Chapter 27
TWENTY-SEVEN
COLE
How could I? How the hell could I forget myself for a moment and… kiss her?
The question echoes in my head as I storm out of the warehouse and run away as if the devil himself were after me. At the same time, I block out how delicate her skin was. How she clung to me as if she couldn’t breathe without me. How soft her lips felt against mine. How they tasted.
Fuck. This shouldn’t have happened. Never. What was I even thinking?
But it did happen. Because I had no control over myself anymore. Because everything about her—her scent, her eyes, her goddamn words—tore me apart and drove me to the brink of madness.
But I know how your heart feels. And it feels right.
If she only knew how fucking wrong she was about that. I don’t have a good heart. I’m not a good person. Never have been. Never will be. And most of all, I will never be good enough for Sophie.
Yet I kissed her. Because she confused and attracted me at the same time to the point that I couldn’t think clearly anymore.
And because I’m an asshole who can no longer distinguish between right and wrong.
At that moment, kissing her seemed like the only right thing to do.
It was as if some greater force was pulling me, one I had no chance of resisting.
Nothing in the world could have stopped me at that moment. Because she just…
Goddamn! I can’t even put it into words. She made something inside me crack. A wall that I’ve built higher, thicker, and more insurmountable with each passing day over the past few years. A wall I couldn’t have climbed myself, even if I’d wanted to.
But Sophie managed it.
You are a good person, Cole.
Six little words from her. Only six. That was all it took to break down that wall. She made me feel something. Something I haven’t felt in a very, very long time. Because I didn’t allow myself to feel it.
Hope.
Yet it is stupid—so damn fucking stupid—to hope.
Hope and happiness and everything good in this world left me a long time ago, and I just don’t understand how Sophie can’t realize that.
I don’t get what she sees in me because I don’t see anything there anymore.
I’m just an empty shell, wandering around on this planet. Hopeless. Lost. Lifeless.
Fuck. I just can’t get her out of my head. I still see her. Still feel her. Taste her on my tongue. She’s everywhere, and I don’t know how it got this far.
This has to stop. Right now. I have to make it stop.
Heading for the pub, I hope to find redemption in there. A few minutes later, I knock back my third double in one go. After all, the taste of her sweet lips is now gone.
Roughly seven glasses later, I no longer feel my body, but Sophie’s still everywhere.
She won’t disappear, and I have no idea how much more I need to pour into myself to finally get her out.
Out of my mind. Out of my life. Out of my damn heart.
Because that’s where I feel her most. And that almost kills me.