Chapter 11
I was wrong. He asked to take a walk with me today, and I told him he could. I expected him to offer money, to ask for my body. He took my arm instead. He walked me to the end of the lane and told me he’d like to do it again. Like I was a lady.
Early in the morning, Flynn woke up before Jessie, who was curled into a little ball on her stomach. He got up, went over to her coffee maker, and started fiddling with it until he managed to get a pot going. He was still reeling from the night before. From all the revelations.
He tapped his fingers in time with the sound of the percolating coffee. Her first time. Damn. He never would’ve guessed that in a million years, and he wasn’t sure what he would’ve done if he’d known prior to their actually … getting to that point.
By the time they were actually in the trailer, by the time she had confessed, he was past the point of no return.
So he had decided that he would be as gallant and skilled as possible.
Sure, if she had told him to stop, he would have, but she had said she wanted him.
Maybe if his head weren’t swimming with need for her, he would’ve made a different decision.
Maybe if she’d said at the restaurant, I want you to take my virginity …
Yeah. He still would’ve done it. He was lying to himself. He had wanted Jessie for so long that he would never have turned down the chance to have her, no matter what the circumstances.
His stomach tightened. Maybe this was what had kept him away from her all those years. Maybe some kind of instinct.
Because now it wasn’t just sex. Knowing that it had taken a whole lot of trust for her to tell him the truth. Yeah. It was complicated now.
And when he was a young man, he would’ve run from complicated.
He had never exactly run toward it as an older man. But when it had looked him in the face, he had been brave enough not to run.
You were horny.
Whatever.
He clattered around the kitchen looking for a mug and poured himself a generous portion of brew.
Jessie still didn’t stir.
He moved over to the bed and looked at her.
Her hair was in her face, and she looked …
He wondered if this was how she would look all the time if she wasn’t so dedicated to maintaining her facade.
He had never spent the night with a woman before.
It was almost more intimate than sex. He put his hand on her face and rubbed her cheek.
And she sat bolt upright, windmilling her arms. Letting the blankets fall to her waist, exposing her breasts.
Then she looked at him, and her mouth dropped open. “Oh, right.”
He laughed. “Did you forget?”
“I was sleeping,” she said, drawing her knees up, but not the blankets.
“I know. It’s getting late.”
“It’s not late,” she said.
“I’m a rancher. It’s late for me.”
“Oh. Do you have to go see to your animals or whatever?”
“Elk are pretty self-sufficient. There’s general maintenance, but they’re fine for the morning.”
“I have rehearsal,” she said.
“And the show tonight, right?”
She nodded. “You can watch the rehearsal if you want.”
“I’m not going to get interrogated by your family?”
She laughed. “I mean, they might be a little bit interested that you’re here. Considering I’ve never … Well, you know. I’ve never brought a man home before. Though they don’t know why.”
“So your family doesn’t know that you …”
“Oh, no. That’s horrifying. Can you imagine?”
“I don’t know. I just … It’s not like we talked about it in my family, but I guess assumptions are made past a certain point.”
“Exactly,” she said, her syllables crisp. “Assumptions are made past a certain point. And I have quite the reputation.”
“You mentioned last night that you were happy to let men all lie about it. But they know they’re lying.”
“Sure. But they don’t all know that the other guy is lying. They think everyone but them is telling the truth. That’s how ridiculous rumors grow. And that’s how my whole reputation grew.”
“Why didn’t it bother you?”
“I get it. I’m supposed to be bothered by it because I’m a woman, and there’s all kinds of slut-shaming undertones to talk like that usually.
But the version of myself that I’ve always been in public is so much braver than I am.
And I think part of me liked that. To imagine that there was a version of myself who could do all those things. ”
He sort of understood that. Because it was a lot like the way he had split himself apart to try to fit into two very different families. To try to hurt different people.
It was easy to lose yourself when you did stuff like that. But that was something he wasn’t ready to talk about. And maybe it was best if neither of them said it.
“Can I have some coffee?” she asked. She looked soft. And he wanted to kiss her. Instead, he just turned and got her a mug, poured her a cup.
She curled her fingers around it and started drinking slowly. “Thank you.”
“It’s your house. Your coffee.”
“I know. But you made it for me. Nobody’s ever done that.”
Of course they hadn’t. He hadn’t spent the night with a woman before, and she hadn’t spent the night with a man. Except they’d had a literal sleepover a couple of weeks ago now, and he had made her coffee then. For some reason, the memory made his heart feel just a little bit tender.
“You know, adult life isn’t middle school. You don’t have to pretend.”
She took a sip of her coffee. “We both know that isn’t true. Look at how hard Austin worked to be taken seriously. To get people to recognize what a good guy he is. This town is absolutely still middle school. In a lot of ways.”
“I guess so. But maybe it’s time that other people were ashamed about it, instead of us.”
“I guess that’s kind of the whole point of all this, isn’t it?”
“I guess so.” He let a beat pass. “Except, what happened last night wasn’t about that. I just want to be clear. It wasn’t about making anyone jealous. It wasn’t about the campaign. It was just about us.”
“You know, I know that. Because, actually, what I know about you is that you’re a pretty decent man, Flynn. Regardless of what they say.”
“And what is it they say?”
“That you’re an outlaw.”
“Well. Both things can be true,” he said. “I can be an outlaw and a pretty good guy.”
She ducked her head, and he could see that she was blushing. He wanted to have her again, but he didn’t know the protocol with virgins, and he suspected he should probably give her body a break.
“This is going to happen again,” he said.
“Totally,” she agreed easily. “There’s no way the two of us can keep spending time together like this and not do that again. It was great. Sorry for not saying that already.”
“I know it was,” he said, taking a sip of coffee.
“How?”
“Because,” he said, “only fucking idiot men can’t tell when an orgasm isn’t real.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I could feel how hard you were squeezing me. My fingers and …”
Her face went cherry-red. “Oh.”
“You came hard.”
He was starting to feel hard again. On edge. But in a good way.
“I did,” she whispered. And then a little smile curved her lips. “I really did.”
“You’re a legend, Jessie Jane.”
“I fucking am.”
He drove her over to the arena for practice, and just as she said, her family didn’t make a big deal out of his presence.
He had never actually met William Hancock before.
But when he took his seat in the front row of the bleachers, the older man came to where he sat and stuck out his hand. “The name’s William.”
“Flynn,” he said, standing as he shook the other man’s hand. “Flynn Wilder.”
“Nice of you to come by and watch the practice.”
“I’ve been wanting to see the routine.”
“I know you Wilders generally frown on the show. Don’t like the spectacle.”
“That is my oldest brother,” Flynn said. “Though we did all come to a show last year. He’s softening in his old age.”
“Well, that’s good to know. We’ve never meant any harm.
But we like the sensationalized version of the story.
The sensationalized version of the Wild West. Sure, in reality, it was grim and gritty and there was a lot of dysentery.
But there were heroes too. And sharpshooters.
There were incredible horse riders and feats of derring-do.
There were also villains, and I know our family was among them.
Both our families were. I don’t really mind that they pulled off stagecoach robberies.
But it never sat right with me that Butch Hancock betrayed members of his own gang. There should be honor among thieves.”
Jessie was right. Her dad was a showman.
He looked past William at Jessie, who was on her horse in the arena, staring over at them and looking very worried.
He smiled, just to make sure Jessie knew that he was fine.
“You know, if one of you ever wanted to join the show …”
“That might be a bridge too far,” Flynn said, “though never say never. Maybe when Jessie is mayor.”
William chuckled. “Oh. I appreciate her courage in running, but they’ll never elect her. This town is too boring.”
Flynn wanted to defend Jessie, because he thought she would be great at the job, actually. But it wasn’t his daughter that William didn’t believe in. It was the town. And he imagined that just like Flynn, he had plenty of reasons to doubt his neighbors.
“Rehearsal begins,” William said, tipping his hat and moving away from Flynn toward the arena.
He stood up on a platform, and music began to play.
Flynn had the impression that rather than running through William’s whole spiel, they were timing certain things.
Jessie started to ride in a circle, keeping a slow pace.
And then she stood up on the back of her horse, dropped down, flipped upside down, and hung beneath the running beast.