17. If You Ever Get into Trouble… Run
Ihad no clue what got into me.
Some primal flight instinct was triggered, and I just took off. My breath came in heavy pants. Adrenaline made my legs shake and my pulse pound at the base of my throat. All I knew was I needed to go.
And not just from the resort.
With the distance and crowd between us, I thought I’d get farther.
I thought Ash wouldn’t chase me at his work.
I thought he wouldn’t chase me because he didn’t care enough to.
A stolen glance over my shoulder proved I thought wrong.
Seeing how close he already was, there was no way I’d reach the doors security had pointed out. There was definitely no way I could make it over the tall fencing surrounding the space. Even knowing I couldn’t swim, I was tempted to try to cut through the pool.
With no choice—but hopefully some overdue luck—I dodged to the side like I was starring in an action movie. I didn’t risk looking behind me. I kept my eyes on an opening between the fencing and the building.
It looked large enough for me to slip through but small enough to keep a behemoth caged.
Almost.
Almost there.
I just need to get away from him.
I barely slowed as I neared the gap.
And then I stopped so suddenly, I almost fell.
It wasn’t a gap. It was a tiny alcove that held some utility panel.
A dead end.
Arms banded around me, and I should’ve admitted defeat.
I didn’t. I thrashed and kicked and fought.
It made no difference. Ash tossed me over his shoulder like I was nothing.
“Put me down,” I ordered.
He ignored me.
“Put me down right now, or I’ll scream.”
His rough chuckle was edged with barbed wire. “I hope you do.”
In a last-ditch effort, I played possum. I forced my body to go slack as I waited for an opening. When he stepped inside, I suddenly pushed off.
And got exactly nowhere.
“Will you please put me down?” I tried nicely.
No response.
I growled my frustration. “This isn’t cool.”
Nothing.
“I’m allowed to leave.”
More nothing.
The reality of the scene I’d made, that his boss’ wife had witnessed it, and that I was literally being carried through a crowded public place sank in. Knowing I was exactly who I vowed to never become made my head swim worse than the upside-down angle. “I want to leave.”
The loudest nothing I’d ever heard.
That time when I went limp, it wasn’t an act. It was with resignation while I waited to see what would happen.
After a minute, Ash paused and then took a few steps. I pushed my hair from my face to see we were in the elevator, but I was too disoriented to know which direction it was headed.
Up to the penthouse or down to the garage.
Regret tangled my insides. For what I’d done. For who I was.
For what could’ve been.
There was a soft whoosh as the doors slid open. Ash barely stepped out before my world flipped right side up. I didn’t have the chance to acclimate before my back was pressed to the wall, and Ash was on me.
His mouth.
His hands.
His body as it pinned me in place.
Ash is kissing me. He’s kissing me.
Holy shit.
Why is Ash kissing me?
Despite my hurt and confusion, I couldn’t resist him. It was too much. Too tempting. Too demanding. I was about to give in, but apparently, I took too long.
Like earlier, Ash’s tattooed hand gripped my chin and his fingertips dug into my cheeks, forcing my lips to part. He took the access he’d given himself. His tongue plunged in to taste and dominate.
Own.
The mental whiplash was almost as disorienting as the physical.
Moments before, I’d been sure he didn’t want me. I’d been sure I didn’t want him anymore. But the way he touched me—like he couldn’t get close enough—was unbelievable.
Literally.
Life wasn’t one of the romance books from Juliet Black’s iPad. I’d learned long ago to keep my defenses high. To never hope or dream for anything.
No matter how foolishly I might want something.
I tried to turn my head, but his hold stayed firm. I pushed against his shoulders, but he simply used his torso to force my legs apart. Traitor that my body was, they wrapped around him instantly, lifting my dress in the process. With the fabric hiked up, I was hyperaware that only a thin layer of cotton covered me.
Hunching to keep our mouths connected, he lowered me down his body and stopped only once his hard-on was pressed to my sex. I gasped at the contact.
The hardness.
The size.
He took advantage of my reaction by deepening the kiss.
And I took advantage by biting his tongue.
Rather than shoving away like I’d expected, Ash’s husky grunt filled my mouth. He ground against me so I could feel him grow somehow even harder. When he finally pulled away, it was just far enough to rest his forehead on mine. “Fuck. Fucking hell. Fuck, Mila.”
They were angry words, but the way he said them was anything but.
“Sorry,” I said anyway since it was pretty much my default.
“Not yet.” His fingers on my face tightened. That time when my mouth opened, his hazel eyes dropped to watch as he smeared his thumb across my lips before sliding between them. “But you will be.”
I wasn’t sure what it said about me, but the goosebumps that spread across my skin weren’t from fear.
Ash lowered me to stand. He kept hold of my waist until he was sure I was steady before moving into the penthouse.
I stayed right where I was as my shoulders slumped in relief that he’d let me go.
And disappointment that he’d let me go.
More the latter, but whatever. I was ignoring that.
“Tell me what happened that made you wanna try out for the track team,” Ash ordered as he shook off his black suit jacket and tossed it over the couch.
“Nothing.”
“Something sure as shit did. What was it?”
“I was just leaving because?—”
“Christ, sunshine,” he cut in, which was good because I had no clue how I would finish that sentence. He rolled the sleeves of his dark blue shirt. “Usually, I don’t mind your secrets. I’m a patient man. I’ve got all the time in the world to wait you out. But not with this.”
Since evasiveness wasn’t working, I switched to deflection. “You need to go back to work.”
“You’re more important,” he said with no hesitation.
And God, just that sentence alone made me waver.
I gathered up my backbone and tried again. “Okay, you need to go because I said so.”
He put his hands in his pockets and stood there.
“Fine. Then I’m going.”
A smile—if it could even be called that—twisted his mouth. “Try it.”
Calling his bluff, I pressed my thumb to the elevator button.
Nothing.
It didn’t even flash green to show it was activated.
I turned back around.
Usually when Ash spoke to me, it was gentle. Charming. Cautious.
Not right then.
Like a predator stalking his prey, he slowly approached as he spoke. “Told myself I had to go slow. Give you time to get used to me. Be gentle with you.”
I retreated until my back hit cold metal, but he didn’t stop his advance.
Not until his body was almost touching mine. His hands went to the elevator door on either side of my head, caging me in. “I can see now what a mistake I made by letting you get wrapped up in your own head. That’s my bad, sunshine. It won’t happen again. We’re fixing this now.”
“Wh—” I started, but my voice was barely a whisper. “What does that mean?”
“First, we’re gonna have the talk we should’ve had from the start. Then I’m going to spank your ass for all the lies you’ve said straight to my face. After, if you earn it, I’m gonna make you come because just the thought of it has been driving me outta my head.”
There was a lot to take in. Important things that I really needed to focus on.
But when I opened my mouth, it was to bizarrely ask, “You want to make me come?”
“More than I want”—he closed the last inch of distance so I could feel his impossibly hard cock against my stomach—“my next breath.”
I didn’t have the chance to say anything more before my feet were off the ground and he was kissing me. I tried to break away, but his massive hand cupped the back of my head and kept me in place as he carried me through the penthouse. Even when I bit his lip, I was met with another grunt of pleasure.
Ash sat with me straddling him before he pulled away, and I saw we were in an oversized chair in the bedroom. “Tell me what happened.”
“I already told you, it was nothing.”
His brow lifted as he waited expectantly. When I didn’t say anything, he gave a single nod. “Fine, we’ll start with spanking.”
“No way,” I scoffed as I attempted to scramble off his lap, but his hands might as well have been padlocks.
“I warned you.”
“Yeah, but… but… You can’t actually do that.”
“I don’t do empty threats.”
“And I didn’t lie,” I totally lied.
His hold loosened, but it wasn’t to release me. It was to flip the world upside down.
Or just my world.
Draped over his bent legs, my head hung down with my hair in my face. I tried to right myself, but before I could find leverage, Ash slid my panties down so they were bunched under my ass. And then his palm slapped down on my bare skin.
At least I assumed it was his palm. Based on the size and sting it caused, it might have been a solid wood cutting board.
His touch was gentle as he caressed the spot. “Wasn’t gonna do this until after we talked. Until you agreed to be mine. But you’ve been mine since the second you came to me for help. And it seems like you need it as bad as I do.”
His?
“No the fuck I’m not,” I snapped. “And no the fuck I don’t.”
“Guess I’m adding extra for two more lies.” Ash’s palm landed in a different spot. Neither had actually been that hard. Just enough to startle me. “Say stop, and it stops instantly. I mean it, Camila.”
Say it.
Say it.
Just fucking say it.
I didn’t. I had no clue why I didn’t.
I was an adult. I’d been slapped, pinched, shaken, hit with a wooden spoon, and an assortment of other punishments as a kid.
Contrary to his assertion, I didn’t need more.
But try as I might, I couldn’t force the word from my mouth.
Not even when his hand came down again harder. And again. And again. Tears streamed from my eyes. I wiggled. I kicked. I hissed and cried out and begged.
All without ever saying stop.
The burn spread and took over, making each blow blend together until I wasn’t sure how many there’d been.
How many there would be.
It was like I was stuck in an unending loop of pain and shock and something else.
It started slow. A trickle of warmth. A hint of calm.
It grew and grew, leaving me raw and off-kilter until an overwhelmed sob broke free. Once it did, there was no stopping it. It wracked my body, hurting far worse than his spanks.
With one last slap, Ash gathered me upright and adjusted my panties into place. My head swam. My ass stung. My tears didn’t slow.
He held me through the worst of it before leaning me back so he could see my face. “Talk to me.”
I hadn’t been able to force myself to tell him to stop. But at his firm order, the truth came flying out in a jumbled mess of run-ons and residual tears. “You don’t trust me. And I get it. That’s my own fault. But that doesn’t mean knowing you won’t leave me alone at your house doesn’t suck. And then it sucked like a million times worse that you had security follow me. Which, again, it’s my fault. Blah, blah, blah. That doesn’t make it any better.” I swiped at the dumb droplets still trailing down my cheeks. Like a dam had been broken on them and my mouth, all the suppressed insecurities and thoughts spilled free. “And you put me in a stupid dress again because my clothes aren’t good enough. And I’m not good enough. And I don’t belong here, so if you’d just release me, I’ll go.”
Ash remained silent through my rambling, his face blank and giving me nothing.
Something was definitely karmic in that, considering how often I used my own masking abilities to keep people from reading me.
He slowly nodded, and my heart sank all the way to the underground garage.
I needed to get away so I could curse the cruelty of the universe in solitude. But when I tried to wiggle off his legs, Ash’s hold remained unbreakable.
No, it tightened.
I’d be surprised if he didn’t leave finger-shaped bruises.
Mementos of what could’ve been.
“I mean this in the nicest way possible,” he said, making me brace, “but what in the actual fuck are you talking about?”
Oh my God.
It was probably never that serious to him, and I just unloaded an entire warehouse of crazy.
I should’ve just kept my mouth shut.
I tried again to push off him, more frantic than when I’d been facing an impending spanking.
“Camila,” he bit out in warning, and I stopped fighting. “Let’s start at the beginning. Why don’t I trust you?”
“Because of the whole thing here,” I muttered, the cheeks on my face flaring hotter than my other ones.
His brows lowered. “What thing?”
“When I tried to steal that wallet. Now you think I’ll steal again so you made me go to Sunrise and here, and then you had that security guard follow me to make sure I wouldn’t do something. Which, like I said, I know why?—”
“I had you come with me because I like you close. I feel like I’m coming outta my skin when I’m too far from you.”
“You do?”
I wasn’t acting coy or trying to be cute. I also wasn’t faking being obtuse.
There was nothing fake about it.
“Mila, if I had my way, I’d tie you to me.”
Even though I knew it was an exaggeration, my mouth went dry.
Areas farther south on my body had the opposite problem.
“As far as security, it’s not because I don’t trust you.” He lifted a hand to cup my face and swept his thumb over where my cheek had been scraped and bruised the worst. “It’s other people I don’t trust.”
“But that was just random, not a planned setup. There’s no threat.”
“There’s always a threat.”
It hadn’t occurred to me that the guard was for my benefit since I’d been taught that security was always bad. When I was young, they would follow Veronica and me through stores. They’d been right to because once she caused the distraction, I stole whatever she’d told me to.
No one ever suspected the cute kid.
When I was older, they would follow me around because I had poor-person stench on me. Since I carried a lot of guilt from my earlier crimes, the reminder was never a pleasant experience.
I also wouldn’t have ever guessed that Ash’s motives for bringing me with were positive. I’d been left alone for days at a time—or longer—for as long as I could remember. My mom hadn’t wanted to be around me. Nan and Pop had liked a day or two, but they’d been older. They hadn’t been equipped to raise another kid.
Friends. Crushes. My first boyfriend.
They’d all left after deciding they couldn’t deal.
But not Ash.
Word by word, he dismantled the fortress of justifications I’d built in my mind until it started to resemble a flimsy house of cards.
“If that guy wasn’t you secretly keeping tabs on me, then why didn’t you just tell me about him?”
“First off, if I wanted to secretly keep tabs on you, I wouldn’t send a uniformed guard to do it. This place is wired with enough cameras and undercover security, I could track you from the time you exited the elevator till you left the property. About not telling you, you’re right. That’s my bad. My mind was on something else, and I’m used to guard duty being commonplace with Juliet.”
“Wait, Juliet has a guard?”
“A rotation of them.”
“Why?”
“I want security on you as a precaution because I know how dangerous Vegas can be. Juliet needs security on her because she’s married to Maximo. Any target on his back is also on hers. And as a business owner, he’s collected his fair share of enemies. Now that shit is more settled, it’s typically just hotel security with her, but if one of us goons isn’t busy, we volunteer. Usually, it’s Marco since his main job is bodyguard anyway. Didn’t you see him?”
I thought about my time by the pool. My attention had been on Juliet and the guy I was aware of. I hadn’t even noticed anyone else.
I shook my head.
Ash squeezed my waist. “I might’ve mentioned it had you texted like I told you to.”
My petulant decision not to tell him in retaliation for his bossiness seemed even stupider.
“Now what the hell was all that shit about the dress?”
Oh. Right. He had excuses for two things, but there’s still more.
Too afraid to believe him—of being burned for the countless time—I fought to reinforce the remaining cards. “You bought me dresses.”
“And?”
That’s a fair rebuttal ’cause when I say it like that, it’s not exactly the crime of the century.
“And I don’t want you to buy me anything,” I said.
“I told you this when you said you didn’t want me doing things for you, but I’ll say it again. Get over it.”
“You can’t just tell me to get over it or get used to it.”
“Yeah, I can.” He lifted the hem. “You don’t like them?”
“That’s not the point. You’ve already done enough for me. Too much. You shouldn’t be buying me anything just because my clothes don’t meet your standard or whatever.”
“I’ll buy you whatever I want, but it has jack shit to do with my opinion on your clothes. I don’t care what you wear.” His expression softened, and I hated it even before he gently said, “Baby, your hoodie had blood stains. Tried to get them out, but it didn’t work. I asked Juliet for something you could wear to Sunrise since I didn’t think you wanted to go in pajamas. I saw how much you liked that dress and had her send more over.”
“I’m wearing Juliet’s clothes?”
The majority of my clothes were preowned. I very rarely bought new. I’d had a lifetime of hand-me-downs. I was used to it. But something about wearing one of her dresses in front of the beautiful and glamorous Juliet was mortifying.
Well, I can never see her again.
That sucks.
“You’re wearing clothes she made that I bought from her,” he said slowly, like it was something I should know.
“Wait, what?”
“Juliet designs and makes clothes. She didn’t tell you?”
No, because I’m a shitty fledgling friend who didn’t ask much since I was too scared to answer questions.
That explains why our dresses looked similar yesterday and why the fabric on her cover-up was familiar.
There was a skirt in the closet with the same one.
That it wasn’t a pity donation made me feel a lot better. But something else regarding Juliet had been lurking in my head that I hadn’t asked. I hadn’t wanted to know. But I couldn’t keep it in any longer. “You chased her?”
Ash didn’t need an explanation or even blink. “Not in the way you mean. Not in the way I just chased you, desperate to have you and fuck you. Maximo chased her. The three of us helped for him.”
That was enough to blow down the last of my laughable house of cards.
My heart wanted to soar, but a lifetime of… well, my life kept it weighed firmly down. The cringy memory of me silently pleading for him to kiss me was front and center in my mind as I eyed him skeptically. My voice was barely above a whisper, like even it was too afraid the bubble would burst. “I don’t get how you want me all of a sudden. What changed?”
As soon as the words left my mouth, I wanted to rewind time and swallow them back down. If that wasn’t an option, I’d settle for the earth opening up to swallow me.
I hated sounding insecure and needy. Even worse, I hated that I was insecure and needy. I wanted to be effortlessly confident. As aloof and uncaring as my defenses usually allowed me to be.
Before I could tell him to forget I asked or smother myself—or maybe him—out of embarrassment, Ash tilted his head. “That’s a good segue into our next discussion.”
Uh-oh.
Something about the way he said that filled me with trepidation. “Ash?—”
My words cut off when he gripped my chin in that way that made my breath freeze until my lungs burned. He ducked down so his face was all I could see. “From now on, it’s Daddy.”