Chapter 10 #4
A lump began to form in her throat, a feeling of panic.
Of fear. She wanted to push him away. Or pull him close.
She didn’t want to have him stand there like that looking her dead in the eye.
She didn’t want him to hold her the way he was, so gentle.
Why couldn’t it just be hard and fast and done?
They could have finished by now, she could already not be a virgin, but he insisted on talking.
On making it special. Making her feel special.
“I want to talk about this,” he said. “But after.”
She closed her eyes. Okay. She was good with that. They didn’t need to talk about it now. And maybe they could avoid it altogether.
He leaned in and he kissed her. But it was slow this time. Achingly so. Deep and reverent. And part of her wanted to pull away, but she couldn’t. Because it felt too good.
He cupped her face, sifted his fingers through her hair, as if she was a treasure. As if she was something sweet to be savored, something worth taking his time over.
And it was like balm for her very weary soul.
She had never felt particularly special.
Not until she had decided to act special.
But still, there was a part of her that could never really believe it.
A part of her that didn’t fully think she deserved anything.
That was still convinced she was a contagion.
A sad, strange little girl who didn’t have any friends, and who never could as long as she was being herself.
But that thought, that part of herself, began to melt away with his kisses. He trailed his fingertips down her spine, moving to the tab of her zipper and taking it down slowly. “Can I take this off?”
She let out a shaking laugh. “Haven’t you been listening? I want you to.”
“Don’t rush me.”
“I thought men liked to go fast.”
“It doesn’t matter what men like. It doesn’t even matter what I usually do. What matters is this. What matters is us.”
She looked down, and he cupped her chin, holding her face steady. “Look at me.”
She was powerless to ignore the command. She had to look at him. She had to.
What she saw shocked her all the way down to her soul.
Because he was looking at her as if he didn’t ever want to look anywhere else.
He slipped the straps of her dress down and then let the bodice fall to her waist. She hadn’t worn a bra that was meant to be seen. She hadn’t anticipated that he would see her. So it was just simple, black and lacy, the right foundation for the dress, but not revealing or anything.
The breath that he let out in response was slow and shaky. “You are so beautiful. And I am the luckiest man in the world.”
“Why do you think that?” Her voice sounded so thin. “You thought you were getting a girl who knew what she was doing.”
“No. Because all those men tell stories. They convince themselves maybe even that they got to see this, but only I have. No other man in the world. That automatically makes me the luckiest. No competition. Damn, Jessie.”
It was like a prayer, not a curse. He moved to kiss her neck, down her collarbone, to the curve of her breasts, just where the cup met her skin. She let her head fall back, let her body surrender to him.
“Damn,” he whispered. His breath was hot against her skin. And still she shivered.
He reached around and unhooked her bra, letting it loosen on her arms. Then he pulled it off, and she found herself fighting the urge to cover herself.
Which just seemed ridiculous. She had never considered herself shy or modest, but it wasn’t about that.
It was about being worried that she wouldn’t measure up.
But the expression on his face eased that concern pretty damn quickly.
She had never seen that look on a man’s face before.
Let alone on his.
“Beautiful,” he whispered. He moved his hand to cup her breast, sliding his thumb over her nipple. The sensation was so glorious, she couldn’t hold back her sound of pleasure as he stroked her.
“All good?”
She nodded. “Can’t you tell from context clues?”
“Oh, don’t worry. I’m very confident in my abilities. But this is your first time. And it’s my first time with you. Which means I’m not taking anything for granted. I want you. I want this. And I need it to be the best experience you’ve ever had.”
“Ever?”
“Yes. Ever. Better than Christmas morning, better than learning a new trick-riding routine, better than hustling a whole slew of people at the bar in a pool game.”
“Tall order.”
Except it wasn’t. Because already this was better than anything.
But she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that.
“I need to taste you.”
She was about to say yes, but then he lowered his head and traced a circle around her nipple with his tongue before sucking it deep into his mouth.
Her hands shot to his shoulders, her nails digging into his skin. She did say yes then. Repeatedly. Over and over again.
“This is better … It’s better than I imagined.”
How? They had barely done anything. Well, to her they had done a whole lot, but to him this must be nothing.
“Don’t look so worried. I’ve got you.”
In spite of herself, she felt some of the tension leave her body. He had her. It was Flynn Wilder. The one man she could trust with this.
The man she had spent so many years convincing herself she didn’t like.
He wrapped his arm around her waist, crushing her breasts to his bare chest, and carried her across the trailer to her bed.
He laid her down in the center of the mattress, looming over her, his eyes searching hers.
He kissed her, and she melted. Every time his mouth touched hers, she melted a little bit more.
He pulled her dress off the rest of the way, took her underwear down with it. Then her shoes. Throwing it all on the floor. She was naked in front of him, but she couldn’t feel embarrassed, not anymore, not with the open appreciation on his face.
“Trust me,” he said, his voice rough. He leaned in and kissed her hipbone. She jumped. Oh, he was going to … Oh.
He kissed his way down the top of her thigh, and her heart was pounding so hard in her head, it almost eclipsed the sound of the rain on the roof. He pressed her thighs apart, and her skin got hot. All the way up, her ears burning.
But then he kissed the inside of her thigh, and she gripped the bedspread, trying to find something to hold her in place.
“Trust me,” he whispered again as he moved his mouth to the center of her thighs.
As he began to lick her. Kiss her the way that he had just done her mouth.
His tongue was even more effective here.
The way he teased her. Tormented her. Her hips arched up off the bed, and he took that as an invitation to grab her rear and hold her tightly to his mouth, as he ate deeper and deeper into the intimate heart of her.
She felt pleasure building in her stomach, felt tension stretching tighter and tighter.
She was a virgin, but she knew what an orgasm felt like. And this one was coming on strong.
She wanted to hang on, wanted to stop it.
Because suddenly the idea of losing herself like this in front of somebody else made her feel more than naked.
But she couldn’t hold back. He slicked his tongue once more over that sensitive bundle of nerves there, and she shattered.
Crying out his name, clinging to his shoulders. He was everything.
This was everything.
“Good,” he said. He kissed her thigh again, her stomach, back up to her mouth.
He claimed her even as he put his hand between her thighs and began to slick her wetness over the place she was most sensitive.
He angled his hand, pushing one finger inside her.
She gasped. It was unfamiliar, but it didn’t hurt.
“Good?” he asked against her lips.
“Yes,” she whispered.
He teased her like that, before adding a second finger. “We’re going to take this part really slow,” he said.
“I’m a horse rider. It’s not going to hurt.”
“We’re going to make sure it doesn’t hurt,” he said. “To the very best of my ability.”
“It won’t.”
“You haven’t seen me naked yet, don’t forget.”
“Oh.” In many ways that was very good news. Because she wouldn’t want the glorious Flynn Wilder to be a disappointment in that department. But now she felt a little bit of trepidation.
Just a little bit.
“Still good?” he asked, as he stroked her gently.
“So good,” she said, her head arching back on the pillows.
“You’re so gorgeous, Jessie. I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you.
And it’s been so many years. You have any idea how many times I thought about it?
” He moved a third finger inside her, and this time the stretch was a little bit uncomfortable.
But she trusted him. Relaxed into it. “I’ve thought about being with you so many times.
Even if it wasn’t quite like this. This is better, though.
I want you to know that. You’re better. I never could’ve imagined you exactly as you are. You’re even more perfect.”
What she really didn’t expect was for his words to affect her so profoundly.
What she really didn’t expect was for those words to be the thing that carried her straight over the edge into her second orgasm.
Her internal muscles gripped his fingers tight as she helplessly shuddered out a release that left her feeling spent and breathless. “Flynn,” she whispered.
“That’s right, good girl.”
She wanted to lean against him. Wanted to rest herself on him.
Good girl. That was going to echo inside her for longer than it should.
She had never dreamed about being Flynn Wilder’s good girl.
But she could get used to it. She was usually difficult.
Usually kind of bad. And she didn’t mind that either.
But this was something only the two of them shared.
Just them.
This was something special.