Chapter Eight #2
I’m not Corey. I couldn’t imagine anything she could do driving me crazy, at least in a bad way. “You did work with him?”
“I used to sit in the den with him while he played video games.”
“You work better with company.”
“I’m just used to it. I turn the TV on, but then I end up watching it instead of focusing. Does this bother you?”
“No, actually. I’m fine.” I got the strangest idea then: could I write with her here?
I thought about it for a while, then opened up the doc I’d started the other night.
I read it back to myself, stared at it for a while, then glanced up at Lisa, who was reading another one of the books in her stack, this one about a slow turtle.
Veronica and my other girlfriends had read what I’d written before, but I’d never actually worked in their presence.
What if this muse thing could work in person?
Nope. I couldn’t do it. It felt too intimate, I felt too naked. I closed the doc and got up. “You want something to drink?”
“Maybe just some water, please.” She stretched out and ran her hands through her hair. “It’s stupid to lesson plan most of the time. The kids kind of tangent off into their own things.”
“But you have circle time and stuff like that, right?” I pulled out two glasses and filled them with ice and water.
“Yeah. And we do have lessons. A few of them can read, at least their names, and I try to get all of them to write their first names and a few other words by the end of the year.”
I set the water on the table next to her. “Did you have a good dinner with the other teachers?”
“It was nice. It was nice to vent a bit, and I told them about Corey and me…Nothing beyond that, though.”
“That’s fine. You don’t need to drop all the bombs at once.”
“Yeah. I think they’d be cool. I mean, Michael has a husband.”
“The furry?”
Lisa laughed and whacked at me with the turtle book. It was a paperback. “Elaine is married with kids, and June…”
I waited, but she didn’t continue. I got a bit of a twinge in my stomach. “What about June?”
Lisa shook her head and looked away. “Nothing. She’s really fucking hot but she bounces from boyfriend to boyfriend.”
Damn it. “Crushing on straight girls sucks.”
She grinned. “I know it. It’s not like I want to date her, I just like to look. Anyway, she’s kind of a bitch. What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Do you date?”
“Not since I broke up with Veronica. I mean, it’s not been that long.”
“I guess.”
“Anyway, it’s not like I have all these opportunities.”
She grinned. “Come on. I bet you do.”
I thought for a moment. “Okay, there’s this woman at work who asked me out, but we don’t really have anything in common.”
Lisa’s eyes lit up. “Do you like her?”
“I don’t know her very well.”
“I think you should go out with her. You never know. She could be the one.”
“I seriously doubt that.”
Lisa nudged my foot with hers. “Can’t hurt anything to get back out there, right?”
Right. Except it wasn’t Maudie who made my heart flutter at the very sight of her.
I sat in the waiting room outside Catherine’s office that Tuesday.
A poised woman in sharp business attire was messing with her phone across from me and a man was staring at the floor and silently rocking two chairs over.
I wanted to know the woman’s story. I wondered if she wanted to know what I was doing there, too.
I decided she couldn’t care less and picked at the pile of Psychology Today magazines on the coffee table.
Some of them had been there for years, and I’d read one of them cover to cover waiting for Catherine one day.
Finally, the door opened and Catherine poked her head out. “Hey.”
After the initial visit, therapists didn’t call patients by name in the waiting room.
I didn’t understand why it mattered because we’d all seen one another sitting there, but it wasn’t my business to challenge any rules.
“Hey.” I followed her through the door and down the hall to her office.
As she closed the door behind us, I took my seat on the right side of the sofa, tucked the throw pillow in next to me, and watched her settle into her chair.
“You’re doing well today.”
“Am I?” I hadn’t really thought about it, but I had been feeling pretty good across the board since I’d been spending time with Lisa.
“Well, a lot better than last time.”
“I was on my meds then.”
“Right, but it was right after going home for the wedding.”
I laughed to myself. “Yeah, that was a shit show.”
“It was. You’ve moved past it.”
“I guess I haven’t really thought about it since the last time I was here.”
“Really.”
“Really. I’ve been busy, I guess, with work and stuff.”
Catherine smiled patiently although I knew it drove her crazy when I hedged around things. “What kind of stuff?”
It felt weird to broach the subject, but the whole point of Catherine was talking about things in confidence. Well, and drugs. “Okay. It’s stupid, but I have this neighbor whose husband just moved out and she came out to me. We’ve been spending a lot of time together.”
Catherine’s eyebrows jumped. “Oh?”
“It’s nothing…We’re just friends, but it’s nice to hang out and go on walks and…That stuff, you know?”
“Just friends?”
“Yes.” I felt completely indignant, like I always did when Catherine saw straight through me. “She’s just lonely and wanting a friend. Anyway, she’s not quite divorced.”
“Are you attracted to her?”
“No.”
Catherine waited for a moment, but when I made no move to amend that, spoke. “Lying to yourself or just to me?”
I glowered at her. “Just to you.”
Catherine grinned. “I’m glad to hear that.”
“That I’m lying to you?”
“That you’re ready to let go of Veronica.”
“The point is moot because she’s not interested in me. Like I said, lonely and wanting a friend. She’s busy crushing on one of her co-workers.”
“But whether or not you have an opportunity with this woman, you’re ready to let go.”
“I’ll just fuck things up again.”
“Who says? If you tell yourself that you will, there’s no way around it.”
“History says. I mean, being friends with this woman makes me nervous because I’m probably going to fuck that up.”
“How?”
“The usual. Putting too much of myself out there and making her nervous. Getting jealous of everyone else she hangs out with. Smothering her.”
“That didn’t happen with Veronica.”
“Well, something did.”
“You’re getting better.”
I didn’t know about that. “Someone else did ask me out.”
Catherine looked surprised. It annoyed me. “And?”
“I panicked. What do you think?”
“You know, you need to learn to believe that you’re worthy of people’s interest.”
“The learning curve is steep.”
“Why did you panic?”
“She caught me off guard, mostly. And I don’t know if I’m interested.”
“You don’t know or you’re not?”
I paused to think about that for a while. “I’m not really sure.”
“How might you find out?”
“By hashing it over in my mind for another six months.”
Catherine closed her eyes.
“I know,” I said, steeling myself. “I’ll go out with her.”