Chapter 28
TWENTY-EIGHT
SOPHIE
It feels like I’ve been sitting on the hard floor for ages, crying for that kiss Cole stole from me.
Eventually, Buster comes to me and licks the tears from my cheeks before lying down with me as if to comfort me.
I wrap my arms around him and keep crying until I can barely breathe.
For a tiny moment, I thought I had found in Cole what I so desperately wanted to find, but then he just disappeared.
I cry because he turned my first kiss into something that was both beautiful and the worst thing I’ve ever experienced.
I don’t know where he went or if he’s okay, which is why I’m terribly worried. But going out on my own again seems too dangerous because I don’t even know where to look for him and would just end up lost.
Not even Jules can help me. Besides, I don’t have the guts to call her. I’m too ashamed of Cole leaving because of me and don’t want her to worry, too. It’s bad enough that I’m nearly losing my mind because I don’t know where he went or what he’s doing.
Completely helpless, I sit curled up on the floor, and although Buster has snuggled close to me, I’m freezing cold. A blanket wouldn’t help, though, because warmth isn’t what I’m missing. It’s Cole.
When I can no longer think clearly because of my concerns and fear, I get up and go to Cole’s bed.
The blanket is rumpled because Buster and I were playing around in it only hours ago.
As I reach for the pillow and press it against my chest, I immediately smell Cole’s distinctive scent and breathe in deeply, so that for a moment it feels like he’s here.
Then I lie down, wrap myself in his blanket, and bury my face in the pillow.
He’s sort of with me here. It feels good. As good as it can be when he’s not present.
The slamming of the steel door startles me, and all at once, I’m back on my feet. Heavy, irregular footsteps are audible, causing my pulse to skyrocket. Nevertheless, I head for the stairs as Cole climbs them, but when I finally see him, I stop abruptly and slap my hands over my mouth.
He looks terrible. His jeans and boots are dusty, I can see that even in the pale light of the streetlamp.
The collar of his shirt is ripped, and his raven-black hair falls in disarray onto his forehead.
His gaze seems clouded and tormented at the same time and is fixed downward as he drags himself up the last steps.
But it’s the blood that makes me gasp in horror.
It’s everywhere.
Fresh blood from his split lip drips down his chin, leaving dark stains on his shirt. Blood clings to his knuckles, of which I can’t tell whether it’s his own or not. And there’s even more blood when he spits onto the floor as he finally reaches the top.
As he tries to take off his shoes, he nearly falls, causing me to regain my focus and rush over to him. I quickly position myself under his arm and barely manage to stop him from falling, needing all my strength to hold him up.
"Why are you still here, little darling?" His voice is sluggish and raspy as he sways, seeking my gaze. "You should be long gone by now. Far, far away from me."
The words come out barely audible and are drenched in the smell of alcohol. Jules’s words immediately come to mind. It makes me infinitely sad, but I pull myself together and push these thoughts aside.
"I’m not leaving," I reply with a firm tone, though I’m not sure he even understands me.
But Cole grimaces and shakes his head. "You shouldn’t be here," he mutters, taking his arm from me and stumbling to the bed.
Before I can even follow him and flip the blanket aside, he drops onto the bed and closes his eyes. Silently, I go to him but remain standing next to the bed because I don’t know what to do. I have no idea if he has more injuries that I can’t see. Heavens… I don’t even know what happened to him!
I briefly squeeze my eyes shut and take deep breaths until I’ve calmed down a little. Then I go to the bathroom, wet a wash cloth, and return to Cole with it. I kneel next to the bed and carefully try to wipe the blood from his chin, but he turns his head away.
"Stop it," he mumbles as he throws his forearm over his eyes.
I hold back the tears that want to well up inside me again, while my chest tightens painfully. "You’re hurt. Please let me help you."
He pushes my hand away as I try to approach him again and twists his face into an almost ugly grimace. "You can’t help me. You’ll only end up like her if you try."
I can’t stop the tears any longer, so they spill over as I sink to my heels. "Cole, please. I just want to—"
"No. Go. Go while you still can."
"But—"
"Fucking leave!"
His harsh tone makes me wince. Sobs want to fight their way up my throat, and as much as a part of me wants to run away, I just can’t do it. Instead, I remain sitting on the cold, hard floor, looking at Cole while I cry.
When his breathing has become calm and steady, I take his hand in mine and gently wipe the blood from his knuckles under tears.
Then I walk around the bed, reach for his other hand, and repeat the procedure.
The skin has split open, and where it hasn’t, it’s bruised.
My heart tightens at the sight, but I don’t let myself look away because looking away would feel like leaving Cole alone in his pain.
After carefully wiping the remaining blood from his lip and chin, I stare at him for a long time before getting up and going to the sofa.
I throw the bloody wash cloth carelessly onto the coffee table and reach for my phone.
Then I head to my room, close the door, and dial Jules’s number.
When I hear her voice after just a few seconds, a sigh of relief escapes me.
"Hey. Is everything okay? It’s already—"
The sob that has been stuck in my throat breaks free. I just can’t hold it back anymore. It hurts too much.
"What happened?" Jules wants to know with sudden concern in her voice.
"It’s Cole. He…"
"What about him? Is he okay? Where are you?"
I force myself to answer her even though fear, worry, and helplessness threaten to take my breath away. "He’s here. In bed. Jules… I don’t know where he was, but he… he’s bleeding. His lip…"
Jules takes an audible breath before she speaks to me in an urgent voice. "Calm down, Sophie. Breathe. And tell me exactly what happened."
I try to. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Because that’s the only thing left to do when nothing else works. Breathe. In and out.
When my throat no longer feels constricted and the tightness in my chest slowly disappears, I tell her everything. She listens to me patiently until I fall silent, and she takes another deep breath.
"He’ll be fine," she then explains. "He probably… I don’t know… started a fight or something."
Although her tone now sounds calmer and almost somewhat annoyed, I gasp, which does not escape her notice.
"Sophie, it’s all right. He’s all right, do you hear me? I know him. He does that all the time. He’s a dumbass, but he’s fine, okay?"
"I don’t know, Jules… He looks really bad," I say in a brittle voice, then sniffle loudly.
"Was he still able to walk?"
"Yes."
She gives a satisfied hum. "Did he speak?"
"Kind of."
"Did he spit up blood?"
"Um… Yes… He spit on the floor once, but I think it was just from his lip."
"Then he’ll be fine." She interrupts me. "I understand that you’re worried, but trust me, he can take a lot. And as long as he can still walk and talk, he’ll be fine. I promise."
Again, I sniffle audibly, but don’t say anything back.
For a while, neither of us speaks until I can’t keep it to myself anymore.
"He told me to get out. That I can’t help him and will end up like her if I try. What did he mean by that?"
She remains silent. Not a single sound comes from her lips, which is why I ask again.
"Who was he talking about? Who is she?"
Jules makes a pained sound before she begins to speak almost angrily. "You know what? Fuck it. If he can’t get it together, I’ll tell you. He’ll probably rip my head off, but whatever."
"You don’t have to tell me," I quickly relent, not wanting to drive a wedge between them, but she just clicks her tongue and hushes me.
"Cole didn’t used to be so angry and pissed off. And he didn’t always drink so much either. Actually, he was always in a good mood, no matter how shitty everything was. I couldn’t stand his stupid jokes, but he still managed to make me laugh with them every time."
Her voice has become sad, and my throat closes up when I imagine what Cole must have been like.
"Then came my sixteenth birthday. He taught me how to drive."
Jules lets out a laugh, but there’s a pain in the sound that makes the corners of my mouth drop.
"He was so annoyed because I just didn’t get how to use the clutch. Still, he didn’t give up even though his car was really suffering, and I wanted to throw in the towel a few times. We kept bumping on this stupid road until I finally figured it out."
"Where did he get a car?" It bursts out of me, remembering what Cole told me.
"He won it in an illegal street race. I hated those races because they were dangerous as hell, but… he never lost. Not once."
The last words come only softly from her lips, but I can still hear the hint of pride that resonates in them.
"I don’t know exactly how he got into it. He never told me. But one day, he showed up in this sports car with a wad of dollar bills in his hand. From that point on, things started looking up. It was… crazy. I’m pretty sure he had stolen that car. But still, he was my hero. Really."
She remains silent for a few seconds, apparently indulging in her memories, until I quietly bring her back to the present. "What happened on your birthday?"