Chapter 12
Lara
Improve your friendships with other characters in Novel Haven to unlock new locations, events, and dialogue options.
For the hundredth—no, for the thousandth time, I raise my arms and exhale with a hissing S sound.
I sound awful. The speech therapist I talked to on Friday reminded me to exercise my diaphragm, but at this point, I’m not quite sure I even have one.
My body isn’t listening to what I want it to do, and my voice sounds worse than it did on stage.
I angrily toss my mobile down on my bed, the PDF of exercises Ms. Miller sent me still open.
It lands on the pile of pillows with an annoyingly quiet whuff.
I take a sip of water, hoping to soothe my aching vocal cords.
But I’ve definitely overdone it for today.
I suppose I should have heeded Ms. Miller’s advice and waited for my first official therapy session to start practicing.
But the appointment isn’t for another three weeks; I can’t stand doing nothing for so long.
I want to prove to Sophia that I’m serious about improving.
Unfortunately, the only thing I’ve proven to myself this morning is that how serious I am about it means fuck-all in the end. I can’t do it. I can’t do anything.
No, that’s not right. There’s one thing I can do: I can code.
My computer boots up with a quiet hum. The mouse feels as familiar as a hug from a friend, and my gaming chair offers me support as I limply sink back into it.
By the time I enter my password and start loading the game engine, my racing pulse calms down again. I’m home.
Figuratively, but also literally, because as I navigate through Novel Haven’s lighthouse, checking out things to optimize, I once again notice all the little details I’ve added from my real life: the snow globe my dad and I scrounged from Brighton Christmas market and the old photo album, though the pictures in there are different from the ones of my childhood.
Even my elephant-shaped pencil sharpener has found its way onto Nora’s desk.
Sophia complimented all the little details I added, not knowing that they’re real.
They’re my way of rebuilding my life, bit by bit.
I smile as my gaze alights on Nugget—our late marmalade cat, my first pet.
He’s the only thing in this game that was taken from me not by the flames but by time itself.
The lighthouse has been finished for a while now—apart from the soundscape, which a freelancer will add toward the end of the process.
Creaking floorboards, the sound of the sea—we’ve put all that in already, but the bigger things like our title soundtrack and the voice-over are still missing.
And maybe they’ll stay that way, because apparently, we can’t afford a sound designer now either, thanks to my failure.
Novel Haven, which has become my life’s dream, just like it is for Sophia, won’t live up to its full potential. And it’s my fault.
I take a shaky breath, eager to brush aside my thoughts of Crow Manor and Sophia’s disappointed face before they can take over my safe haven completely, and make my way over to one of the other buildings.
Though these are the sections that need more fixing up, I always start with the lighthouse.
It was Sophia’s idea, in the beginning, but it’s become my home.
I’ve spent countless nights there after work, livening up the place with my own little personal touches.
Maybe it’s because this is a fresh start for Nora, just like PixelPulse was for me.
Or maybe it’s because Nora can finally truly be herself here—a feeling I’ve been chasing for so long.
Which makes it all the more surprising to me that Luca was able to make me feel that way right from the start and that I didn’t have to pretend to be something I’m not around him.
Instead, he saw me fall. Hard. And still, he was there.
That confuses me more than I’d care to admit.
Just like our kiss. I kissed Luca. I did!
My gaze wanders over to my phone, where his message still sits, waiting for a reply.
Luca: How are you doing? I hope you get home safe, and let me know if you want to talk.
I haven’t replied yet, and it becomes harder to do with each passing hour.
How am I doing? Not well. Do I want to talk? No. Yes. I don’t know.
I rub my face with a sigh, like that will sort my racing thoughts.
Luca was able to bring light into my darkness, and I’m infinitely grateful to him for that.
But I wish I could just forget about everything that happened.
I swallow and shut my mobile in my desk drawer so I don’t have to see it anymore.
Still, the unpleasant feeling in the pit of my stomach remains.
Shaking my head, I open the animator tool in Unity, because Ramon was complaining earlier this week that there was something wrong with the doors of the flower shop.
I check every animation until I find the source of the mistake.
I correct a key frame here, create a new parameter there, until my fingers are flying over the keys all by themselves.
Seconds become minutes, minutes become hours.
I only notice how absorbed I am in my work when I hear a knock through my headset.
“Yeah?” I call and tug it off my ears. The door opens and Nataly enters my room, nearly tripping over my still-untouched suitcase. I didn’t feel like unpacking and getting reminded once again of everything that happened. Not yet.
“Hey, babes!” Nat steps up next to me and places a dark paper box with a pink bird on it down on my desk.
Hummingbird Bakery is just a short walk from our flat, and it’s become Nataly’s absolute favorite spot.
“Food for the soul. And if you’re a good little flatmate, you might even want to eat it in the kitchen with Aria and me. ”
I open the package, and I’m hit with a sugary-sweet smell that makes my stomach rumble.
“A vegan red velvet cupcake!” Nat explains. “It was the last one; I nearly had to fight a tourist for it!”
“Oh my God, you’re the best.”
“I know. But this is the last time I’m going there on a weekend during Portobello Market hours. All hell’s broken loose over there.”
I stretch, get up, and lean my head on Nat’s shoulder. “Well, I’m glad you survived.”
“By the skin of my teeth,” she mutters, and then she grabs my hand, scoops up the open cupcake box, and tugs me out into the hallway. “You’ve been hiding in your room for long enough now. Aria and I have got the whole weekend planned. Outdoors! The sun is shining!”
“Weren’t you just saying something about all hell breaking loose? Didn’t sound too appealing to me.”
“We won’t be staying in overcrowded Notting Hill. We’re venturing out into the big, wide world!”
“We’re going to Vauxhall,” Aria chips in dryly. She’s already sitting at the kitchen table, which has been set, and there’s a teapot in the middle. The two of them must have just done the dishes and cleaned. The kitchen is all shiny, and there’s a fresh, citrusy scent in the air.
“Vauxhall?” I give Nataly a confused look as she places my cupcake on one of our twee little floral dessert plates.
Nataly found them at the flea market, and Aria figured out later with some googling what the little tea service is really worth—an entire month’s rent, apparently.
But Nataly is strictly opposed to the idea of selling the set.
I don’t even want to know how many fantastic treasures are buried in the chaos that is Nataly’s room, but sometimes I comfort myself with the knowledge that we secretly have a gold mine that can cover several months’ worth of expenses stashed away.
Who knows; maybe the little plate in front of me will save my life someday if PixelPulse kicks me out.
The snap of fingers brings me back to the present, and I look up at Nat, who’s still standing in front of me and shaking her head in disapproval. She snaps her fingers again, right in front of my nose this time. “Go on, you can thank us now!”
“What?”
“I bet she was thinking about Luca again,” Aria says with a mischievous smile.
“Ohhh.” Nat draws out the word much longer than it needs to be and puts her hands on her hips. “If that’s the case, please feel free to daydream as much as you like.”
“I wasn’t daydreaming,” I say. My voice sounds like I’m ill, and I clear my throat. “What am I supposed to thank you for? Vauxhall?”
“You’re a worse listener than Ramon before he’s had his coffee,” Nat mutters and sits down in the last free chair. “I’ve booked us a rage room!” Nat grins broadly, and her blue eyes start to sparkle.
“A rage room?”
“Yeah! But don’t put your sports clothes on just yet; you can pack them. We’ve got a booking at Mildreds after!”
Now Nataly has my full attention, and Aria laughs quietly at my stunned expression. “I told you luring her with food would be easier.”
“How did you manage to get a table this short notice?” Mildreds is one of London’s trendiest vegan restaurants, and it’s usually booked out weeks in advance. I’ve only been there once, but that was enough to fall in love with it.
Nataly’s grin broadens, and Aria leans back with a sigh, muttering, “This might take a while.”
“All right, so, the bloke I met at the roller disco the other night, right? Jack? He was at the disco with his little sister. I mean, how cute is that? Massive green flag right there! Well, anyway, he knows one of the chefs at Mildreds—and since he gave me his number . . .”
“Have you seen him again since?” I ask.
Nat shakes her head. “No, but I will for sure. I mean, if he wants to.”
“Course he does!” Aria chips in. “Or he wouldn’t have given you his number.”
“Never mind that.” Nat dismisses us with a wave and takes a big bite of cupcake frosting. “But back to the rage room. That was Aria’s idea, by the way.”