17. Sutton
Chapter seventeen
Sutton
“Hi,” Madison greets me when she opens the door on Friday night.
“Sorry I’m late …”
“Don’t worry about it. This is for you.” She hands me a plastic crown and a sash when I step inside.
“Ummm …”
She gestures at the items I’m holding. “Put them on. You’re the guest of honor.”
I do as she says before following her into the living room.
“You’re here.” Hadley squeals, jumping to her feet and coming over and hugging me.
I hug her back before greeting the other ladies.
“Drink?” Madison holds out a plastic flute, filled with a sparkling liquid. “It’s sparkling apple cider,” she adds in a whisper.
I take it from her and take a sip. The bubbles soothe my stomach. They’re all my friends, so I don’t know why I’m nervous. Probably because I hate being the center of attention and they’re all staring at me.
“Thank you all for being here.” I shift on my feet, peeking over at Madison who is still standing at my side, hoping she’ll take over and tell us what she’s got planned.
“Come sit.” Becca pats the cushion next to her, and I take a seat.
“Dinner should be here in about thirty minutes. I have a few fun games planned, but if you’re not up for that, then we can skip them and watch a movie. I promise we’ll keep things relaxed,” Madison says.
“Thank you,” I mouth to her.
“I thought about hiring someone to come give us massages or do our nails, but the logistics didn’t work out with the food and everything else.”
“Let’s party,” Hadley exclaims, holding up her glass, and the other ladies raise theirs. “To Sutton. May she have many years of wedded bliss and even more orgasms.”
I widen my eyes at Hadley, feeling my face heat up. Fuck’s sake.
“Here, Here,” Holly adds.
Everyone clinks glasses, and conversations start around me.
I take another sip of my drink, watching the ladies over the rim of my glass, the ones I get to call my close friends, who know this marriage is fake but still wanted to throw me a bachelorette party.
For the millionth time in the years I’ve been working for this team, but especially in the past few years, I wonder how I got so lucky.
How I went from a shitty childhood living under my father’s thumb, to a decent experience in college, and then to a godsend of a job that happened by pure chance, which led me to these ladies. And this life.
I blink back the tears threatening to fall.
I am so lucky. My hand falls to my stomach.
Peanut and I are so lucky to have all these amazing ladies and their partners surrounding us.
And Sebastian.
My mind drifts to the handsome British hockey player, the one who makes me feel safe, feel seen, makes me feel as though I can do anything and be anything I want.
“Hey. Are you okay?” Becca asks from my right, putting her arm around me.
“Sorry,” I mumble. “Just everything.”
“We got you,” she whispers.
All I can do is nod, trying to regain my composure.
“I promised myself I’d stay out of it, but if you let him, that man would love you for the rest of your lives. He’d make a great father. You’ve seen the way he is with Hazel and Tate.” Tears stream down my face. “I know you told him no, and I respect that, as does he, but you can change your mind.”
I wish it were that simple. And it probably would be if he wasn’t leaving in a few months to move back to England, for good.
“Woah. Why are you making her cry?” Hadley asks.
“It’s not.” I shake my head, covering my face with my free hand. “She wasn’t. Just pregnancy hormones.”
“You’re pregnant?” Holly asks, and all the air whooshes out of my lungs.
Shit.
I meet her eyes. “I am.”
The guilt hits me square in the chest at her expression. I know she and Jax have been struggling with fertility. And here I am, pregnant after a one-night stand without even trying.
I wince. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to upset you …”
She blows out a breath. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” She’s silent for a few seconds, staring at the floor. “I’m going to get a drink.” Then she’s turning on her heel and walking toward the kitchen.
“Fuck.” I sink back against the pillow.
“What happened?” Hadley asks, glancing between me and Holly’s retreating form.
I sigh. It’s not my story to tell. If Holly wants everyone to know, she’ll tell them. I shake my head. “Nothing.”
Hadley tilts her head, watching me, but before she can ask anything more, the doorbell rings.
“That’s dinner,” Madison says, getting to her feet. “Hads, will you help me with the food?”
“Sure,” Hadley says, following her out of the room.
We spend the next while making up our plates and taking them into the dining room.
By the time we’re seated around the table with our pizza, Holly seems to have recovered.
I should talk to her. I know it’s not my fault I got pregnant and she hasn’t been able to, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel guilty about it, that I wish things were different for her.
“You alright?” Ansley asks, leaning closer to me.
“I’m good, Ans. How are you? It’s been a while since we’ve had a chance to catch up.”
She takes a bite of her pizza, chews, and swallows. “Busy. Exhausted really. I’m so glad it’s the break.”
“Me too.” I may not travel with the team like Ansley does, but I can sympathize.
This is the beginning of the busiest part of the season for my department with the trade deadline in a few weeks and multiple charity events coming up.
Then there’s the playoffs and the end of season media that always comes with it.
Then the off-season starts and contracts are negotiated and signed, which means more media, plus the entry level draft.
“Are you getting excited for your new job?” Becca asks.
“Yes and no …” Ansley says. “I’m excited for a new challenge, but I’m going to miss you all, and the team.”
“We’ll miss you too,” Becca says.
“I’ll come back to visit,” Ansley says.
“Good,” I tell her.
The conversation shifts again when Aubrey starts telling a story of how her daughter, Abby, refused to go to sleep until Brody came home one night.
She shakes her head. “I swear, she’s not even talking, and she’s already got him wrapped around her finger.
” We all laugh because it’s true. “He was talking the other night about how he can’t wait to teach her to skate. ”
“Hunt’s been talking about that too,” Madison pipes up.
“Hazel’s walking now, and Holt’s been talking about teaching her. I keep telling him we should wait a little longer—she’s still unsteady on her feet sometimes—but he insists. I caught him researching baby skates the other night,” Becca adds.
I laugh, imagining the guys in the locker room talking about their kids learning to ice skate, and my traitorous mind sees Sebastian as part of that conversation.
I know he won’t be because even if he was planning to stay past this season, my baby isn’t his, and our marriage has an end date. Now I feel like crying again.
I suck in a few breaths. Stupid hormones.
I look around at my friends here celebrating me, and I wish my marriage to Sebastian was real, that I’d said yes to one of those times he asked me out.
It breaks my heart realizing what could have been between us.
Maybe if we were actually together, a couple, he wouldn’t leave.
I push my chair back and get to my feet, feeling as though someone is squeezing my throat, making it hard to breath, while simultaneously an elephant is sitting on my chest. I run a shaky hand down my face.
“I need a minute,” I mutter, backing up.
Madison stands, holding out her hand. “Come on.”
I allow her to lead me upstairs and down the hallway to one of the guest bedrooms. She pushes the door open and gestures for me to step inside.
“Can I get you anything? A glass of water?”
“No, thanks. I think I’m going to lie down for a few minutes if that’s alright. I’m sorry.” I frown, hating this feeling.
She rubs my arm. “No need to apologize. You’ve got a lot going on. Take all the time you need. Holler if you need anything.”
I give her a weak smile, and she leaves, closing the door behind her, and I lie down on the bed.
I close my eyes, trying to relax and ignore the tightness in my chest. I wish Sebastian was here with me. He’d know what to do.
I sit up, pulling my phone out of my pocket to text him but stop myself. Eventually, I won’t have him around, and I’ll have to figure things out on my own. Might as well start now.
I can do this.
Everything will work out.