Chapter 25 #3
Cienna pivoted on her heels and fast walked toward the exit. My legs moved of their own accord, and before I knew it, I was up from the table, throwing open the exit doors, and on the sidewalk, shouting her name.
She hesitated but then turned. She didn’t answer, just looked at me, her face flushed as the streetlamp shone in her eyes. Beautiful.
“I think I need to explain some things.”
The street was completely quiet, save for a few cars passing by and the hum of the restaurant behind the doors. She was still and wordless as I continued to approach her. Like a butterfly on a leaf. And when I was close enough to reach out and touch her, I held myself back.
“You don’t need to explain anything,” she whispered. Had our surroundings been busier, I wouldn’t have even heard.
“I do.” My voice came out deep and choked. She looked around, from side to side, then back to me.
I tossed my thumb over my shoulder toward the restaurant. “In there, that’s Brooke, my lawyer. She’s also my best friend’s sister, and she’s helping me.”
Trying to replace the desperation in my voice with warmth, I continued, “I need a lot of help.” This caught her attention, and empathy filled her eyes as she listened to me.
“Parenting is hard enough for someone anticipating it. For me? I’m clueless.
And on top of that, now I’m dealing with a custody battle. ”
Her lips pursed and her eyes grew wider, but there were no words.
She stayed silent but attentive, so I kept speaking as I stepped a little closer, drawn to her.
“I have a babysitter, Daisy, who is a neighbor, and she cooks for me and makes Abi lunches sometimes because she knows it’s one more thing, and I’m in over my head.
You’ve probably seen her drop off or pick up Abi a few times. ”
After a brief pause, she nodded. “Thank you for sharing, Reed.” She used what I’d come to recognize as her “teacher voice,” kind but guarded. “The more I know about what’s happening, the better I can support Abi at school.”
“No.”
She chewed at her lip, brows knitted.
“I mean, yes, of course,” I corrected myself, shaking my head. “But no. This isn’t about Abi.” I stared at her, wanting her to see the intent in my eyes. “This is about me.” I closed in with a final step. “About us.”
Cienna took a step back. “Reed…”
“Cici, you can’t tell me that you—”
“We shouldn’t have this conversation here,” she cut me off, crossing her arms around herself. She looked at our surroundings, while I kept my eyes fixed on her. “We shouldn’t be having this conversation at all.”
She was probably right. But the yearning I felt won over any sense of logic. I cleared the space between us, gently nudged her arm, and pulled her a few feet over, back into the side of the building, away from eyes and ears. It was darker and quieter, and I was close enough to hear her breath.
Clutching her to-go bag in front of her, she leaned against the wall. I dipped down and tilted my head to meet her eye to eye. “Can I finish now?”
She pursed her lips, but I knew there was a smile behind that delicious mouth from the flicker in her eyes. “Mm-hmm,” she conceded, so I bracketed her between my arms, bracing my weight against the wall.
Her breathing kicked up, and if I placed my hand on her chest, I knew I’d feel her heart beating as rapidly as mine. What would her hands be doing if she wasn’t carrying her takeout? Would they pull around my neck? Rest on my chest? Shake and fidget at her sides? I had to know.
The bag rustled as I tugged it out of her hand, and she released it easily. I set it down at her side on the ground and placed my hands back on the cold brick wall, boxing us in. Her eyes darted around until they reached mine again.
“Tell me I’m crazy—that I’m wrong—and I’ll go and forget the whole thing.” What in the hell was I doing? Why couldn’t I stop?
Her long black lashes rested against her cheeks as her teeth dipped into her lower lip, and my thoughts drifted to how much I’d like to be nibbling and sucking there. Her gaze narrowed in on my lips for one, two, three seconds. “You’re not crazy.” She shook her head slightly. “You’re not wrong.”
Locking my sight on her mouth, I leaned in, testing the waters so she knew she could back out before we even touched. Her breath shuddered and breezed against my lips as she swallowed hard.
Knowing what she wanted, but not sure if she was ready, I exhaled so she could feel my touch, even if it was just my breath. Her lips were no longer pressed together, and her tongue peeked out, a discreet swipe, causing them to glisten. Intoxicating.
With one final dip forward, I grazed her lips with mine.
If this was the only touch I would get, I would revel in it.
And holy hell, my lips missed hers. They immediately felt familiar, felt right.
This intense feeling of elation bubbled from my chest, and I whispered a smile across her lips.
Her exhale teased my senses as the sides of her mouth quirked up too.
The feeling took me right back to our first kiss, when we were smiling, giddy idiots.
Lost in the moment, I closed the final millimeter of distance and sank my mouth onto hers.
She reacted slowly, tentatively, but I let her take the lead.
One gentle kiss became three, four, five.
The sixth followed by a familiar angelic giggle.
Desperate to see her smile, I pulled back.
I wanted to see that this chemistry between us wasn’t my imagination.
Our noses nuzzled, and she closed her eyes with a hum. On my next breath, I brought my lips back to hers, and this time, the kiss didn’t start off gentle or slow. It raced to fervor, exploding between us, a “this is where we left off” kiss.
Shivers danced over my skin as she threaded her hands into my hair with gentle tugs. My hands melted from her jawline, over her shoulders, down her arms, and to her hips. She drew into me, and I had to swallow down a growl as she writhed against my front with a whimper.
As if we both knew how quickly this was escalating, our lower halves settled, but our mouths made up for it.
We were a blur of licks, nibbles, and gasps.
I pulled away again, needing a full breath before my heart and mind exploded.
But I kept hold of her jaw, caressing her cheeks with my thumb.
I feared if I let go, this would be over.
And when this was over, would it ever be again?
Not wanting to lose contact, I connected my forehead with hers.
But as our inhales and exhales lingered and slowed, reality sunk in, and it became apparent that her sense of realization was vastly different from mine.
It was there in her eyes, as the heat simmered and the tremble of nerves seeped back in.
“This,” she said on an airy sigh. “This can’t. ”
Placing a kiss on her forehead, I kept my lips there, one last bridge.
Her next words didn’t come. Instead, we stayed there, locked to each other, and I quickly spoke before she could finish her thought.
“We can. It’s messy, but there’s no way it’s not meant to be this.
What I feel about this is too strong for it not to make sense. ”
“It’s too complicated.” She continued to shake her head, her voice choked. “There’s my job, and Abi, and…” She paused. With glistening eyes, she whispered, “Reed, we just can’t.” Her eyes closed, wetting her lashes. “I know you need support.”
“What? No.” My voice came out more forceful than I intended, but I couldn’t have her thinking that was what this was about for a single second.
“That’s not what I’m asking. I just want you.
I want you, us. I’m grieving my sister, but the more I’m around you, I realize I’m also grieving what we could have been.
” I took a step back and held her shoulders gently.
“When I got the call about my sister,” I began, knowing she at least deserved an explanation of the day I let her down. She held up her hand to cut me off, but I gently grasped it and moved it back down to her side.
“Please, let me.”
She just nodded.
“The moment I found out about Caroline’s accident, I was panicked to get off the ship, book a flight, get there.
I didn’t have your number, but I knew I could find you on social media, and in my mind, I could contact you once I was home and settled and explain, and we could set up a day to meet, have a real date. ”
I bit hard on my cheek, fighting back the grief, telling it that this moment was not about it for once.
This moment was about this woman before me.
“Once that adrenaline wore off, and I was holding Abigail in her empty home, less than twenty-four hours after kissing you, it was set in my mind that what I had ahead of me was insurmountable, and bringing someone else in on that pain and struggle wouldn’t be fair.
So I didn’t find you. And I’m so sorry for hurting you. ”
Hooking a finger under her chin and guiding it up, I whispered, “I meant what I said.” I lowered my head to emphasize how much I needed her eyes on mine.
She needed to see how wholehearted my feelings were.
“This is me, kissing you on land, like I promised, to prove to you that we have something outside of that cruise ship. I saw a future with you. I’d never been more excited to get home from a trip to face reality. Because this time, reality was you.”
I released her chin, only for it to drop back down. Her feet brushed against mine as they staggered below. I pulled my hands from her shoulders, and she reached down to grab her to-go bag. She looked up to me, and this time, her eyes were watery, lips shaky.
She wrapped her hand around my wrist with the most reassuring squeeze.
“I can’t imagine how hard this is for you.
” She sighed heavily. “So much change, so much lost.” Her hand rubbed back and forth on my arm, soothingly.
Every touch of hers melted me or torched me.
“I’m here for you, Reed.” She paused, let go of my arm, and took a step away from me. “But all I can be is your friend.”
Holding my tongue, I nodded, forcing back the feelings of loss that crashed down on me once more.
Stepping back, I granted her space to move, and as she walked past me, she brushed my arm and gave it one last squeeze.
Then she turned onto the sidewalk and was gone, leaving me pulling on my hair and trying to put the pieces of my heart back in my chest. It was starting to feel like it was never meant to be whole.