost my parents, that part of my psyche was wrecked. My empathy was gone. That’s why they forced me out of the SEALS.”
“Why would they do that?”
“I was a liability because I was too good at killing. I was exactly what they turned me into, and what they needed me to be, but when I watched my entire team get slaughtered, I didn’t flinch.
I failed my psych eval because I was prepared to kill whoever they needed me to, even if that meant dying at any moment. I didn’t fear death at all.”
“But you have emotions. You’re not a killing machine.”
“I am, though. I will kill anyone without any hesitation if I think they deserve it. No judge, no jury. That’s why we’re chosen. Project Obsidian operators work in the gray, and won’t be missed when we inevitably disappear or are killed in the field.”
“Jack,” I utter, kissing him forcefully. “I will miss you, though. Avery and Kay will miss you. You aren’t alone anymore.”
He doesn’t respond, but his thumb strokes my cheek, and I lean into it as he kisses my face gently, tucking me against his chest.
We swing back and forth on the bench for a few silent moments. I never imagined the arms I’d finally feel safe in would be the arms of a trained killer.
Jack would never hurt me, though, even when he has every ability to do so, and I can finally accept that what Turner did to me was never my fault. Nothing I did should have elicited his abuse towards me…
I didn’t deserve anything he did to me.
“Mommy?” Avery’s voice calls from the back door, and I twist in Jack’s arms.
“Yes?”
“Can I eat ice cream wiff my pizza?”
“Sure, honey.” I smile, feeling Jack chuckling against me.
I rest my forehead against his. “I guess we should go inside.”
“Yeah, we can finish this later.” His hand skims my side and down the outside of my thigh.
“There’s more?”
“There’s always more.”
“Will a day ever come when there’s only good news to tell?”
“I hope so.” He yawns, and I realize it’s the first time I’ve ever seen him do that. It’s too easy to see him as this invincible superhero.
“Eat, sleep. Bad news isn’t going anywhere,” I whisper, kissing him gently.
“I still want you in my arms again after Avery goes to sleep.”
“Okay,” I whisper.
* * *
Sleeping in the car all day has Avery all out of whack, so after we eat, when Jack excuses himself to get some sleep, we end up staying up to watch cartoons with Aunt Kay in the living room.
When I get up to take the empty ice cream bowls to the kitchen, Kay follows me, shooing me away from the sink to do it herself.
“Where are you from, dear?”
“Albany. My parents are still there.”
“That’s not too far. Hopefully you can visit them while you’re up this way.”
“Yeah, maybe. They’ve never had the chance to meet Avery.”
“What? How come?”
“My dad is disabled. My mom takes care of him. I was never allowed to take Avery out of Virginia.” That’s putting it simply, but I don’t have the energy to explain all of the complexities of my life.
“That must have been hard on you.” She looks at me sympathetically, and it’s so earnest it brings tears to my eyes.
“It was.”
I don’t know how it’s possible to feel more cared about by a woman you just met today versus the people who gave birth to you, but that’s a lot to unpack after the long day I’ve had.
“My parents couldn’t afford to travel, so…” I start to defend them like I always have.
“Still. I was never blessed to be a mother, but I helped raise Jack’s dad, and I worked in the church nursery for years. Babies don’t make it easy on you.”
A sad laugh escapes me. “That’s for sure.”
“Avery is a great little girl. You’ve done a good job with her.”
“Thank you. I wanted to be a kindergarten teacher before I had her. I guess I put all of my energy into her when I no longer had the opportunity to work.”
“Well, I don’t know what the future holds for you all, but I could always use you at the community center while you’re here. We run programs for kids of all ages, and can always use more help. They’re getting a bit rambunctious for this old lady.” She chuckles.
“That’d be great. I’d love to check it out.” I don’t know what the future holds either, but having options is better than the zero that I had before. “Do you still go to church?” I wonder aloud.
She’s made quite a few religious-adjacent comments.
“I haven’t gone to church formally in years. There is one large church in the area that most Catholics practice at, but we had our… differences. I have my own relationship with God now, and I choose to spend my time helping the community.”
“I’m sure the community center is glad to have you.”
“Truth be told, they might keep me around for my weekly contributions to the soup kitchen. People come from all over to get some of my banana pudding,” she tells me graciously, but I know for a fact that isn’t why they keep her around.
I can tell that Aunt Kay is someone that anyone would love to have on their side.
She opens the fridge, pointing to the already made pan filled with banana pudding. “Have some whenever you like.”
When she closes the fridge, though, something else catches my eye. Cards in all varieties of designs and colors are stuck to the fridge with magnets.
“Are these…?” I trail off, studying the artwork on the front of each card.
“Jack’s cards. I kept all of them right here. I liked seeing them every day.”
“Oh, Jack,” I murmur to myself.
Each card is different. A hawk in mid-flight. A cardinal on a snow-covered branch. An owl in a barn window.
I don’t know the spiritual significance of all of them, but I’m sure he does.
He was staying connected to home in the only way he knew how.