Chapter 40
“I’ve got to do a run into town to get some more feed,” Clem yelled at Lily. “Do you need anything?”
Lily walked toward her sister who was standing at the entrance with Lamb Chop next to her. That lamb seemed to follow Clem everywhere. If Piggy Wiggy had a crush on Jaret, then Lamb Chop was obsessed with Clem.
“You’re going to get the feed yourself? Doesn’t Jaret usually do that?” Lily asked.
“Yeah, but he’s busy, and I just got the call that our order is ready. He’s out checking for any fences that need repairs after the storm.”
They’d had the most amazing storm last night after lunch at the Malone house. The three of them had sat out on the porch under blankets with hot chocolates and watched the lightning.
But this morning, Jaret had headed out early to check on all the animals and the fences.
“Is he going to be happy that you went and got it yourself?” Lily asked.
“Pfft,” Clem said. “I’ll get back before he gets home. It won’t be a problem.”
Yeah, Lily thought it probably would be a problem, and maybe she’d make herself scarce when Clem did get home in case Jaret wanted to wallop her ass.
She really did not want to listen to that.
Lily was starting to worry that she was cramping their style. The house wasn’t big, and even though she was having a great time, something wasn’t right.
There was a hole in her stomach that nothing seemed to fill.
And she knew exactly what would fill the hole. Only, she couldn’t have him.
Was she always going to feel this way? Maybe she needed to get a job. Something more to distract herself with.
Of course, it would be easier to go job hunting if she had her car, but she’d woken up one morning to find that it was gone.
Jaret told her that he’d had it towed to the local garage to have it looked over, but she hadn’t heard anything about it, and she had this sneaking suspicion that he’d had it taken away to trap her here.
But she couldn’t exactly ask him that, now could she?
“I wonder if I should come with you and check how the mechanic is getting on with my car,” she said. “If there’s time, I could check around for any jobs.”
“Uh, no, you can’t do that,” Clem said hastily.
“I can’t? Why not?”
“Because I need you here. Someone has to stay here and mind Chuck Roast.”
“What? Why?”
“He’s feeling poorly.”
“Oh no. He is? Is the vet coming out?” she asked in concern. She and Chuck had a bit of a strange relationship. He hated her, and she felt the same about him. But it didn’t mean she wanted him to be sick or for anything to happen to him.
“Yeah. No, but if he gets worse, I’ll ask the vet to come out. I think it’s just an upset stomach at the moment. Maybe he’s a bit constipated. I might have to help him along.”
How on earth did you help a steer along with his constipation?
Actually, maybe she was better off not knowing.
“Right. Well, okay. What do I do then? What if it gets worse?”
“I mean, you could get a bit of olive oil and massage his butt hole.”
Lily gaped at her. “I’m not doing that.”
Clem started to giggle. “Sorry, sorry, couldn’t help myself. Just a joke. I’m sure he’ll be fine. Just go and check on him every once in a while, and if he seems worse, give Alec a call. You have his number now, right?”
Lily nodded. She had the phone number of every Malone now. Plus, she was in a group chat with all of the women attached to a Malone, and boy, did they know how to chat. Her phone had never had so many notifications.
“Okay, you won’t be long, though, right?” she said nervously. This was the first time that Lily had been alone, it wasn’t that she was scared to be on her own on the ranch, but she just didn’t want anything to go wrong.
Clem smiled at her. “I won’t be long. Remember, Alec and West aren’t that far away. I’d call Alec first. Definitely wouldn’t call Beau or Tanner. Yep, don’t call Tanner unless you want to shoot somebody. Then call Tanner.”
Right. Good to know. Uh-huh. Cool.
She’d just call Alec.
Once Clem was gone, Lily decided she’d head to her favorite place, the pig stall. Opening it up, she let Pork Chop out, and all her babies trotted along behind her.
She scratched the top of Pork Chop’s head as soon as grew close enough, and then she picked up her favorite baby pig, Crackling.
“Hello, baby,” she said, giving him a cuddle. She crooned to him for a while, telling him about her day as she carried him around. “Gosh, you’re getting heavy, aren’t you?”
Suddenly, the rooster started making a lot of noise. Great. What was wrong with him now? Was he grouchy because Lily was here and not Clem? Mind you, he didn’t seem that fond of Clem either. And then she glanced over and saw a car coming down the driveway.
Her stomach tightened. Who would that be?
Maybe it was just one of the Malones. They were here a lot. Especially when they knew Jaret wasn’t around. One or the other of them often checked in.
But this wasn’t a truck, it was a car, and she couldn’t recall any of them driving cars. Suddenly, Rump Roast appeared. He moved straight in front of the car, forcing it to come to a stop.
Oh, crap.
She set Crackling down and started toward the large steer. This was one of Rump Roast’s favorite things to do. Luckily, all the Malones seemed aware of his antics and how to get him moving. Lily just wasn’t sure that she’d have the same luck.
“Rump Roast, get out of the way, man!” she called out, waving her hands. “Come on, you’ve got to move. The car wants to get through.”
The steer just found some grass and started munching on it. He had all the grass in the paddocks to eat, but he had to go for the grass on the side of the driveway.
She reached him with a sigh and started to push at his backside. “Move, you big lump of steak.”
“Lily.”
Lily froze. She had to be hearing things. There was no way that was his voice. There was no way he was here. Nope, nope, not happening.
She glanced down at herself. She was wearing a pair of Clem’s jeans that were a couple of sizes too big for her, and one of Clem’s belts so they’d stay up.
Flick, who was married to Jaret’s brother, West, had given her a couple of T-shirts to wear.
She’d obviously felt sorry for her when she’d learned that Lily didn’t have that many clothes.
At one time, Lily would have been horrified to wear hand-me-downs like this, but now she just didn’t care that much. She wasn’t even worried that she only owned a few pieces of clothing.
But would Harvey be horrified by the state of her? She wasn’t even certain that she’d brushed her hair this morning. She’d just pulled it back into a ponytail.
Mind you, it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen her in a worse state.
“Lily, look at me.”
It was definitely him. She wasn’t imagining things. No one else could talk to her in that commanding way and make her want to obey him instantly.
Turning her head, she stared right at him. Yep, there he was, looking as sexy as he always had. He was wearing a white shirt, dark jeans and a pair of sunglasses. His shirt was unbuttoned halfway, so she could see the tattoos on his chest.
God, he was gorgeous. Only when he removed the sunglasses did she realize he had dark marks under his eyes that hadn’t been there before she’d left. He looked tired and worried.
“Are you all right, Harvey?” she asked in concern.
“Am I all right? Is that really what you want to ask me?”
“Well, it’s just you don’t look all right. You look tired. Did you drive the whole way here? Wait, what are you doing here?”
“What am I doing here?” he repeated.
Poor guy seemed to be having a bit of trouble keeping up with what she was saying. It was probably because he was so exhausted.
“Yes. Are you sure you’re okay?”
He ran his hand down his face. “Lily, I’m here for you. Why else would I be here? And no, I didn’t drive all the way. I flew into Houston, then rented this car and drove the rest of the way.”
“You’re here for me?”
“Of course I’m here for you. Why else would I be here? Lily, why did you take off the way you did? Why did you leave without waiting for me, or at least leaving me a note? Why haven’t you called?”
Guilt filled her and she didn’t know what to say to him. How did she explain everything that had happened? How did she explain her mindset or the fact that she hadn’t been able to call because of the guilt?
Because she knew she shouldn’t have run off the way that she had. It had been immature and stupid.
“I don’t . . .” She rubbed at her temple. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Do you know how worried I’ve been about you? I haven’t been able to sleep. I didn’t know if you had any money, if you had any way of getting around. I didn’t know where you were sleeping, if you were eating. If it wasn’t for Clem, I’d still be worrying about you.”
“Clem? What about Clem?”
“When you went missing, I called your sister and asked her to tell me if you turned up here. Yesterday, she called and let me know you were here.”
“She never told me!” Was that why she’d taken off in a rush to get feed? Because she’d known Harvey was on his way?
“I got on the first flight I could find and got myself here. Lily, why did you run off like that?”
“Because you deserve better than me, Harvey.”
“Why do you say that? Because of what my sister and her friend said? Are you really going to let other people dictate what I want, what I need, what I deserve? Or are you going to let me decide that for myself? Do I seem like the type of person who doesn’t know what he wants and needs?”
“No, you don’t,” she whispered.
Oh God. What had she done?
“That’s right, I don’t. I know my own mind. And have you forgotten that I was the one who decided I wanted you, and did whatever I had to in order to make it happen?”
Yeah, she had kind of forgotten that for a moment, hadn’t she?
“Don’t you think that if I decided you were too much work or that you weren’t what I wanted, that I would tell you, like an adult?”
“I thought maybe you felt sorry for me.”
“Lily St. Clary,” he said with a stern look. “Felt sorry for you? Why would I feel sorry for you?”
“You don’t feel sorry for me after everything I’ve been through?”
“Of course I do. I’d feel sorry for anybody who’s been through something like you have, but that doesn’t mean that I would take them into my house, look after them, sleep next to them, kiss them, cuddle them, feed them, wash them, and hold their hair while they vomited, does it?”
A tear dripped down her face. Oh my God, she’d made a terrible mistake.
“No, it doesn’t.”
“Do you think I would do that for anyone who I didn’t love, that I didn’t want in my life permanently?”
“No.” This time she let out a small sob. “I’m so sorry, Harvey,” she said. “I made a big mistake, didn’t I?”
“You shouldn’t have left, Lily. Not like that.”
“I know. I wasn’t thinking. I was so stupid.
Why did I leave like that? I heard them talking, and everything they said seemed to reinforce every negative thought I’d had.
I just felt so wrong. Not worthy of you.
Not worthy of anyone, really. And I just couldn’t stay there in that house anymore.
I thought if I left it would be best for you. That you could move on without me.”
So dumb. What had she been thinking?
“Only thing is that I didn’t want to move on, Lily.”
What did she say to that?
“Did you jump off the balcony of the bedroom?” he asked, wiping the tears from her eyes with his thumbs.
“Yeah, because if I went out the front door, I might have had to talk to your sister and her friend. And I wasn’t ready to do that.”
“What did you do for money?” he asked. “How did you get here?”
“Inside my handbag was some jewelry. I pawned that and my handbag and bought a bus ticket. My only thought was to go to Clem. I just needed to apologize to her in order to find some closure.”
“And did you think about me at all?”
She took a step toward him, then stilled. Unable to move. Because the way he was talking, it wasn’t the way Harvey normally spoke to her. There was no gentleness in his voice, no softness as he stared at her.
Another tear dripped down her face. She’d ruined everything.
This was all her fault.
“I missed you every moment of every day,” she told him.
“I really thought that after some time, I’d start to miss you less.
But if anything, I was missing you more.
My state of mind wasn’t a good one. I couldn’t reason anything through.
I think I needed just a moment to think, but I took it too far.
At the very least, I should have left a note.
By the time I’d gotten on that bus, well, I didn’t know how to come back from that.
And I still had to come and see Clem. When I got here, I knew I had to contact you, I just couldn’t find the words.
Being here, it’s healed something inside me, but it also made me realize there’s a huge rift, a place right here.
” She touched her chest. “Where you are. I’ve missed you like crazy, Harvey, and I’m so, so sorry.
I know I’ve ruined it all. I had my happy ever after right in front of me, and I just let it go, and that’s something I have to live with.
I’m not sure how I’m going to do it, though. ”
“You’re talking like this is over, Lily. Do you want this to be over, you and I?”