Chapter 45 Cole
FORTY-FIVE
COLE
"Mr. Walker… are you sure you want to do this?"
My lawyer looks at me with a serious expression as he tries to change my mind. Again. He acts as if I don’t realize that the plea bargain deal means I’m going straight to prison, and it really starts to piss me off.
"Yes, I am," I reply, holding his gaze.
"You get that by doing this, you forfeit your right to appeal?"
This time, I just nod because I’m damn tired of repeating myself. What am I? A fucking parrot?
He looks at me for a long time before audibly exhaling. "Why are you doing this?"
I lean back in my chair and return his gaze without blinking. "Have you seen her? Sophie?"
His brow furrows, but he nods. "I did. You know I wanted to hear her side of the story, too."
I tilt my head slightly to the side. "Think of her face.
Remember every detail. Remember the purity, the innocence in those amber eyes of hers," I say quietly but firmly.
"And then look at me. Think about the file you have in front of you and what I’ve told you.
Think about all of it. And then ask yourself the question again. "
He shakes his head slowly. "Whatever you think it is you have to prove, it’s wrong. What you’re doing is wrong."
"That’s not for you to decide," I reply sharply. "It’s my life. And I’ve already done enough damage."
"I’m going to ask you this one last time, Cole. Did you do anything you’ve been accused of?"
It would be pointless to send him away even though he’s straining my nerves. He would come back and continue the conversation at that very point, so instead, I answer tonelessly. "You read my statement, didn’t you?"
"I have. Several times, actually." He opens the file again and flips through the pages until he finds the section he was looking for. "You said 'When I saw her with these guys, I ordered her to get in my truck.'"
He eyes me briefly, but I just look at him blankly. I know what I said, and I know what he’s trying to do, but it won’t work. My decision stands, as incomprehensible as that may be for him.
"Further, you stated for the record that you picked her up on the side of the road as she tried to get away from you.
'I pressed her against the wall and kissed her', also your words.
'Even though I was sure she didn’t know what was happening, I had sex with her.
' Cole…" Sighing, he rubs his clean-shaven jaw, then looks at me.
"I have a law degree. I was taught how to use words and twist them to make things seem different from what they really are. You must realize that I can see through what you’re trying to do. "
When I don’t reply, he flips through the file again as I wait for this damn conversation to finally end.
"Here," he says, pointing his finger at the page.
"The officer asked you if you touched Sophie against her will.
Your answer was 'I touched her even though she did not give me permission to do so.
' You were then asked if she resisted. You said 'I held her tightly in my arms. She didn’t have a chance to resist.'"
My patience is wearing thin, which I let him hear clearly as I reply. "I know what I said. After all, I signed the fucking thing, didn’t I?"
Doesn’t he realize he’s fighting a losing battle?
"Have you read the letters I gave you from her?"
Gritting my teeth, I avert my gaze.
The goddamn letters…
"Of course you didn’t. And you didn’t take any of the calls you received daily from Sophie and Jules, did you?"
I don’t want to talk to them. I don’t want to hear from them or see them because I don’t know if I’ll fold.
I don’t trust myself. As soon as I looked into Sophie’s amber eyes, I could lose myself and throw everything away.
I’d want her back with me and wouldn’t care that it’s not possible.
She and I—it just doesn’t work. I’m not good enough for her.
And I’ve already corrupted her too much and taken too much from her.
"It’s not for me to say, but—"
"Then don’t," I snap, giving him an angry look because I’m at the end of my rope.
He stares at me for a long time before closing the file, putting it back in his suitcase along with his notes, and standing up. Then he circles the table until he stops next to me and looks down at me while I stubbornly stare straight ahead.
"Sophie needs you. And you know what I think?"
A mirthless sound escapes me while I shake my head. "I don’t give a damn what you think. We’re done here."
"You’re a coward, Cole. Yes, you’ve made mistakes. But you know what your biggest mistake is? This." He tosses another letter on the table so it lands right in front of me. "You’re not only destroying your life with this, but Sophie’s as well. And that’s the saddest thing I’ve ever seen."
Time becomes meaningless in prison, so I don’t know how many days have passed since that last conversation with my lawyer when one of the guards unexpectedly opens my cell door.
"You have a visitor."
I don’t even look up. When will they finally understand that I don’t want visitors? I don’t want to see anyone, talk to anyone on the phone, or receive letters from anyone. I’m exactly where I belong, and I’d like to keep it that way.
"No need, thanks," I just say and continue staring at the ceiling.
"It’s your lawyer."
Goddamn… What does that paper-pushing asshole want this time? The plea deal is supposed to be finalized in a week, and he knows I don’t want to see him before then. Can’t he just take the money I’m paying him and leave me the hell alone?
You’re not only destroying your life with this, but Sophie’s as well.
No matter how hard I try, I just can’t forget his words, even though they’re absolute bullshit.
For the first time ever, Sophie has the chance to live a normal life.
She no longer has to stay with her mother because she’s now of age and can finally make her own decisions.
And she clearly should do that without me.
I would only drag her down and put her in danger again.
Because let’s be honest, me and a legal job?
Kissing someone’s ass for eight hours a day or staring at a computer screen?
Don’t make me laugh. I’ll always be the guy pulling shady deals because I have nothing else to show for myself.
And that’s not the life I want for Sophie.
Because my lawyer will not let up, I rise with a sigh and follow the guard through the maze of corridors until we reach the visitation room.
"Whatever you—" I falter and stop instantly as I lift my gaze.
At the metal table, which is firmly anchored to the floor, sits Mr. Eliander. And next to him…
Ah, fuck.
Jules must have bleached Sophie’s hair because it’s tied up in a blond messy bun.
Her fair skin looks ashen, and dark circles lie under her reddened eyes.
Her full lips are pale and chapped, and she’s wearing one of my hoodies.
It’s far too big for her and makes her look even more lost than she already is.
Damn… What the hell is she doing here?
Sophie rises, but doesn’t approach me. Instead, she meets my gaze with steely resolve, while I’m afraid I might lose my mind at any moment. "Why are you doing this, Cole?"
Her voice is just a whisper, but it still threatens to bring me to my knees.
I can’t look at her. If I look at her even for a second longer, I’ll throw everything away, which is why I avert my gaze and fix my eyes on my lawyer instead.
"What the fuck?" I bark at him, but he doesn’t even bat an eyelash. "Why is she here?"
"I can’t let you do that. It goes against everything I believe in and everything I am."
My anger boils over as I fight with everything I have to ignore Sophie’s presence. "You’re my damn lawyer. Your job is to defend me when I say so, and nothing else."
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Sophie cast him a concerned glance, but he continues speaking undeterred, his voice now taking on a certain edge. "Sit the hell down and talk to her. You owe her that, Cole."
I can’t believe it. Who is this guy who’s acting like he’s my fucking dad right now?
"This is way beyond your responsibility, don’t you think?" I ask in an icy tone.
The corner of his mouth twitches briefly before he answers and says something that makes me want to smash his face in. "I no longer have any responsibility here. The prosecutor’s office received a letter a few minutes ago. I’m stepping down as the defense in this case. I’m no longer your lawyer."
Stunned, I stare at him while I wonder if this is real because it feels like a fucking nightmare.
"Cole… please."
My gaze shifts to Sophie of its own accord, immediately settling on the amber-brown of her eyes.
She shakes her head, pure desperation written all over her face. "I’m begging you. Don’t do this."
My head is threatening to burst because this is too much. She shouldn’t be here. And she can’t fucking look at me like that because I’ll give up.
"I have to get out of here," I declare mechanically and turn away to leave the room, but Sophie’s voice makes me freeze again.
"I love you," she calls after me, making the walls I’ve just built around myself shake.
Endless seconds pass, during which no one moves or says anything, until she speaks up again, causing everything in me to collapse.
"Don’t just leave. And don’t make that fucking deal with the prosecution. Please, don’t do this to me, Cole."