Chapter 19
Corinne took a deep breath before stepping outside the castle doors onto the training grounds the next day. Heavy clouds obscured the sun, but she still had to squint in the diffused light of midmorning. A cool breeze ran through her hair and ruffled the long sleeves of her white tunic.
Aside from facing this conversation, she was in better spirits.
Hopefully she’d taken a step in rebuilding her own honor by sending that message to the monastery yesterday.
If she could contribute in some small way to serving both the Lightguards and the people of Ashera, that would be enough to start.
The smell of rain clung to the air, and very few guards were sparring or making use of the archery range. From here, though, Corinne could make out Iliana and Danai in the ring with sandy terrain. Her palms grew sweaty, but she pressed forward.
Iliana fell to the sand with an oof just as Corinne reached the ring’s perimeter, and Danai held their sword to her throat with a satisfied grin. They both laughed, and Danai helped her up. Danai’s smile faltered when they caught sight of Corinne, and Iliana’s gaze followed.
“Hi,” Corinne said feebly. Great start, Corinne.
“Hi, Corinne,” Danai said, walking over to her. Iliana hesitated before joining them. “How are you?”
“I’ve been better,” Corinne said. “But that’s not why I’m here. I wanted to apologize to you both.”
They exchanged a quick glance, their faces surprised but not unkind.
“I’ve been cold these past two weeks, and neither of you deserved that after your kindness toward me.”
Danai’s face softened into a smile. “Corinne, we know you’ve had a lot to face here. And we’ve all made mistakes.”
“Yeah, did you miss the part where I punched another guard in the face during lunch?” Iliana quipped, and the three of them laughed.
“So…can we train together again?” Danai asked. “And will you join us for meals again?”
Corinne nodded, a weight lifting from her chest.
“Eugh, Danai, no more training in sand when we have a shift later,” Iliana said as they stepped inside, headed for the dining hall. “I’ll be shaking sand out of places I didn’t even know existed for the rest of the day.”
Danai’s laugh was echoed by a loud clap of thunder from outside. “At least we got inside before that started.”
“Corinne Anastos!”
The three of them whipped around mid-stride, facing a servant who scurried toward them, a stack of messages in hand. He wheezed as he halted, holding out one to Corinne.
“A letter came for you this morning,” he said, and Corinne’s heart leapt. Had the monastery gotten back to her already?
She took it, thanking him, and walked on with Danai and Iliana, unrolling it while they continued their conversation a pace ahead of her. Corinne read it quickly and stopped breathing.
I know your secret, Corinne Anastos.
There was no signature, no symbol indicating who it had come from. Corinne’s head felt suddenly heavy, her lips and cheeks going cold. Who could know her secret? And why tell her if they didn’t want something? Why just send her this cryptic note?
“Corinne?”
Danai and Iliana turned several paces ahead of her. She hadn’t realized she’d stopped walking.
Stay the course. Be the Light. Stay the course. Be the Light.
Someone knows your secret and is going to tell all the Lightguards. You’ll never regain their respect or trust.
No, she couldn’t let that happen.
And you deserve it because you’re a fraud and you always have been.
Corinne hadn’t started gasping for air like last time; instead she was frozen, fear and dread spreading throughout her body, immobilizing her.
“What did the note say?” Danai asked, concern written on their face.
Corinne blinked, swallowed hard. “Not here,” she managed to say.
Danai and Iliana exchanged another look before nodding to one another. She followed them to that same storage room they’d ventured to after Iliana’s lunchtime brawl and, before shutting the door behind them, ensured no one else was outside.
“Corinne, what’s going on?” Danai asked.
“Are you hurt?” Iliana asked, looking her over. Corinne shook her head. “Is someone you know hurt?”
“No,” she croaked, and it forced her to take a gasping breath.
Danai gently took the letter from her hands.
“Can I look?” they asked, and Corinne nodded her assent. Danai’s brow furrowed deeply. They handed the note to Iliana, who looked equally perplexed after reading it. “I don’t understand.”
“Neither do I,” Iliana said. “So you’ve got a secret, and some anonymous fuck sends you a note about it? Without even threatening you or asking for something so they don’t spill it? That makes no sense.”
Corinne took a deep breath. “No, it doesn’t.”
“Well, we won’t pry if you don’t want to share,” Iliana said. She glanced up at Danai. “Right, Danai?”
Danai lifted their hands in surrender, which coaxed a halfhearted laugh from Corinne. Iliana stared at the note for another moment.
“You know, my little brother makes his own ink,” she said. “Talks our ears off all the time about how it’s made, which types of ink come from which parts of Ashera. I bet he could tell us where this letter might’ve come from, at the very least.”
A bit of the weight lifted from Corinne’s chest. “Really?”
Iliana nodded. “I’ll bring it to him when I go home tonight, if you don’t mind.”
“Please,” Corinne said. “And thank you. Thank you both.”
“It’s your turn to need the storage room next time, Danai,” Iliana said, slapping them on the back. “When do you think you’ll have your own crisis?”
Danai let out a low whistle, shaking their head dramatically as they opened the door for Corinne and Iliana. “Hard to say. Maybe if Nik tells me to read that pirate book one more time.”
“Oh, The Sea of Starlight?” Corinne asked, forgetting all else for a moment. “I love that one.”
“Thank the Goddess for you, Corinne,” Danai said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as they walked. It was, admittedly, awkward, given that Danai was a head shorter than Corinne, but she didn’t mind. “He’ll finally have someone to ramble about it with.”
Corinne knew Danai had meant it lightheartedly, but as they walked on, she found herself truly thanking Helaera for both Danai and Iliana.
Aryel’s face was stony when he exited the throne room, and some of the lightness in Corinne’s chest grew heavy again. He looked away quickly when their eyes met and started down the corridor. Corinne followed.
“What do you do in there for hours, anyway?” she asked, speeding up so she was nearly beside him. He wasn’t going to ice her out after requesting she stop doing that herself.
Aryel’s shoulders tensed, then loosened as he exhaled. “My parents and I discuss pressing matters, and then we treat with nobles,” he said. There was an edge to his voice Corinne didn’t like.
They passed by a group of guards, who each bowed to Aryel, and then turned a corner, headed for the stairs.
“Are the nobles difficult?” Corinne asked.
“Depends on who it is and what day.”
Corinne frowned as they kept walking. “You just always seem to be in a foul mood afterward,” Corinne said.
Aryel glanced at her sidelong. “Who wouldn’t be after hours of speaking to people you don’t wish to speak with?” he asked, entering the stairwell.
Corinne suppressed a sigh. He was being evasive, but she didn’t want to press him into hating her again.
What if he never stopped hating you?
Corinne slowed, letting Aryel walk ahead several strides as icy dread gripped her insides.
He’s just going to use your own weakness against you. He’ll find out your secret and shun you for it too.
It wasn’t true. Was it?
Stay the course. Be the Light. Repeat four times. They’re just thoughts. Her pulse slowed again. Goddess, she wished that voice would simply leave her in peace for once.
She nearly scoffed aloud at the thought. Peace.
Would she ever know it?