Chapter Nineteen
It was finals week. I had only one test Thursday night; Comp Two from six to eight thirty, and I sat at my desk in front of my students proctoring, thinking about the evening before as they worked.
About half of them had laptops, but so many students didn’t have access to a computer that we usually gave tests on paper in person.
Heads were bent over desks, and the scratch of pencils filled the room.
Ollie and I had gone into Lisa’s house after our crash makeup session and we’d ordered Thai, which all three of us ate in the dining room.
After that, we split a bottle of wine and sat together in the living room, cuddled on one side of the sofa, Ollie taking up the other two cushions.
There was so much to talk about, so much to say.
We talked about Lisa’s sister and places we’d vacationed and my appointment with Catherine.
We talked until we fell asleep in one another’s arms, and I finally left at six in the morning when Ollie barked at the garbage truck. It had been heavenly.
I watched the clock on the side wall. It was off by three hours and twenty-six minutes, but if I did the math, I could figure out what time it was.
Seven passed, then seven thirty. I knew I should be correcting my papers from my other sections, but the memories were so lovely.
I’d missed Lisa so much and it was like we’d just jumped back into the relationship right where we’d left off, no animosity. I was so grateful for that.
That was when my phone rang. It was set to silent, but it jumped so I grabbed it right away.
I didn’t feel too badly because Beverly’s phone had gone off out loud earlier during the test, playing the opening of Tyler the Creator’s “Sticky” as its ringtone.
I stood up the moment I saw the readout. Dad.
Not Mom, but Dad. At that point, I would have dropped my teeth if it was Mom, but my father never, ever called. I thought about saying I’d be right back, but the three people who actually looked up didn’t seem to care, so I just slipped outside into the hall. “Dad? What’s up?”
“Well, I’m thinking that you might want to come home early.”
We hadn’t spoken about me coming for Christmas at all. My pulse picked up. “What is going on?”
“Well, your mother fell on the sidewalk and is in the hospital.”
“What?” His voice was completely even, just as it always was. It did nothing to calm me. “Is she okay? Did she break a leg or something?”
“Well,” he started again, but stopped. There was silence. “She hit her head and is in a coma.”
“What?” I ran my hand through my hair, thoughts swirling around my head so fast they made me dizzy. “How long ago was this?”
“Oh, about two hours ago. I thought you’d want to know.”
Yes, I’d fucking want to know. I wanted to know a lot of things, like how something like this could happen when she just fell on the sidewalk. I wanted to call Kevin, but I tried to retain my cool and checked the time. “I have forty more minutes of a test, but I can get someone else to cover it.”
“You don’t need to hurry,” Dad said. “She’s in a coma.”
What the fuck? “Dad,” I warned him. “I can be there in five hours.”
“Well, don’t speed.”
“Dad.”
“Any more than usual, I guess.” He chuckled. I wanted to hit something. My mother was in the hospital and something, anything, was funny?
Once off the phone, I snuck back into the classroom and gazed at the students.
Several were still working, but four got up and collected their things as soon as they saw I’d returned.
They each handed me their test, and Calvin wished me a merry Christmas.
I smiled at him gratefully, but knew I was in for a really shitty one.
I sat there stewing, Googling head injury and coma for a while, then, when only three people were left, texted my brother. What the fuck is going on? Dad called to say Mom is in the hospital???
Nothing, not even the little ellipsis. I stared at it forever, but nothing.
If he was at the hospital with Dad, what else did he have to do than answer my text?
I thought about calling Missy, but I assumed she would probably be home with the kids rather than at the hospital and might not know anything more than I did.
Talia took every last second with her test, scribbling now and then, erasing, scribbling again. I finally stood up at eight thirty. “Are you finished?”
“As finished as I’m going to be, I guess.” She sighed and gathered her coat and backpack. “Thank you, Dr. Travis. I really enjoyed this class and I hope I get you again before I’m out of here!”
I smiled. I usually corrected people who called me doctor, but I let it go. “Have a good holiday, Talia.”
“You too.”
I packed everyone’s tests away in my bag, then locked my door, ran down the hall, and took the stairs stupid fast. I wished I wasn’t parked in the second lot, and for the first time ever, I wished I wasn’t four hours from Saulsbury.
Once at home, I was like a tornado. I let Ollie out, then realized it was too late to drop him off to be boarded, if I’d even be able to get a spot.
Still grabbing clothes and throwing anything I thought I could possibly need in a suitcase, I called Lisa’s number, switched it to speaker, and stuffed the phone in my bra so I could keep it with me while I was moving.
She answered almost right away. “Hey, what’s up?” She sounded surprised and sort of bewildered; I always texted instead of calling.
“Hey.” A rush of calm came over me at the sound of her voice. “I have a massive favor to ask of you.”
“Anything. What do you need?”
“My mother’s in the hospital and I have to run up there right now. If I can get Ollie in at daycare for boarding could you drop him off tomorrow morning?”
“Of course. I’ll let him out in the morning one way or another. And if you can’t get him in, I can bring him here.”
“Oh, thank you,” I sighed. “Thank you so much.”
“What happened? Is she sick?”
All of a sudden, it hit me, and it hit me hard. “She hit her head and is in a coma,” I said. My voice felt strained. I wouldn’t have thought in one million years I’d cry over something like this, but it was threatening to happen.
“Oh my God, Sam. Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I said, although I was positive I wasn’t. “My dad called while I was at school and he didn’t say much.”
“Are you on your way?”
“About to get in the car. I can’t thank you enough.”
“I’ll call about boarding,” she said. “You don’t need to worry about it. You go to the Bark Park, right?”
“Yes,” I whispered. We’d just gotten back together and all at once I felt kind of married. It was reassuring. “Thanks.”
“Drive safe and text me when you get in, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Promise?”
I had to smile, although I felt absolutely raw. “Yes.”
By the time I let Ollie in, the tears had started. I didn’t know where they were from or why they were streaming down my face, but they were, and I took a moment to bury my forehead in Ollie’s short, silky coat. “I love you, old man. Be good for Lisa, okay?” I knew he would.
The car was still warm from coming home from school, but I was shivering anyway. I cranked up the heat and remembered to flip on the headlights halfway down the block. I was still swiping angrily at the tears and feeling completely conflicted.
I hadn’t spoken to her in two and a half weeks.
She’d ignored all of my messages. And it was my fault.
On the one hand, it only made sense that I was freaking out.
My mother was in the hospital, I had no other information, and the last time I’d seen her she was horrified because of what I’d done.
I should be freaking out. On the other hand, we had such a volatile relationship.
She’d never been happy with anything I did, never been proud of me.
I could never, ever be good enough, and while it wasn’t the only reason I was fucked up but good, it certainly hadn’t helped.
I wished I knew how to feel, but I didn’t, so I snuffled and felt sick to my stomach and headed onto the highway.
I made it about an hour without stopping.
I needed gas, I’d forgotten to pee before leaving home, and the dinner I’d had before proctoring the test wasn’t cutting it.
I found a large travel plaza on a lonely exit, and pulled off.
By then, I’d gotten my act together, but I still felt like shit.
As I stood at the gas pumps ducking deeper into my coat, I took out my phone, wondering if I should call Dad again or if he’d just well at me and pretend like this wasn’t huge.
I texted my brother again, more of the same.
Are you okay? Please tell me what’s going on?
I used the bathroom, pulled a Coke from the cooler, and ferreted around the aisles for something that looked good. Nothing looked good, so I grabbed a bag of pretzels and a candy bar and waited in line to check out. Still nothing from my brother.
Before leaving, I sent one more text, this one to Vera. My mother is in the hospital in Illinois and I’m on my way up. I’m supposed to proctor tests tomorrow and Saturday. I’m not sure what to do.
To my surprise, Vera responded before I could get my seat belt on. I’ll proctor them myself, just email me the tests tomorrow morning. We’ll figure out how to score them. Don’t you worry about it though. I’ve got this. Good luck and be safe.
Thank you. I couldn’t believe I had such wonderful friends and colleagues. That just made me tear up again.