Chapter 12 #2
“I thought we could do something to really let off some steam. And since you loved that scene in Life Is Strange so much . . .” Now Aria’s grinning as broadly as Nataly is. “We’re going to wreck a car!”
My insides are on fire. My muscles are taut, my lungs are heaving, but most of all, I’m angry.
Nat is already sitting down at the edge of the room, her chest rising and falling as fast as mine, but I can’t stop.
I can see Shane’s mocking grin in front of me, the silent crowd as I stand on that stage—but most of all, I see myself.
Myself, tripping.
Myself, tongue-tied.
Myself, trying to save what I can with my creaky voice and just making everything worse.
Myself, leaving Luca’s room without saying goodbye and telling myself it was better that way.
Myself, knowing full well that I was too much of a coward to look him in the eye again after our kiss.
Every swing of the bat, every dent in the battered Opel Corsa, feels like liberation.
The car windows have long since been smashed, and there are bumps and dents everywhere, but I can’t stop.
It’s like I’m in a frenzy. I don’t know if I’ve ever allowed myself to get this angry.
This loud. There’s a bang as Aria smashes a wing mirror to the ground across from where I’m standing.
Nat has taken off her helmet and gloves, and I should join her; I should take a break too.
My entire body is aching already, but it’s moving of its own accord now.
The blows I’m landing aren’t just for the last few days; they’re for everything before that too.
For the fire, and how helpless I felt. The metallic sound of my bat hitting the car’s body mingles with the crackling of the fire that spread so quickly.
It was everywhere; the firefighters told me I was incredibly lucky to have woken up in time.
I can hardly remember what happened. My head is bursting with images tinged in bright orange, of furniture wreathed in smoke that hung much too thick in my room and that filled my lungs until I was afraid I’d suffocate.
I remember my scream as I tried to grab hold of the door handle, and I remember the white-hot burning sensation on the skin of my hand.
I land another blow. Shards are flying, reminding me of the crash my window made as the emergency firefighters battered their way into my room.
I grip the baseball bat tighter and swing again.
Because after that, it was far from over.
Because my body may have recovered, bit by bit, but the psychological torture started after.
All those spiteful comments, as if it wasn’t bad enough that I’d lost everything already.
Sweat trickles down my forehead as I land another blow.
A blow for the feeling that I’m pathetic, again and again.
For getting dumped, excluded, and never being fucking good enough.
I scream and whack the boot of the car once more, and then the bat tumbles from my throbbing fingers.
Even though I feel like crying, I start to laugh.
It’s weird; despite my heavy thoughts, I feel lighter.
But most importantly—I don’t feel powerless.
I tug off my helmet and my thick gloves and laugh harder when I see the car.
Nat comes over and pulls me into a tight embrace. “Good idea?”
“The best.”
“Who would have thought Aria could get this angry?” she asks, loud enough for our flatmate to hear her too. Aria snorts, gingerly stepping over piles of broken glass to join our hug.
For a while, we just stand there, our arms around one another, as if everything might still turn out all right, no matter what happens next.
“Thank you,” I whisper, and the only reply I get is a kiss from Nat on the top of my head.
With a full stomach, pleasantly sore muscles, and a lightness in my heart that I haven’t felt since before the GameChanger prelims, we stroll through Notting Hill and back to our flat.
The streetlamps are already turned on, the last few rays of sun have dipped the pastel-colored buildings in warm light, and there are still some vendors on the street packing up the rest of their wares.
Portobello Road Market has been over for a while now, and the streets feel eerily empty by comparison.
We stop for a moment to allow two women to take each other’s pictures in front of a cute yellow door, and then we stroll on.
“Today was the best day in forever,” I say with a smile.
“And it’s not even over yet,” Nat points out.
“Do you guys have any more plans then?” I stifle a laugh when I notice Aria’s lips are compressed into a thin line. I’d wager her social battery is drained after Mildreds.
Nat seems to notice too, because she gently pokes Aria in the side. “No worries; you can hole up in bed with one of your smutty books now.”
“Oh, thank God!” she exclaims, and the three of us burst out laughing.
I’d really rather not imagine how my life might have turned out if I hadn’t met the two of them at my university’s intro event. It would definitely have been less colorful and fun.
We walk a few more paces before Nat suddenly comes to a stop in front of a posh bar with loud pop music thudding out the door.
Palm trees separate the outdoor lounge from the pavement, where I can see two men in expensive-looking suits smoking cigarettes.
“Oh, this place is new! Saw it on TikTok recently. They have different themed rooms in there; there’s even a cave with crystals on the walls!
And the cocktails are all themed too.” Our heads whip around almost simultaneously to check out the blackboard with the drink of the day on it. Nat lets out a low whistle.
“Eat the rich,” Aria murmurs.
“Or drink the rich, I suppose,” I say. “I’ll make us hot cocoa at home or something.”
“That’s a deal,” Nat tells me, setting off. I start to follow her but stop abruptly as the door is pushed open and my gaze falls on a pair of familiar dark-brown eyes.