8 Lattes
WHEN I GOT HOME, I sat on my bed. But I couldn’t stay still. The look on James’s face when I’d started rambling about leaving after he’d told me I was the best part of his week. Idiot. I was such an idiot. I pulled Mom’s notebook out from under my pillow …
Willa took her first steps today. Not toward me or Mike.
Toward the front door. She pulled herself up on the coffee table, wobbled for a second, then just …
went for it. Three whole steps before she fell on her butt.
She looked right at that door like it was calling her.
Mike laughed. Said, “She’s going to be trouble.
” But I just watched her do it again. And again.
Always toward the door. Never back toward us.
Lisa May would say it’s a sign. That Willa’s meant for bigger things than Oak Falls.
Maybe she’s right. Or maybe babies just like doors.
Either way, I hope when she’s old enough to actually walk through it by herself, she knows she can always walk right back the way she came …
I closed the notebook and shoved it back under my pillow along with the letters that I still hadn’t done anything about.
I didn’t know what to think. I was still mad, with James blowing so hot and cold that I didn’t know where I stood, with Lennie still not talking to me, with Pop keeping secrets …
What was keeping me here? Even Mom’s notebook was pointing to the door.
And that was the push I needed. The one that let me shove all the thoughts of James and Lennie and Pop away so I could just focus on myself.
I guess sleeping on it didn’t help, because I woke up with a weight on my chest and my heart in my throat.
When Pop knocked on my door, I could even tell by the rhythm that he was going to be way too cheery this morning.
“Wills, sweetheart, I’ve got pancakes here, come and get them while they’re hot,” Pop said, and I just stared at the door in confusion. He never made breakfast.
I pulled on some sweatpants and a hoodie and walked into the kitchen. There he was, with Mom’s old apron on, holding a spatula.
“What’s going on?” I asked. Although I knew exactly what was going on. He was trying to make me forget that he’d said anything about Jo.
“I made pancakes.” He smiled, looking pleased with himself. “Well … I didn’t exactly make them. I bought them at the corner store and heated them up …” Pop slid some pancakes onto two plates and I joined him at the counter.
“Thanks …” I said.
He ignored my one-word answer and kept on trying to spark a conversation with questions.
“Did you sleep well?” “Did you hear about the Kissing Tree?” “Usual party at Krista’s for Halloween?”
No, no, and maybe …
“Nope … Wait. What about the Kissing Tree?” I was suddenly shocked out of my stubbornness.
“It’s safe, for now.” Pop folded a pancake and took a bite.
“The photo booth worked?” I asked, and forgot that I wasn’t supposed to be smiling because I was mad.
Pop shook his head. “Well, yes, but no. Some rich folks put up the money to keep it. The Blakes, that’s right. Something to do with one of their daughters. But great news!”
Carter’s family? So all that James and I had worked on, the photo booth, the stall, the whole night, didn’t even matter. The Blakes just wrote a check and saved the tree while I was running around thinking I was making a difference. Even the Kissing Tree didn’t need me here.
I left my pancakes sitting on the counter and picked up my schoolbag. “Yeah … great news …” I said quietly. Scared that if I spoke any louder Pop would hear the shake in my voice.
Just as I was about to walk out the door, Pop said, “Willa? I’ve got a big job today, up the road in Sandy Peak. I might not be here when you get home from school.”
What else was new? “Yeah, fine,” I said.
“Have a nice day, sweetheart. See you tonight.” He was trying hard, but I wasn’t ready to make up.
I said “Bye” as I slammed the door behind me, making the giant spider I’d put on it shake terrifyingly.
Halloween decorations lined the streets now, along with the regular fall ones.
There were ghosts and witches, black cats and vampires among all the pumpkins.
I thought of Lennie when I walked past the serious decorators.
The ones who set up full cemeteries on their front lawns, with mechanical monsters and smoke machines.
Lennie loved all this. Her house always looked amazing, although one year she went too far and had a cardboard cutout of Michael Myers in her bedroom window, and her mom made her throw it out because of all the complaints.
God, I missed her. My stomach twisted every time she came into my head.
Now she and James were intertwined—if one of them was out of my brain, the other was in it.
School was just as awkward as home had been.
No, scratch that. It was worse. In all the classes I had with Lennie, I’d find myself looking over to her seat.
We’d make eye contact for a few seconds before she looked away and got on with her work.
I even tried to smile at her once. But she didn’t return it, and she spent the rest of the day, and week, ignoring me.
She didn’t reply to any of my messages. Most of them were apologies, but when I couldn’t think of any other ways to say sorry, I just started sending her funny memes and gifs.
She ignored them all, and as if this wasn’t bad enough, kids I barely knew started asking why Lennie and I had had a friendship breakup. Like it was any of their business.
This was all super awkward for everyone in our friend group. Krista and Avery didn’t know what to do with themselves, so at lunchtimes Krista would sit with me and Avery would sit with Lennie, and the next day they’d swap.
Today I had Avery.
“Like can you please just make up? I hate it that you two are fighting, it’s upsetting my aura …” Avery looked at Krista and Lennie longingly. I glanced at them too, and it looked like they were having the exact same conversation we were.
“I’ve tried. I literally don’t know what else I can do. I’ve said sorry a million times.” I ate my lunch so angrily that Avery looked kind of scared and we ended up sitting in silence.
Finally, it was Friday, and I was so sick of this new routine that I sat alone on a bench to eat my lunch.
I took a notebook out of my bag. It was the one from the coffee shop, the one filled with recipe ideas and plans for the Little Acorn. I flipped to one of the few empty pages at the back and made a new list. It quickly became as chaotic as my brain.
STAYING IN OAK FALLS:
Pros:
· Pop (but he has Jo now so …)
· The coffee shop
· Friends (Lennie won’t even talk to me)
· James (Maybe. I don’t understand him, though. One second I’m the best thing in his week. Next, he’s cold and distant. Plus fiancée baggage. And I just told him I want to leave …)
· It’s home (Mom loved it here)
Cons:
· Nobody needs me
· Pop kept secrets for months
· Lennie hates me
· James is hot and cold and confusing
· Nothing ever changes here
· I’ll always wonder “what if”
· Rich people saved the tree—didn’t even need the fundraiser
· Same small town forever
· Watch everyone else’s lives while mine stays stuck
LEAVING OAK FALLS:
Pros:
· $25,000 to see the world
· London, Paris, Rome, Tokyo, everywhere I’ve ever dreamed about
· Meet new people who don’t have expectations – fresh start where no one knows me?
· Adventure
· Pop has someone else now. I don’t have to worry about leaving him alone.
· Won’t have to see James every Saturday
· Carter said Rome was amazing
· It’s literally what Aunt Lisa wanted
· Childhood dream
· No one will even miss me
Cons:
· Deleted (Pop’ll be fine, he has Jo)
· Deleted (Lennie hates me … everyone will be fine without me)
· Deleted (Geoff will be back soon to take over the Little Acorn. And James is there)
· Deleted (James clearly doesn’t want me anyway)
Looking at the list, messy as it was, it seemed so obvious. Why was I even thinking about staying? The only reason would be to try to please everyone else, same as I always did. I wouldn’t be staying for me, I’d be staying for them. And why?
After school, I headed for the bookstore to get a new notebook. One I could start fresh, one that wasn’t full of Oak Falls.
Main Street Books was ready for Halloween too, with twinkling ghost-shaped lights strung up all over the dusty bookshelves.
I headed straight for the stationery section, since I knew exactly what I wanted.
I’d seen it months ago, just after Christmas.
Pop had just bought me a new notebook, so I couldn’t justify the cost. But it was beautiful, a soft green leather.
The fact that Mary-Ellen still had it in stock felt like a sign.
I stroked the soft leather, then brought it to my nose and breathed it in.
This would signal my fresh start. I’d make plans about each city I wanted to visit. Starting with Rome—because why not?!
I left the bookstore feeling happier than I had all week. I wasn’t thinking about anyone else, I was making plans just for me. This wasn’t only a notebook. It was a symbol of my future, of plans I had yet to make and adventures on the near horizon.
But my happiness was short-lived.
Because Sara was walking in. She froze, and so did I.
She pulled her sleeves down over her hands nervously. My heart raced.
And we stood there for what felt like an hour, until we both spoke at the same time.
“Sara, I—”
“Can we talk?”
I nodded. My throat was dry. We moved out of the way, and earshot, of other customers.
“I’m so sorry.” The words tumbled out of my mouth. “I wasn’t thinking. It wasn’t my place, I would never … not intentionally—”
“I know.” Sara cut me off. “Lennie’s told me enough about you to know it was a mistake.”
Guilt pooled in my stomach. “Still, I—”
“But do you know what it felt like?” Her voice cracked slightly. “My brother came home and asked me straight out if I had a boyfriend named Lennie. And then I had to stand there and lie to his face because I wasn’t ready …”