Chapter 4
Four
Lacey
After Cole leaves, I sit in the empty, echoing, sparsely-furnished house, sipping coffee and wondering how in the actual hell I managed to end up here, now, like this.
Alone.
Black eye.
With an ex that can barely stand to be in the same room with me.
God, he's in so much pain. It radiates off of him in palpable waves, but I don't think even his closest friends—Nyx, Felix, and Riley—could see it. He's always hidden his emotions behind a stolid, implacable wall of easy-going charm. He feels deeply, however.
I suppose I should find it weird that I can see the hurt and the grief and the anger in him, even after all these years apart. He's still the same Cole, I guess. Just…older, wiser, stronger, and to be honest, hotter.
Way, way hotter.
He's so much bigger, my good god in heaven.
His shoulders were always broad, but now they could eclipse the sun.
His arms are brawny and thick, his thighs massive.
And his hands. Lord have mercy. Were they always that huge?
I hold the mug he left, boggling. His one hand wrapped around the barrel of the mug, making it look like one of those little white porcelain diner mugs, whereas I can't fit one hand even halfway around the thing.
Even both hands don't quite wrap around it.
And I can't help but wonder how those hands would feel—
No.
Nope.
God, I'm horny.
That's part of the conflict. My sex life with Eddie was…
better than nothing? Hit or miss at best. But it's been weeks—months.
It was a slow slide of distance, Eddie gradually pulling away, leaving me alone and lonely.
And I'm no cheater. I thought about it, too.
I know what I look like—I know I could find someone to scratch the itch.
If Eddie hadn't hit me and if his newest side piece wasn’t a literal child, I may have—probably would have—thought seriously about an "arrangement" where he has his side piece and I have mine.
But I don't think I could ever do that anyway.
I'm a one-man girl. Always have been. I've always felt that if you feel the need to cheat, your relationship is, at least, on the rocks, if not over. And once you cheat, it is over.
That's just me.
But then, I knew he was fucking around for years—from day one, most likely. So me pontificating about that is kind of a throwing-stones-in-glass-houses sort of thing.
But now I'm officially divorced; Eddie didn't fight it, mainly because I didn't ask for much, and I didn’t exactly leave him a choice.
My car, my few belongings, a cash settlement, and reasonable alimony are what I got out of it.
He can have the house, the country club membership, his Lambo, his golf clubs, his mistress, his friends, everything. I just want to be gone. Done.
But now…what?
I have no life outside of the one I'd built with Eddie. I have a law degree and passed the bar, but never tried a single case on my own, and I haven't practiced a single day since I quit—at Eddie's “request”.
So I have no career, no experience, no references.
No real friends. I'm not close with my parents—not after what happened, not after how they reacted.
They've apologized since, but the damage is done.
I see them for two weeks a year at Christmas, usually—and even that's too much, most years; this year?
No fucking way I could tolerate them. I called Mom on the way up while I was stuck in traffic and told her I was divorced and not coming down to Palm Beach this year.
Her response? "Well, Lacey, what I'd like to know is what you did for Eddie to want to divorce you. That man is a saint to have taken in a fallen woman like you."
Yeah, they haven't changed. And yes, she really called me a fallen woman.
Palm Beach can burn.
The sliding glass door opens—Felix. Bleary-eyed, blinking at me sleepily and confused, hair a mess, in a T-shirt and jeans. "The fuck?" He scrubs his hand in his hair. "Lace?"
"Hey there, Fee. Riley told me I could crash here. I…I don't have anywhere else, at the moment."
His eyes latch onto the extra mug of still-steaming coffee on the table in front of me—Cole's exhaust fumes are still swirling in the driveway. "Coffee?"
I gesture at it with my mug. "All yours. Cole brought it over for me. You just missed him."
"Yeah, the man's pathologically incapable of sleeping past fuckin' six in the goddamn morning, no matter how late he was up.
" He collapses heavily onto the cheap leather couch they've put in here for staging purposes and collects the mug, sipping and swallowing with a sigh of relief. "So. You're back."
"Fee, I…"
He holds up his hands. "I'm sure everyone and their brother is hounding you for the story.
Far's I'm concerned, that's between you and Cole.
All I'll say is that the man's been through hell, so just…
tread carefully, yeah? He's a good man. He works his ass off for this community.
You guys' past is yours to figure out, and it ain't anyone else's business what went on. "
I blink slowly, absorbing his statement. "Been through hell? Beyond what happened with us?" I let out a sharp, short sigh. "Beyond me leaving like I did, I mean."
He nods. "Ain't my story to tell. But in the space of less than three years, he lost you overnight without an explanation—and I'd like to think I knew you well enough to know you had to have a good reason, at least in your own mind—and then he lost his father, and then his mother."
My heart twists so hard tears spring into my eyes. "What?” I’d known they both passed, but lacked any details.
He nods. "Craig Mannix died in a car accident while Cole was in the academy.
Cole's always suspected…well, that ain't mine to talk about.
Point is, he lost his dad barely a year after you left.
Those two things alone fuckin' wrecked him.
But then his mom…" he shakes his head. "Fuckin' awful, that was.
Contracted pneumonia, went to the hospital, got some other infection, and she just never left.
Died in the hospital after a month and a half of excruciating agony.
That was a year and a half after his dad's passing. "
I blink tears away. "Jesus."
"Miracle he's still here and not a drunk.
He shows up every day for the people of Three Rivers with a smile on his face and that fuckin' stupid charm of his.
You'd never know how much pain he's hiding. He thinks we don’t see it, me and Nyxie and Rye.
But we do. Just ain't shit we can do about but be his buds. "
"God, Fee. I had no idea."
He shrugs. "Course not. You weren't here." He winces. "I don't mean that how it may have sounded."
"I know most people hate me, Felix. I get it. I hurt Cole."
"Hate is a strong word."
"But accurate."
He tilts his head to one side, indicating doubt or disagreement. "I think most of us, like Cole, just don't understand."
He tosses back the last of his coffee and stares into the bottom of the empty mug with a comical expression of sadness on his face.
"I gotta shower and hit the office. My guys will be here to work in the basement around eight.
You're welcome to hang around, but it won't be peaceful once they show up. "
"Cole said Cammy Reynolds has a B-and-B on the Minnetonka. I'm gonna go see if I can get a room there. I just needed somewhere to crash for the night."
"Well, it ain't a problem, but Cammy's place is nice. I did some work on it a few years ago. Redid the bathrooms and replaced the deck." He grins. "Plus, she makes a hell of a cup of coffee, and her cinnamon rolls are to fuckin' die for, no lie. Makes 'em from scratch."
"Yeah, Cole said the tourists rave about her food."
“She made coffee and cinnamon rolls for us when we did the work on her place. If the rest of her food's anything like her cinnamon rolls, you won't go hungry."
"Speaking of hunger, where do I get a good breakfast around here these days?"
"Uh, can't go wrong with The Good Egg, on the corner of Main and Compass. Or The Alt, Layla and Lainey's place, on the south end of town right on the Crooked Trout. They do mainly vegan and veggie stuff, but it's good food despite that."
I laugh. "Good to know. Thanks. I think I'll try The Good Egg. Not sure I'm ready to face the inquisition of the Cartwright girls just yet."
He snorts softly. "I understand that." He juts his chin at my now-empty mug. "I'll take those back to Nyx's if you want."
"Sure, thanks."
He hesitates at the sliding door, the three mugs dangling from one index finger. "Lace…if you could—"
I cut in over him. "I already promised him an explanation, Fee.
He deserves one, and I owe it to him, if nothing else.
I just…it's a lot, and there's a lot of pain involved with the story for me too.
It's…it's just a lot, Fee. Like, a shit-ton of baggage that's no less heavy for being fifteen years old. "
Fourteen years, two months, one week, and five days, to be exact.
But that's part of the story.
And not a path I can handle at this moment. Or ever, really. My eyes burn and my gut clenches just thinking about …that.
Felix nods, tugging open the slider. "I don't hate you, Lace.
None of us from the old crew does. We just…
all we know is Cole's side, his hurt. I'm sure you've got yours, and I feel for you.
Only one way to get a shiner like that, and all the old baggage aside, if the motherfucker who did that to you shows up, there'll be a line all the way down Main Street of guys who'd beat his fuckin' face in. "
"I appreciate the sentiment, Felix, but there's a one in a million chance Eddie Fascinelli cares enough about me to chase me up here.
" I point at the black eye. "This was the first and only time he did this.
He did plenty of other horrible shit, but I had divorce papers in his hands within twenty-four hours of this backhand. "
"Good for you. Truly."