Chapter 9
Lexi
Two Months later
Death. I feel like death. It’s not a feeling I’m unaccustomed to. Just one I haven’t felt for a little while.
My phone dings, letting me know I have a text message. Groaning, I reach for it and open my eyes, trying to hold back the wave of nausea.
Emmett: Hey baby. Miss you. How was your day?
Even though I feel awful, I can’t help but smile.
Me: Not bad. Missing you. When do you come back?
Emmett and a few of the guys from Widows Peak left to help a neighboring town a few hours away. They had a rock slide that took out one of their main roads, a bridge, and a few houses.
Emmett: Not sure. It’s a lot worse than we thought. But I’ll be back by the weekend for sure.
Disappointment fills me as I text him back.
Me: :( I’m going to miss you. But what you’re doing is really sweet. Be safe, keep me updated.
Emmett: I will. Love you, Peaches.
Me: I love you too, xoxo
Closing out my phone, I toss it to the side and try to get another few hours of sleep. It doesn’t go as planned because I’m up and out of bed less than a half hour later, puking up last night's dinner.
“I swear to god, if I’m about to go into heat, I’m going to cry,” I groan, leaning back against the bathroom vanity.
I shouldn’t be going into heat, right? Heats are normally every three months. It’s only been two.
Could I be going into heat early because I took heat suppressants for so long, and it messed up my body chemistry?
Part of me wants to call Emmett and tell him to come just in case, but I don’t want to jump to any conclusions. I’ll wait it out and see how I feel before calling him.
The day goes by, and I start to feel more like myself by noon. Thankfully, I’m able to eat and go to work for my shift.
The next morning, however, is a lot like the last one. Puking, feeling like trash, getting better by noon, and the rest of my day is normal.
What the hell is going on? Is my body rebelling because I’ve been taking on more hours at work?
I have been performing more at the club lately. That means I’ve been working out a lot more. Maybe I’m pushing myself too hard? I know I sure as hell feel it the next day after performing.
“Go in to get checked,” Silva suggests. “Maybe Dr. Herrera can recommend a protein workout drink or something.”
We’re at work getting the club ready for the weekend rush. Friday nights are always crazy, and tonight is the first night I’m not excited. I’m too in my own head, wondering why I’ve been feeling so gross.
“Might be because of stress.” I shrug, helping her to dry glasses and put them away. “It started after Emmett left. I’ve been worried about him being gone for so long. I miss him like crazy already. Been wanting to cry all damn day, texting him all the time. He’s probably annoyed with me by now.”
“No, he’s not,” Silva laughs. “That man is obsessed with you. He’d probably be texting back all the time if he wasn’t working.”
“Why does he have to be so sweet?” I groan, putting my head on the bar top. “Why couldn’t he be selfish and say ‘fuck that town’ and be here with me?”
“Lexi. Really?”
“I know, I know.” I stand back up. “That was a bitchy thing to say. I’m glad he’s a good man. Sometimes I think he’s too perfect, and might be a robot or something. Then I remember he chews with his mouth open sometimes, and it settles me, knowing I’m not with a cyborg.”
“Have I ever told you how weird you are?”
“All the time.”
After I help Silva, I switch over to serving, where I stay until it’s time for me to perform.
The crowd is cheering, giving me that high I love. It feels so freeing being up here on the silks.
Moving into position, I do the splits, getting another round of cheers. My smile drops as my stomach starts to turn. Fuck, am I going to be sick?
No, no, no. Not up here. Not right now, in front of all these people.
I let myself drop until I’m almost to the ground, getting a gasp from everyone. When I get to my feet, they all clap. I do my best to smile, my legs and arms shaking from the strain of being up there. I give them all a wave before making my way off stage.
I head right for the bathrooms and make it just in time before I get sick.
As much as I don’t want to go, I think I’ll be spending my free day at the clinic. Lovely.
“Could it be my heat? It’s a little too soon for my next one, but it’s not always like clockwork, right?” I ask Dr. Herrera.
“It could be possible. How long have you been feeling this way?”
“On and off the past few days. But it normally goes away by midday.”
“And you said you’ve been working out more? How do you feel after you’re done with your workout?”
“Hungry, sleepy. But other than that, fine.”
She nods. “And have you had a fever?”
“Not that I noticed. I haven’t felt hot.”
“What about diarrhea, or has it only been vomiting?”
My cheeks flame. I don’t like talking about my bathroom habits with anyone, even my doctor. “Just vomiting,” I mumble.
She writes everything I’m saying down, and I can’t help but wonder what she’s thinking.
“It could be stress. Since Emmett left with the other guys to help down in Summer Side, I’ve been kind of depressed.”
“You have quite an attachment.” She smiles.
“Is that a bad thing?” I genuinely ask.
“Sometimes, it can be. But you don’t have a history of being heavily dependent on people in your life or growing unhealthy attachments.
I think it’s just that you’ve finally found someone you can trust and feel comfortable with.
After everything you’ve been through, it’s understandable.
Also, you’re still in a new relationship.
Being an Omega, it also comes with the territory.
Omegas can often be possessive and attached to the people they love. It’s nothing out of the ordinary.”
That's good to know. Still, I kind of hate being this worried about being away from Emmett or being alone. I was used to living on my own, spending most nights by myself when I wasn’t with Silva or one of the other girls. It wasn’t until I met Emmett that I started hating being alone.
“So it could be because of the stress?”
“I don’t think it’s because of your heat. You’re not showing any other signs, and if you were going into heat, it would have hit by now. You haven’t felt an overwhelming feeling of arousal?”
“Ah, no. Nothing more than usual.” And nothing since Emmett left a few days ago, apart from when we sext before bed. We always video call because I’m not chancing nudes getting out there. And if someone hacks into my phone? Well, fuck.
“I think we should run a blood test, check to make sure it’s nothing serious, and go from there.”
“Okay,” I breathe out, nodding. “Sounds good.”
After I get my blood taken, I head back to the waiting room. I’m a mess. I know I should text Emmett, but I don’t want to worry him and risk him coming home to be with me before I know if this is serious or not.
If it is stress, I’ll get over it. I’m a big girl. I know how to survive on my own, and I can do so until Emmett gets back.
I do, however, tell my sister where I am.
She asks if I want her to come sit with me, but I decline, not wanting to be an inconvenience.
Plus, she has a lot going on right now. She and Syrus seem to be dipping their toes into something new.
She deserves happiness, and I don’t want to always be a burden.
Scrolling on my phone, I try to distract myself by watching cute cat videos. I’m there for another hour before Amy calls me back into the exam room.
My heart races as I sit on the examination bed, waiting for Dr. Herrera.
“We got your test results back,” she says, smiling politely as she enters the room. Her face doesn’t give anything away.
“Give it to me, doc.” My leg bounces, unable to take this suspense any longer.
“The good news is that there is no threat to your health. At first, I thought it might be lingering effects from taking the suppressants. Thankfully, it’s not.”
“Is it the stress? I knew it was the stress,” I sigh, relieved it’s nothing long-term.
“Stress might be a contributing factor, but no, that is not the full cause of your symptoms.”
“If I’m starting my heat, let me know because I’d have to call Emmett and get him back here.” Or I could do my heat alone, even though the thought terrifies me.
“No.” She chuckles softly. “You are not going into heat. Actually, you won’t be having another heat any time soon.”
“What?” My brows furrow with confusion. “What do you mean? I thought you said I didn’t have any long-term effects from the suppressants. Shouldn’t that mean I’ll have regular heats? I know older Omegas tend to slow down their heats, but I’m not that old. I’m only thirty-one!”
“Lexi, breathe.” She places a hand on my arm. “You are fine. Everything is going to be fine, but I need you to breathe.”
Nodding, I breathe in and out, trying to settle the oncoming panic attack.
“Lexi, you’re pregnant.”
I blink at her, lips parted as I stare. “Huh?”
“The reason why you’re getting sick and feeling tired is because you’re pregnant.”
The word repeats on a loop in my head. Pregnant. I’m pregnant? No. No, that can’t be right.
I shake my head. “No. I’m not pregnant.”
“The blood test says otherwise.”
“I can’t be,” I whisper, my heart thundering in my chest.
Her brow furrows. “Have you been using any sort of contraception?”
No, because it never crossed my mind that I could get pregnant. I mean, I know I could, it’s kind of how biology works, but...fuck.
“No,” I whisper.
“While Omegas have a higher chance of getting pregnant during their heats, it is possible to conceive at any time. Alphas have a better chance at doing the job, but Betas and male Omegas can still get a female Omega pregnant.”
I know all of this. Yet, not for a moment did I think it could happen to me.
Pregnant. I’m having a baby?
“Lexi?” Dr. Herrera asks.
“Huh?” I blink away the fog. I think I’m in shock.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“I think you’re in shock,” she says. Yeah, just what I was thinking. “It’s okay to feel this way. It’s big news. Is there anything I can do to help you process? Is this something you were trying for, or is it a surprise?”
Her voice becomes warped as the ringing in my ears starts to intensify. Every breath becomes a struggle until I feel like I’m going to pass out.
“Lexi. Breathe. Just breathe. In and out. Do you want me to call Emmett?”
“No!” I shout, panicked eyes shooting up to hers. “No. Don’t call him.”
“Okay, okay, I won’t.” She looks worried. I hate that I’m freaking her out, but I’m freaking myself out.
I want Emmett so badly right now, but I can’t tell him. Not when I, myself, have no idea how to feel about this.
I’ve never thought about having kids. It was never something I really wanted. Not that I don’t like kids, I love them. Sometimes I help out at the elementary school when they do events.
It’s just not something I ever thought of for myself.
This world is so messed up. Monsters lurk outside Widows Peak. I could keep this baby safe for sure, but one day they would grow up. What if they wanted to leave town, see the world?
So many bad things could happen. And what if they become an Omega?
A sob lodges in my throat, tears spilling down my cheeks.
“If this isn’t something you want, we do have other options.”
“Other options?” I frown.
“If you’re not ready for a baby, you have every right to terminate your pregnancy. Or adoption is also a choice.”
“What?” I croak. “No.” I shake my head. I might be spiralling right now, but there is no way in hell I’ll be ending my pregnancy.
This baby is part me, part Emmett. It would destroy him.
And the thought of someone else raising my baby, not knowing if they would be taken care of, if they’re being treated well?
“I’m keeping this baby.” I start to hyperventilate. “It’s mine. My baby.”
“Lexi, I’m going to need you to calm down, or I’ll have to call either Silva or Emmett.”
“No,” I say angrily, wiping at my tears. “Don’t call them. I’m fine.” I take in a few deep breaths, willing myself to keep my shit together until I get home. “What do I do next?”
She looks worried but answers my question.
“We can book you for an ultrasound. We’re not sure exactly how far along you are because conception would have happened at any point between now and two months ago when you had your heat.
” She knows I wasn’t sexually active before that.
I told her as much when I came to see her after my heat to make sure everything was alright with me.
“Your hormone levels are reading high, meaning there’s a good chance you conceived during your heat. Again, we won’t know until we do an ultrasound.”
“Okay.” I nod. “Okay. I’ll book one when Emmett gets back.”
“Lexi, are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine.” I laugh awkwardly, knowing damn well I’m not.
“I’m fine. Just in shock. I’m pregnant.” My laugh comes off slightly manic.
“A baby. Who doesn’t love babies?” Getting off the bed, I grab my bag.
“I, um, I gotta go. But thank you for letting me know. Glad I’m not dying,” I badly joke. “I’ll see you soon.”
“Lexi!” she calls after me, but I’m throwing the door open and racing out of the clinic.
Thankfully, I didn’t drive here because I’m in no condition to be driving home.
The bad thing about walking is that I’m getting some weird looks. Probably because I look like a hot mess from crying.
I pull my hood up over my head and try to sink into it. The smell of Emmett hits me, and I nearly sob.
What do I do? How do I tell him?
We haven’t talked about babies. Why would we? He’s still so young. It would only tie him down, and I don’t want him to feel trapped.
He said I’m his whole world, and he’s mine. But still, if he ever felt like he wanted more, or needed to leave, I’d let him go even if it destroyed me. If we have a baby, I know he wouldn’t ever allow himself to think for a moment that he has any options. He’d stay for the baby.
“Stop thinking for him,” I scold myself. “Talk to him first. Don’t speak for him.”
I’m shaking, my head spinning, and I don’t remember the walk home. But when I see my front door, I’m sprinting until I’m locked inside.
Heading into the kitchen, I throw my things onto the counter. “Fuck.” My whispered curse is broken as I lean against the countertop, head hanging. “Fuck!” I pound my fist on the marble.
I’m scared and confused, and the only two people I can talk to are the two I don’t want to know yet. Not until I can get a grasp on my feelings about this.
I know if Silva knew, she would become a mother hen, making it her mission to take care of me. I can’t do that to her. I won’t.
She’s spent too much of her time on me. It’s her time to live her own life.
I’ll handle this. I’m an adult. I’ve been through worse.
I got this. I’ll be fine. Just fucking fine.