Chapter 18
Early the next morning, Corinne knelt before her little altar and closed her eyes. It had only been one day since Vera’s visit, and the conversation stung like a fresh wound. Somehow, though, Corinne also felt…lighter.
Vera’s loss hurt, but the fear of wondering what others might think, the worry that Vera secretly believed she wasn’t good enough, had vanished.
Corinne knew exactly what Vera thought of her now, and it was likely anyone else who’d heard about her transgressions thought the same. All she could do was try to be better.
I can’t think of anyone less deserving of such treatment.
More of that hope flickered within her. Aryel hadn’t judged her that night she’d had an episode in front of him, and still had confidence in her abilities, in her goodness.
Vera wouldn’t approve of a close friendship with the prince and the others she’d met here, but Corinne had spent the past fifteen years pushing away everyone but Vera, and it had done nothing to prevent her from making mistakes.
What if she could allow herself to find comfort and confidence in others to find her way back to her purpose? What if she could strive to be the person they believed she was?
Corinne didn’t execute the full weekly ritual; she’d done it only yesterday, and this was simply an additional communion with Helaera. Breathing in the fresh morning air wafting through her open windows, Corinne started to sing.
Fear not, my dear one, the sun will still rise
My Light will greet you when you open your eyes
You won’t remember the shadows that fell
Hold tight in moonlight, and I’ll keep you well
Normally when they’d sung this song at the monastery, a fiddle or flute or harp would accompany them, and Corinne could almost hear the instruments in her head as she sang the second verse.
Look not to futures that may not arise
Keep faith and look for my star in the sky
You won’t be lost here, you’ve found a home
Wield now the sunlight, wherever you roam
The scent of impending rain hung in the air when Corinne stepped into the alcove and greeted the guard who’d been at Aryel’s door overnight. The woman yawned and walked off, and Aryel emerged from his room several minutes later. He’d consistently been awake before noon for the past week.
“Hi, Corinne,” he said, adjusting the cuff on his dark blue sleeve.
“Hi, Ari,” she said, and his eyes lifted to hers, a lopsided smile on his face.
The flood of warmth behind her navel didn’t scare her this time; she could do this. She was above temptation now, resigned to her life and her duty here.
She escorted Aryel to the kitchens, where workers tossed him a scone, fully expecting his visit.
They tossed one to Corinne, too, and she caught it with a grateful nod.
She ate it quickly, uncomfortable with having either of her hands occupied when she was meant to be guarding Aryel.
It had been baked with raspberries, and she nearly sighed at the taste even as she practically inhaled it.
Goddess, Corinne, eat the roll, don’t inhale it.
The memory of Vera’s lighthearted admonishment sent a pang through her heart.
Had it truly been lighthearted then, or had Vera always seen her as some trainee in danger of straying?
Had she lied all these years about not judging her based on who her father was, what he had done?
Aryel arrived at the library, and Corinne joined him inside despite the limited visitors within. It was still awkward to stand in corridors with twice as many guards walking around. Servant activity had also increased with all the nobles now staying on the grounds.
So Corinne took up a spot by the end of one of the stacks, with a full view of the library entrance and Aryel at a table piled high with books. His brow scrunched up as he read and then scribbled something down on parchment. What was he studying so intently?
A book tumbled to the floor to her left, and Corinne turned to find Nik crouching between the stacks to retrieve it. She hadn’t even heard him approach.
“Hi, Nik,” she said, and the surprise on his face when he looked at her turned her stomach.
One day she would figure out how to avoid doing and saying the wrong thing so she could live without this constant shadow of guilt.
“Hi, Corinne,” he said, straightening with the book in his hands. “Are we on speaking terms again, then?”
She grimaced. “I’m sorry. I was…it doesn’t matter. I’m sorry.”
Nik offered her a small smile, adjusting his glasses with one hand. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Helaera honors your capacity to forgive, and I’m grateful for it,” Corinne said.
Nik approached her, patting her shoulder. “Wonderful. Now can you forgive Danai and me for scandalizing you in the gardens?”
An embarrassed laugh caught in her throat. “Only if you promise never to speak of it again.”
Nik grinned broadly at her. “Deal.”
Nik returned to his work, and Corinne stood steadily at her post as others filed in and out of the library over the next hour.
Councilor Toro appeared, approaching Aryel and speaking with him at length, both of them occasionally pointing to the text of a book Aryel had open on his table.
Corinne couldn’t make out what they were saying, but it seemed they were trying to solve some sort of problem.
Nik was shelving several books in the stack next to Corinne when Councilor Toro noticed him and stood, bidding Aryel farewell.
“Nik,” Councilor Toro said, his smile bright. “Danai tells me you’ve reached a breakthrough in your studies on ancient texts?”
“I wouldn’t call it a breakthrough,” Nik said. “Not yet, at least. But Danai is ever the optimist.”
“That they are,” Councilor Toro chuckled. “Very well. I’ll see you the evening after next, then?”
“I’ll be there,” Nik said. He tilted his head toward Corinne. “I’ve told Corinne she ought to join us.”
“I wouldn’t want to overstep,” Corinne said quickly, cheeks flushing.
Councilor Toro looked to her, an open smile on his kind face. “You would be most welcome, dear. Please do join us if you can.”
The councilor bid them both a good day before departing, and Nik huffed a soft laugh.
“I told you there was no imposing on the Mykotas household,” he said.
Corinne’s smile faded as she turned her attention back to Aryel, who now looked worried instead of just perplexed as he stared at the books and parchment before him.
“Everything all right?” she asked, approaching his table.
He sighed, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his face.
“The eastern farmlands did not yield as much as we’d hoped this past year,” he said.
“Their stores are running low. The lands in the west produced plenty, but figuring out a way to transport that food quickly and securely has been a challenge. We can’t let this issue continue into the summer and autumn, or we will have a crisis come winter. ”
Corinne glanced at the maps, books, and notes strewn about the table. “And this is a new issue?”
“There was a similar problem about a hundred years ago, according to several accounts I’ve read,” he said. “But we have a greater population now, and the location of the villages provides additional complications that our predecessors did not have to handle.”
He pointed to the villages in question on the map, and Corinne frowned.
“Could the Lightguards not help?” she asked.
Aryel paused. “You think they could?”
Corinne shrugged. “They travel around more than anyone in the kingdom, and our magic could quickly remedy any ailments along the road and prevent animals from approaching the wagons of food.”
Aryel blinked at her, one hand scratching his jaw as he considered it. “That would be brilliant.”
“I can write to them if you’d like,” Corinne said. “As soon as today.”
Aryel gave her that lopsided smile again, and she ignored the flush that crept up her neck.
“Thank you, Corinne.”
She offered him a smile and nod in return. “Those people are under the protection of the Crown and the Lightguards, and it’s our duty to serve them.”
His face turned pensive for a moment, and a bit of doubt crept along Corinne’s skin. Perhaps it wasn’t acceptable to describe the royals as servants to the people, and she’d somehow offended him.
“Let’s hope that the other Lightguards are half as willing to help as you are,” Aryel said.
As Aryel went back to poring over the books and papers, Corinne shook off the nagging fear that his skeptical tone was warranted. She’d send that message later, ask for the help needed, and perhaps help strengthen the tie between the Crown and the Lightguards as the two great pillars of Ashera.
Few others ventured into the library during Aryel’s stay, and Corinne was grateful for the quiet as she returned to her post by the stacks. Perhaps the other nobles had all drunk themselves unconscious the previous night and were still recovering.
“Corinne?”
She turned at Nik’s approach, offering him a little smile.
“Danai and Iliana will be outside training tomorrow at the usual time,” he said as he placed another book away on a nearby shelf. He gave a little shrug. “Just in case you wanted to know.”
More guilt settled in Corinne’s gut at the thought, but she knew it wouldn’t dissipate until she spoke to them.
She nodded once. “That is good to know,” she said. Stay the course. “Do you…are they angry with me?”
“Angry? No,” Nik said, placing his hands in the pockets of his tan trousers. “Perhaps a little confused. I’m sure you can clear things up.”
Corinne wished she had such confidence. Knowing that she’d suspected them of spying at first, when in reality they’d been genuinely kind to her with no other motive…she had to try. Helaera guide me.
“I will try,” she said.