Chapter 29 Have fun storming the HR sexual harassment meeting
Have fun storming the HR sexual harassment meeting
The HR meeting is as awkward as you can imagine. They start by reading out the company’s policy on dating, talking in detail about harassment, favouritism, grooming, and consent. We have to detail our relationship, which is not yet established, so it is hard to explain.
‘We are—’ I say but cannot continue. My panicked look forces Toby to come in.
‘We care about each other. Exclusively?’ He raises his eyebrow at me with slight fear.
‘I would hope so.’
‘Great! But it’s quite early days, still.’
‘So early it doesn’t have a term yet.’
‘I would like for it to have a term, but at a later date,’ Toby says and then adds, talking directly to the HR manager, ‘but not too late! What’s the average timeframe for a relationship to become official?’
She, shockingly and unhelpfully, doesn’t respond and instead asks Toby to outline all the preferential treatment he’s shown me—the only evidence they could find was him saying that he would rather take me instead of Steven to a heist.
Oh yeah, they had to comb through our work’s messaging systems, which they are allowed to do, apparently, in this type of investigation.
We are then asked if we had any sexual relations.
I bite my tongue, feeling like a teenager at an STI check-up.
Toby nods, and I nod with him. Then we are led into separate rooms, to check whether either of us felt coerced and whether the relationship was consensual.
After about an hour of drilling, we are free to go.
Some paperwork is handed to both of us on the dangers and concerns of dating a coworker and a file to fill out if we break up.
Toby throws his in the bin when we leave the meeting. He is now reinstated as a marketing officer, but, alas, is no longer my supervisor, as advised by the company’s lawyers.
‘You weren’t great at being a supervisor either, so I wouldn’t call it a massive loss.’
‘What? I was great. I taught you so much. Like which mugs to avoid in the kitchen and which chairs are fucked. This is all useful knowledge.’
He laughs at my unimpressed face. I have another three weeks until my final check point to see if I have a job at the company or not.
The office whispers when we get to our desks.
Clearly some gossip was spread around. Can’t blame them.
I found out that a previous director of SIMPO had two families and I talked about it for weeks.
And I’ve never even met the man, so it’s understandable that our colleagues would at least exchange a look.
It’s actually quite polite to assert that other people’s lives have entertained you. I am glad I was of assistance.
‘My favourite haram couple is back.’ Fawzia clasps her hands together.
She glares at Toby, and he strains a smile.
Huh, that’s odd. I don’t understand this dynamic. I thought they worked together to unfire me, so what’s up with the animosity?
‘I am here to let you know that I am your new supervisor. It will be an all-girls team.’ Fawzia points at her new employee (that Toby made cry at the interview) with her chin.
‘But you’re in PR.’ I raise an eyebrow.
There is a wider marketing team, but because of Steven’s dragon-like way of keeping his staff close to himself, I have only spoken to them briefly. They work with different clients.
‘Yeah, which is much more fun than calculating the costs per acquisition or the click-through rates that Regan’s team is doing.
Look at Niko,’ she whispers and points at the heavily bearded man with grey streaks running through his beard.
The light is dim behind his eyes. ‘You and he are the same age, Fuko.’
‘Oof.’ Toby shivers.
‘Plus, what I will need you to do will teach you the same skills you will need to complete your internship. Win-win.’
Can’t argue with that. But there was something else in her voice. Something that Toby picked up on too, because he bit down on his lip and squinted. A quick glance at me suggests that he will tell me his thoughts later.
But he doesn’t need to. I figure it out by myself within an hour—Fawzia can’t stand Maahni.
She needs me as a buffer.
There is nothing particularly wrong with Maahni. She is great at what she does; otherwise, she wouldn’t have got this job. But she talks a lot.
‘Have you seen the new tabi shoe?’
‘Uh... Tabi? Like the Japanese socks?’
‘No, the shoes, silly, look.’ She hands me the phone with indeed Japanese tabi socks in a shoe form.
‘They are nice,’ I say but do think that they look a bit like hooves.
‘They would look so good on you, especially in this deep brown colour. If you get them, we can match! Fawzia can’t wear them.’
‘Why?’
‘She said heels are haram.’
Fawzia wears heels often. I think, if anything, lying might be haram.
‘No, but look, this colour would look amazing on you! You are such an autumn.’
‘Autumn?’
‘Your colours, silly. Browns, mustards, olives. All of them would look amazing with your pale, Victorian complexion.’
‘All the condiments, got it,’ I say, ignoring that she just called me ghostly.
‘I have black hair, too, but the warm undertone in my medium-bronze skin makes me a spring. So bright spring colours, like fuchsia or butter yellow.’
I try to go back to copywriting a press release for Fawzia’s client, but a message pops out from Toby. We now sit in different sections; I can see the top part of his face.
Toby Lewis: How is Maahni?
Fuko Brewer: She really likes fashion. Told me I’m an autumn.
A hand flashes in front of me. ‘What’s your rising?’ Maahni asks, leaning really low to the table, her legs are wrapped around the foot of the ergonomic office chair. She reminds me of those undiagnosed children with ADHD that can’t sit at their desks. Wait, was I that child?
‘Rising?’ I think for a second. ‘Like... pressure?’
‘No, silly, your rising sign.’
I don’t have a clue, but I know a person who does.
Fuko: Leon, what’s my rising?
Leon: Cancer sun, Virgo moon, Cancer rising xx
Fuko: Thanks!
‘Cancer sun, Virgo moon, Cancer rising,’ I tell Maahni, which warrants a loud squeal out of her.
‘I am a Pisces sun, Gemini moon, and Scorpio rising,’ she says, clearly waiting for a squeal out of me too.
‘And that means?’ I say, disappointing her.
‘Water, Earth, Water. We’re so similar!’
Fuko Brewer: Ask me to join you for lunch.
Toby Lewis: It’s 11 o’clock???
Fuko: NOW TOBY.
He awkwardly saunters over. ‘Hi, Maahni, is it okay if I steal Fuko for a coffee run?’
‘Hang on, mister.’ She puts her hand up. ‘I remember you. You were the one who was very pushy in that interview.’
‘Yes, I am really sorry about it. Not an excuse, but personal things were on my mind that day.’
‘That’s okay, us girls are forgiving, right, Fuko?’
‘Yes.’ How am I involved with this?
‘But I am watching you, mister.’ She wiggles her finger in a circle and giggles. ‘Flat white, please.’
‘Good to know and understood.’ He smiles at her and lets me walk in front of him.
He waits until we are out of the building before saying, ‘She’s nice.’
‘Too nice.’
Toby half nods, half wobbles his head side to side.
‘How is your first day back? I didn’t even get to ask,’ I say after Toby has ordered drinks for us. And Maahni.
‘It’s good, a lot of e-mails to go through. Steven wants like fifteen things done by the end of today that would normally take a week each.’
‘Yikes.’
‘But, on a different note, how’s your schedule looking for Saturday?’
‘Empty.’
‘Great, I will see you then. All information will be shared the day before.’
‘I’ll send you my RSVP tomorrow.’
‘I am nothing if not patient.’