Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
CHAMPION
The next few months were rough. Being with Kitten every night was a miracle, except that sometimes she was struggling for every breath, and there was that sadistic monster with his needles, smiling as he gave her something that made it even harder for her.
How could I not kill him? And Flowers. I personally fought him from time to time, sometimes civilized to the point that people could bet on us, sometimes just trying to rip each other apart when watching her suffering got to be too hard for either one of us.
We were like that, collapsed in the courtyard beneath Kitten where she was struggling for every beat of her heart, after we’d spent some time beating each other senselessly.
“How long?” I whispered, staring up at her window through my swollen eyes.
He sighed heavily, but didn’t answer.
He didn’t know any more than anyone else. All the patterns he could see, all the experience he’d had in the medical industry, and he was as lost as I was.
So I rolled to my feet and went to work.
Every fight, every race, I focused on the win, like that would somehow make my wife’s misery a little less.
Sleeping with her every night, when she was so gone that she didn’t know if I was there or not, ripped me apart.
What if she didn’t come back? What if she went to sleep and never woke up?
I wanted to crush her in my arms and force some of my strength into her, but all I could do was wait, and fight, and be there while she struggled.
“You’re not even going to mention anything about the mown man?” Daniel asked, dropping in next to me as I stalked through the compound towards Dirk’s lab.
“I’m not feeling particularly gentle today.”
He scowled at me. “How bad is she?”
“Bad. She told me how it would be, but I somehow didn’t believe her. She’s on the edge of death constantly. When she’s coherent, she smiles, but otherwise, it’s just…”
He gave me a considering look. “No matter how bad she gets, you still need to run the zoo like a man of reason. You need to tell me that mowing is absolutely off the table.”
I shot him a surly look. “From what I understand, only the hands were on the table. It’s done. If I’d wanted it done a certain way, I should have been explicit. You didn’t go against orders. You took care of it to the best of your ability.”
He shook his head. “I overreacted. We need to paint the picture of strength, but not to the point of looking like a bunch of psychos. We have to show that we’re still mostly civilized, or at least that you keep us in line.”
I stopped walking and turned to frown at him. “What do you see?”
He looked around uncomfortably for a second before he shrugged. “Now isn’t a good time for war, not with Sunshine needing stability.”
“We’re already at war with anyone who threatens me or my team, my house, my family, and most of all we’re at war with the serum that’s ripping my wife apart.
” I took a step towards him, smiling slightly.
“I would embrace war with an enemy I could destroy with my hands and teeth. So would Flowers. Bring the blood. Bring the pain. To me.”
He shook his head and exhaled. “That right there, is a problem. You’re the leader both of Death-Hammer, your show team, and your mom’s legacy. You need to lead with reason, strength, and character, not with the beast.”
I scowled at him. “You’re the one who mowed someone down, and now you’re lecturing me on civility? Hypocrisy, thy name is Daniel.”
“Until she’s cured or dead, you have to keep it together. If she dies, fine, let the world burn. I’ll help strike the matches, but until then, as long as there’s hope, you have to keep the world civil so when she becomes part of it, your men are trained. Under control. Not a threat to her.”
He made a good point. A few good points. I nodded slightly then turned towards Jezebel’s menagerie rather than continuing to Dirk’s. Daniel didn’t follow me into the lion’s den.
She was working with an enormous black monster. Snowdrop?
I leaned against a fence and watched her put him through his paces, her voice all honey and steel. Finally, she put him in his stall and came out to frown at me.
“Kitten okay?” She frowned as she peered more closely at me. “Are you okay?”
I looked back at her dully. “She’s been unconscious for two weeks.
She’s probably seventy pounds. Every time she takes a breath, it rattles my soul.
She was right about it being too hard for me to watch.
But I can’t look away. If being the coldest, cruellest, most vicious creature imaginable would bring her back, make her healthy, that’s what I’d gladly be.
I’d give my mama a run for her money, bless her Crocodile heart. ”
“But instead of that, the thing you have to be is patient.” She patted my shoulder, her grip painful before she released me. “What do you want me to do?”
“Take me out if I lose control.”
“Just like that? You don’t want to talk to Horse all about your feelings? Pinkie mentioned that he’s not bad at helping villains work through the trauma caused by being raised by villains.”
I shrugged. “How could talking possibly help?”
“I don’t know, but I don’t see how it could hurt, either. Also, he’s someone who could move things to the ring if the talking wasn’t working.”
I pointed at her. “Fair point. I have to do something. I can’t kill Flowers, or anyone else. And once I start killing, I’m not sure I’ll stop. I’m so angry.”
She nodded again. “Exactly the kind of thing you should tell Horse. Not me. I’d just help you kill people without anyone being the wiser. Your usual style isn’t very subtle.”
I nodded and turned on my heel. The way I was feeling wasn’t conducive to running any kind of team or business.
I found Horse in Providence’s lobby, looking heroic draped in females while Trixie glowered at him.
“Horse, a moment of your time,” I said, nodding at Trix.
She frowned at me. “Everything okay? You look…”
“It’s Nix!” one of Horse’s females exclaimed, flopping from Horse to me. I side-stepped so she landed on the floor.
“Be careful now,” I said, looking at Trix.
She gave me a grim smile and then started pulling females off Horse while I started for the elevator. Horse gave Trix a frown before following me, stepping into the elevator after me right before the doors closed.
I hit the button with the bowler hat on it.
“Anything I can help you with?” he drawled, but his eyes were sharp.
“You’re wasting time with Trix. Be a man who deserves her. Stop playing at making her jealous. It’s never going to push her in your direction, only solidify your manwhore reputation in her mind.”
He blinked at me. “I believe that’s you helping me. I didn’t ask for your help.”
“You need all the help you can get.” The door opened on his private floor, the one with the dark blue carpet that you could mow. With body parts. How did Daniel manage that? I shook my head and refocused on the office at the end.
“Are you dragging me to my office so you can give me therapy?” he asked, sounding more bemused than anything.
“No. I’m very close to destroying everything I’ve built, my mother’s built, and anything else handy. You’re going to talk me through my feelings, and if that doesn’t work, I’m going to beat you bloody until I feel better.”
He cleared his throat. “Sounds reasonable.”
“Only because you’ve been in the desert playing my games for too long.”
“Why do you think I’m in the desert playing your games? You’re one of the key players. For years, you’ve been determined to stay out of the big game, to make your own rules, your own stakes, your own games. It was inevitable that eventually your game would become the big game. Because you’re you.”
I stopped and let him open the door and gesture me inside.
I didn’t like all the chairs, seemingly arranged haphazardly, but clearly for an intent and purpose.
Then again, I was here to do his therapy, so I should play the game.
Which meant picking the chair I wanted. Which was the large one behind his desk.
I went over and sat down on his chair, kicked my feet up on his desk and studied him. “Now you can analyze my chair choice.”
He grinned at me, throwing himself on a long couch, long enough to hold all of him.
The man was tall. “You need to be in control. What a surprise. You’re a leader who cultivates trust and loyalty without effort.
I should say without visible effort, because you’re always working all the angles.
” He smile faded and he sat up, leaning an elbow on one knee.
“I heard from Roger. He’s keeping her alive, but pushing her hard through the treatments.
He has daily arguments with Flowers, who wants to back down the aggressiveness of the therapy, but Rog’s determined to see through their original goals.
It would be hard for anyone to watch someone they loved go through that, but for someone with control issues to watch, completely out of control, when he’s used to being so capable…
Tell me about it.” He had a weird emotion in his eyes. Empathy.
I didn’t want that from him, but what did I want? I wanted Kitten better. But if she did get better and I was a wreck of a man in the wreckage of my world…No. I owed it to her to keep it together, to build.