Chapter 7
Emmett
I watch her while she sleeps, my heart shattered pieces in my chest. Tear tracks stain her cheeks, and I hate myself for being the one to make her cry.
I’m still shaking, trying to keep it together, but I feel like the worst person in the world.
She’s in heat, and I want to help her. I want to take that pain away from her, but I know what it’s like to be in heat. You say and do anything you can to get that release. She wasn’t in her right mind, at least not in that moment.
Denying her was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Not because I wanted to, but because I know Lexi’s trauma, I know her fears.
If I did what she asked and she later regretted it, I couldn’t live with myself for causing her anymore pain or adding to her trauma. I’d rather her be upset with me than look at me like I betrayed her trust and body.
With shaky legs, I get to my feet and quietly leave her to rest. Snatching my phone off the counter, I head outside to the one spot that gets some reception and call Silva.
I’ve never been so afraid in my life or reminded just how much younger I am than Lexi.
A real man would know what to do to help her. I’m just a stupid boy who acts like I have my shit together, when really I’m head over heels for this amazing woman who is way out of my league. It’s pathetic, really.
Lexi deserves someone better than me. Someone who can take care of her and give her what she needs. An Alpha would know what to do. I’m not an Alpha. I don’t have what she needs.
“Hello?” Silva answers. “Emmett, is everything okay?”
“No,” I breathe out, trying to calm my racing nerves.
“What’s wrong?” she demands. “Is Lexi hurt?”
“No,” I groan. “I mean, she’s hurting, but she’s not hurt. She’s in the cabin sleeping.”
“Is she sick or something?”
“She’s in heat.”
There’s a long pause on the other end before Silva curses. “When did she go off her suppressants?”
“About a week ago.” I rub the back of my head, anxious and overwhelmed as I stare out over the lake. How could such a perfect day go downhill so fast?
“Why did she go off them?”
“She didn’t tell you?”
“No,” she mutters. “Something I’m going to have to talk to her about.” She blows out a breath. “She’s been on them for a long time, so it’s not surprising that her body would kickstart her first heat. Shit. Fuck.” She starts to panic. “How is she doing?”
“Not good,” I whisper. “She’s afraid, and I don’t know what to do. She asked me to help her, and when I told her I couldn’t, she cried herself to sleep.” My stomach rolls at the thought.
“Why the fuck did you tell her no?” she demands. “You can’t tell me you haven’t been in love with that woman for years. I know you want to be with her, so why wouldn’t you help her in the most important time of need?”
“Because...” I raise my voice. “She was sinking into the haze. I wasn’t going to risk the chance of her saying it because of her urges and not because she means it.”
“Fuck,” she sighs. “I can’t be pissed at you for that.
I respect you for it. Look, I can’t speak for my sister, but I can tell you that she likes you.
A lot. I won’t go into details—that's for the two of you to discuss—but I can tell you she wants you more than a friend. My advice is, if she has a lucid moment, do your best to get everything out on the table and go from there. Going through a heat alone can fucking suck. I know you know. So if you can help her in any way to ease her through it, please do. If she tells you with a clear mind she wants you, help her.”
“Of course.” I swallow hard. “It’s not that I don’t want to help her, Silva, I do. I hate seeing her in pain. It fucking kills me. I just, fuck!” I pull at my hair.
I’m calling Silva because she’s the only who knows Lexi’s past when they were in foster care.
Lexi was raped when she presented as an Omega by her foster brother, something that makes me hesitate now that she’s in heat.
I don’t want to mess this up. I desperately need advice.
Those monsters took what they wanted anyway and didn’t care what anyone thought.
I want to give her better memories, but I don’t want to overstep.
Silva thinks a large part of why Lexi was on suppressants was because they were held captive while being taught to be an Alpha’s perfect sex slave. She never wanted to put herself in a position for an Alpha to take advantage.
Even though that's true, there’s so much more to it.
I’d never say a word, it’s not my place. I’d never break that trust I have with Lexi. It's why I told her no. I’d rather cause her a bit of physical pain that will go away in a few days than emotional and mental trauma that could destroy her.
“What can I do to help? Do you want me to come get her? I can stay at her place to watch over her.”
“No,” I tell her. “She’s fine here with me. She’s in my nest. I have everything she needs. I’ll make sure she’s taken care of.”
“Okay, but if it becomes too much, call me. You got this, Emmett.”
“You sure about that?” I let out a panicked laugh. “I’ve never felt so young and stupid in my life than I do right now.”
“Age doesn't matter in this case, Emmett. You are a good man. If Lexi were to be with anyone, I’m glad it’s you. I don’t know what this will mean between the two of you after this is over, but you have my support for whatever you choose.”
“Thanks.”
I hang up and sit down in one of the deck chairs.
What should I do? What if she doesn’t have a lucid moment, and she stays in the heat haze?
It would kill me every time I’d have to deny her. I want nothing more than to make her feel good, to help her through this heat. To be her first.
Lexi is a virgin. Her past assaults don’t count. She’s thirty-one and has never been with someone in an intimate way. I want to be that safe place for her, to take care of her, and give her nothing but the best memories of her first time. But not unless she has a clear mind and can give me consent.
With my head in my hands, I sit on the deck, trying to decide what to do.
It’s at least an hour before I hear her soft voice, snapping me out of my inner turmoil.
“Emmett?”
My head snaps up, looking at her over my shoulder with devastated eyes. “Lexi. Hey.” I go to stand, but she shakes her head, coming outside to join me.
She looks tired, her blonde hair a rumpled mess, dressed in only my shirt and a pair of panties.
My mouth goes dry. She’s so incredibly sexy. I know it’s not the time to think of her this way, but it’s hard not to.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, her lower lip wobbling as she sits on my lap, wrapping her arms around me.
“What do you have to be sorry for?” I instinctively gather her in my arms, needing to make sure she feels safe.
“I shouldn’t have asked you what I did earlier. My head was a mess, and I was afraid. You’re the only person, apart from my sister, that I feel safe with. I just went with what my body and mind were telling me to do. I shouldn’t have put that pressure on you.”
“It’s okay.” I smile softly, my heart breaking. She didn’t want me to touch her because she wanted me, but because of what her instincts were telling her. This is exactly why I wouldn’t do it.
“No,” she shakes her head. “I put you in a hard spot, and I feel horrible for it.”
Cupping her cheek, I brush a tear away. “Don’t cry.” I hate seeing her cry.
“I’m scared, Emmett. And there's so much going through my head right now. I’m a mess.”
“How are you feeling right now?” She seems pretty lucid.
She’s still pretty warm but more coherent than before.
My stomach twists in knots. I know we need to talk before her heat amps up again, but I’ve never been so terrified.
I’ve always flirted around the idea of me liking her, but never said the words out loud.
‘Like’ doesn't even begin to describe the way I feel about her.
“Better. Still gross, but my head isn’t fuzzy. I know I should probably get more sleep, but I don’t want to be alone.”
“I can lay down with you.” I start to stand with her in my arms, but she stops me.
“Wait.” She licks her lips, and I sit back in the chair. “Before I slip back into that mindset, I want to talk.”
“Okay.” I nod, keeping my voice soft.
“You’re my best friend.” Her voice cracks, more tears welling in her eyes. “The highlight of every day. You make me laugh, feel seen. You make me feel like I’m someone special.”
“Because you are,” I promise her.
She smiles, letting out a watery laugh. “For a long time, I felt guilty about our close relationship.”
“What? Why?” My brows furrow.
“Because you're so young—”
“I’m not that young. I’m almost twenty-five,” I defend.
“Let me finish,” she continues. “What I mean is, you still have so much of your life to live. You want to see the world, explore. I feel like I’m holding you back.
I depend on you so much, and I don’t think it’s healthy.
I don’t know how to function without you anymore.
I honestly don’t know if I’d even want to, and that's not fair to you. You deserve someone who can give you the world, not a broken Omega who’s too terrified to leave the small town she lives in.
You deserve someone who can be by your side and walk with you through your journeys in life. ”