31. Georgie
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
GEORGIE
It seems that everyone knows what's best for my love life except for me.
My mother is mad at me, Nurse Joanna has distanced herself because of my decision to continue to not let Noah visit, even though I have not let go of the bear once since she brought it to me.
And Franny is Franny, and she's dealing with her own shit right now, while also taking care of my dog. Here’s the bed I made; now I lie in it.
The day that I get released, Mom stops by to help me pack the bag of clothes I had her bring.
My ass is still a pain, literally and figuratively, and I wait until the doctors do afternoon rounds to clear me, to take the IV out of my arm, to let me go home and shower in peace without a nurse hovering like I am going to slip and crack my head open. It only almost happened once, okay?
As I sit and fiddle with the ribbon on my bear, waiting, and waiting, and anxiously hoping that I will make it home without having a run in with Noah before I am ready, I'm startled by a sound at the door of my room. When the person stops walking, clears their throat, I look up.
Sienna stands outside my door, her one hand on her enormous bump and the other on the strap of her purse on her shoulder.
Her maroon and rose flower patterned maxi dress flows gracefully like it was meant for her.
Her hair is curled, and she does not look happy.
In the slightest. Her soft pink lips are pursed, her hip is cocked, and she taps her foot to a non-existent beat.
"What are you doing here?” I ask her with a smile, deflecting.
"Checkups every week until this one makes their entrance. Noah told me where to find you, since you won't let him in." Her tone isn't intentionally snarky, but is clearly a call out.
"You look amazing," I tell her, changing the subject.
Her face softens as she says a small 'thank you,' before shaking her head and returning to stoic-faced and angry eyes, "No, I'm supposed to be mad at you. You fucked up. Or... you're fucking this up."
I flounder like a fish as she walks further into the room, and I move out of her way so she can sit.
You do what you have to do to ensure the pregnant person is comfortable.
Always. Sienna sits on the end of my bed and turns to face me.
She seems relieved to be sitting. She's nearly there, due in November.
Less than a month to go now. She looks exhausted, and beautiful all at once.
"You need to fix this, Georgia. I mean it, I like you, I really like you.
Hell, my parents even liked you, and they don't like anyone. But Noah is really struggling. You sent him away, you didn’t even say why.
He feels rejected. He would never tell you any of this, he's too sweet.
But Noah's fatal flaw is that he falls way too fast, he cares way too much, and he feels every emotion so wholeheartedly. So this game that you’re playing, this back and forth with his heart? It's going to ruin him."
I can't say a word, can't move, can't breathe. I squeeze my Noah bear a little tighter, ignoring how her eyes watch my every move. I feel like a ball has lodged itself permanently in my throat. I want to scream, to cry, to defend myself. But Sienna isn't saying anything that I don't already know.
"I..." I clear my throat.
She continues, "My brother is a good man.
He's too good for this world, sometimes.
I tend to scare people off when they meet me, because I am in their face and give them the ultimate test to see if they even compare to him.
Noah deserves the world and more, so I am very picky when it comes to the people in his life by default.
I didn't need to be that way with you. You were strong, confident, a beautiful person and I thought...
'Well, shit, maybe he's finally found someone good enough for him.
Maybe this will be the one.' I thought you were happy in his arms. I saw the way you fit together.
I still see how he looks when you're even mentioned, Georgia.
You're like the sun in his universe. So, I'm just here to tell you if you're going to break his heart, let him down easy but for his sake, get it over with.
If you want this to work, you need to figure out how to fix it because...
Hold on, I need to know. Do you love him? "
I say nothing, but I know in saying nothing, I am saying everything. I know my face betrays me.
She nods. "I thought so. I can see it for you two, I do. But you both need to get your heads out of your asses."
I finally say something, "Sienna, I don't want to hurt him. But I think staying with him will inevitably be doing the same thing as leaving."
She looks at me with that pointed, narrow gaze. Huffing out a frustrated laugh, she shakes her head, "You both really are oblivious."
"How so?"
Sienna tucks her hair behind her ears. "When Ricardo and I first got together, my parents were disgusted.
I thought maybe it was because he was not from this country, but they had never been like that in the past. I later learned it was because they knew that once my head was turned away from my career that I would have new dreams. They only wanted to see me succeed.
They were so driven by their own career-forward minds, they forgot about what I wanted.
When I decided to step away from school to get married and have a family, my parents took it personally.
I never lost sight of what I wanted, even when they threatened me with anything they could and tried to bribe me back.
My parents come from a place of love; they just have a different way of showing it.
They're hard on Noah and me because they want us to be successful, because they struggled for the longest time, and they wanted us to be happy.
But they didn't realize that we —specifically I—could be happy with what I had right here. " She pats her stomach.
"What I'm saying is Noah is seeking a connection with someone because he wants the unconditional love he didn't have with our closed-off, strive-for-success parents.
And the reason I told you about me, is because I see a lot of myself in you.
You're sick, I get it. It's never going to be perfect.
But he doesn't need perfect. He needs someone who's going to watch the next episode of that horrid TV show with him, someone to show him that he can be loved for who he is now, and not for the success he could've had but didn't go after like our parents wanted.
What I'm saying is that you both can't see what is right in front of your faces.
And if you both don't address this... whatever the fuck it is, it's never going to work. "
This is a lot to process. I barely have time to wrap my head around everything she's said.
This is the third person to tell me to get my ass in gear, to tell Noah everything.
To show him the reasons why I've pulled away instead of hiding behind the barriers I created.
I am about to tell her about Brandon, to explain the relationship that turned my outlook on having someone at my side through all this into an outlook of being alone and suffering alone to save them the burden, but I don't get the chance.
Sienna doubles over in pain, gasping and reaching out for the first thing she can grab and squeeze, which happens to be my hand.
"What's happening?" I ask, holding her hand tightly back.
"I don't know? I don't feel right—" She says softly, eyes wide as she looks up at me. Her hand grips her side, and she gasps again, squeezing hard. "Georgie—"
"Is it Braxton Hicks?"
"No, I've had those before this is—ah—fuck this hurts. A lot." She whimpers.
"Okay, okay. Sienna, it's okay. I'm right here. Let me just—" I ding the call bell for help, pushing it over and over and shouting, "Can I get some help in here?"
Sienna gasps, looking panicked, "Georgie, I'm scared."
"It's okay. You're going to be okay. This baby is going to be okay. I'm right here." I keep reassuring her, touching her tummy gently. I can feel the tightening and releasing of her muscles, and I know that can't be good. Is it contractions? Is it something worse?
"Everything okay, Georgie—Oh! Hello." Joanna stumbles when she realizes it's not me in distress, but Sienna.
"I don't feel right, I feel—" She grits her teeth, and squeezes her eyes shut. "My baby, it's my baby, please. Help me."
"Stay right where you are, okay?" Joanna’s eyes widen, she jumps into action as she backs out the door to shout down the hall.
Sienna’s grip tightening on my hand.
Joanna comes right back to Sienna’s side.
"I just had a coworker call up to Labour and Delivery.
Something tells me we might be having a baby.
" With permission, she kneels in front of Sienna, pulling up her dress to have a look at what’s happening.
I look away, still holding Sienna's hand tightly. I hear Joanna curse softly.
"What is it?" Sienna asks softly, her face pressed into the crease of my neck, hiding.
"I don't want to say for sure, I'm not an expert like the L see the way he twists his fingers in anxious worry. "Georgie, I'm scared,"
All at once, anything I was feeling, suppressing, hiding, it all fades away.
Noah breaks my resolve with three simple words that ring loud and clear in the other words he doesn't say.
Georgie, I'm scared. It might as well have been I need you.
I turn to him, I open my arms and let him fill the space I worked so hard to create, so hard to maintain.
He fits perfectly, just as I knew he would.
I hold his trembling body close to mine, and we don't say a single word.
Everything left unsaid looms around us, but right now this is what he needs.
He doesn't need explanations or reasons why; he doesn't need excuses or reassurances that everything will be ok.
He just needs this moment of silence, this embrace.
He needs to know he's not alone. That I can do.
When Ricardo arrives, and has to tell him everything, he needs my hand in his, a gentle squeeze as if to say I am not going anywhere. I am here.
I just have to hope that's good enough for now.