9 Lattes #2
I gazed at the page. At the possibilities.
And for a while, it was all I was thinking about.
How much I’d see, how much I’d learn. Now, this was the kind of procrastination I needed.
I scrolled to a video of Emma, one of my favorite travel influencers, and watched her eat moussaka and dolmades, spanakopita and tzatziki.
Oh, to be in Greece! I watched her travel from the crystal-blue waters of the Greek islands to the bright lights of Bangkok.
I wouldn’t even have to be me in all these places.
I could be anyone I wanted to be. And that person certainly wouldn’t be stupid immature Willa Taylor, who thought that an actual grown-up would be interested in her.
No. I wasn’t thinking about him. And I’d just scrolled on to Emma’s latest video, in Auckland, when there was a knock at the door.
I picked up the bowl of candy that Pop had left and made myself smile. Prepared to be fake-scared or real-scared depending on the trick-or-treaters’ costumes.
And I was real-scared. Because it wasn’t tiny little monsters on the other side of the door, it was James. James who I’d been trying to forget all day.
My puffy face, my costume. My bowl of candy.
I didn’t want him seeing any of it, so just as he opened his mouth to say something, I closed the door on him.
Actually, I slammed it. What was he even doing here?
My heart thudded so hard I swore he could hear it from the other side of the door.
My breathing quickened. I couldn’t hide now.
He knew I was there. And he’d caught me in this stupid costume, playing dress-up.
Then there was another knock and a “Red?” I put the candy down, wrapped a coat around myself, and opened the door again.
He was still there. Standing tall and perfect, holding a food container and probably thinking about how he and April could laugh about me later.
“When you didn’t reply to my messages, I figured you were still really sick.
So I thought some chicken soup might help?
” James had become even more “Oak Falls” over the last few weeks, like he was slipping back into the world he’d grown up in.
He was wearing a coat like Pop’s, with a woolly hat that drew my eyes to his jawline.
“Were you wearing that two minutes ago?” he asked me, reaching over to brush the sleeve of my coat. “Weren’t you wearing little shorts?”
“No. What? I was wearing the coat. I’m cold … And I mean, you can come in if you like, but I’m pretty sick. I don’t think I’d risk it if I were you.” I faked a cough.
“I’ll take my chances.” He took up almost the whole doorframe as he walked in, and I reluctantly moved out of the way. “Shall I?” He motioned to the soup and headed straight toward the kitchen, where he found a saucepan and started heating it up before I could tell him No, that’s not okay at all.
I just sat there at the kitchen table as he warmed the soup. He put it in a bowl, took some herbs from a little baggie in his pocket, and sprinkled them on top before passing it to me. He brought herbs?!
“I can’t take the credit,” James admitted. “My mom made it, and I took it out of the freezer. She always makes it for us when we’re sick so I knew there’d be some in there.”
Suddenly I realized how hungry I was.
The soup was delicious and warming, and it sort of thawed me out. When I’d finished the whole bowl, I stood up and took off my coat, forgetting what I was wearing underneath.
James just stared at me. “You look … amazing.”
My face was on fire as I looked down at myself. The tiny shorts, the fitted shirt, way more skin showing than James had ever seen before. It was for a party, not for standing in my kitchen while James Parker looked at me … like that.
“Halloween costume.” I reached for my coat again, but James found my wrist before I could pick it up. And I hated that I felt it again, the shock wave that rolled right over me.
“Are you cold?” he asked, his voice low. Husky.
I shook my head. I definitely wasn’t cold.
“Maybe you don’t need the coat?”
“Yeah, maybe.” I detached my wrist from his grasp and sat down beside him, trying desperately to still be angry. But it was hard. When he had that look on his face, like he wanted me. Like really wanted me.
I felt the urge to lean into him. And then my brain caught up and I remembered why I absolutely couldn’t. I stared into the fire and wished there was a way to burn an image out of your mind.
“I saw you earlier. Outside the shop …” James said gently.
“I … it wasn’t me,” I replied. Quickly. “I’ve been sick. So sick, all day.” I coughed again for effect.
“Was it April? The reason you left?”
I coughed, louder this time. “No. I’m sick. I told you …”
The name hung in the air between us. That meant it was real. She was real. And that meant I’d seen exactly what I thought I’d seen.
If I admitted I’d seen them, I’d have to admit I cared. Then he’d know how much it hurt.
Silence, except for the fire crackling beside us.
“Maybe,” I admitted eventually.
“Can I explain?” And when I turned to look at him, his eyes were wide, and pleading with mine.
I shrugged.
“So that was April. My ex-girlfriend. Actually, my ex-fiancée. We got together really young. I went to Oak High and she went to Madison, this girls’ school in Indiana.”
I nodded, hoping I looked calm. The word ex was whirring around my mind. Ex. I clung to it. But the word fiancée did something else to me. It twisted my stomach. Because fiancée meant serious. It meant a whole future, as well as a whole past … ex. James continued.
“We worked at the same summer camp between junior and sophomore year. That’s where we met.”
I shook my head.
“When we got together it was great. First love. We saw each other every holiday, and we really thought we were going to be together forever. She made me promise I would move to Indiana after I finished school. So I did.” James’s eyes were sad.
I didn’t say anything, didn’t move, just let him continue.
“I mean, it was my choice. I thought I was in love. Even though my mom and dad begged me to take some time, do some more visits, that sort of thing, I was really stubborn then. And kind of grumpy.”
“You, grumpy? I can’t even imagine …” I allowed myself to smile. For the first time there was a little more air in the room.
“But anyway, to make a long story short, I spent a few miserable years working in Indiana, in a job I hated, engaged to a girl who took selfies constantly. Turned out she cared more about likes than she did about me.”
I balanced my chin on my knees. “I’m sure that’s not true …”
James laughed. “Oh, it is. Remember you asked why I stopped my photography? It was the constant Insta pics. Anyway, I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet … a few months ago, I found out she’d been cheating on me. For at least a year.”
“Oh, James,” I said. My heart ached for him.
He ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah … That was tough. And I found out—of course—from Instagram. I hate that stupid app. Some guy tagged her in a post in Pennsylvania when she said she was in Boston for work.”
“Pennsylvania …” I said, it suddenly clicking.
“Penn State …” James filled in the blank. “Yeah, that didn’t help with that Carter kid. But it was the way he looked at you, the way he talked to you, and not just that goddamn Penn State sweatshirt.”
He pulled off his hat, and his dark hair flopped around his face, softening the tense expression.
“You know there was nothing between us …” I said, conscious that I’d moved closer to James. Now I could feel the heat of his leg against my bare one.
“I know. But, Red, there could have been and it would have been none of my business.”
I reached for his hand, and he covered mine, as if to keep it from the cold. Now it all made sense.
She cheated on him. April was the bad guy here, not James. All his walls, his hot-and-cold behavior, it all fit together now. He’d just been trying to protect himself from getting hurt.
And I’d made it worse, talking about Carter, mentioning Rome, poking at wounds I didn’t even know existed.
But why was she here? She’d spent the night.
Reading my mind, my face, James sighed. “She’s been begging me to get back together, and my head has been all over the place—with you …
” My heart raced. “But when she showed up on Friday night, I knew. My feelings for her were just gone. Or maybe they were never there in the first place. Not properly. So I told her the truth. That I was into someone else. And she stayed in the tiny house and I went home to eat soup with my mom and dad.” James smiled sheepishly.
“This morning? That was her leaving for goo—”
Finally, I cut him off. “Sorry, wait,” I said. “You’re into someone else?”
My voice came out smaller than I’d meant it to.
“Yes, Red, I’m into someone else,” James said gently. Then he pushed the hair away from my face, tilted my chin up toward his, and gazed into my eyes. “I’m seriously into someone else.”
“Oh,” I whispered.
Then we kissed. Slowly, softly, perfectly, in front of the glowing fire.