Twenty-Three Distance
Osiris
I’ve done a lot of things in my life that I’m not proud of, but the worst one has to be the fact that I made that amazingly strong woman cry. I haven’t shed a tear since the day I got arrested for murder, but seeing her break down had my chest feeling so fucking tight I couldn’t breathe. I knew the only thing I could do to help was give her some space regardless of the fact that it killed me to walk away. It killed me even more to take David’s advice and catch a plane back to Idaho, but I know he’s right and that distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that. I just fucking hate being apart from her.
And I didn’t need fucking distance to grow more fond of her, she already walked on water in my eyes, and honestly this distance has only made me feel angry. I understand being mad at me for lying, but how can she sit there and lie to my face about what we have? You can’t fake this type of connection, two people either have it or they don’t, and what we have is magic. I don’t care what she tries to say now.
I roll over on Cohen’s couch and find him sitting on the other side looking at me like I’m a hot mess. I probably am. I’ve been here for two weeks, and I’ve probably only slept three hours a night, so I’m sure I deserve the judgment I’m getting from his eyes. I’ve almost left to go back to her every day since I arrived, which means he’s had to hear far too many details about my unfortunate situation, but it serves him right. He’s the one that got me caught up instead of giving me the opportunity to come clean myself. “I just don’t get it, man. Why cry that hard if she’s still going to choose to keep us apart?”
“You’re asking me to explain to you why a chick was crying?” he asks. “Why don’t you just ask me why water’s fucking wet?”
“Dudes cry just as much, you saw it firsthand in prison. I’m asking why she’s saying she can’t be with me when her body is literally showing me what she truly wants. Why fight me when I’m right there?”
He shakes his head, looking as lost as I am. “Sometimes our bodies really want heroin but that doesn’t mean we’re gonna say yes every time someone hands us a spoon.”
“Yeah, except heroin is horrible for you.” Suddenly it hits me that I might be just as bad for her as drugs are for others, but that can’t be right. I was good to her, I know I was. “No, I know I made her as happy as she made me. We were great together.”
“Heroin makes people happy t— okay, you get it. I don’t know, man. If you’re so sure about her, why are you still here?”
“Because I’m stupid. I was hoping she’d miss me and blow up my phone, but so far she hasn’t said a word. Neither have I, but I’ve drafted a message like three hundred times. I think I need to go back this week though. I need her to see how committed I really am to her.” I point at my neck, and chuckle slightly when he shakes his head at me because I know he thinks I’m a dumbass. “Whatever. Where’s your parole officer?”
“Who?” he asks, scratching his head and bolting up out of his seat to rifle through an old ass box of DVDs I know he doesn’t care about. “Never heard of her.”
“Mmhm. She didn’t seem happy to hear you have a convict on your couch.”
It’s funny how quickly he went from looking at me like I’m an idiot to feeling like an idiot. It’s all over his face.
“I don’t care. She gets mad at me at least twice a week, what’s one more? It’s not like you’re some hardened criminal and you’ve never touched a drug in your life.” He scoffs, leaning back against the entertainment center. “One of these days she’ll let me fuck all that anger out of her.”
The longing look in his eyes only makes me miss my girl. “Let me know when she does. What about that chick you were hanging with when Sienna called? You fucking her or was that Brandy?”
“One of Brandy’s dumbass friends. I love my sister, but her friends are annoying as hell. That’s why I was so hammered when Sienna called — which, by the way, also pissed off Princess P.O.”
“I still haven’t got hammered,” I admit. “I had some nasty wine, but I didn’t even feel it. But keep going, you mean you called her after that?”
“Nah, she showed up at my place. Something about a random drug test, yet she didn’t bring a kit or take me in.”
“Random check in on your dick,” I say with a chuckle. “Didn’t realize women were as territorial as we were until Sienna.” I realize then I’m talking about her way too damn much, and try to breeze past it. “Have you made a move at all yet or just flirting?”
He grimaces. “I’ve thought about it. Fantasized about it, dreamed about it. But she’s got the power to send me back to Blackridge with a single flick of her dainty little wrist. It’s a mood killer sometimes.”
“Damn. Maybe you should go for someone else then? She might end up being crazy.”
Cohen eyes me like I just gave myself the answer to all my problems, then immediately deflates as it hits him that neither of us can let go. “She makes me feel something. I don’t care how that sounds, because for the first time in my life, I want to be better. Not because of prison or my own health or anything like that, but because I want her to be proud of me. You have a better chance of getting Sienna back than I do of that ever happening though.”
“Well I absolutely am getting my girl back, so I’ll just believe you’ll get yours too. Were you hooked the second you saw her?”
“I haven’t gotten laid since I got out. What do you think?”
“Fucking hell,” I breathe. “Must be something then. I think you’ll get her.” And I need to get mine. “You think you can give me a ride to the airport as soon as I book it? I need to go back.”
I don’t care if I spend the last of my money. I have lawns to do anyway, so I’ll make it back as soon as I get there.
“I’ll take you. I’d just drive you out there myself, but no way she goes for it. I can’t get permission to leave the fucking county.”
“She’s just keeping an eye on you. She has access to your rap sheet, huh?”
I chuckle at his face and the middle finger he throws up at me, but he nods. “Yeah. She knows all of it from the vandalism to the arson and the drugs. Reason number two I haven’t just hit on her outright.”
“Probably a good idea, but I don’t know how you hold back. The second I saw Sienna I wanted to just jump her bones, but she made me wait. I definitely couldn’t keep it a secret though.”
“Your crime was for a reason. Mine is because I like getting high and think fire’s pretty. We’re not the same.”
Snorting, I grab my phone and start looking for the next flight out to my girl because it’s much faster than the train. It costs more, but I’d honestly spend twice as much if it meant I could have her sooner. She just better be done pushing me away, because I’m done letting her fight this.
It’s time I get my woman back.