38. What Does Your Heart Tell You?
Chapter thirty-eight
What Does Your Heart Tell You?
Drake
I stop in the middle of pulling my jeans on and turn to look at the door. The sight of Maria standing there naked, the hot water droplets running down her body... I’m surprised I don’t take her again then and there.
“I see the wheels turning in your head. The answer is no.”
“Has anyone ever told you how much of a killjoy you are, Stan?”
“All the time. By you.” He pulls on his shirt and starts to smooth out the wrinkles.
I finish dressing and press my ear to the door. I don’t hear anything outside.
>>Is it safe to leave? I quickly text Ed. A few seconds pass before he responds.
>>All clear.
I gesture to Stanley and we tip-toe out of the room like we’ve just burgled the place. I grab my shoes in passing and head to the apartment door before we’re caught.
“Dammit, I think I dropped my wallet in there,” Stan whispers just outside the door, patting his pockets.
“Ed can bring it later, let’s go!”
The further we get from Ed’s apartment, the more my heart sinks in my chest. If I had the option to stay like that forever, I would.
“You’re getting that lovesick puppy look again.”
“How about you mind your own business, Stan!?” I snap. I understand that he’s looking out for me but now it’s starting to border on annoying.
“Maybe if you said what was on your mind more, I wouldn’t have to probe it out of you. Get it off your chest, man.”
He’s right. I’m just not used to sharing these kinds of feelings out in the open. I prefer to keep them wrapped up and safe so that they can’t be used against me.
“How about I answer your question with a question? What do you think of Maria?”
Stan’s cheeks go instantly red, his lips parting in surprise.
Ha, gotcha.
“She’s a wonderful woman. Kind. Supportive. She... definitely isn’t afraid to speak her mind, to put it gently.”
“Where do you see any of this going with her?”
“... are you thinking she wants to get serious about this? It’s only been one night, Drake.”
“That’s what I was going to ask her once she got out of the shower.” Which is a half-lie; I had every intention of engaging in something else.
“Yeah, right. You can’t get enough of her. It’s written all over your face. Look, as much as I want to stay there all day and explore her for hours on end, we have work to do, Drake. Do you want the hospital to get suspicious again if you start missing hours?”
“Noooo,” I whine as I shove my hand into my pockets. I kick a loose piece of garbage off the sidewalk and into the road.
“It’s not like she’s going anywhere.”
“We don’t know that.” My head snaps up. Why would he suggest such a thing?
“We don’t know what any of this means. Just because...”
“Just because we all had sex, it doesn’t mean you need to start sinking your claws into her again, Drake. We had fun. Let’s not jump the gun and leave it at that for now, okay? When we come back after our shifts, we can always ask her how she feels.”
“... and if she says no?” I don’t want to consider that option. Not again. Not after this morning.
Chelsea’s words ring in my head. I need to learn to let go.
“Then she says no and we move on. Maybe she doesn’t want something permanent right now.”
And yet, it’s felt like longer than that for me. Stan’s right, I really am jumping the gun here.
“I think... I think I might be in love with her, Stan.” I instantly regret it when I see the look on his face.
“I know what you’re going to say but I’m serious this time. Have you seen me trying to hook up with any of the women who’ve come to the emergency room?”
“Actually, no. Huh.” He blinks in surprise.
“Right. Because I can’t get her out of my head. And not in an obsessive way. She’s... reliable. She makes me feel like no matter how much I screw up, she’s going to be there for me and hold my hand to help me back up again. You don’t meet many kinds of people like that in your life.”
“I can agree with you on that.”
“It would be a shame if she chose to... seek other avenues,” is the best way I can put it without making me feel worse. It was bad enough seeing her with Oliver...
“It would be. But tying her down wouldn’t be good for her either. In fact, it would be straight-up illegal.”
I glower at him as we cross the street to the parking garage near the hospital.
“In addition to being a killjoy, has anyone ever told you you’re not funny?”
“The nurses do, every single day.”
“Yeah, well, maybe should listen to them.”