Chapter 13
THE MEMORY BOX
VICTORIA
As the workaholic that I am, having a whole weekend off has left me feeling anxious and climbing the walls.
I went for a run, grabbed some breakfast, and took one of those baths that wash away all the world’s troubles and make you feel like you’re floating on air.
Joana went to visit her parents and will be back in a few hours.
While I wait, I’ve decided to get to work and pack the suitcase I’ll be taking to Ibiza next week.
Carolina and I were texting yesterday; I promised her I’d be there by Friday, and if I don’t do it now, I won’t be able to do it later.
The last time I visited the island was for my bachelorette party.
Elena wanted us to do it together, and the girls organized a party that ended with a sunrise I still remember vividly.
Those weeks were unforgettable; the whole group had the time of our lives, and it was the prelude to a wedding worthy of the romantic movies I love so much.
That day, at the altar, I swore to myself that I would protect her, that I would give my all to see her smile, to make her happy…
and when I realized that I was the one causing her pain, I decided it was better to let her go and let her find her happiness elsewhere.
Now that we’re going to see each other again, I haven’t stopped wondering how she’s doing.
Even though I’ve stayed in touch with Carolina and Inaki, they both decided not to tell me anything about her, and I was fine with that.
I focused on myself, buried myself in my work, buried my emotions deep inside, and moved on.
I never stopped loving her, but I take full responsibility for what happened, for our marriage falling apart, and I never dared to apologize for the pain I caused.
Five years later, I still feel the same way, only over time I’ve learned to carry that weight with me.
Everyone has scars, and mine is having let the chance slip away to share my life with a woman who had magic in her eyes.
Elena made you feel special, and a single smile from her was enough to ensnare you.
I discovered love with her and was so happy by her side—more than I could ever put into words.
Rummaging through the closet led me to a box I’d saved when I moved to Madrid, filled with photographs, memories, and little mementos from the past. I didn’t even remember it was there, and opening it was like breaking a lock I thought was strong and unbreakable.
Reliving all those moments has brought a certain unease and also reawakened so many things inside me that I don’t know how to feel about them.
I have no idea if they’ve already told her I won’t be going alone, and my head will explode if I keep thinking about what will happen.
“You’d better just let it go,” I tell myself out loud.
The phone is the only thing that manages to pull me out of my own monologue; it’s Carolina and her special gift for knowing when someone needs a chat.
So, with a smile on my lips, I hold the phone between my shoulder and my ear and answer.
“Madrid girl here, what’s got you on the other end of the line? ”
“How’s your weekend going? Have you packed yet?”
“Not too bad, but you know how I am.” I make a face as if she were right in front of me. “Free time stresses me out. And the suitcases…” I murmur, looking at the mess on my bed. “I hope they’ll be ready by the end of the day.”
“I can’t wait to see you…”
“Me too,” I reply and smile briefly. “It’s been a long time since we’ve all gotten together.”
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” She lowers her voice a little and then clears her throat. “Elena already knows you’re coming to the wedding with someone. Ana and I told her a couple of days ago.”
“Damn it! I thought she knew I’d accepted the invitation, not that I’d be bringing Joana too,” I exclaim, feeling my nerves rising.
“I couldn’t hide it from her, Vicky,” she emphasizes sincerely. “I love her, and I don’t want her to have a hard time. Elena doesn’t deserve to suffer. She already had a hard time when you two split up.”
“Do you think she was the only one?” I protest, letting out a sigh. “Carol, I know I caused the divorce, that I was the only fool who hurt her… don’t tell me she had a hard time because my guilt is worse.”
There’s silence on the line, and although I’d like to keep talking, I don’t.
I set the phone on the bed and put it on speaker so I can keep folding the clothes.
I don’t care if everyone sees me as the villain of the story because it’s true, but I can’t let them forget that I’ve had a pretty rough time, too.
“You really are a fool, but we all knew that already,” she clarifies, and, unable to help myself, I burst out laughing. “There’s nothing we can do about it.”
“That’s exactly what I was thinking,” I joke, and finally I bite my lower lip, holding back the flood of questions that come to mind at a moment like this. “Is Elena okay? Did she take it really hard?”
“What do you think?” Carolina lets out a sigh, and I bring a hand to my forehead. “I haven’t spoken to her, but I’m sure she’s not okay.”
“I should have told Joana how things were and flat-out refused the idea of traveling together,” I say once I open my eyes and realize that’s for the best. “It’s her brother’s wedding; it’s her happy moment, and I have no reason to ruin it. I shouldn’t even go myself.”
“Don’t be silly… Is this thing with that girl serious?” she asks, and suddenly, after six months of dating, doubts flood my mind. “I mean…” she murmurs hesitantly. “Do you see a future with her?”
“Joana has helped me a lot lately,” I reply without thinking too much about it. “She’s made these past few months not so dark, made work feel less of a burden, and helped me smile and have fun again.”
“You didn’t answer my question,” she insists. “Do you love her, or is she just a fuck buddy?”
“Damn it, Carol! You’re still just as blunt as ever!”
“The good things never change.” She laughs on the other end of the line.
“Tell me, serious girlfriend or…?” She leaves the question hanging.
“It’s just so strange that, as your best friend, you didn’t tell me anything until a few days ago.
I don’t understand why you kept it from me, or why you didn’t want to celebrate it with me. ”
“To be honest… I don’t even know myself,” I admit, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“I guess I didn’t even believe I was capable of having something long-term.
It all started in the simplest way, and suddenly I realized we’d already been together for six months.
I really like Joana; she makes me laugh, you know.
She’s a good girl; she has the same job and schedule as me… ”
“I see…”
“But I don’t know if I feel capable of taking things further with her.” The certainty in my words is so overwhelming that I need to bring a hand to the back of my neck. “So far everything’s gone well; we haven’t had any problems or anything, but…”
“I guess the wedding has made you feel a little unsettled…”
“Yeah, and I haven’t stopped thinking about Elena. Right now, she matters to me way more than going on vacation and having you guys meet the person I’m dating.”
“Then why are you bringing her to the wedding?”
“Because I haven’t been able to explain to her that I was married, that my ex-wife will be at the wedding, that she’s the groom’s sister, and that we broke up because I was a total jerk.”
“You really haven’t told her anything?” she asks, surprised.
“I know I should have, but…”
“Well, that’s your decision, but I think it would be good if you did, if you told her how you feel and figured out how to handle the wedding,” she advises.
“To be honest, I don’t want things to be awkward between you and Elena.
All I want is for you to do your best to enjoy these weeks and put the past behind you. ”
“You’re a dreamer, you know that?”
“At least tell me you’ll try,” she asks, and I nod my head even though she can’t see me. “You haven’t seen each other in years, but I think it’ll do you both good to talk.”
“I’ll do my best, but right now I have to get on with this and figure out how to tell Joana everything.”
“Okay. I’ll let you get back to packing. Just text me when you’ve talked to her, okay?”
“Yeah, you busybody. I love you.”
“And I love you too.”
“Bye…”