30. Georgie #3
"No. Don't try to get out of this now. I'm only going to say this once.
Okay? You are acting like your father right now.
He didn't want people to see him struggle.
He didn't want people there to support him when he couldn't himself.
He didn't want me, and I was fine with it.
I had you, and that was more than enough for me.
And I know I raised you to be smart and kind and confident and strong in the face of your adversities.
I have never known you to be so... cowardly. "
I choke out a sob. I didn't even know the tears were coming until she said that.
She doesn't hold back, though, she keeps going, "Georgie, I don't mean to hurt you.
But you're being an idiot, and you're not an idiot.
Brandon, now he was an idiot. He cared about what you couldn't give him, what he wasn't going to have in a life with you.
He didn't see all that you could give, and what you wanted with him.
He only cared how he could get away without doing a single thing.
He resented you for all the wrong reasons, and never saw the right reasons to stay.
But Georgie, this one is different. Noah is different.
And I know, I know it has to be your decision, and I know you're scared that he will walk away like Brandon did.
But I don't think he will. I think... I think he cares very deeply about you, and you've said it yourself he's never tried to change you or fix you or hurt you in any way.
If anything, you're hurting him by not letting him be here.
Honey, I love you. But you need tough love right now, or you're going to ruin something that could be...
" she lets out a breath, as if in deep thought.
I have no words. I don't know what to say or do. She hit me right where it hurts, opened me up and bared every fear and worry and thought in my mind without even trying to.
"You will be the one to decide what's best for you, Georgie.
But don't lead that kind boy on if you're only going to break his heart.
He doesn't deserve to have what Branden did to you done to him.
" Mom clears her throat, "This is lunch for you, I heated it in the microwave up here before bringing it in, so it should still be hot.
But I have to go now, I'm having lunch with Abi.
" This was a topic I could talk about. This, I could do.
"You two are talking again?"
"Yes. She invited me to lunch, and I accepted. Gives you some free time to think, I hope. I love you, Georgie." She kisses my forehead, cutting the conversation short and leaving the room before I can ask anything further.
True to her word, I am alone with nothing but my thoughts and the soft clicks of the IV machine.
I wipe away the tears, putting my head back against the crinkling hospital pillow, begging someone, something, to send me a sign.
To tell me what I need to do. Mom can't make my decision for me, and I know what she wants me to do.
I have to think about Noah, his feelings, his future desires and if I think I can give him that.
If I can't see myself being able to provide him the life he dreams of, I need to walk away.
Why does love have to be this difficult?
"Georgie!" Joanna skips her way into my room with a smile on her face, holding a light brown teddy bear with a white ribbon around its neck. I know in my gut who that is from.
"Who's this?" I gesture to the bear. Joanna, my favourite nurse during this stay, wiggles the bear at me and says with a grin, "Your boyfriend brought him. Who, strangely, you had me send away. I'm going to need details on that."
"I'm sick. He's perfect. Such is life," I shrug, taking the bear and begrudgingly; I smile when I see that Noah has written my name and his on the ribbon in a sharpie. Tied up in the ribbon is a tiny note, and I take it out to read it, not caring that Joanna is there to see my reaction.
Hope you feel better beary soon. Get it?
Seriously. I miss you. Let me see you. I miss you.
Followed by 11 more lines of I miss you in his beautifully messy boy scrawl.
"Seems to me like he's showing you he really cares, and he's very, very good looking, might I add."
"That he is." I sigh, snuggling the bear close. "But therein lies the other problem. He could get anyone he wants, someone healthy. Someone pretty. Someone flawless like him."
"Sounds like he's already found the person he wants.
Just my two cents." Joanna shrugs and heads for my door, before turning around to ask, "The next time he stops in, because I know he'll be back, if he asks, I will tell him the reason he can't see you is because you asked for that barrier to be in place.
I can't lie to him or play buffer and can’t expect that of the other nurses; it doesn't feel right to bring them into it either. I overheard your mom earlier. She’s right, you know.
You can push and push him away, but sorry kiddo, that's something you have to choose to do on your own. We can’t do it for you.. " She walks away, and I am left alone.
Guess I got what I asked for, right?