9. Full Moon
Oliver
The moon glowed above us as I curled into Steel’s side. We’d brought a blanket out to my backyard, and it only felt right that we’d cuddle under the full moon.
Pearlescent light danced through the leaves of the trees that surrounded my home. The blanket was soft under us, Steel’s body was warm, but the air was cool. A gentle breeze ruffled my hair, and he let out a gentle yawn.
It was Sunday now. The weekend had flown by.
We’d spent the entire day sleeping and enjoying good food and having even better sex.
I’d learned that Steel had an aversion to onions, but he loved unique cheese, so I’d turned my kitchen upside down making charcuterie and a soup we could enjoy together.
All in all, the last few days had been an absolute dream. Both of our bodies were a little sore, but satiated.
His rut seemed to be waning, just a little bit. He was still horny, and frankly, I had a feeling that would be our condition as long as we were around each other.
I pressed my ear against Steel’s chest, listening to the heavy thump of his heart. His claws gently pushed through my hair, stroking my scalp in a way that was easy and pleasing.
“This weekend was perfect,” he sighed happily.
I didn’t want to go back to real life.
I was still off tomorrow, at least. But Tuesday? Tuesday, I had to go back to work. I had chores to do. I needed to call and check in on my children.
Where would Steel fit into my life now that he was in it?
“We should plan our next date,” I said.
“I could come over Tuesday night.”
I hesitated, but I wasn’t sure why.
Since this morning, there’d been this nagging feeling plaguing me.
This little voice whispering you don’t deserve a second chance.
Reminding me that there were still so many things about Steel I didn’t know.
What if he wanted children? I’d already been a dad to two girls, raising them to be amazing adults.
I was too old to do it again, as wonderful as it had been.
And how did it work for mating a monster?
I’d heard that your lifespan changed once you were fully mated, but what did that mean for me? Would I stop aging? Would I—
“Oli? Are you okay?” Steel asked.
“Yes,” I lied.
Steel’s chest lifted with a deep breath. “What if the weekend never ended?”
My heart tugged. I knew what he meant, but we did have to leave each other’s side at some point. I didn’t really want to, of course. If it were realistic to stay in bed for the rest of my life with my werewolf, I would do it in a heartbeat.
What am I doing?
“Maybe next weekend,” I said.
He didn’t like that, and I could feel it. He carefully slid me off him and sat up, frowning as he looked down at me. “Something is wrong. What is it?”
I sat up too, trying to find the right words. “I think it may be wrong for us to mate.”
“What?”
“No, that came out wrong.” Fuck. “I mean mate so quickly.”
Steel stared at me, his shoulders dropping. “Where is this doubt coming from? You haven’t been like this all weekend—”
“Because our weekend felt like an escape,” I said. “But we have to go back to our normal lives this week.”
“This can be our normal lives.”
I opened my mouth, but no words came out. All my greatest fears were bubbling to the surface and it didn’t matter how much I tried to reason with myself, nothing was working. It was as if after such a perfect weekend, I’d been escaping the truth.
Was I ready for a mate?
Was I ready to be in love again?
Was it wrong of me to want that?
“Oli,” Steel said, his hand settling on my knees. His claws gleamed, his gaze pleading. “Is it because I’m younger? I promise it doesn’t matter—”
“No,” I said.
“Then what is it?”
“I don’t know,” I exhaled, standing up. He looked up at me, his concern growing. “I don’t know if I’m ready. I don’t know if I can do this the way you want to.”
“There’s nothing wrong with mating immediately,” Steel said. “And I want to do that quickly, but that does not mean we have to. However . . . I still expect to become part of your life. I may not have wanted to be mated, but now that I’ve met you, I cannot imagine a day without you in it.”
“You didn’t want to be mated?” I asked.
Steel winced. “Before. Before my rut. I didn’t think I’d want any of this, but I was wrong. I didn’t know what I was missing. Meeting you has changed everything for me.”
The guilt of moving on from my past swallowed me up. I tore my gaze from him, my mind spinning as I turned around. I felt it, this pull to him. This desire to give in.
I wanted to love him.
I wanted this.
I wanted to complete the bond and figure everything else out after—but there was one thing stopping me.
Alia. My wife. She’d been gone for a few years now, but there was a small part of me that felt like I was betraying everything we’d built.
Was it wrong for me to jump headfirst into something so new? What about my daughters? They hadn’t even met Steel. Fuck. I’d just met him.
I could feel a spiral starting and no idea how to pull myself out.
Steel reached for me, but I recoiled. Hurt flashed in his golden eyes.
“So do you not want this?” he whispered. “Oli?”
I couldn’t look at him, and I knew my reaction was just .
. . It had nothing to even do with him. This wasn’t Steel’s fault that I was suddenly afraid of committing.
But after so many years of being alone and certain I’d never find love again, the idea of saying yes to a fated mate bond with Steel scared me.
My silence did not sit well with him. A soft whine sounded in his chest and before I could say anything, he turned away from me.
“Wait,” I said, panic setting in. “Steel—”
“No, it’s okay. I will go.”
“Steel—”
He bared his teeth at me and I drew back, watching hopelessly as he took off toward the trees.
“How will you get home—”
“Not your problem,” he growled.
“Steel!”
I stumbled after him, but he was much faster than me. Moonlight haloed his shape as he ran into the shadows, moving in a blur and disappearing out of sight.
I shouted his name again, but my vision blurred with tears. Fuck. Watching him go was a punch to the gut.
I didn’t want to lose love again.
Had I just ruined everything I’d been wishing for?