8 Lattes #2
“Sara …” I felt sick.
“I had a plan, you know. I was going to tell my whole family. But then I had to do it right then, before my brother did it for me. And I was terrified, Willa, terrified they’d kick me out or—”
Sara’s voice broke and she wiped her eye with her sleeve.
“I’m so sorry.” Tears were pricking my eyes now too, and shame burned through me. I couldn’t believe what I’d done to her. How careless I’d been with something that mattered so much.
“The thing is, they were actually okay,” Sara said.
“That’s—”
“I know. That’s not the point.” Sara shook her head. “The point is that it should have been my choice, and you took that away from me even if you didn’t mean it …”
She was right. She was completely right.
“You’re right, Sara, I really am so sorry.” I sniffed back tears.
“I know you are.” Sara touched my arm this time. “And I forgive you. I just needed you to know how it felt.” She gave me a sad smile. “Oh, and Lennie really misses you, by the way. She’s just been protective of me. Processing everything.”
I nodded.
“I should go,” said Sara. “But, Willa? Thanks for apologizing. For real. And maybe we can all hang out sometime?”
“I’d like that so much.” I smiled and stood there until Sara disappeared into the bookstore.
She didn’t have to do that. Didn’t have to accept my apology or offer friendship or a way forward. But she had, despite how badly I’d screwed up.
I’d hurt her and she was still giving me a chance.
Almost home, I took out my phone. There was someone else I needed to make things right with now.
Me: Just ran into Sara … I’m so sorry for everything
Me: I know I’ve been the worst friend. I miss you so much
Three little dots appeared almost immediately, then disappeared again. Then reappeared …
Lennie: I miss you too
Lennie: But Sara was so hurt. I was too
Me: I know. I want to do better
There was a pause then. Was that it? I was pretty worried until I read her next message on a different chat.
Lennie: Movie night. Tonight? Everyone? Sara too?
Avery: YES!!!
Me: Want to come to my place?
Lennie: Only if I get to choose the movie …
Krista: No. Lennie is banned from choosing, I’m not watching someone get their head cut off on a Friday night. TSITP rewatch!
Me: I don’t care what we watch, just glad everyone can make it.
Lennie heart emoji’d my message and I held my phone to my chest as I walked down Main Street. Then I saw him. Red flannel shirt rolled up to the elbows, sweeping leaves off the sidewalk. Completely focused on what he was doing.
My feet slowed without permission, and I gazed at James’s profile.
The bone structure that looked so sharp and sculpted from this angle, the way his forearms tensed as he swept the broom firmly against the ground.
Before he could look up and see me, I crossed over to the other side of the street.
I put my head down and kept on walking, while I tried not to replay our kiss in my head.
But how could I ever be brave enough to see the world if I couldn’t even cross the street to say hello?
Pop wasn’t home, so I started making lists in my new notebook. Lists of cities, the hotels and highlights in each one, all mingled with bits of journaling. And as I wrote, something shifted.
I’d screwed up with Lennie and Sara, but people were allowed to mess up and move forward.
And, James, yeah, I’d majorly put my foot in it with him, but maybe he wouldn’t shut me out completely …
And maybe I could want both? To see the world and have something worth coming back to.
Maybe leaving and caring weren’t mutually exclusive?
And maybe I didn’t have to decide just yet …
I opened the fridge, thinking of mac ‘n’ cheese.
Pop’s favorite. Making up with Lennie and Sara had seriously flipped my mood, but it couldn’t be fully fine until Pop and I were good.
I’d keep my momentum going with my friends, maybe with James, too …
I turned Sabrina Carpenter up LOUD and danced along as I started cooking.
Suddenly the music dropped and my out-of-tune singing blared through the kitchen. I looked up, panicked. Pop and Jo were watching me, trying not to laugh.
“Oh my God,” I said, then clamped my hand over my mouth.
Pop let himself laugh then, and it was catching.
The three of us just howled in the kitchen, and when we stopped, the mood at home felt peaceful again, along with the crackling of the fire and the creak of the old floorboards beneath us.
It was like the laughter had washed everything away.
“I thought you were at Lennie’s tonight. Movie night?” Pop looked at Jo, who’d moved so she was standing behind his shoulder. “I can’t keep track.”
I made a face. “Movie night kind of got sidetracked for a while, but it’s back on, and we’re hosting, and it’s not just Lennie coming …”
Pop and Jo looked at each other.
“Krista, Avery, and Sara too,” I told them.
“Phew,” said Pop. “I thought you were gonna tell us you were having a party.”
Jo laughed. “Nothing wrong with a party.” And Pop gave her a look. A look that was natural, and relaxed, and kind of sweet. I could see they really liked each other, and it filled my heart.
James filled my mind then. The looks we’d shared across the coffee shop when Mr. Crossword came in. Or the times he’d caught me watching him at the coffee machine. The kissing …
“Over my dead body. This place is already falling apart.” Pop laughed. “But that’s no problem, Will. We’ll get out of your way. We could go to Pepe’s?” he asked Jo.
“You could stay? If you wanted?” I offered, wondering why the words were coming out of my mouth, but not hating them.
Pop looked at Jo, who shrugged and smiled, indicating it was his decision.
“Are you sure?” Pop asked me carefully.
“Yeah, of course. It’ll be fun.” I smiled at Jo.
She stepped out from behind Pop. “Why don’t I run to the store and get us some snacks. Any requests?”
Pop waved his hand dismissively, then stopped. “If they have any of those peanut butter cups, I wouldn’t say no.”
“I’ll grab enough for seven,” Jo said. “Bye!”
And then it was just us. Pop and me, like always.
“I’m sorry for freaking out,” I apologized. “You’re entitled to your own life.”
“Wills, you had every right. I shouldn’t have kept it from you. And of course, we both have our own lives, as well as the one we share, but up until now, we’ve always told each other everything. I’m the one who’s sorry.”
I shook my head. “Forget it. It’s over.”
“Your mom and I told each other everything. And when she passed, we kept that going. It’s been us against the world for so long that I didn’t know how to deal with it …?”
“We’re good,” I said with a smile. “And, Pop, Jo seems really nice. I can’t wait to get to know her outside the library.”
“She is really nice. Thanks for giving her a chance. And your travels, Will?”
“I think I’m going to do some,” I admitted.
His eyes sparkled. “That’s what I like to hear.”
When Jo was back and my friends arrived, we didn’t really watch the movie.
Well, it was on in the background, but Lennie and Jo were busy talking about books, and Krista, Avery, and I were interrogating Sara about her intentions with our best friend, in a super-chill way, of course.
Pop kind of just sat there and looked at us all fondly, probably relieved that nobody was fighting anymore.
When Pop left to take Jo home, Krista turned to me. “Okay, we grilled Sara about Lennie, and now it’s your turn, Willa Taylor. What’s going on with you and that hot guy from the coffee shop?”
I sighed.
“Well, we’ve kind of been having this weird on-off thing.
Like either full-on making out, or him having a full-on personality transplant and being all cold and weird.
” I felt a rush of … something as I remembered him telling me I was the best thing in his week, just before I announced I was leaving.
“Okay, let’s never not talk again,” Lennie begged. “I’ve missed out on so much.”
“Yeah, seriously, guys, do you know how annoying that was for the rest of us?” Krista asked.
“What she said,” added Avery.
“Continue!” Sara demanded with a grin.
I filled them in on—almost—everything that had happened. I wanted to keep James separate from the stuff about Aunt Lisa. “And well, it’s so strange, because he can be really sweet, like he noticed when one day I didn’t wear my green scarf and he knows my favorite mug at the coffee shop … but …”
“But?” Sara prompted.
“But then, like I said, total personality change to cold and grumpy. I know he had a fiancée, but he hasn’t told me anything about it, or her. So I don’t know if, really, it’s all something to do with that. It’s so confusing.” I exhaled with the relief of sharing my worries.
“You need to go for it, he’s gorgeous,” said Sara. “Have you seen him, Lennie? Like total rugged-on-the-outside, soft-on-the-inside vibes. Like a Tootsie Pop in a flannel shirt …”
Lennie squinted at her. “You got all that from just looking at him?”
“I’m perceptive.” Sara shrugged. “And I only mean gorgeous if you’re into that sort of thing,” she added, embarrassed.
“Are you into that sort of thing?” Lennie gave Sara an exaggerated shocked face.
“I’m into you,” Sara promised, and kissed Lennie quickly on the lips.