Chapter 26 Dumb
?Azalea?
I cover my mouth with my hands.
I did not mean to blurt it like that. At all.
I was supposed to break it to him nice and easy. I rehearsed it actually but that went in the motherfreaking dumpster because I'm an idiot.
He stops moving altogether. He doesn't talk. He doesn't move. And I hate myself for springing both things on him.
Not even a few hours ago I was stressing about him not loving me back when I should've been stressing about whether or not I was going to blurt everything out.
"You're leaving me?" he asks quietly. My heart pounds. Not in a good way. Not in the way it does when he kisses me. It pounds in the way of hurt.
I don't deserve Grey. I only keep hurting him.
My phone dings at just the worst time in the world. I read the text from mom asking me to come home and help her finish packing the things in the garage.
I climb off him and return to my seat.
Grey remains quiet.
I'm so sorry.
"I need to go home," I whisper quietly. He starts the car up and begins driving, the silence deafening me.
I keep my eyes focused out the window, not knowing a single thing to say to make either of us feel better.
'Yeah Grey, I really love you but I'm leaving really, I'm not kidding.' I don't think so.
I'm leaving. It is what it is and I can't control it.
Did he hear the part where I said I love him or..?
"What the fuck did I do to make you leave me?" he suddenly questions as we turn onto my road.
"It's not like that," I answer softly, shaking my head. He pulls into my driveway.
"Then what's it like, Azalea,?" I almost wince when he uses my name.
"I don't have a choice Grey," I tell him quietly.
"Yeah, you don't have a fucking choice, are you fucking with me?"
"Grey, please don't do this," I sigh, rubbing my temple. I can't handle all this stress. I'm about to fake passing out.
"Don't do what? Tell you not to fucking leave me?" I don't look at him, knowing he's full-on glaring at me. So, I make a terrible decision and I just get out of the car. I know it's a bad decision when I hear him get out too.
"Don't fucking walk away from me," he grips onto my arm, turning me back around to him.
"What the fuck is this?" he points over to the 'For Sale' sign that has a red 'Sold' painted over it.
"We're leaving," I bite my wobbly lip.
"What?"
"Grey, I don't have a choice-"
"So you're not leaving me leaving, like breaking up?" his eyebrows furrow down and the glare on his face lessens.
"No, I thought you knew that?" my own eyebrows furrow.
"What the fuck? You said you were leaving me," his jaw tenses.
"I am leaving," I grow more confused.
"Are we both fucking dumb? What the fuck is going on?" he places his hand on his forehead.
"I'm not dumb, you're dumb," I scrunch my nose at him.
"I'm moving to Kentucky," I explain and he grows unhappy again.
"No," he says simply. What does he mean 'No'?
"What do you mean no? I wasn't asking a question," I grip my own forehead.
"That's too far from me, you can't go," he shakes his head like I have any control over the situation.
"Grey, I don't have a choice," I stress. He throws his arms up.
"You act like I don't have a fucking place, stay with me," he rolls his eyes and mine widen. We're ready for that? I thought couples weren't supposed to move in together until they got engaged?
"I don't know," I whisper. What if he starts to hate me from being together so much?
"What do you mean you don't know? Do you want to go to Kentucky?" His face grows unhappy again.
"No, of course not! Here is everything I know," all the two friends I have are here and I feel like it'd be terrible to move to someplace new. Especially with my social issues, being weird and all.
Sure, bad memories are here. Quite a few of them. But there are also good memories, great ones actually.
I can't leave it all behind. Especially Grey.
"Then live with me," he nods. I bite my lip, still thinking about how if we live together he might start to dislike me.
"I don't think you'll appreciate being around me all the time," I tell him honestly.
"Shut up," he stresses, "why do you think I don't want to be around you? "
"Well, you don't like people-" he cuts me off, throwing his hands into the air.
"Because they're not you," I watch as he grows frustrated.
This doesn't make sense. Am I dumb or am I dumb?
"Wait, so you want me to live with you?"
"Yes," he doesn't even waste a second. My heart grows. I never considered living with Grey. I thought it was so far out of the picture that there was no chance of considering it. And I sure as heck wasn't going to ask to live with him, that'd be crazy.
That's like inviting yourself to someone's birthday party without them wanting you to come.
"Oh my gosh!" I exclaim, "it'd be like a sleepover every night!"
We've known each other for four and a half months. I pray this won't backfire on me like everything else has.
"Let me ask my mom," I tell him.
"You're an adult, you can do what you want," he reminds me.
I don't consider myself an adult. I mean, I'm not a kid, I know that but I just think it feels right to talk about huge decisions.
"Right," I say unconvincingly. He only rolls those beautiful eyes of his.
Did he hear the part where I told him I loved him?
~~~
"Are you sure you want to do this?" she asks me. I give her a smile and a nod.
"I thought you would want to get away too, I didn't mean to try and take you away from everyone," she gives me a sorry smile.
"I understand," I bring her in for a world-famous hug of mine, "you need to get away from everything."
Grey walks past me and I slap his butt as he does. Did mom see that? Good, now she knows he's my b-word.
"I'm sorry for everything," she says and I shake my head. She's already apologized twenty times.
"Mom, It's okay, I promise."
"And you don't need any help getting the rest of your stuff together?" she questions and I shake my head.
"I'll make Grey carry it all," I give her a cheeky smile.
And if he refuses, the only name I'll call him for the rest of the day is 'cutie.'
"Okay," she sighs before her eyes begin to water slightly, "I'll see you soon, I love you."
That's the first time I've heard someone say that to me in quite a while.
"I love you too. Be careful on your way and send me pictures once you've settled in," she brings me in for a hug and we stand there for a little while, embracing each other.
We pull away and she climbs into her car and is off to Kentucky. I watch her car until it's out of sight.
"Are you ready Grey?" I walk up the front porch where he's waiting for me.
"You best pull on your working britches, 'cause you're fixing to work," I slap his butt again for good measures.
I open the door and walk in. Just as I'm turned to close the door behind Grey, his freaking huge hand slaps down on my butt.
Am I okay?
I cover my mouth with my hand. Does that hurt his hand? It has to.
I think I need to start working out and lifting weights because the difference between our butt-smacks to each other is just too much.
It feels like my butt-cheek is no longer attached. It's on the floor or something.
He grips my arms gently and pulls me into him, his lips pulled up at the corners in his little smile.
He slides his hand onto my murdered cheek.
"You feel it?" he asks. I nod.
"Then you're fine."
"You're a fresh cow poop," I poke his man-boob. I step away, my glaring eyes still focused on him. I walk up the stairs, well, technically Grey pushes me up the stairs from behind me. I can't walk because of my butt.
That's what she-no. Oh my.
I bust up in my room and head straight for my wild closet that still needs to be packed up and put into easily movable boxes.
So I begin.
"Grey, isn't this shirt so cute? I forgot I had it," I hold up the light blue off-the-shoulder shirt to me and show him.
I've never seen someone look so unamused in my life.
"Don't look at me like that," I pick up a flip flop from the bottom of my closet and I throw it at him. He doesn't even blink as it misses him and hits the wall behind him.
"Oh so now you're making fun of me?" I raise my eyebrow at him.
He's fixing to get got.
"I would be so nice to you if you needed help going through your closet!"
"All your black clothes," I grumble, "you need some color in your life Sugar."
I pick up the biggest t-shirt I have. It's pale yellow and who knows, maybe it's his color.
"Try this on," I give it to him. His upper lip curls unhappily and I roll my eyes.
"Don't curl that lip at me, Grey," I scrunch my nose at him.
"It's too small," he mumbles.
"Hush, no it's not, put it on," I point to it and then watch as he stands. He pulls his shirt off and I sigh happily.
Maybe I don't want him to put the shirt on, I just want to see him without a shirt.
He pulls the yellow shirt over his head and his strong arms just hardly fit. I bite my lip to keep the smile off my face when I see that it really doesn't fit him.
It's too short, it's too tight, even though it does way too many good things for his muscular frame, his face just looks unhappy and pitiful.
Now, I'm not saying that yellow isn't his color, all I'm saying is yellow is too happy of a color. It just doesn't fit physically or characteristically.
"You look so handsome!" I smile pulling him in front of the mirror. His tense body never loosens and my slap my forehead.
"It's okay," I wrap my arms around him and he relaxes a bit. And then there's a ripping sound. I pull away to find the fabric on top of his right shoulder ripped.
"I said it's too small," he shrugs and it rips a little bit more.
Following the tragic murder of my shirt, we begin putting all my stuff into the boxes. Grey never put his shirt back on and I'm loving every minute of it. And the look of his silver chain around his neck. Who knew that was so attractive?
If I'm being honest, Grey has packed half of my room and I'm sitting here and being all excited when I find things I forgot I had.