Chapter 25 #2
The tightness in my jaw returned as I revisited that day. Sitting in the pew next to my family. I snuck the occasional glance at my scowling stepfather sitting next to my mother, who was nearly shrinking into herself, and my sister, who was pale with dark circles under her eyes.
“Caroline kept feeling sick during the ceremony, and when it was over, she ran to the bathroom. I met her in the hall, prepared to take her home. When I asked if she was okay, she told me she thought she was pregnant. Unfortunately, Bruce was stepping out of the men’s bathroom and overheard.
He proceeded to light her up right there in the church’s hallway.
His voice echoed through the church as he called her every disgusting name in the book. ”
From across the table, Brooke let out a whoosh of air, but she still had no idea what was coming.
“I was so fucking done by that time. My baby sister looked so ill and scared. So I did what I should have done years before. I punched him straight in the face.”
I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood and ease the tightness in my chest. “Of course, this caused a commotion, and he was humiliated, bleeding and cursing and shit.” I dipped my chin and paused, then shook my head.
“He pretty much disowned her right there, in front of our mom’s entire side of the family, my cousin bouncing her newly christened baby in her arms. Fucking asshole. ”
I rubbed my hand over my face. “Then he turned his rage on me. He tried to get a punch in, but it ended up with him on the floor. As he rolled on the ground, he told me that if I chose to support my ‘whore of a sister,’ then I wasn’t allowed to be around.
So I flipped him off, grabbed my sister, and walked out.
” My eyes were out of focus as I peeled at the label on my bottle.
“And when I turned back, my mother was just standing there. Still and silent as ever. She let us walk away.”
“Jeez,” Brooke sighed, her soft voice pulling me back into the moment. “Wow, that’s a lot, Reed.”
It was a lot, but it never should have gotten to that point, and I couldn’t forgive myself for that. So I merely nodded, as if I didn’t just open every wound my family had left me.
“I helped her move into a house with her friend. But then her friend ended up moving, and Caroline was able to buy the house from her.”
“What did she do for a living?”
“She was a bartender.” I cringed at the memory of her mixing drinks, maneuvering her pregnant belly behind the bar counter. She loved that scene and enjoyed it as long as she could. She got some kind of desk job after her maternity leave.
“And she was able to afford a mortgage?” Brooke’s brow furrowed as she tapped away without even having to look.
“We both received an inheritance from our biological dad when we were eighteen. She used hers to pay for the house. The remainder is in a college fund for Abi.” I rubbed my knees to avoid digging my palm into my chest where pain radiated like a heart attack, but I knew better. Heart ache was an everyday occurrence.
“She settled in that house and was a great mom.” The slightest quiver touched my lower lip, but I bit it down. The memory of her rocking Abi and singing to her, how they laughed and had so many inside jokes. My sister made me so fucking proud. “I lived an hour away, but I helped when I could.”
“And your parents, did they help at all?”
My jaw clamped down. “Nope.” I’m sure the glare on my face put every emotion jolting through my body on display. “My mom came and met Abi when she was a month old. She stayed for about twenty minutes, didn’t say much to Caroline, and then was never heard from again. Bruce has never even seen Abi.”
Brooke paused, looking up at me and back down to her iPad a few times. “Seems odd that they would fight for custody at this point. Do they live locally?”
“Last I checked, they lived across the country.” My blood was boiling, but I pulled off a casual shrug. “Fuck, I haven’t talked to them in years. Maybe they live down the street from me. I wouldn’t know.”
“So you’re not sure if they have a permanent residence here?” Her eyebrow lifted with a frown.
“Not a fucking clue.” I tossed my hands up, momentarily losing my cool.
“That could be a really important point in the custody discussions.” She looked up as if she was making notes in the air above us. “So you’re still in the house that Caroline owned?”
“Yep.”
She once again rested her arms on the table and leaned in. “I know you have strong feelings about your parents, and you’re undoubtedly protective of Abi. One of the most important things you need to remember is to not talk negatively about your parents to her, or within earshot of her, nothing.”
I responded with a curt nod. I knew this and, in the same vein, dwelled on how Abi didn’t deserve to hear horrible things about her mother. If they got a chance to meet, I hoped Bruce kept his mouth shut about my sister around Abi. Around me too, in fact.
“If there is any indication that you’ve tried to sway Abi’s opinion or put her in the middle, that is a huge ding in your corner.”
“I’m used to pretending they don’t exist, and the sooner I can get back to that, the better.” I cleared my throat, trying so hard to return my voice to something less acidic. “But yes, you can trust me not to talk poorly of them to Abi.”
When our meal came, it seemed like most of the business end of things was finished.
Brooke set aside her iPad and dug into her baked ziti.
We talked about Joel, and she updated me on his newest hobby: carpentry.
We both giggled, making puns until she realized how much she really didn’t want to think about her brother’s wood.
“What about dating?” She tried to make the question seem casual, as if it flowed easily with our conversation, but it didn’t hit that way.
“I think I’ll be worried about Abi’s dating life before my own.”
“Hmm. Joel told me about Abi’s teacher.”
Fucking gossiping-ass Joel.
Accepting that this was where the conversation was headed, I said, “Well, she’s definitely an unexpected, um, addition to the scenario.”
“Ah, such a way with words, Reed.” She clutched her heart in a fake swoon. “All women long to be called an addition to the scenario.”
I let my shoulders relax and bounce with a quiet chortle, relieved that the sarcasm I’d always adored about Brooke had made its way to our meeting. “I am nothing if not a ladies’ man.” I gave her a wink for extra effect, and she nearly spat out her water.
After she caught her breath from laughing so hard that she shook the table, she paused and looked at me thoughtfully.
“Dating is not a stopping point in all of this, Reed. Dating Abi’s teacher might draw a little more attention.
But the number one thing Abi needs is consistency in her life.
Do you think you can handle it? Being around this woman so much? ” This was another good question.
“I mean…” I sat back, arms crossed.
She interrupted me before I could conjure a response. “Do you think it’s mutual?”
I shrugged, because it was a moot point, despite being something I’d mulled over many times in Cici’s presence.
And out of it, too, in all honesty. “I definitely feel something charged between us when we’re together.
” I pinched the bridge of my nose, partly in frustration, and partly to hide what felt like a bit of heat in my cheeks. “But it might just be in my head.”
“In all the years I’ve known you, you’ve never talked about a woman. I know you haven’t lived like a monk, by a long shot. But I don’t think I know a single name of anyone you’ve dated.”
“Well, yeah.” That was fair. “Cienna’s not like any woman I’ve ever dated. And dated is a generous descriptor.” I had to stop myself from going on a tangent about the million reasons she would have been different—why she would have been perfect.
Brooke patted the table, then formed her hands into a steeple. Her eyes narrowed. “Well, as your legal adviser, I’m going to tell you to be careful. Be mindful of who you bring into your home, how present they are in Abi’s life, and what effect they might have if they’re no longer there.”
Ouch. A kind of hurt I never wanted Abi to endure again.
Brooke’s head leaned to the side, and her eyes softened as they peered right into mine. “But, as your friend. I want you to have happiness. I want you to still have something for you, beyond parenting. It’s hard not to lose yourself when something so huge changes your life.”
I had lost so many parts of myself, willingly. No longer being an adventure chaser, I stayed put and acted cautiously, even if it meant sticking to one beer at dinner.
No more roaming, out and about, seeking one-night stands. My heart belonged to one lady, each and every night. She was five years old, and our favorite Friday night activity was dancing to Kidz Bop with tutus on.
The artist part of me had been put on the back burner. My photography was limited to silly selfies to cheer Abigail up. And occasionally, I captured her with the camera on my phone, when I could sneak a photo or video of her doing something that her mother would have wanted to see.
I felt more like myself when I was around Cici. She was like a jolt of normalcy. A pleasant escape from who I was now to who I used to be. She let both sides of me sit together. And now there are a million and one reasons that she’s different.
Patting Brooke’s hand, I tried to cut her off gently before she continued. “I know how complicated the situation is, and I appreciate—”
And then, as if summoned, a flash of caramel and cream caught my eye. Cienna.
My eyes immediately met hers, and time froze as her focus bounced from me to Brooke, our joined hands, and then back again.
I saw it on her face. A flash of pink. A slight tilt downward of her lips.
My stomach dropped, and I had this uncontrollable urge to fix whatever narrative was playing through her head.